Chapter 25 #2
“Well, it would mean we were exclusive. It would mean we’d see each other a lot, and do things like this,” Tobias said, gesturing to their current post-coitus spots on the floor.
“Um, I thought we could keep it a secret for a little longer. Let some of the hype from the alumni game die off before I show you off in public.”
The smile faded slightly, and if Tobias hadn’t been paying attention to Chase so much over the last couple months, he may have missed it.
“Is it still a secret from your mom and Madison? From the guys at the gym?”
Tobias bobbed his head as he weighed Chase’s question. “Well, my mom knows, but I’d rather wait to use the term boyfriend around Madison and the guys, just to be safe.”
Chase’s smile fell further.
“It’s not forever,” Tobias reassured him. “The game is in a week, and then eventually, when everyone has forgotten about me again, maybe it will be easier for me to come out.”
Chase reached out to him with one hand and cupped his cheek, his smile tinged with sadness. “No one could ever forget about you, Tobias. I know I never will.”
“Wait. Why does that sound like a goodbye?”
“It’s not,” Chase sighed. “But how about we hold off on the boyfriend label until you’re really ready for it, though? It’s fine you’re not there yet. I get it. I gotta protect myself, though. I had to hide for too long to go back.”
Tobias swallowed and dropped his head. It made sense. He didn’t want Chase to feel like he was being strung along, and he didn’t want to make him hide. Especially from his friends.
“Do you not want to see me anymore—like this, I mean?” he said while gesturing at the state of them—“until I’m ready?”
Chase took his time thinking through the question.
“Maybe right now we should focus on getting you prepared for the alumni game, and we can discuss everything else after that. I don’t want to stand around hiding in the shadows, waiting for when it might be easier for you to come out.
And I don’t want to force you out, either.
That’s not what I’m saying. I care about you.
So damn much. But I spent too long hiding the real me to ever want to do that again.
I understand what you’re going through, why it’s so hard for you to put yourself out there, and I don’t want to force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.
“I just want you to understand that hiding brings up bad memories for me. Memories I wish I could forget. Scars that still haven’t completely healed. I’m all for you protecting yourself, but I have to do the same for me.”
Tobias nodded in understanding even though it killed him.
Maybe Chase was right, and they needed to get through this game that had been plaguing his anxiety since he found out about it.
Then everything would be okay. It had to be. He would make sure of it.
————————
It had been the longest week of his life once Chase started putting distance between them. The alumni game was only a day away, but he was ready. He had just come from another practice session with Shane and felt good about getting back in net.
Chase had even agreed to come to the game and sit with his family.
Tobias didn’t want to have to guilt him into coming, but Madison cried her eyes out when Tobias told her Chase might not come.
She’d planned on sharing an order of fries with him, and Madison considered it treasonous to go back on that promise, so Chase would be there. As a friend.
When he walked into the house after his final practice session with Shane, he was greeted by a stack of luggage in his foyer. It took him a second to realize what that meant, and once he did he ran the rest of the way into the house to find Natalie and Grace standing in the kitchen.
“Natalie!” he shouted as he closed the distance between them, wrapping her up in his arms and spinning her until she giggled.
“Hey, Tob,” she responded between her giggles, her voice muffled against his shoulder.
“Oh man, you’re getting too heavy for me. I gotta put you down,” he said as he settled her back on the tile floor and took a step back to look at her and her new accessories. “Oh, wait, never mind, that’s just the two medals you have hanging from your neck. Holy shit!”
“That’s right, your little sister is a gold and bronze medalist,” she bragged, her face tired but bright. She slipped the medals off her neck so Tobias and Grace could take a closer look. Tobias grabbed for the gold and stared at it in wonder for a moment before refocusing on Natalie.
He wrapped her in another hug and murmured, “I’m so proud of you.”
All of their eyes were watery when he let her go. Grace’s focus bounced between Natalie and the bronze medal in her hand.
“Did you just get in?” Tobias asked.
“Yup. Back in plenty of time to see you on the ice tomorrow.”
“Well, I won’t be winning any medals tomorrow night, and the game doesn’t really count for anything except charity—”
“Hey now, don’t minimize it. Yeah, maybe your sister just came home from the Olympics where she gracefully helped her country bring home two medals, but that doesn’t mean your game is any less exciting.”
Tobias snorted. Natalie had always been a bit of a smartass.
It may have seemed like she was rubbing the medals in his face, but she actually put everything in perspective for him.
This alumni game wasn’t on the world stage, and it wouldn’t even be broadcast on TV.
If fans wanted to see it live, they had to show up at the arena to do it.
“If I’d known you’d be home, I would have kept Madison here for you. She’s having a playdate with her friend Colin,” Grace said.
Tobias smiled, remembering how nervous he was to speak to Alyssa. If he hadn’t gotten the courage, Madison might have missed out on a friend.
“That’s okay,” Natalie said, but Tobias could tell she was bummed. “If she was here, I wouldn’t get to give you two much attention. Oh, but let me pick her up. She’ll be so surprised.”
“You have to let me record that!” Grace shouted in excitement. He knew their mom loved being here helping take care of Madison, but Tobias knew how much she missed Natalie. They both did. “Maddie is going to go crazy when she sees you. We didn’t expect you until late.”
“Nat picking her up is a great idea,” Tobias said to Grace, then turned to Natalie. “Then you can meet Alyssa and Brianna. They’re pretty great. Plus, you can show off your new neckwear. Do you think you’ll bring them to the game tomorrow night?”
“Toby, I plan on taking these babies everywhere,” she paused, her brow furrowing in thought. “Unless you don’t want me to? I don’t want to distract everyone else from your big night.”
“Natalie, I’m saying this with every ounce of sincerity that has ever existed since the beginning of time,” Tobias said seriously. “Please distract everyone else from me.”
They laughed together while Grace looked concerned.
“Toby, did you not have a good practice?” Grace asked.
“Nah, it went great. I think I’ll be set for the game. Just the typical nerves.”
“Oh, sweetie, that’s great! I knew you’d be ready.”
“Of course he would be,” Natalie said, then winked at Tobias. “He’s a Moyer after all.”
Tobias nodded firmly. “Always.”
“Is Chase coming to the game too?” Natalie asked, and Tobias’ stomach sunk.
“Yeah, he said he would because he promised. I’m not sure if he’s coming more for me or so he doesn’t disappoint Madison.”
“Oh no, Toby, what did you do?” Natalie asked, sounding exasperated. Grace gave him a sympathetic smile.
He huffed. “I just… I told him I wasn’t quite ready to come out and be a couple out in the open. I said we should wait until after the alumni game until people forget about me again.
“Tobias Goliath Moyer, how could you?”
“Nat, that’s not my middle name.”
“Well, it should be, you big oaf. Life is way too short to worry about what other people think.”
“But I—”
“Yeah, I know you have anxiety. I remember every time you were hurting and I had to talk you down. I remember rushing to the craft store for more yarn when you had no other outlet for your stress. But Tob, You’re thirty-five.
You’re not an active player. You can do this.
And if anyone tries to give you shit, I will stand in front of you and distract them with my medals. ”
Tobias’ laugh came out stuttered and wet. He was so happy to have his sister home. Her confidence had always been his buoy, keeping him afloat when he didn’t have the energy to do it himself.
Chase was worth fighting for. He was everything Tobias had ever wanted in a partner. And what did Tobias do? He told him he was too scared to take the plunge with him. Too scared to live openly in love with such an amazing man.
Fuck. I love him.
How had he not figured it out before? He didn’t want to be someone who was too scared to fight for the man he loved. Chase had shown him how brave he was every day, walking away from his father, living openly, reconnecting with his brother, and being there for Tobias.
He needed to fix it. And with his family by his side, he knew exactly what he needed to do. Public scrutiny be damned.
“I need your help,” he said to Grace and Natalie, his voice cracking. “To get him back. To show him how much he means to me.”
Wide smiles bloomed on Natalie and Grace’s faces.
With their help, he only had to hope he hadn’t lost Chase completely. And that it wasn’t too late.