Chapter 5 #2
I began to tell him how I had met Henry and the times I had run into him, including our meeting at his sister’s house. Finally, and with less detail, I told him about our sexual encounter.
“So that’s where we are. Supposedly, for now, we’re getting to know each other, but I’m clear that this relationship is a bit complicated.
For starters, he’s a man who, at his age, seems to have never had a stable partner or aspired to one because he doesn’t like explaining his life to anyone, and he has many women at his disposal.
That’s already a complex combination, not to say dangerous. ”
“How old is he?” he asked, interrupting me.
“He’s 37 years old.”
“He’s quite a few years older than you,” he commented, looking at me seriously.
“I know, but that’s not the point. I’m just getting to know him and, although he proposed that we be faithful, I don’t completely trust him.
Maybe I’m being unfair; I suppose time will tell, if we even have time, because I’m not clear about that either.
Since he left this morning, we haven’t spoken.
I have no idea what he did during the day, nor does he know what I did. I don’t know, Sean, I’m confused.”
“And with good reason... If you were so unsure, why did you give yourself to him? Are you sure you’re not in love?” he asked, somewhat surprised by my story.
“I suppose not,” I answered.
“You suppose? That answer itself is already a problem,” he stated.
“And how can I know? I have no idea how to answer that question.”
My friend looked at me seriously, ran his hand through his hair and said:
“Love is more than a temporary feeling. No one can tell you if you’re in love; you just feel it intensely.
When you see that person, happiness floods you and there’s a tingling in your stomach that takes away your appetite.
You only hunger for their lips and all of them.
You spend all day in the clouds because you only think about that person.
You feel irrationally happy, but you have no idea why you feel like laughing.
You could spend 24 hours a day listening to everything they say and I don’t know how many other things,” he said, looking at me embarrassed.
“You’re in love!” I exclaimed, looking at him in surprise.
“It seems so, but I see that surprises you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Then you reproach me for not telling you everything, but you also hide things from me, Sean Moret.”
“It’s different,” was his only defense.
“Different? Where’s the difference? Is your love reciprocated?”
“No; it’s not, and I’m not going to talk about that now.
Is there anything more depressing than loving someone who we know will never love us back?
It’s like a dead end and it wears you down.
.. it wears down your heart and mind, but the most unfortunate thing is that we can’t stop feeling this here,” he said, pointing to his chest, “feeling what everyone calls love. So, dear friend, I don’t want to talk about that topic now.
We were talking about you, so let’s continue talking about you. ”
“Are you okay?” I asked, because I noticed his bitterness and sadness, and my heart sank.
“Dali, let’s continue with your situation. We’ll talk about me another day, okay?”
I realized he wasn’t ready to talk, and I didn’t want to insist. The last thing I wanted was to make him sad, although he already looked very depressed, and I wished I could be with him to give him a big hug and comfort him.
“Let’s do something. For now, let’s leave the topic of that elusive feeling. In my case, I don’t think I love him, but the truth is I’m afraid it might happen.”
“Why afraid?”
“Well, by nature we tend to run away from what frightens us, and I suppose it’s no different with love.”
“And what do you plan to do?”
“Not create expectations, or rather, try to manage them as best I can. But right now, what I’m going to do is dance with my friend,” I proposed.
“What?” he said, bewildered.
“I’m going to put on music and we’re going to dance together, jumping and shouting to shake off all this bitterness we have. Don’t they say dancing heals the soul? Let’s rebel against sadness!”
“You’re out of your mind!” he exclaimed, and I loved seeing that smile on his face.
“Position your phone so I can see you move that sexy body,” I demanded.
I searched for a song that would make us shake and found the right one, which I also knew my friend loved. “Jump” by Van Halen began playing loud and strong.
“Yes, baby! Let’s jump!” he exclaimed.
We both started jumping and spinning in front of our phone cameras so the other could see us.
We sang the song very loudly and didn’t stop moving uncontrollably.
At one point, Sean climbed onto the couch and jumped, shouting “Jump.” We shook our heads and couldn’t stop laughing while we sang.
We were two crazy people releasing all our frustration, but it felt good, it really felt good to do this with my friend.
When the song ended, we couldn’t speak because we were so out of breath, but we also couldn’t stop laughing.
“That was awesome,” Sean said.
“I told you it was what we needed, handsome,” I affirmed, laughing.
With our dance, without using words, we had expelled from our bodies the sadness we were feeling minutes before, and now we were filled with an indescribable sense of peace.
“I have to admit you were right about it being good therapy,” he said, laughing. “We should do it again sometime.”
“Whenever you want.”
“I’m going to let you go because I’m suddenly feeling really tired,” Sean said.
“Go get some sleep, we’ll talk more another day.”
“I hope so. Take care and call me. I love you, gorgeous.”
“I love you too, handsome. Rest well.”
I would have liked to tell him everything that had happened with Sol, but our conversation hadn’t allowed for it, so I decided I would tell him another day.
I wasn’t sleepy yet, so I decided to do something I loved—I went to get my guitar.
I’d been playing since I was six years old, and with so many years of practice, I’d become quite good.
Every time I embraced it and started playing and singing, the guitar absorbed me and I let myself be carried away by the music.
It was like my escape route, I felt free.
I started with the first chords and suddenly I was playing and singing “You're beautiful” by James Blunt. It was a song I enjoyed playing and singing, but deep in my heart it always made me feel sad, so I don’t know why I chose it at that moment—I simply found myself playing it.
When I was about to finish, my phone rang. It was a video call from Henry, already saved in my phone with his first and last name. It surprised me, but I must admit my heart sped up a little.
“Hello,” I whispered.
Henry’s face filled my phone screen, and I felt a flutter in my stomach seeing him looking so incredibly handsome.
“Hi. How was your meeting with your brothers?”
“It was a nice time, very enjoyable as always,” I replied.
“And what were you doing just now?”
“I was just playing the guitar.”
“You play the guitar,” he stated. “You’re a box of surprises. Keep playing and show me how you do it.”
I had never been shy about playing and singing in front of others, but with him it was different. I felt timid like never before, and I didn’t like that feeling.
“Right now?”
“Yes, right now.”
“I don’t think you’ll enjoy listening to me,” I responded without thinking.
“Which song were you playing?”
“You're beautiful” by James Blunt. Do you know it?
“Yes. Go on, I’d love to hear you,” he affirmed.
I positioned the phone so I could see him, picked up the guitar again, and began playing that song.
I noticed that when I started singing, he looked surprised, but he continued watching me with great attention without saying anything.
When I finished, I sat with the guitar in my arms and looked at him.
“You have an incredibly sweet and beautiful voice, and you play wonderfully. You surprised me.”
“Thank you,” I said, embarrassed.
“Wow! You really surprised me.”
“I started taking lessons when I was six, so I’ve had quite a few years of practice.”
“Well, it’s paid off because you do it very well, though the song you chose is a bit sad, or you sang it with a lot of melancholy.”
“I don’t know why I chose it,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “I picked up the guitar and without thinking much, I started playing that song.”
I was surprised that he also found it a sad song because most people I knew thought it was romantic.
“What did you do today?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Nothing special, just had lunch with a friend,” he responded naturally.
That information was enough to make my stomach suddenly tighten with an unpleasant sensation, and I couldn’t hide it. Why was I feeling these absurd pangs of jealousy? I was an idiot!
“Did you have a good time?” I managed to ask, making a great effort to stay calm.
“A very enjoyable time, as always,” he said with a smile, repeating my words.
I wasn’t able to interpret the expression on his face, but just seeing him smile like that made my heart sink into my stomach.
Besides, was he being ironic? I looked at him through narrowed eyes and decided I wasn’t in the mood to put up with his nonsense.
I’d already had a bad time with Sol; I wasn’t going to let him add another crappy moment and end up ruining my day.
“I'm glad for you. I have to go because I'm getting another call. Have a good one.”