27. Novi
TWENTY-SEVEN
Novi
Colby is good at resisting me, but some nights, I am better.
Thankfully, last night was one of those times, and today, I get to wake up next to him again.
He runs hot, so we are slightly sweaty pressed together, and his morning breath is directed right toward my face, but it only makes me smile.
For so long, I worried I would never have this, and now that I do, I want it all.
I know he wants to be cautious, but I am … tired. Everything we have together is so good, and after so long, we deserve this. I know the real world is waiting for us outside this bubble, but I’m getting to experience for the first time what so many people do growing up, and I selfishly want it all.
Our deal for away games only is mostly going strong, but apparently, I am needy in relationships, and Colby lets me be that way.
I honestly thought this would be enough.
The time together, the closeness, the sex.
Having someone to text when I am lonely or bored or excited or teasing.
Being able to look at one man and know he’s mine should be enough for me.
But between our stolen time in hotel rooms, reluctant home visits, and stiff professionalism at work, it has left me wanting more than ever.
Coming out has always been important to me, but I was convinced I could wait. My amazing career is so close to ending, but instead of being comforted by the thought of drifting into anonymity, I am frustrated.
I don’t want to hide.
I want hockey. I want responsibility. I want to be a role model and spend my days giving people hope. Infecting them with my happiness and positivity. I’m a people person right down to my core, and my natural charisma would make me great at it.
I don’t think I can wait anymore. But if I come out and something happens to my sister or her family, how do I ever forgive myself?
Like I’ve summoned her with a mere thought, a text comes through on my phone, and Elena’s name crosses the screen. I click on the message.
What do you call this, leaving your favorite sister waiting on the doorstep?
Waiting …
Surprise lights me up as I throw off the covers and jump out of bed. I quickly dress, jog down the hall, and when I pull open the front door, three of my favorite people on Earth are there waiting.
“Elena!” I wrap her in a hug before diving down and scooping Mischka and Alexei up into my arms.
“Ah, Zaychik! Put me down.”
In response, I blow a raspberry on Mischka’s cheek. Alexei is much more subdued, but he is younger, and it has been months since I have seen them.
“If I knew you were coming, I would have bought presents,” I say, setting them down.
“And that’s why I didn’t tell you.” Elena presses a kiss to my cheek and steps past me into the house, dragging a large suitcase behind her.
“How long are you here for? Also why?”
“Two weeks.”
“That doesn’t tell me why.”
She turns her attention to the kids and tells them in Russian to go and play.
“The toy box is in the second bedroom , ” I yell after them. It feels good to be speaking in Russian again.
When they’re gone, Elena pins me with her big sister stare. “I am worried about you . ”
“You could have picked up the phone . ”
“Yes, because that worked so well for us last time when you called drunk and depressed . ”
That’s a fair point. “I wasn’t depressed …”
“Hmm.” She looks around. “Wonder what gave me that idea? Oh, yeah. You said you were depressed . ”
“I was joking . ”
“I know you’re melodramatic sometimes, but I also know there was a bit of truth to it. Plus, it’s been a while since I visited and told you all the ways you’re not looking after yourself properly so ? —”
“Ah, Novi?” Colby’s voice precedes him down the hall, and for a moment, I’d completely forgotten he was here. “I know we’re official and everything, but please tell me that I’m hallucinating and you didn’t steal us two ki—” He cuts off as he steps into the foyer and catches sight of Elena.
Her smile is positively evil. “Who is this?”
“No Russian,” I say, switching to English. “It’s rude.”
“Fine,” she repeats. “Who is this?”
“Colby, this is my sister, Elena. Elena, this is Colby.”
“Hi.” He holds out his hand, almost looking scared, but Elena is a second away from laughing.
“It’s lovely to meet you.”
“You too. I’m guessing those kids belong to you and that Novi didn’t actually steal mini humans?”
“Steal?” She actually does laugh. “My sweet little brother has never broken a rule in his life.”
“Sweet …”
Elena jiggles the suitcase. “I’m unpacking in your kitchen. Our clothes are in the hire car.” Then she leaves us together, and Colby turns to me with wide eyes.
“Her?” he asks. “That’s who you’re worried will be in trouble if you come out?”
I nod solemnly. She might be my older sister, but she’s shorter than me by a head and looks far too positively at the world to remember to protect herself. “She is an idealist.”
“ Her ?” Colby almost sounds confused.
My eyebrows knot. “Are you okay?”
“I’m terrified. I have the strangest urge to grab the suitcases and deliver them to her on bended knee.”
“That is an odd thing to say.”
“Novi, please know that I say this from the bottom of my heart … your sister might look even scarier than you do.”
I can’t work out what he’s saying. Elena? Scary? “I don’t think you got enough sleep last night.”
“Whose fault was that?”
Colby and I grab the suitcases from the car. I leave him with Elena’s and grab the two teeny tiny ones.
“Look how small they are,” I say. “They’re adorable. Like they are for dolls.”
“Please don’t put the idea of Chucky in my head while I’m dealing with your niblings.”
“It would probably be accurate,” I tell him. “Those two are pure evil at times. I am wrapped around their tiny fingers.”
I’m not sure, but I think Colby shudders.
We get the bags inside, and the sound of Elena with the kids deeper in the house just feels right.
“You okay?” he asks.
“This is what I want it to be,” I tell him. “Them—and Ivan—here where they’re safe. Where I can see them always. Where my children can play with their cousins and grow up together.”
“That does sound pretty special.” His hand rests on my lower back. “Do you want me to go so you can catch up with them?”
“What? No.” I grab his hand before he can run away. “She’ll already be cooking for us both. You need to stay. If you don’t let her feed you before you leave, then she will be scary.”
For some reason, the thought of my sister’s cooking doesn’t delight him. Colby still looks worried, but getting this gift of having them all here with me is something that won’t happen again in a hurry.
I swallow. “Can you please stay?”
“Of course I will.” He squeezes my hand. “On one condition.”
“Anything.”
“You have to promise that if she runs at me with a kitchen knife, you’ll dive in between us.”
And Elena calls me dramatic. “You’re an idiot.” I give him a soft kiss. “Let’s go.”
Colby trails after me. “Can’t help but notice there was no promise.”
I drop his hand as soon as we reach the main living area.
The kids have found the toy chest, and there’s already scattered LEGO, puzzles, trucks, and teddy bears all over the living room while Elena looks on from the kitchen.
The sight fills me with so much happiness that I join Mischka and Alexei on the floor, overly aware of Colby creeping into the kitchen to talk to Elena while he keeps the enormous island between them.
He has nothing to worry about though. The reason Elena was so successful where so many people aren’t is because she’s social. Can carry any conversation and make people feel drawn to her. We both inherited our father’s big heart.
Alexei drives his truck into my thigh, and the little fucker hurts.
“Ouch.” I take the toy and toss it across the room. “Fetch, you cretin.”
“Help me build a castle,” Mischka says, shoving LEGO pieces my way. Her English is improving a lot. I wish I’d learned English when I was their age. Kids are like sponges. It’s why I encourage them to speak it when they are with me.
“Play. Trucks!” Alexei says, pegging the one he has at my head. I catch it right in time.
And for the next half an hour, I build with Mischka and toss the truck across the room for Alexei, feeling filled and happy in a way that only happens with them.
“Is Novi … playing fetch with your son?” I hear Colby ask.
Elena goes back to chopping something loudly. “Maybe it will tire him out.”
Their voices drop to murmur about something.
I hope she is telling him about the time I was five and ran down the street naked.
Or when I was sick and sneezed so hard I covered my desk in snot.
Or that time she chased me because I found her diary, and I fell over and broke my arm.
It is a sibling’s job to embarrass each other to their partners, so she sure as hell better be doing it for me.
“Uncle Radi, who is that man?” Mischka asks.
My whole good mood immediately slurps down the drain. “He’s …” My partner. My lover. The man I will hopefully marry one day. But none of that can be said to a child who will repeat it innocently in places where she shouldn’t. “A friend from work.”
“Is he mean to you? Sometimes my friends are mean to me.”
My attention locks onto her, and I lean closer. “Who do I need to kill? I want names.”
Mischka tuts. “Mommy asked the same thing.”
“Good. I will get the list from her later.”
My distraction costs me though. Alexei gets back, and the truck whacks against my temple. The pain is sharp and short, but I pin him with my stare. “You will pay for that.”
He squeals and goes to run, but I am much too fast for him. Before he can get a few steps, I leap up, grab him, and hang him upside down by the ankle.
Laughter racks through him as I head toward the kitchen.
“Open the trash,” I tell Elena. “This one is defective.”
“Help, Mommy, help!” His English is forgotten while his brain is upside down.
Elena approaches us, then hums and leans in to inspect him. “Yes. He’s a lot noisier than I remember.”
“You can get a new one?”
When Elena glances up at me, I see it. The real reason she’s here. A spark fills her eyes as she gives her stomach a pat. “Already working on it.”
My jaw drops, and I only remember Alexei enough to gently set him back down again before I’m pulling her into a hug. “Number three?”
“It took us long enough.”
“You’re having another evil gremlin?”
“They are chaos. But I love them.”
I squeeze her tight, so happy I’m ready to lift her up by the ankle. “Will you finally call this one Radimir?”
“Not on your life.”
When I glance back at Colby, he’s smiling at us. “Do you still think she’s scary?”
“He thinks what?” Elena pulls away.
“What? No. I didn’t—Never said?—”
Elena looks stunned for words. “But I am delightful.”
A long sigh falls from me. “I say this all the time.”
We exchange a look. “Americans . ”