Chapter 30
WE SHOULDN’T DO THIS
NELSON
We stayed wrapped in one another’s arms for a long time. Morgan didn’t try to get away from me. He seemed to take my insecurities as a challenge to overcome.
And that made me second guess everything.
I knew I’d been going all hot and cold on him.
I had been doing that right from the beginning…
maybe even before I met him. Yeah. I’d been fighting against this moment since I’d first seen Morgan’s image in the oracle’s painting.
That’d given me a lot of time to figure out all the reasons Morgan and I shouldn’t do this.
But now that I’d confessed to Morgan and shown him the worst parts of myself, the part of me that insisted he was mine was suddenly stronger than my arguments. Our conversation had silenced them. Obliterated them, really. Until all that was left was how much I wanted Morgan.
Because what if?
What if we were more compatible than I thought? What if rainbows needed darkness to balance the light? What if we were better together than apart? What if he didn’t leave me?
Did I believe that? I wasn’t sure. But I wished I could.
But I was enough of a pragmatist to accept this might be all I’d ever have with Morgan.
Gage always said I was a planner, anticipating what would happen ten minutes or ten hours or ten days into the future. He attributed that to my shadow side. A shadow jumper always needed to know where the shadows would be. It made us look at the world differently.
Except ever since I’d met Morgan, I hadn’t been strategizing. I’d been consumed with the need to get him to safety, but beyond that? Nope. Nothing. I’d just been reacting.
It wasn’t like me at all.
In this moment, though, I was thinking ahead for the first time in days.
And if Morgan came to his senses when we were away from here, this might be my only chance to be with him.
And if that was the case, I wanted to revel in this moment.
I wanted to experience everything with him. Give him everything.
It was a risk. A huge one.
But if we did this, when the world intruded again as it eventually would, I’d at least have this moment. Hopefully that’d be enough to carry me forward. I could cherish the memory of his skin rubbing against mine. The taste of his sweat on my tongue. The sweet sound of his moans.
And if I treasured this precious gift, perhaps the memory wouldn’t fade with time like so much of my past had. Maybe I wouldn’t fade either. Because I’d need it to survive the long, lonely years ahead.
Was I being selfish? Maybe. Probably. But Morgan said he wanted me too. Said he didn’t care about what I’d done or where I’d come from.
“I will wait for you for as long as it takes,” Morgan said.
I pressed my face against his neck. I didn’t deserve him, but I knew he was speaking his truth. Morgan didn’t lie. He couldn’t. I’d forgotten about that when we were talking earlier.
I let out a shuddering breath.
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. I want you, Nelson. None of what you said changed my mind.”
And just like that, my objections crumbled away. “I want you too.”
He kissed me. And the kiss was everything. He showed me with his mouth and his hands and his body the truth of his words. Morgan accepted me. All of me. I needed to show him how much that meant to me.
“I’ll make it good for you, I swear,” I whispered against his ear.
He cleared his throat. “I… uh… I really want you inside me. I know I said it earlier, but if you hate that idea, you can tell me. We can try it the other way around…”
I met his gaze. “Anything you want.”
“Go,” he demanded. “Go get the lube.”
I rolled away and scrambled for my jacket.
I’d thrown it on the floor when I’d returned from my trip outside, so it wasn’t far.
I dug in my pocket and found the small tube of lube.
It was cold, so I sandwiched it between my palms and blew on it as I walked back to the bed.
Morgan watched me move, and I loved the appreciation shining in his eyes.
“We’ll have to warm it up,” I said.
“What if we put it in the warm water?” Then he shook his head. “No, never mind. I don’t want to wait that long. It’ll warm up when we use it.”
“I’m not going to put cold lube on you.” I rubbed the tube between my hands. Maybe friction would work faster than my breath.
“I won’t turn into an ice cube…” Then his eyes widened as if he’d just had a wicked realization. “Wait, don’t people use ice cubes during sexy times?”
I pinched his chin and pressed a kiss onto his lips. “We can try that another time. When we aren’t trapped in a snowbound cabin.”
“Deal,” he said quickly.
That was when I realized what I’d said. I’d implied we’d do this again. In the future. Somewhere warm. And Morgan had interpreted that as a promise.
Before I could correct him—although how I’d do that without making things wildly awkward I didn’t know—his lips were on mine again. And as his hands trailed over my body, I embraced both him and this chance to be with him. There would be time to talk later.
We lost ourselves in one another’s bodies.
I caressed every part of him with my hands and mouth, from his toes to his inner thigh to the little patch of skin behind his ear.
He tasted sweet everywhere. And Morgan wasn’t idle.
He was just as greedy to explore me. I’d never had such an active and eager lover—although quick hookups were more about getting off as quickly as possible and less about real pleasure, so the bar wasn’t set very high.
And when I finally squeezed the semi-warm lube into my hand, Morgan was as ready as I was for what would come next. My finger dipped between his legs to find his tight passage. We both groaned as I pressed inside.
As soon as my finger breached his hole, magic blossomed through the air. I’d heard the rumors. I knew this was another sign that we might be fated mates. But… I’d never imagined anything so beautiful.
Morgan whispered my name as he blinked at the magic swirling around us. His rainbows were there like bright ribbons snaking through the air, but the darkness of my shadows was there too.
And together… This was us. Morgan and I. And we were breathtaking.
My shadows made his rainbows shine brighter. His rainbows gave my shadows an anchor, something to hide behind. Could we truly complement one another like this? Was this why the Eternal Magic thought we ought to be mates?
“I want you so much,” I whispered. “But I’ll stop if you want. You just need to tell me. Are you sure you want to do this with me?”
Morgan clutched at my arm, his fingernails digging into my skin, as if scared I’d retreat. “I want this. I want you.”
“So do I,” I assured him, knowing we couldn’t have any lies or half-truths, not now.
I worked him open, preparing him until we were both shaking from want. When I kneeled between his legs and guided my length to him, joy cascaded through me. And I knew.
Morgan was mine. And I was his.
Our gazes locked. I sucked in a shaky breath. Morgan reached for me.
“Please, Nelson,” he whispered as he stroked my cheek, “you are everything I’ve always dreamed of and more.”
And I pressed inside.
Our rainbows and shadows exploded around us like fireworks at midnight. It was like our souls came together when our bodies did, and it was the most beautiful experience of my life.
And then we were moving. Our bodies rocked slowly at first, then faster.
Magic thrummed through us, around us. Everywhere.
And entwined with this magic was a deep and powerful sense of belonging.
I belonged in this man’s arms, and he belonged in mine.
I didn’t understand how it was possible when we were so different, but I couldn’t deny the truth any longer.
“Mate.” A greater force than I’d ever known before dragged the word out of me, and I was helpless to stop it. It slipped over my tongue and into our kiss. I’d suspected Morgan was my mate even before I met him. I’d tried to warn him. And now the Eternal Magic herself was confirming it.
Morgan gasped, but he nodded. “Mate.”
That single word, having been spoken by each of us, took on a near-tangible essence between us.
Then in a whoosh of magic, the word became reality.
The change flooded me from my toes to my scalp.
His rainbows and my shadows crashed into one another as foreign words erupted from deep inside me.
Morgan’s eyes widened as the same foreign words fell from his lips.
I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t want to.
For the first time since I’d seen Morgan’s image in that painting, I wasn’t scared. I’d known the risk of taking him into my arms, and I’d chosen to do it anyway. Or maybe we’d never had a choice at all.
These words were ancient, as old as the world itself. This was the Eternal Magic blessing us, binding us. A gift from her to us. A magical acknowledgement that fate and magic were binding us together from this moment forward.
When the words faded, we were still moving together. Morgan reached his pinnacle first. His grip tightened on me and his body clenched as his shout vibrated through me. And when I reached my peak right behind him, I gave myself over to both Morgan and the magic.
And I knew nothing would ever be the same again.
I’d vowed to find and protect Morgan before I’d ever met him, but in this secluded fire-lit room, I made yet another promise.
I would do everything in my power to ensure Morgan never regretted the Eternal Magic binding us together. I would be everything he could ever want or need.
Somehow.