Chapter 27
Zoe lay on the bed, listening to what sounded like intense conversation in the room below.
Eventually, she heard the door slam shut and a car pull away, and heaved a sigh of relief that Virginia was gone and out of the way…
perhaps out of her life for good, until she remembered that Virginia would have left her car behind and would have to collect it at some point.
Zoe resolved to try and be missing when that happened, though that might prove easier said than done.
Then she heard footsteps on the landing and Billie speaking to her dad, perhaps surprised that the evening had ended and Virginia wasn’t there.
Zoe wondered now what Alex was telling her and how it might make Zoe look, but Zoe also hoped that Billie knew her better than to judge.
They’d grown much closer over the past few weeks, and each of them had opened up to the other in the most surprising way.
Half an hour later, she heard Billie come back upstairs and then get ready for bed.
Then Alex came into their room, and Zoe pretended to be asleep.
She could sense him pause at the bed, smelling the cologne that always made her feel so safe, and wanted to cry.
After a moment, he draped a blanket over her and then left again.
Zoe opened her eyes. She wondered what he was going to do, until she heard the door of the spare bedroom open and then close, and then the springs on the bed creaking as someone got comfortable.
Alex, she supposed, and was struck by a sudden panic.
She’d been trying to make a point, that his behaviour had been unacceptable, but what if she’d really pushed it too far this time? What if this was the end?
When Zoe got up the following morning, the guest-bedroom door was wide open and the bed was empty.
Fastening her dressing gown, she hurried downstairs, a knot of dread tangled in her stomach, and found the kitchen empty too.
She went back to check Alex’s office, and then the rest of the house, but there was no sign of him.
Billie came down as Zoe was typing out a message to find out where he was. She yawned as she went to the sink for a glass of water.
‘Where’s Louisa?’
‘Still sleeping,’ Billie said. ‘I would have had a lie-in with her, but you woke me up stomping around the house.’
‘Sorry. I hadn’t realised I was stomping.’
‘It’s OK, you probably weren’t. I was probably half awake anyway. What happened with Virginia last night? I go to put Louisa down, and I come back to the kitchen and she’s gone… you’re in bed and Dad looks as if he’s been to war.’
‘You could say he had.’ Zoe let out a sigh as she dropped into a seat at the table and folded her arms to lean on it.
‘I know he upset you.’
‘I probably upset him. Virginia too, come to think of it.’
‘Who cares about Virginia? I told Dad she was coming round here far too often. I said it would cause trouble.’
‘In his defence, I invited her round for last night’s dinner.’
‘Only because you thought that would make him happy. I’ll kill him if he blows things with you, and he knows it.’
‘I might have blown things with him,’ Zoe said.
‘Then I’ll kill you as well. You’re a pair of idiots. You’re supposed to be older and wiser. I saw more mature relationships in the break room when I was in year eight.’
Zoe was forced into a small smile. ‘I’m sure you did. This must feel like hard work for you, being in the middle of it all.’
‘A bit. Please tell me you’re going to sort it out.’
‘I’m going to try. If your dad is willing to listen. Do you know where he is?’
‘I’m guessing he’s gone to fetch Grizzle back from Daffodil.’
Zoe got up. ‘That makes sense. I might go for a walk myself, clear my head.’
It had rained overnight, and as Zoe walked over the grass of the fields that separated Hilltop from Daffodil Farm, it soaked into her boots.
The sky was mottled with the wispy ghosts of clouds, stretching in either direction, and wind shook blossoms from the trees to whirl around her in petalled eddies.
In the distance, she could see Kestrel Cottage, where she’d begun life in Thimblebury.
It was still empty from when her dad had briefly rented it, only to leave before the lease was done.
Zoe wondered if she might need to move back in.
Perhaps she’d have a word with Victor about it because the more she dwelled on the events of the last day – the last few weeks for that matter – the more convinced she became that moving in with Alex so quickly had been a mistake.
They might salvage their relationship, but perhaps it needed a reset, and perhaps that was easier to do with their own space.
And if they couldn’t salvage it, she hoped they could at least go back to being good neighbours, friends who retained a fondness for something they’d once had.
After all, Alex had managed that with Virginia, hadn’t he?
She stopped for a second, surveying the ground ahead and trying to decide where she wanted to walk.
And then, from nowhere, came a deafening crack that turned into a screaming, grating sound that bounced around the hillsides, and Zoe saw a fighter jet screeching across the skies.
It was followed by another and then another.
Zoe watched, awestruck, until they’d gone from sight and sound again.
‘They’re out on manoeuvres.’
She turned to see Victor shielding his eyes as he watched the hillsides.
‘They’ll be back round in a bit,’ he added. ‘There’s a base nearby. They’re amazing machines, aren’t they?’
‘I’ve never seen them fly over before.’
‘Oh, they do from time to time when they’re doing exercises.’
‘Doesn’t it bother you?’
‘Not especially. Used to it now. The visitors love to see them, especially the kids.’ He turned to her, seeming to decide that they wouldn’t be back any time soon. ‘Are you coming over to ours? Alex is already there.’
‘I wasn’t, to be honest, but maybe I will.’
‘Corrine will have a bacon sandwich for you if you’re in the mood. I’m on my way over; I’ll walk with you.’
‘Maybe I won’t have a sandwich, but I will say hello.’
They began to walk, Zoe picking up her pace to keep up with Victor’s long stride.
He marched over the fields with the vigour of a man thirty years younger, but he’d done it all of his life and probably knew every undulation of the ground ahead as intuitively as he knew who he was.
And that was the thing about Victor – he knew who he was with the sort of unerring certainty that made Zoe envious.
He knew who he was, what he wanted out of life and why he’d been put on the earth, and Zoe suspected he’d always been that way.
‘How are you feeling?’ he asked, wafting away a bee that hovered in front of his face.
‘I’m all right.’
‘That’s good to know.’
‘Victor…’ Zoe paused. She didn’t want to make him and Corrine look silly, but she did need to put the record straight. ‘I’m not pregnant. I know you both thought I might be, but I’m not.’
‘Right. Sorry about that.’
‘Don’t be. I only meant don’t get your hopes up.’
‘You saw right through us,’ he said with a faint chuckle. ‘Never mind – there’s plenty of time.’
‘I’m better suited to looking after other mums and their babies, if I’m honest.’
‘Well…’ Victor bent to pick up an old branch and began to idly swoosh it through the grass.
‘That’s all right. We all have our roles to play.
Our Melanie never had kids, and she isn’t at all bothered.
Corrine’s always been disappointed, but I think there are other things to do with your life.
It’s for some, and not for others, and that’s just how it is. As long as you’re happy…’
Zoe took a moment to reflect on his words.
Victor often said the most profound things entirely by accident.
Was this one of them? She tried to distil the events of her life so far, and for the most part, it had been good.
She’d been content, happy, even in the light of childlessness.
Nobody could say it had been easy to go through her miscarriage, and nobody could say she’d taken the news of her fertility issues well, but even then, around it all, everything else in her life had been good.
And yet, she’d made Alex and Billie’s life worse. At least, that’s how it felt.
‘We’ll be sorry to lose Fern,’ he continued, breaking into her thoughts. ‘She’s been lovely company for Corrine. She gets lonely when I’m out a lot, and our two don’t always have the time to visit. She’d quite like Fern to stay, but she knows it’s for the best that she doesn’t.’
‘I could ask Billie to visit more often. Now that she’s feeling better, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind, and I think she gets bored anyway.’
‘Corrine would love that. She’s right fond of you all – we both are…’ Victor sniffed the air. ‘She’s got the bacon on already!’
Zoe laughed. ‘You can smell it from here?’
‘When you’ve had as much practice as I have, you can smell it from Ullswater.’
With that, he lengthened his stride further still, and Zoe could barely keep up with him now as he hurried home.
A couple of minutes later, they were in the kitchen of Daffodil Farm, where Alex was putting Grizzle on a lead. He halted at her entrance, a tentative smile on his lips.
‘I was coming to see if you were up.’
‘I came to see if you fancied company on the walk back,’ Zoe replied. It wasn’t quite true, but now that she was here, she realised she wanted that, more than anything.
‘You’re not staying?’ Corrine asked, and then Victor gave her a significant look that told Zoe he’d sensed some kind of tension. He really was shrewder than he looked.
‘I’m sure they’ve got plenty to get on with at Hilltop,’ he said.
‘Sorry,’ Zoe said. ‘Another time?’
Corrine looked disappointed but then nodded. ‘How are you feeling, by the way?’
‘She’s not pregnant,’ Victor said.