Chapter Eight
Lisa was afraid of her feelings. She didn’t know if she could trust them. Being around Shadow all the time was incredibly hard. Hating him day in and day out was exhausting. This man she had come to know was exactly the man she’d fallen in love with. The man at the bar who said those horrible things was a man she didn’t know. She didn’t understand him, and the truth was, she didn’t want to ever understand him. He’d been cruel, callous, and he’d even laughed as he said those words. That wasn’t Shadow.
She pushed those feelings, doubts, insecurities out of her mind, and instead focused on her body. She focused on what she needed, and it had become harder to deny her attraction to him. Pam had advised that it was going to get hard for her to reject her feelings for him. Also, wolf pregnancies made the women super horny.
Lisa had hoped it would skip her, but alas it had not, so she had the horny needs. They had been gradually building over the past few weeks.
Shadow all too soon pulled away from her. She loved his hands on her body, making her moan, making her melt with need. She was about to protest but then she saw him go for the zipper of his pants, and slowly, so achingly slowly, start to pull it down. Nibbling her bottom lip, she waited, seeing the outline of his stiff cock, and it was like her body responded to the mere sight of him alone. She wanted him so badly.
Her mouth literally watered, and then she just couldn’t help herself as she sank to her knees before him and took over. Reaching for the edge of his boxer briefs, she began to peel them down his body, exposing him to her, and when his cock sprang forward, she quite literally delighted in what she saw. He was hard, long, thick, and that vein stood out as it pumped his blood right through his length.
She wanted him inside her.
First, though, she would have a taste.
Wrapping her fingers around his thickness, she marveled at the stiffness, and yet how soft he felt beneath her touch.
She wanted to touch him, to lick him, and seeing no reason why not, she did so. Sliding her tongue across the tip, where his pre-cum leaked out, she heard his sudden hiss, and then, to help him out, she licked again. Only this time, after swiping her tongue across the tip, she then took the whole head of him into her mouth, sucking him tightly. She made sure not to use her teeth, as hurting him was the last thing on her mind. She wanted him mindless with pleasure.
“Oh, fuck,” Shadow said.
His hands gripped her hair, and he wrapped some of her length around his fist. Lisa couldn’t avoid it anymore and glanced up his body, her mouth filled with his cock.
“You look so fucking beautiful,” he said.
He spoke the words through gritted teeth.
She moaned around his dick, and then Shadow began to show her the attention he wanted devoted to his dick. Long, sure strokes, where the tip of his cock hit the back of her throat. She was so close to gagging on his length, but he seemed to know exactly when it would be too deep. Her mouth filled with saliva, and some of it she couldn’t swallow.
“Do you know how long I’ve waited for this?” he asked.
She didn’t have an answer, only what she felt, and she knew she had been waiting a little too long herself as well. Sex with Shadow had always been incredible.
“Your mouth is so fucking good,” he said, growling out the words.
She tightened her lips around him, and knew he was close, and Shadow seemed to sense that as well. The moment he got to that point where he might come, he suddenly pulled out of her mouth, and she didn’t have a choice. She did protest, letting out a vocal complaint, but again, she didn’t have long to complain, as he lifted her off her feet. She was once again on the bed, and this time his lips were trailing down her body.
The disappointment soon faded away as he licked and sucked at her pussy. He spread the lips of her sex open, and she felt his tongue sliding around her clit, then across, before exploring down toward her entrance. Shadow slid his tongue inside her.
“You taste so fucking good,” he said.
His hands gripped her thighs. His grip was tight, almost bruising. She whimpered, but it wasn’t out of pain. She felt incredible pleasure just from him touching her. The way his tongue worked her pussy, she couldn’t even think. She didn’t want him to stop, even for a second.
Shadow plunged two fingers inside her, and then his tongue attacked her clit, drawing out every little orgasm, and Lisa couldn’t hold back. Her body was at his command, and all she could possibly do was feel. He growled against her flesh, and that went through her body, only arousing her further.
But then, she couldn’t handle anymore, and the moment he knew she had too much, Shadow moved between her spread thighs and she felt the hard ridge of his cock. She gasped as she felt him fill her.
It had been too long since she had felt Shadow inside her. Inch by inch, he filled her up, reminding her exactly how big he was, how thick. This was why he had to bring her to orgasm. He refused to fuck her until she was dripping wet. There was no pain, just immense pleasure. She grabbed the cheeks of his ass and pulled him in those last few inches, where he hit a part of her that caused too much pleasure and pain combined.
“Lisa?” he asked.
“Fuck me,” she said. “Please, Shadow, just fuck me.”
He took hold of her hands, locking them together, and slowly he pressed them to the bed. She didn’t know why he was taking his time, but she didn’t care. Each touch and being close to him was like a dream to her, one she didn’t want to end.
She moaned, and then she cried out as he fucked her, hard and fast. She lost count of the number of thrusts, because the pleasure was the next level as he fucked her hard. Shadow slowed down and then sped up, and she met him stroke for stroke, hungry for his cock, desperate for it.
“Please,” she said.
“You’ll get everything, baby. I’ll give you the whole world.”
She didn’t want the whole world, all she wanted was to feel him, and so he plowed inside her. She relished every second, every sensation, and she didn’t want it to stop. Meeting him, thrust for thrust, staring into his eyes, Lisa knew she was still in love with him.
She was still in love with this man with all her heart and soul. There was no disappointment that she still loved him. She was also happy, she was going to have his baby, but in the back of her mind, there was still something missing. Hearing him say that horrible stuff, knowing if it hadn’t been for the baby, he wouldn’t be here—that tore at her heart.
She and Shadow were not meant to be. He wanted a wolf, a true mate, a mate he saw as his equal. She was neither of those things, and no matter what she did, she was never going to match up.
Staring into his eyes, Lisa watched as he came, and she felt the pulse as he filled her up. The pleasure was there, but something held her back, stopped her from being with him in the moment.
****
“You’re in a bad mood,” Pam said.
Shadow glared across his yard at Pam, who had decided to stop by for an unannounced visit. There were a lot of the pack who liked to do that. He didn’t realize how much his pack loved to visit, but then again, they all adored Lisa, and none of them were here to see him. Made sense. His mate was amazing and strong, smart, and funny. He’d watched her with the pack and seen them one by one fall in love with her.
“Why are you here?”
“Is this one of those times I’ve got to think of a deep and meaningful answer?” she asked.
“Stop being a wiseass.”
“I’m not a wiseass. I’m just stopping by to see how you and Lisa are doing.”
“We’re doing good.”
“And that bad mood is to show just how good you two are doing?” Pam asked.
Shadow glared at her.
Pam held her hands up. “Don’t get angry at me. I’m a concerned pack member and it is important to me that my best friends are happy.”
He lifted the axe, stared at the large plank of wood, and brought it straight down. He never had to worry about keeping his home at a blistering heat, but Lisa felt the cold a little too easily, so he was keeping up the warmth inside.
Lisa. The love of his life. The woman who carried his child.
They had been having sex, and it was like it always had been. Hot, sexy, needy, full of everything he could ever want with a woman. Only, there was something between them, something holding Lisa back.
After sex, in the past, Lisa would snuggle up against him. She would rest her head against his chest and talk to him, or she’d wrap her arms around him and then still talk to him. Either way, he ended up holding her, smelling her, enjoying her company, listening to her. In the past few weeks, she’d … left.
The first time they had sex, she’d not said a word, but after he finished and settled beside her, wanting to hold her again, she had thanked him and then left his room. He had wanted to chase after her but figured he had to give her time, to allow her to get used to wanting him again. He figured time was all she needed.
Only, each time they were together, the moment they were finished, she’d leave. Sometimes, she wouldn’t even say anything. She’d just leave. He wasn’t used to feeling this helpless.
Looking toward Pam, he didn’t want to tell her what was happening. He’d even been tempted with making an ultimatum. He’d have sex with Lisa, but afterward she would have to pay him in hugs and attention, but that seemed wrong. Also, he loved having sex with Lisa, and he didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.
“How is Lisa?” he asked.
Pam frowned. “You’re the one living with her.”
“And you’re one of her friends. I can’t talk to Adele, because I don’t think she likes me that much.”
“But you think I do?” Pam asked, with this big smile on her face.
Any other time, he might have been entertained, but he wasn’t feeling it today.
“Has she said anything about me? About us?”
“No,” Pam said. “She seems happier, but she doesn’t talk about your relationship.”
Shadow gritted his teeth. He was hoping there would be answers there, with the way she talked to her friends, but once again he was in the dark.
“Something is clearly bothering you. Why don’t you ask her?” Pam asked.
“I … I messed up,” Shadow said.
This caused Pam to fold her hands across her chest. “Go on.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“What you’re feeling, that might help?”
Shadow put the axe down. He ran fingers through his hair, and he glanced back at the house.
“How do you make it up to someone when you say bad shit about them, lie, and … mess up?” he asked.
“And what kind of messed-up shit and lies are we talking about here?” Pam asked.
“Come on, stop making this harder for me. You know what bad shit I’m talking about. The bad shit where I messed everything up with Lisa, and she doesn’t trust me. That’s it, isn’t it? She doesn’t believe I’m here for her and that I want to be with her?” he asked.
Pam shrugged. “Look, Lisa knows you’re my Alpha, and because of that, I am kind of obligated to listen and do as you say. If you were to start questioning me about how Lisa is doing, she knows I would have to tell you.”
“And so, she’s not saying a word.”
He moved toward the bench near several trees that his grandfather planted years ago. “I can’t believe I messed up so badly,” he said.
“Just because Lisa won’t tell me every little detail of her feelings, it doesn’t mean I don’t understand her. She’s hurting. She loves you more than anything, and I know that hurt her before the pregnancy.”
“I thought this pregnancy was going to be a gift. It’s gotten her close to me again, living in the same house. We talk every now and then, and we do other things, but I don’t think it is quite the gift I thought.”
“You messed up and now you’re paying the price, but remember, Shadow, you didn’t think you’d done anything wrong. While Lisa was falling in love with you, you were just using her.”
Shadow laughed. It wasn’t a nice sound, or even close to being entertaining. It was forced and not quite accurate to how he was feeling. He hated being reminded of what he had said. It angered him, the fool he’d been.
“I was never using her,” Shadow said. “I didn’t understand my own feelings, and I fucked up, big time.” He snorted. “Wow, I so did fuck up in a big way.” He sighed. “There is no way I can make this right. I know what I said, and I know it was all lies, but Lisa doesn’t know that.”
Pam moved to sit beside him. “What’s wrong?”
“I love her, Pam. It scares me how she makes me feel. When I’m with her, it is like everything makes sense, and when we’re apart, nothing makes sense. Nothing is right.”
“Why?” Pam asked.
He turned toward his friend. “Why do I feel that way?”
Pam laughed. “No, why did you do it? Why did you say it?”
“I don’t fucking know. I didn’t want them to even think of taking her away from me, so if I made them believe she wasn’t important, then they wouldn’t try,” he said.
“You thought they were going to try and steal Lisa from you?”
“They were fucking assholes. I don’t know why I said the shit I did.”
“You were scared,” Pam said.
He glared at her.
“Not like physically afraid. Wow, you get so defensive.” Pam rolled her eyes.
“I’m not afraid.”
“Okay, lets put this another way that might make you think a little better.” She snorted and flicked her hair. “Your dad married a strong, very alpha woman. Your mother was known for being kind, but also for helping keep the pack in place. You grandfather and grandmother before them. Even going back before then as well. Don’t you see the cycle now?” Lisa asked.
“So?”
“So, none of them fell in love with human women. You fell in love with a very human woman. An amazing woman, but very human. All your life, you’ve been told how you’re supposed to run the pack, lead it, and at no point do they give you advice on what to do if you fall in love and mate with a human. Lisa’s human, and she’s your mate.”
Shadow sighed. “What do I do?”
“Grovel. Beg. Kneel on broken glass, and repeatedly tell her how sorry you are. Possibly beat yourself up. I don’t know, but you can’t give up.”
“What if that is what she wants me to do?” he asked.
“Lisa doesn’t want you to give up. She wants to be able to trust you again, and you’re the only one that holds the key to help her forgive and forget. You’ve got to figure out how to do this.” Pam put a hand on his shoulder. “And trust me, the whole pack is rooting for you.”
“How do you think she has been able to win the whole pack? I know some of them don’t even venture into No Wolves Road because they don’t trust humans?” Shadow asked. “Not that I have a problem with it.”
Pam laughed. “From what I can tell, she listens to everyone. Also, she is damn good at baking a cake, and they’re all pretty excited about that.”
He laughed. “Yeah, she is good at baking cakes.” He found himself constantly stealing random slices. “I got lucky there.”
“That you did. Lisa just has a way about her. She’s friendly, open, and she listens. She is going to be one hell of a great mate for you.”