Chapter 19
NINETEEN
Later that day, I took refuge in the library after asking Bunny if there was anything I could do to help with the preparations for the ball. She’d looked at me as if I was insane.
‘Of course not, dear,’ she’d said in a patient tone. ‘We have people for that.’
I’d smiled and backed off, then watched as vans pulled up, spilling out event planners with clipboards, people lugging poles, banners and all sorts of decorative items, followed by caterers with huge trays and tureens. As I observed them through the window, I’d been struck by the notion that if I hadn’t been here as a visitor, I would likely be classed as one of the ‘people’ Bunny had referred to.
Now, sitting in the quiet of the library, I was glad of the reprieve. I was completely alone, since Penn had been whisked off after breakfast to collect a new dinner jacket from the family’s preferred tailor. I thumbed through a copy of Lady Chatterley’s Lover , feeling a kinship with Oliver Mellors, the gamekeeper. Then I came to the part when he ravishes Lady Chatterley in the woods of her country estate, and an image of Penn and I doing the same flashed into my mind. Heat flooded into my cheeks and, surprisingly, between my thighs, and I squeezed my eyes closed, willing the thought away. Just because we were pretend lovers didn’t mean I ought to put in overtime in my imagination.
‘Darling,’ came a smooth, husky voice from the doorway, making me jump. Sophia stood there in a pair of khaki chinos and a navy sweater that draped just nicely on her statuesque frame. ‘I hoped I’d find you here.’
‘Oh. Yes, I’m just entertaining myself while things are quiet,’ I said, waving the book, trying to steady my voice.
‘One of my favourites,’ she said, coming to sit on the armchair beside mine. ‘Every schoolgirl’s dream, being ravished by the gamekeeper. At least at my school anyway. Not a boy in sight until I went to university, and then I was like a woman possessed.’
I raised an eyebrow.
‘I wasn’t a complete trollop,’ she clarified with good humour. ‘But I made up for lost time.’
‘Right.’ I searched for something to say. ‘So. Um, did you and Perry meet at university?’ I remembered at the last minute to use the name she would expect.
‘God, no. Mummy and Daddy have known Hugh and Buns forever. Perry and I used to chase each other around the gardens with the hosepipe in summer and torture our older siblings. No, we had a little teenage thing, and then we got together properly in our early twenties.’ She suddenly placed a hand on mine. ‘But you mustn’t think I have any issue with you, Annie. Far from it; Perry and I are completely over.’
Her eyes bored into me intensely. They were a little steely, and despite her protestations, there was a definite undertone of ownership over Penn. Tales of a history that I was supposed to hear loud and clear.
‘Anyway,’ she said more breezily. ‘I just wanted to apologise for this morning. I feel like an absolute dunce, opening the door on you like that.’
I blushed, wishing she hadn’t brought it up again. ‘It’s fine – don’t worry about it.’
‘You are such a brick. And you should be way more cross with me. I mean, the string coming loose, your… area on display. You must be mortified.’
I mustered a stiff smile. ‘Really, it’s okay. It isn’t the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me.’ No, that would be liking a historic photo of you and your ex-boyfriend on Instagram.
‘Oh, bless your heart,’ she said, patting my hand again. ‘Now, I just wanted to say, I can give you the details of the woman who does my Brazilian. She’s really very good, even with more challenging cases.’
I opened my mouth to politely decline when the door swung open again. It was Penn, holding a swanky-looking suit bag over his arm.
‘Am I interrupting?’ he asked, hovering in the doorway.
‘Not at all,’ said Sophia, beckoning him in. ‘Annie and I were just having a little girls’ chat.’ She nudged my arm in a chummy way.
Penn shot me a discreet look that said, ‘Really?’ and I gave a subtle shrug in return. He hung the suit bag by its hanger on one of the bookshelves and took a seat on the small sofa opposite the pair of us.
‘I was telling lovely Annie about the perils of boarding school. Rampant teens all cooped up together. Hormones going off like a hunting horn.’
‘Yeah,’ agreed Penn. ‘A boys-only school when you’re a girl-obsessed sixteen-year-old is pretty frustrating.’
‘Of course, it must have been easier for you, going to a state school,’ said Sophia to me. ‘I mean, you must have been beating off boys with a stick. Being so… pretty. She’s very pretty, Perry. Isn’t she?’
‘Uh-huh,’ he replied, looking suddenly wrong-footed.
‘Come on – you can do better than that,’ baited Sophia, her voice dripping with charm. ‘She’s your girlfriend after all.’
‘She is. And in private I tell her all the time.’ He looked at me and hesitated, his eyes holding mine. ‘She’s beautiful.’
I stared at him for a second then broke his gaze. I felt an unexpected flutter under my breastbone, but I breathed it away. That steamy passage from Lady Chatterley’s Lover had done a number on me, and I needed to stay focused on the con.
‘Awww,’ Sophia said, cocking her head to one side. ‘You two are adorable. Right, I’ll leave you both to it. Oh, and Hugh asked me to tell you both, it’s Silly Sunday tomorrow, so make sure you don’t get too squiffed tonight in case one of you is doing the driving.’
She swept out, and we waited until the door was closed before looking at each other. We both exhaled deeply.
‘It’s going okay, I think. Well done on the whole “she’s beautiful” schtick,’ I said. ‘Top marks for that.’
He paused, his eyes roving over my face, and for a moment, his gaze softened. But almost as quickly, he was all business again. ‘We’ve got to do what we’ve got to do.’
‘Right. And what the hell is Silly Sunday?’
He groaned. ‘It’s this tradition. We sometimes do it the day after these kind of events – family and close friends. It’s a sort of treasure hunt by car. Following clues and seeing who gets back first.’
‘Well… that actually sounds quite fun.’
‘It’s okay. Everyone gets very competitive though. And the winner gets to keep the trophy until the next one. It’s our grandad’s old welly boot with every winner’s name on in biro.’
‘Sounds lovely .’
‘It’s weird, I know. But it’s tradition, like I said.’
It was weird. And it made any prizes I’d won in the past, like gift vouchers or booze hampers, seem very gauche. I was reminded of the Royal Family’s custom of exchanging joke presents at Christmas, because after all, what do you get for someone else who has everything they need? I looked around the wood-panelled room, with its silk curtains and rows of antiquated books, and then laid eyes on Penn, who was wearing chinos similar to Sophia’s and a rugby shirt.
‘Why do you wear that stuff?’ I asked quietly. ‘I mean, it’s the complete opposite to what you wear in Newcastle. Which one is the real you?’
‘They’re both the real me,’ he said, shifting uncomfortably. ‘Well, sort of. I guess the city clothes are more the real me. But here… these clothes are easier.’
‘Because it helps you fit in?’
He looked at me sharply. ‘No. I don’t fit in anyway. This place is a round hole and I’m very much the square peg. But wearing this stuff causes less of a fuss.’
I nodded, saying nothing for a moment. ‘I just never imagined. You’re so… particular about your image at work. It’s come as a bit of a shock to see how easily you leave it behind.’
He stood up. ‘Is that what you think of me? First I’m arrogant, and then I’m a pushover?’
‘No. I… I didn’t mean… I’m just trying to understand.’
His jaw tensed, and he seemed to be internally counting to ten. When he finally spoke, his tone was quiet but brittle. ‘You know, Annie, I could tell you a thing or two about yourself, since you appear to think you know it all. You seem to take great pleasure in baiting me, here and in the shop. You make a performance of being “humble” as if it somehow makes you a better person than me.’ He paused, breathing heavily, then continued with added frustration. ‘And while you look like butter wouldn’t melt, you’re out there selling fucking sex toys! Talk about having a split personality.’
He took a breath to continue but then stopped, his outburst collapsing into weariness. ‘Let’s just get this weekend over with and go back to our own sides of the shop on Tuesday. I’ll see you tonight.’ He yanked the door open and went out.
I got up and tore after him into the hallway.
‘Where do you get off with the character assassination? I was asking genuine questions, and you’ve just reeled off insult after insult. Don’t forget, I’m here doing you a favour.’
He wheeled around, his face like thunder. ‘You can’t say you don’t have an opinion about me. Whether it’s veiled or not, you’re still insulting me . My life isn’t as charmed as you think it is.’
I snorted. ‘I see. The poor little rich boy, complaining about his diamond Doc Martens being too tight? You have no idea what the real world is like.’
He ran a hand down his face. ‘You’re unbelievable. Annie, I mean it. Let’s get tonight over with and go our separate ways.’
‘Fine by me.’ I crossed my arms, trying to control the tremble in them, and stared him down.
Just then, there were footsteps and someone came around the corner. It was Gus, the gamekeeper, wearing a checked shirt and moss-green trousers. His eyes flickered with interest, and I wondered how much he’d heard.
I hastily stepped to Penn’s side and linked arms with him. Then, as if I’d had a bucket of cold water thrown over me, I remembered that Gus would know exactly who I was after our conversation after the protest. From the sudden tightening of Penn’s grip, I assumed he’d reached the same realisation.
‘Annie?’ he asked, narrowing his eyes as he walked towards us. ‘What are you doing here?’ His eyes scanned us both, falling finally on our entwined arms. He blinked in surprise.
‘Oh. I… I’m here with Penn. I mean Perry.’
Gus’s face creased with confusion, but he recovered. ‘I can see that. I thought you two just knew each other in passing.’
‘Oh, we did,’ Penn said. ‘But after getting to know each other better, what can I say? Sparks flew.’
‘Ah. That explains why you never called me,’ he said to me, grinning. His eyes twinkled like I remembered – the cheerful antithesis to Penn’s brooding nature. I remembered Penn chasing him off in the pub and felt a flicker of indignation.
‘That’s right,’ I said. ‘Sorry about that, but once Perry and I spent more time together, we just… knew.’
He looked at us for a long moment, a fixed smile on his face. His expression looked like he was trying to figure something out. I wondered how he’d interpreted the overheard row.
‘Ha,’ he breathed. ‘Well, I’m happy for you. But I’m surprised. With your feelings about shooting, I thought you wouldn’t give Perry the time of day.’
‘Mmhm,’ I murmured, floundering. I didn’t know if Gus knew about Penn’s secret stance on their country pursuits. ‘Er…’
‘We’ve come to an arrangement,’ Penn swooped in. ‘Annie’s a vegetarian, so we agreed if I go veggie too, then the books will balance. Anyway, babe, I need to catch Bertie before he goes to the airport for Catherine and the boys. I’ll see you in a bit. Catch you later, Gus,’ he said, giving me a dry kiss on the cheek and disappearing down the corridor.
Gus watched him go then turned back to me, shaking his head in amusement.
‘You and Perry. Interesting.’
‘Yes.’ I cleared my throat. ‘Listen, Gus. Perry’s parents don’t remember me from the protest, and I’d prefer it to stay that way. I think it would only upset them.’
‘Of course, of course,’ he said. ‘Your secret’s safe with me.’
‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘So, will you be at the ball tonight?’
‘I will. Lord and Lady Ashcliffe have been decent enough to ask me along. So I’ll see you there.’
‘Great. Bye for now then.’ I smiled and headed down the hall.
‘Oh, Annie,’ called Gus from behind me. I looked back. ‘You needn’t worry about Perry shooting pheasants anyway. He’s terrible at it. Always bloody misses.’ He chuckled and raised a hand as he walked in the other direction.
I made my way back to my bedroom, meandering through the many corridors and staircases, silently fuming. Who did Penn think he was, accusing me of performative poverty? I was reminded of that Pulp song, ‘Common People’. If his business failed, then Mummy and Daddy would be able to bail him out with ease. His shop was a plaything, whereas mine was the last frontier before financial annihilation.
I’d spoken to Dad that morning, and he’d asked cheerful questions about the imaginary convention I was at. I’d provided vague answers, feeling guilty about the deception, while noticing that his happiness seemed a little forced. It was gradually breaking my heart, the memory of that mortgage letter and the knowledge that our home was slipping through their fingers as each day passed. When I got back to the shop, I’d find a way to step up my game. I wouldn’t— no, I couldn’t let them lose the house.
I entered my room and stopped in surprise. Bunny was sitting on the edge of my bed, her legs crossed.
‘Hi,’ I said, straightening my face.
‘Hello, dear. I hope you don’t mind. I just popped in to check you have everything you need.’
‘Yes, thank you.’ I recalled the little soaps in the en suite, wrapped in thick paper, and the soft, sweet-smelling towels. ‘You really have thought of everything.’
‘Marvellous. Although that’s not quite what I meant. Do you have everything you need for tonight ?’ Her smile was patient yet cold.
‘I think so. I’ve brought some dresses, shoes, a bag.’ Inside the wardrobe were three options to choose from: one from Monsoon, another from Coast and, lastly, a ten-year-old custom-made dress from Kelly’s leavers’ prom that happened to fit me. I’d brought them all since I couldn’t decide which was best at the time, and I’d hoped to get some flash of inspiration from just being in Ashcliffe Hall. But last night’s fashion disaster had left me in serious doubt of my own judgement.
‘I’d like to help you assemble the outfit,’ said Bunny. ‘If you’ll indulge me. Having two boys gave me little opportunity.’
‘Oh. Okay. Thanks, Bunny.’
Without further invitation, Bunny went to the wardrobe and opened it, swiftly removing the three garments. She laid each one on the bed and stepped back, surveying them. Then she approached the bed again and picked at the fabrics, which in the cold light of day looked cheap and garish compared to even Bunny’s casual outfit of navy slacks and a crisp white blouse.
‘I’m afraid this one won’t do,’ she said, picking up the one from Coast – a black slip dress, ruched at the side, the satin looking shinier and more plasticky than I remembered. She put it back in the wardrobe.
‘And this…’ She regarded the Monsoon dress; a baby pink fifties-style gown, with a flared skirt and halterneck. ‘It’s a little out of season.’
On reflection, she was right. What was I thinking wearing light pink this close to Christmas? This was also returned to the closet, before she surveyed the prom frock.
‘I suppose this will have to be the one.’ She held it up and fiddled with the fabric. It was a warm ruby-red, floor length, off-the-shoulder number, with a trail of sequins from left breast to right hip. Up the sides of the bodice were several cut-out slashes where skin would be seen. Bunny grimaced at these, and I did too. Kelly had convinced me they were fashionable, but it was clear to me now that they weren’t elegant .
She flopped it over her arm. ‘Leave it with me. My seamstress is here this afternoon, so I’ll ask her to take a look at it. Smarten it up a bit.’
‘Well. Thanks,’ I said, flustered. ‘But you really don’t have to.’
‘I think I do,’ she replied with a prim smile, her claw-like fingers gripping the material.
Message received .
She made for the door but paused. Turning back to me, her eyes flicked briefly up and down my frame before she looked me dead in the eye. ‘It’s been really very nice to meet you, Annie. We don’t often meet friends of his from the city, so it’s quite the novelty. Of course, when he comes back home for good, I’m sure he’ll keep in touch.’
Then she dusted some invisible lint off my dress, straightened her back and left.
I flumped down on the bedspread. What a bitch. If I’d really been here as Penn’s actual girlfriend, I would have been crushed. Whoever Bunny thought I was, I was of no consequence to her, no threat to her precious family and heirs. I’d been firmly put in my place, make no mistake.
I pulled my knees up to my chest, seething at how snooty she’d been about my clothes, handling them as if she’d pulled them out of a dumpster rather than a Louis XVI wardrobe. Who did she think she was, making me feel like I would embarrass myself wearing what I’d brought? Like I wouldn’t be in keeping . And why had I just… succumbed to her will? I normally had much more backbone, but she’d manipulated me so deftly I’d barely noticed until she was halfway out of the room.
Then the penny dropped. I thought about Penn and his country casual chinos and gilets. How he’d insisted that he only wore them to make his own life easier, at which I’d practically laughed in his face. Well, who was laughing now?
An uneasy feeling rumbled in my guts. If Bunny could cow me into submission in one day, then how must Penn feel after twenty-nine years?