Chapter 5
"The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one does"
—Leo Tolstoy
Lunch with my brothers was truly enjoyable; time with them was always quality time.
Even though we saw each other daily at the hotel, our management responsibilities often didn’t allow us to sit down and talk about our personal lives, which is why whenever possible, we always tried to meet outside the hotel and dedicate time to discussing our private lives without even mentioning work.
Life, responsibilities, and personal growth tend to create some distance between siblings, but we were clear that we would always try to stay connected.
My brothers were a priority in my life, and I knew I was a priority in theirs.
During our conversation, I omitted any mention of Henry. We were just getting to know each other, and I wasn’t clear about where our relationship was heading or what label to give it, so it seemed most sensible not to say anything.
When I got back to the hotel, I really wanted to hear from him, but I didn’t want him to feel I was hounding him or invading his privacy.
Was it right to think this way? I honestly didn’t know.
He wasn’t like the other guys my age I had dated; he was several years older than me, and I didn’t want him to think I was an insecure girl calling to check up on him.
It was the first time I had this internal conflict, and it bothered me not knowing how to resolve it.
After much deliberation, I decided to call Sol.
“Hello,” she answered curtly, after it rang several times.
“How are you?”
“I’m fine, you?”
“Sol, I want us to talk. I know something’s bothering you, and I don’t want us to drift apart. Can I come over to your place?”
“I’ll be home after seven.”
“Can I come by then?”
“Alright, I’ll be waiting,” she said, with a bit more kindness.
“I’ll be there then. Thank you.”
“Ok,” she said, and hung up.
The prospect of seeing her and clearing things up made me feel more at ease.
I made myself a coffee and went out to the balcony to drink it in peace.
I sat in one of the chairs and propped my legs up on another.
I enjoyed looking at the city from above; it gave me peace.
My thoughts immediately drifted to Henry.
I didn’t want to think about him, but I always ended up doing so.
I couldn’t deny that I liked him very much and that when I was with him, my heart beat faster than normal, but I was clear that he wasn’t a man with whom I could aspire to much more than what we had at the moment.
He had made that clear to me. His words echoed in my head: “I’ve always been a very independent man.
I love going about without having to answer to anyone.
” I also didn’t know how long he would be content with being only with me; I sensed that time would be limited because it was clear he didn’t want attachments.
I had to do everything possible not to fall in love with him and enjoy the present while keeping my feelings aside.
I preferred not to test my courage by facing the challenges of that complex emotion.
Was that possible? Honestly, I had no idea.
A few minutes after six-thirty in the evening, I left for Sol’s place. I hadn’t heard from Henry, and I hadn’t contacted him either.
When I rang the doorbell of the apartment, Sol opened it immediately and looked at me seriously.
“Hi,” I said, rushing toward her and hugging her.
Sol returned the hug but quickly pulled away and looked at me.
“You did it,” she stated, pointing at me.
“I did, but I don’t think my face gives me away.”
“Did you sleep with Henry Woollardy?” she asked, eyes wide.
“Yes.”
I could see her face contort into an ugly grimace, but I didn’t comment on it.
“Come in and sit down. And don’t get up until you tell me everything,” she demanded, sitting beside me.
“I’ll tell you, but first I want to talk about something else. I want you to be honest and tell me what’s going on with you about him. I know you’re not normally as unfriendly as you’ve been acting, so what’s happening?”
Sol lowered her gaze, and when she looked at me again, she seemed different. I noticed a gleam in her eyes that I’d never seen before. If someone had asked me at that moment, I would have said it was the distinctive gleam of resentment, but I was sure my friend didn’t feel that way about me.
“I don’t like him for you. That man is just playing with you. I thought you were smarter than that.”
Her words felt like a knife to the chest, but I tried not to show it.
“Why do you say that? I’m not in love with him. It’s true that I like him so much that I wanted what happened last night to happen, but there’s a big difference between giving him my virginity and giving him my heart. The latter I won’t do. Besides, why are you so sure about what you’re claiming?”
“You don’t need to be a genius to figure it out.
He’s an older man who has all the signs of someone who runs from commitment, that’s why he’s single at his age, and you’re a girl who’s too trusting and inexperienced.
He’s going to use you, nothing more, and he’ll dump you when he gets tired of you.
I’m saying this because I care about you and I wouldn’t want you to suffer because of someone who surely has more women than a sultan. ”
“Sol, I understand clearly that Henry isn’t a man with whom I can aspire to much more than what we have now.”
“And what do you have now? Do you think that because he slept with you, you can say you have a relationship? Are you really that naive? Or are you stupid?” she asked, agitated.
“I didn’t say that, and I don’t understand why you’re talking to me like this,” I replied, surprised, because she was being very harsh and it was starting to irritate me.
“I’m telling you this for your own good, forget about him and try to avoid him.”
“Why do you talk about him as if you knew him?”
“Know him? I don’t know him, but you just have to look at him to see what he is.
I remind you that you yourself said this guy only wanted to sleep with you, as he surely wants to sleep with many others.
Don’t think that now that he’s achieved his goal you’re a happy little couple.
That man you ‘connected’ with,” she said ironically, “is going to disconnect from you in the blink of an eye.”
“You can’t judge someone without knowing them,” I stated, because her comments gave me a feeling of injustice.
“Do you know him? Do you think that because you had sex with him you can claim you know him? Poor you, you’re just the new toy,” she said sarcastically.
Her words hurt a lot. Besides, her behavior had me completely surprised.
Sol was my friend, my confidant, and at that moment she was being ironic and hurtful.
I trusted her good intentions, though she was going about it the wrong way, and I didn’t understand why.
If I didn’t know her and know that she cared for me, I would have thought she was jealous of my relationship with Henry.
“I’m not saying I know him, I’m just saying that you don’t know him well enough to judge him like that. I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Why are you being so harsh with me?”
“Harsh? I’m opening your eyes because you’re my friend. But if you prefer, I won’t say anything and you can deal with it however you want. Just don’t come crying to me later because I’ll be annoyed having to say ‘I told you so, you stupid girl,’” she threatened, raising her voice.
“Don’t worry, I won’t come to you looking for comfort, and I hope I won’t need to. And thanks for thinking so highly of me,” I pointed out, controlling the melody of my voice and trying to look at her while hiding the disappointment I felt.
I got up from the couch ready to leave. Today wasn’t the day to talk calmly, much less tell her what had happened with Henry.
I preferred to wait until tempers cooled because if we continued like this, we would end up saying things we would surely regret later.
I loved her very much and would always be there for her, but at that moment I preferred to leave because I was starting to get angry and didn’t want the discussion to take an irreversible dramatic turn.
“You’re leaving?” she asked, looking up at me because she hadn’t risen from the couch.
“I think it’s better if we talk another day,” I indicated, heading toward the door.
“Or maybe it’s better not to talk about this topic anymore,” she suggested, without getting up from the couch.
“You’re probably right. It’s a shame I thought we were confidants who always told each other everything. See you, Sol.” I opened the door and left with my spirits at rock bottom.
On my way home, I kept thinking about the conversation, and no matter how hard I tried to understand it, I couldn’t.
The further I got from her house, the sadder I became.
We had always told each other everything, and although we often disagreed on many things, we had never judged or hurt each other; we always tried to understand each other.
I had been at the hotel for a few minutes when my phone rang. It was Sean on a video call. With everything that had happened with Sol, I had forgotten to contact my friend.
“Hello, handsome,” I greeted, trying to put on my best face.
“Hello my foot! You didn’t call or text me. We had agreed on that, but you don’t even remember me,” he scolded me, and he was right.
“You’re right, I apologize a thousand times. What time is it in Paris?”
“It’s two in the morning. I’m here waiting for you to call, but since you don’t deign to do so, I have to call you or I’ll be up all night,” he continued protesting.
“You’re crazy!”
“I probably am,” he said, giving up.
“I have a lot to tell you,” I said.
“I can imagine. Spill it, Dalina Dukart.”