Chapter 15
"The hardest part of unrequited love is accepting it; the hardest part of heartbreak is surviving it"
—George Pellicer
It had been more than a week since my arrival in Paris.
When Sean was free, we dedicated ourselves to exploring the city and tourist attractions.
When he was at the university, which was most of the time, I would go out for walks, do some sport, or simply sit in a Parisian café to enjoy a moment of relaxation.
Henry had called me once more to tell me that the police had found the woman who drugged and robbed him.
She was a prostitute, and it was confirmed that she hadn’t been the mastermind behind the whole setup, but unfortunately, the woman had no information because she had never seen who hired her.
The phone number they used to communicate was the same one from which the photos had been sent to me and, besides being encrypted, it was no longer in use, so there were no leads.
We had talked little about our lives. He had only asked me how I was doing and when I was returning to Uruguay, to which I had replied that I still didn’t know.
Although I was planning to travel the following week because I didn’t want to continue neglecting the hotel’s affairs, I had chosen not to tell him.
Niky and I had resumed contact. In her first calls, she talked a lot about Henry, insisting that he loved me, telling me that he didn’t look well, that her brother was suffering from our separation and that there were days when his mood was terrible and no one could even talk to him, but since I had asked her to avoid mentioning him, she no longer did so.
My brothers were aware of what had happened, but I was sure they still didn’t trust him. They didn’t tell me directly, but their comments left no doubt—they still didn’t like Henry.
The night before my departure, Sean invited me to dinner at a very elegant restaurant. I noticed he was somewhat melancholic, and I knew it was because I was leaving and it would be a long time until we saw each other again.
“Dali, you can’t imagine how wonderful it was having you with me.”
“It was wonderful for me too. You know I adore you; you’re like a brother to me. I’ll always be there for you just as you’re always there for me.”
“Brother...” he said, thoughtfully.
Another reason I was leaving was because in those last few days, Sean had been acting strange.
Since I had told him about my intentions to return to Uruguay, I noticed he was different.
It seemed like he wanted to confess something to me, and in his glances I had noticed something that worried me.
To tell the truth, I was beginning to suspect that he felt something for me different from the affection a friend feels.
He had never confessed to me who he was in love with, and that also reinforced my suspicions.
I didn’t want to hurt him—I cared for him deeply and would never forgive myself for making him suffer, so I had decided that the best thing was to return to Uruguay.
“Of course, I love you like those two nosy brothers I ended up with, but they were imposed on me while I chose you,” I said, smiling, to ease the tension of the moment.
“Yes, of course,” he said, a bit downcast.
“When do you plan to return to Uruguay?” I asked, to change the subject.
“I still don’t know. When this semester ends, I have a month of vacation, but I might take a trip, I don’t know.”
“And where will you spend Christmas and New Year’s? Those holidays are just around the corner.”
“I’ll let you know when I decide; I’m still not sure. And you, what are you going to do about Woollardy? You know now that he didn’t cheat on you, so what’s next?” he asked, looking at me seriously.
“I didn’t tell him I was coming back. I still don’t want to face him because I know I can’t continue in that relationship, but I don’t feel strong enough to be in front of him. He doesn’t love me and he won’t love me, so why keep postponing the inevitable? That would only hurt me more.”
“What an imbecile!”
“I can’t blame him for not loving me. No one has control over feelings because they’re irrational—we simply don’t choose who we fall in love with. Now, since I know that I do love him, I have no choice but to overcome the heartbreak.”
“That I understand all too well. As the popular saying goes, ‘God gives bread to those who have no teeth,’” he said ironically, shaking his head, and looked at me with that strange gaze that lately had made me doubt his feelings toward me, but now, with those words, seemed more than clear.
“Let’s toast to us and our friendship. That’s something good in our lives,” I proposed, to avoid continuing with that topic.
We raised our wine glasses and made the toast. I found myself thinking about Sean’s feelings.
If he was really in love with me, even though I didn’t want to and it pained my soul, I would end up hurting him, because I couldn’t reciprocate—I would always see him as a friend.
How ironic life was! Sean in love with me, who didn’t love him the way he wanted; and me in love with Henry who didn’t reciprocate.
If we had fallen in love with each other, perhaps everything would be simpler, but fate was cruel to us, preventing us from being happy.
When we returned to his apartment, I could see he was very downcast, and I couldn't just stay quiet and do nothing, so I took my phone and put on some music.
Once again, I searched for a song that I knew my rocker friend would like and that would get us moving.
“Sweet child o'mine” by Guns N' Roses began to play loudly.
“And what does this mean?” he asked, looking at me with surprise.
“It means dance therapy. Let's shake our bodies, handsome!”
Sean smiled and stretched out his hand for me to take it.
I immediately went to him and we started dancing, twirling and jumping while laughing out loud.
But the “therapy” didn't work out as I expected.
Sean tripped, with such bad luck that he ended up pushing me, and we fell onto the couch with his body on top of mine.
He didn't hesitate and I had no doubt about what he was going to do—he pressed his lips against mine and kissed me.
I didn't push him away, but I didn't return his kiss either.
After a few seconds, he got up and looked at me with fear, while I sat up on the couch and looked at him with sadness.
“Come, sit down and let's talk.”
“I'm sorry, Dali, I shouldn't have done that,” he stated, without sitting down.
“That's true, you shouldn't have. Why did you do it?” I asked, taking his hand and forcing him to sit beside me.
“Isn't it obvious?”
“Am I the person you're in love with?” I asked. There was no point in beating around the bush; I had to address it as soon as possible and with great sensitivity.
“Always have been,” he said, lowering his head, ashamed and defeated.
I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug, and he responded by putting his arms around my waist.
“I wish we could control our hearts. I want you to be immensely happy, but I'm not the person who would bring you that happiness. I love you with all my heart, but not in the way you do,” I said, my heart crying with sadness.
“I know, Dali, I know. I'm well aware that your heart belongs to someone else. I wish I could change what I feel, but I can't, and I also wish I could make you stop suffering for that guy, but I don't have that power either. We're both 'unrequited,' but I imagine our hearts will heal.”
“I'm sorry, Sean.”
“You don't need to be. Like you said, we don't control our hearts, and that capricious feeling does whatever it wants with us. I do need to apologize because I shouldn't have kissed you. Forgive me, beautiful.”
“Let's forget about it and promise me that the fact that we've had this conversation won't affect our friendship,” I pleaded.
“Let's be realistic, it probably will affect it, because I don't think you can look at me with the same eyes from now on. You'll feel sorry for me because...”
“I won't do that,” I interrupted him. “I promise. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, and I won't do to you what bothers me.”
“You promise me.”
“I promise you, and let's do something. Let's continue with our dance, and heaven help you if you throw yourself on top of me again. If you do, you'll get a strong knee to your private parts.”
“Understood,” he said, smiling and putting his hands over that area as protection, which made us both laugh. “Turn that music up loud, and if they kick me out for making noise, I'll go with you to Uruguay.”
And that's what I did. I played the song and we went back to holding hands and spinning, singing, laughing, and forgetting—though we only managed this last part for those few minutes.
The next day I left Paris and Sean. Part of my heart stayed with him.
Now that I knew with certainty what my friend felt for me, it hurt my soul to think he was suffering.
I knew what it was like to be unrequited and I didn't want him to go through that pain.
Although I was clear that I had never encouraged those feelings, I blamed myself for his unhappiness.
When I arrived at Carrasco International Airport, my brothers were waiting for me. I had already spotted them, but they were still looking for me. I started walking faster to get closer to them, and when they saw me, I ran toward them and we embraced in a three-way hug.
“How we missed you, little demon!” exclaimed Bastián.
“We were about to go looking for you,” said Lolo.
“I missed you more,” I said.
We left the airport to head to the hotel. On the way, I told them about all the places I had visited with Sean and all the beautiful sites we had seen. Although we talked very often, it wasn't the same as telling them in person.