Chapter 6 #2
Doing everything he could not to spook him, he started whispering his name. No response, so he said it louder. And then a little louder. And then he was shouting. Still, Tobias kept knitting like Chase wasn’t in the room.
Slowly, he reached out his hand and put it on Tobias’ elbow, as softly as he could, but still bracing himself in case Tobias’ arm went swinging.
The soft touch did nothing, so Chase wrapped his hand around Tobias’ arm and squeezed, and a tear ran down Tobias’ stubbled cheek, but still he kept knitting.
Chase reached out with his other hand and brushed away the tear with his thumb, resting his hand on the side of Tobias’ face.
“Tobias, I’m here,” he said firmly. “Come back to me, please. Everything is okay. Come back to me.”
Tobias’ eyes shifted and eventually met Chase’s. They were still glassy, but focused.
“Chase?” Tobias croaked.
“It’s me, I’m here. You’re okay.”
His thumb continued to rub away the tears falling from Tobias’ eyes. Chase’s breath stuttered at the heartbreak behind that gaze.
“Talk to me, please,” he begged Tobias.
“Chase, oh fuck,” he said, his breath rushing out, his entire body deflating, his head dropping onto his desk on top of the unfinished blanket.
The movement knocked away the hand Chase had on Tobias’ face, so he moved it to his back, rubbing it in wide circles, his own gaze burning as he witnessed Tobias’ breakdown.
Was this a panic attack? He’d never seen anyone rush to do an activity like knitting when faced with one.
Maybe it was the same effect as a fidget toy, thanks to the repetitive movements.
He wanted to learn so he could do better if this ever happened again, but it was more likely he was about to be fired for sticking his nose where it didn’t belong in his boss’ life.
None of that mattered at the moment, though. What mattered was making sure Tobias was okay.
“I’m sorry I said anything. I didn’t know… I’m sorry.”
Tobias sniffed and kept his head on the desk, then grunted.
Is this why they say to never meet your heroes? He didn’t think anyone ever expected them to break down like this. It was killing Chase that he caused this. All because he couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut.
“I’m sorry,” Tobias muttered, and Chase was stunned.
“What the hell are you sorry for? I’m the one who made you freak out.”
Tobias wiped his face on the blanket and lifted his head, his eyes red-rimmed. The color was returning to his cheeks, at least.
“I’m sorry I’m embarrassing as fuck.”
That’s what he’s sorry for? Oh, hell no.
“Tobias, look at me,” Chase said sternly, and Tobias’ head whipped in his direction. Fuck, he was good at taking direction. No, Chase, focus. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I was inappropriate. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m still being inappropriate.”
Tobias cleared his throat. “It just caught me off guard. Hockey is a tough subject for me.”
Chase furrowed his brows. “How come?”
“It’s kind of a lot, and you’ll probably think less of me once I tell you.”
“That’s not possible. Look, I know it’s not my business, but if you want to talk about it, I’m here. For what it’s worth, it sounds like you need to talk about it.”
Tobias sighed and leaned back in his chair.
“At least go sit in a chair. I can’t think straight with you on your knees in front of me,” Tobias said, his eyes widening as he likely realized how his words could be interpreted. Would flirting help or hurt the situation?
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, shooting a wink at Tobias before walking around the desk to sit in another chair.
The color was back in Tobias’ face. All of it, judging by the flush in his cheeks, which his stubble did nothing to hide.
Damn, he was so pretty when he blushed.
After Chase was seated across from Tobias, he unloaded a long story about his social anxiety and the mental breakdown he faced at the end of his career, and about the challenges of being in the public eye eventually breaking him.
It blew Chase’s mind learning the real reason Tobias had to retire from hockey. He must have been devastated. In fact, he still seemed devastated.
He even told Chase about thinking he was ready to come out while he played for the NHL, and how knitting had always helped him through his freakouts.
Chase had figured Tobias was gay based on his reactions to his flirting and Tobias’ appraising stares, but the confirmation was good to have.
It warmed Chase to know Tobias trusted him with the information, or maybe his guard was down from his panic attack.
“Does anyone else know about this?”
Tobias shook his head, shame on his face.
“They all just think I’m an anti-social grump. I feel like an asshole hiding myself from the world, hiding who I am from people who need that support, all because I can’t handle all the attention, but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.”
Chase watched his hero sink inside himself, doing everything he could to make himself smaller.
“I hope I’m not overstepping, but have you considered therapy?”
Tobias nodded. “I saw the team’s therapist when I played, and after I retired I found a private therapist who handled lots of patients with anxiety. I’ve been thinking about going back, but it’s just pathetic. I’m a grown-ass man. What the hell do I have to be afraid of?”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, that is not pathetic,” Chase said, leaning forward across Tobias’ desk. “Mental illness isn’t something you can control, and you can’t beat anxiety with your muscles, as impressive as they may be.”
Tobias scoffed.
“Seriously, though,” Chase continued, “I think you’re brave for telling me all of this, and for overcoming all of it to get into the NHL in the first place.
You had an amazing career, and the fact you did that while managing something that literally worked against you every day?
That just makes you that much more incredible. ”
Tobias fidgeted in his chair as he stared at his knitting. “You’re just saying that.”
“No, I always say what I mean. I don’t know if you noticed, but I don’t have much of a filter.”
Red-rimmed brown eyes met Chase’s and a tiny smirk appeared on Tobias’ face.
“Yeah, I might have noticed that. I still can’t believe I told you all that. You’ll keep it between us, though, right?”
Chase recoiled, falling back against his chair, his eyes narrowed. “Of course, I will. I may have no filter, but I’m like a vault when it comes to secrets.”
Tobias reached for a tissue from the box on his desk, using it to clean his face as best as he could. The man was in dire need of a subject change.
“So listen, I’d be happy to help you start kids’ classes here. And it would be great for the gym, anyway. There aren’t any other options in Cherrywood.” Tobias nodded, so he continued. “And it sounds like I could be of help in other ways, too, because Madison was right about one thing.”
“You’ll learn she’s right about most things,” Tobias joked, his face softening. “But what are you talking about?”
Chase smiled and leaned forward until his elbows were resting on the desk between them.
“She said you needed a friend, and I’m happy to make it part of my job.”
“I’m not paying you to be my friend,” Tobias scoffed.
“No, but you are gonna do the acroyoga seminar with me.”
“I am?”
Chase cringed. “I mean, if you want to…”
Realization dawned on Tobias’ face. “You won the bet today. Fuck. Should have specified the crying needed to be during the workout.”
“Gotta love a loophole,” Chase said, smiling awkwardly. “But if you don’t want to go through with it, I won’t make you.”
“Nah, I’ll go. A bet’s a bet. And I would have made you go through with it if I won,” he said, an unexpected twinkle in his eye.
“Did you actually figure out what you wanted from me?”
Tobias took a deep breath before answering smugly. “I’ll have to save it for another time.”
Chase smiled as his mind raced with Tobias’ possible desires. He injected as much charm into his words as he could.
“I can’t wait,” he said, then turned serious. “Are you okay to get home?”
Tobias’ eyes widened as he considered Chase’s question.
“Yeah, I’ll be okay, thanks. Might need a nap later, but I can make it home.”
“Okay, good. If you need anything else in the meantime, I’m only a text away.”
Relief settled on Tobias’ face.
“Thank you. I might take you up on that.”
Chase could only hope he would.
————————
Chase walked up to the diner, spotting his brother waiting outside for him.
His breath escaped his lungs in a whoosh when he laid eyes on Shawn Townsend.
A few years older than Chase, Shawn already had touches of silver at the temples in his brown hair, but otherwise appeared exactly the same.
He was as lean as Chase, but a few inches taller—something Shawn used to tease him about.
Shawn’s jeans were tighter than he’d expected, showing off his long legs, and he was bundled up in a fancy leather jacket, braving the cold as he waited outside for Chase.
Shawn fiddled with his phone as Chase walked toward him, and he clocked the exact moment Shawn noticed him approaching.
Chase stilled, incapable of taking another step forward.
Shawn was dumbstruck, and immediately walked straight to Chase.
“Chase,” he started, his voice cracking. “I’m so glad you came.”
He couldn’t speak through the lump in his throat, his eyes burning as they began to water. All he could do was nod.
The motion broke whatever barrier kept Shawn at a distance. He closed the gap and wrapped Chase in a hug that made him feel like a little kid again. Safe in his big brother’s arms.
For so long, they had been a team. Dealing with the fights between their parents by hiding together, Shawn distracting Chase with silly games and activities. It was like no time had passed, like that fateful day between them had never happened.
It took Chase a moment to hear the apologies Shawn muttered into his hair as he held him.