Chapter 20
TWENTY
In the early evening, I stood under the shower, scrubbing my skin pink and washing my hair. I gathered it up in a soapy pile on top of my head, massaging the bubbles while thinking what Kelly would say when she saw her dress had been altered. I was now feeling very guilty about allowing Bunny to waltz off with a dress which wasn’t even mine.
I got out, towel-dried my hair and wrapped myself in a fresh white robe – which had been provided to replace the one covered in lake juices and leaves. Standing in front of the mirror, I gave myself a stern look.
‘You can do this. You are a strong, confident woman. You’ve had a French manicure, you have Christa’s curling tongs with you and your make-up skills are surprisingly good for a beauty heathen.’
When I went back to the bedroom, I saw that the dress had been returned and was hanging from a hook on the door. My breath caught in my throat as I walked up and touched it. The open panels had been filled with a sheer material, the sequins had been removed and the folds of fabric on the bodice had been overlaid with a spray of the same sheer crimson fabric, making a semi-circle of tulle above the neckline. It looked like something from a catwalk; a work of art that I never would have pictured myself wearing.
After I’d blow-dried my hair to perfection and applied my make-up – smoky eyes and a neutral lipstick – I slipped on the dress and stood in front of the full-length mirror. I almost didn’t recognise myself. I looked like Gisele Bündchen in a fairground mirror, which was good enough for me. I would take that and run. Hearing the noise building from downstairs, I took a deep breath and headed out.
I reached the top of the stairs and paused, steeling myself to join the throng below. I would have to throw everything I had into convincing Penn’s family that our relationship was real. I would need to put our spat that afternoon to one side for now. After my encounter with Bunny, I had a renewed sense of indignation on Penn’s behalf, as well as the need to recover my own dignity. She wasn’t going to get the better of either of us.
Just then, Penn appeared at the bottom of the stairs, dressed in a black dinner suit and bow tie. His hair looked glossier and sat in waves near his shoulders. He looked up and stopped dead, his eyes meeting mine. A stunned expression crossed his face, and I presumed it was because he didn’t think I would scrub up too well.
‘Evening, darling,’ I said in a mock fancy voice when I reached the bottom.
He said nothing for a moment, his eyes roaming my upgraded face, his lips slightly parted. Then he blinked and said, ‘Evening. You look nice.’ He offered me his arm, and we walked into the crowd.
I was introduced to so many people, I couldn’t possibly keep up. There were members of Penn’s extended family, local dignitaries, mayors, business owners and property investors. I made the brief acquaintance of Penn’s sister-in-law, Catherine, as well as her two little boys on their way up to bed, narrowly avoiding being covered in the contents of their mugs of hot chocolate as they jumped about. Bunny passed by and gave me a brief, approving nod when she saw how her sartorial plans had turned out.
Penn never left my side, eager as he was to make sure there were enough eyes on us to cement our deception. We wandered from room to room, every one decorated with tasteful Christmas decorations, the cinnamon scent of mulled wine drifting through the air.
We came across Gus, who did a double take when he saw me.
‘You look amazing,’ he said into my ear, while Penn was engaged in conversation with someone from a previous shoot day. ‘Really pretty.’
I blushed and thanked him, not sure what to do with myself. I thought back to his phone number on the beer mat back at home and wondered if, after all this, I should make use of it. He looked handsome in his dinner jacket and tartan kilt, his auburn beard neatly clipped.
Just then, Sophia slunk through the bevy of guests and put a hand on my shoulder.
‘Swit swoo!’ she exclaimed. ‘Good God, Annie, you look an absolute dream. Bunny told me she’d gussied you up a bit, but I wasn’t expecting this .’
‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘You look lovely too.’
She really did. Her dress was an emerald green velvet, long-sleeved with a deep V-neck, where a diamond necklace nestled into her peachy décolletage. Her blonde hair was swept up in a chignon, emphasising her graceful neck.
‘Oh, this old thing,’ she said, smoothing down the fabric. ‘It’s so last year, but I just didn’t have time to shop for something new. Disgusting of me really. But, honestly, Annie, you look absolutely gorgeous . That red dress – it reminds me of that dress that Julia Roberts wore in Pretty Woman . Not that I’m implying you’re dressed like a sex worker, of course.’ She stood back and appraised me once more. ‘No. It’s very chic.’
Another woman came over and took Sophia’s arm, so she made her excuses and left me. The mere mention of the phrase sex worker in her running down of my outfit made me feel suddenly very self-conscious, and I wrapped one arm across my middle while slugging a healthy dose of champagne with my free hand.
Then Hugh barrelled over with another man in tow, making a beeline for Penn.
‘Perry, old chap,’ said Hugh, gregarious with fine wine and festivity. ‘You remember Nathaniel Jackson?’ Nathaniel, a man who looked to be in his late forties, with salt-and-pepper hair and an easy smile, shook Penn’s hand and gave me a polite nod.
‘I do. Nice to see you again,’ said Penn smoothly. He was clearly practiced with schmoozing. ‘How are Harriet and the kids?’
‘Oh, doing well. Laurie’s going up to Oxford next year, and Jen started at the Royal Ballet School in September.’
‘Perry,’ interjected Hugh, ‘I thought you might like to know that we’ve become patrons of Nathaniel’s newest venture. What with your music hobby.’
‘Yes, your parents have very kindly made a rather substantial donation to my project, Northern Creatives. Bringing the arts to rural Northumberland. We’re sourcing funds for galleries, educational facilities, a music centre.’
‘Wow. That sounds great,’ said Penn.
‘It’s going very well. The plan is to bring opportunities that you’d normally find in a big city out into the rural hubs,’ Nathaniel said.
‘A very worthy endeavour,’ said Hugh, directed at Penn, before turning to Nathaniel. ‘Did you know our Perry has been doing a project of his own in Newcastle? A record stall in a little market.’
‘It’s a pop-up shop,’ said Penn, bristling. ‘Not a market stall.’
‘Of course, of course,’ soothed Hugh. ‘My mistake.’
Nathaniel smiled politely. ‘Well, I must make a point of dropping in on you when I’m in town.’ Then Hugh took him off to mingle some more.
The evening wore on, and Penn continued to grip me to his side as a constant beacon, signalling that he was in a committed relationship. The only break we had from each other was at the buffet table, when I needed to cut loose for the vegetarian dishes at the opposite end to the mini beef and horseradish Yorkshire puddings that he was hungry for. When I reminded him he was now meant to be a fellow vegetarian, he threw the remains onto an empty tray nearby.
Eventually, after hobnobbing with what seemed like half the population of Northumberland, we arrived at Ashcliffe Hall’s palatial ballroom. It was high-ceilinged with a huge chandelier, parquet flooring underfoot and heavy embroidered curtains swathed across the tall windows. All of Penn’s family were there, either dancing to the swing band, who were assembled in the corner of the vast room, or mingling at the edges, holding champagne flutes.
‘I think we need to take this to the next level,’ he murmured, steering me onto the dance floor and checking that his family knew we were there. He placed his hand at the small of my back, gently guiding me towards him. My stomach and chest met his with a small bump, making me stagger a little. His hand stiffened at the base of my spine, steadying me.
‘Thanks,’ I whispered. ‘It’s a while since I wore heels.’
‘No problem. Just follow my lead.’
He moved effortlessly, tracing across the floor with simple yet confident steps, making it easy for me to be drawn along with him. It wasn’t such a traditional set of movements as a waltz or a quickstep, more of a loose swaying and gliding, keeping me close throughout.
‘You’ve done this before,’ I said.
‘Ballroom lessons at school. Against my will, but it kind of stuck.’
‘I learn something new about you every day. How did I not know you could give Bruno Tonioli a run for his money?’
He rolled his eyes.
‘Maybe it’s because you’re such a music buff. Rhythm just flows in your veins,’ I teased. ‘Or maybe you’re just one of those people who are good at everything. That’s why you’re so… self-assured.’
‘By that, I presume you’re having a dig again? Reminding me that you think I’m an arrogant arsehole.’
I said nothing, glancing around the room. Bunny and Sophia were standing together, watching us intently.
‘You could at least try and give me a break,’ he said, and he sounded slightly wounded. ‘Just while we’re here. If we’re giving off tense vibes, then it might not be easy to hide.’
I sighed. ‘I know.’
‘Can… can you just… hold me a bit closer? I feel like I’m dancing with a robot.’
‘I’ll try.’ I shook my shoulders to ease my taut muscles and tried to relax into his arms. My chest fell closer to his, and I spread my palm across his back. He smelled of mint and a woody aftershave – I breathed it in and felt light-headed, a little weak at the nearness of him.
His arms gripped me a little tighter, his jaw grazing my hair. I could feel his breath on my bare shoulder. It sounded stilted, which was unsurprising; he must have been making as much effort as me to appear composed. The music switched to a slower number, and we swayed at a gentler pace.
‘Are they still looking?’ he asked.
‘Yeah. In fact, I feel like I’ve got a sniper laser hovering on my forehead.’
‘Okay. Listen, we’ve got to make this loud and clear to them. Like… what most couples would do when a slow song comes on.’
‘Right.’
‘I’m going to have to kiss you. Is that okay?’
‘Uh-huh.’ My pulse ticked up a notch. I hadn’t been expecting this, although in this moment, it made complete sense.
‘I’m sorry in advance. But it’s now or never.’
‘Okay. Go for it. I’m braced and ready.’
He pulled back slightly, so he could look into my eyes – a note of panic flashed in his, but he covered it immediately. Then he ran his hand up my arm, skirted my neck and lifted my chin. Slowly, with an intensity that could have won him a place at drama school, he bent towards me and pressed his lips to mine.
I could hardly breathe. This felt so weird. Weirder than my first kiss with Spotty Kev at school, when our braces mashed together. I tried to keep my eyes closed without squeezing them too tight.
But then Penn’s lips moved gently, grazing mine, catching my upper lip softly between his. His tongue brushed against it, then he kissed me more deeply; this time our tongues met, and I started to respond, like a reflex. It must have only lasted for five seconds, but when he pulled away from me, it felt like I’d been underwater and had come up for air. For a moment, it seemed the band had stopped playing and the lights had dimmed – in my dumbstruck mind, it felt like the room had faded away and we were standing in a single spotlight.
He looked at me for a long while, and then we resumed dancing. I laid my head on his shoulder uncomfortably. My heart was pounding. This whole thing felt like it was getting out of hand. Jollying along with his family was one thing, but now I had to perform in a physical sense I was starting to feel like it was becoming too much. My shoulders tightened again, and I pulled away, just enough to look up at him.
‘Nobody said anything about tongues,’ I joked, trying to break the tension.
He shrugged. ‘It needed to look authentic.’
I swallowed dryly. It had felt authentic . ‘I need a break, if that’s okay. I’m going for a bit of fresh air.’
He let me go, and I made my way out of the ballroom, feeling like I could breathe again. I pushed through the shoals of guests, allowing the physical distance between me and Penn to break the spell of that kiss. Like Penn said, the authenticity was purely a pretence, and every step cleared my mind enough to remind myself of that.
Walking outside onto the terrace, I took a lungful of country air, which was lightly laced with tobacco smoke. I looked across to see Gus sitting on a low wall, stubbing out a cigarette on a nearby ashtray.
I went over. ‘Room for a little one?’ I asked.
He looked up in surprise then patted the wall beside him. ‘Annie, it’s five degrees out here – you’ll freeze.’ Before I could protest, he took off his dinner jacket and put it over my shoulders.
‘Thanks,’ I said, genuinely grateful. Those sheer panels did, after all, let in the cold air.
‘Needed a break too?’ he asked, his faintly Scottish accent coming through.
‘Yeah. It’s… intense in there.’
He nodded. ‘Especially if it’s your first time.’
Somehow, when Gus reminded me that I was a fish out of water, it didn’t seem like such a criticism. It came across like he understood how I felt.
‘I’ve been there myself,’ he continued. ‘I’m originally from a little village near Jedburgh, where there’s nothing much but sheep and their shit. I was raised on a farm, but my dad got to know Lord Ashcliffe from the country shows, and he introduced me to some of the lads from the estate. And the rest, as they say, is history.’ He smiled in a self-effacing way. ‘How about you? What’s your story?’
‘Oh, nothing flash. Brought up in a Newcastle suburb, comprehensive school, then a succession of not very highbrow jobs. I’m working in the same place as Penn now. Sorry… Perry .’
‘Oh yeah? And you don’t need to correct yourself. I know he goes by his cooler alter ego when he’s not here. So what kind of thing do you sell in your shop?’
‘Just odds and ends. Homewares, books, cosmetics.’ Then, feeling buoyed up by the fresh air and escape, I had a sudden burst of devil-may-care abandon. ‘And I’m doing a roaring trade in a line of sex toys.’
Gus let out a burst of laughter. ‘Bloody hell! I wasn’t expecting that. And you look so innocent.’ He looked at me as if he was trying to figure me out.
I shrugged. ‘Sex sells.’
‘I bet it does.’ I thought I could hear a tinge of flirtiness to his tone. ‘So, do you have a favourite product?’
I laughed. ‘That would be telling.’
He grinned, and I held his gaze for a moment. It was so refreshing just to have a laugh with someone – someone who wasn’t constantly judging me or asking something of me. For the first time that weekend, I felt something approaching my normal self. We sat for a bit, looking out at the dark, velvet night, until I felt the creep of cold chilling me, despite Gus’s jacket. I pulled it tighter around me, and when he noticed, he moved up the wall to sit closer.
‘Fancy Perry letting you come and freeze out here,’ he said. ‘Where is he anyway?’
‘I’m not sure,’ I answered honestly.
‘He’s a fool,’ Gus said, looking into the middle distance, pausing for a moment. ‘I couldn’t help overhearing earlier…’
‘Oh, that. That was nothing.’ My shoulders tensed, and this time it was nothing to do with the cold. Was I about to find out our cover had been blown?
‘It didn’t sound like nothing,’ he said softly. ‘I could gather what was going on. You’ve broken up, haven’t you? He said you should just ride out the weekend and go your separate ways.’
‘That wasn’t quite…’ I began to protest, but he carried on, putting a hand over mine. It felt callused and work-worn, a departure from Penn’s smoother palm.
‘You don’t have to keep up a pretence with me,’ he said. ‘This family… they’re all about appearances. But people like you and me, we’re real . We shouldn’t have to carry the burden for them.’
‘I don’t…’
‘Shh.’ He put a finger to my lips and moved closer. ‘He isn’t worth it. You know, he doesn’t have respect for you. You said he was going vegetarian to support you, right? Well I saw him eating meat barely an hour ago. So much for solidarity.’
I blinked at him, not sure what to say. But then, before I could come up with anything, he lunged forward and kissed me, his big hands pulling me towards him. His mouth tasted like cigarettes and booze. Stunned, I froze for a moment before grabbing his arms and pushing him off me.
‘Come on, Annie. People like us need to stick together.’ His eyes grew dark, and he groaned. ‘God, you’re so sexy.’ He pulled at my waist, going in for another kiss, and I wrenched myself away from him, turning my head away and squeezing my eyes shut. And then he was gone, and fresh, cold air rushed into my open palms.
Opening my eyes, I saw Penn pinning Gus down on the flagstones, Gus’s shirt scrunched up in one hand, Penn’s other fist drawn back, ready to land a punch.
I leaped up. ‘No!’ I screamed. ‘Leave him, Penn. Don’t do it.’
Penn hesitated, breathing heavily, then stood, dragging Gus up by the collar. He leaned his face in to Gus’s until they were almost nose to nose.
‘If you ever… if you ever so much as look at her again, I swear to God I will tear you to fucking pieces.’ Penn’s voice was ragged and reedy as his jaw was clenched so tight. He let go of Gus’s collar and shoved him. Gus staggered backwards, and it was only then that I gathered how drunk he was. He ran a hand down his face and looked at me, a mocking smile spreading across his lips.
‘You’re welcome to her, mate. She’s a fucking prick-tease.’
Penn lunged at him again, but I grabbed his arm, holding him back. Gus just laughed and held up his palms before stumbling inside the building.
We stood there, panting, Penn with his hands on his hips. He noticed I was still wearing Gus’s dinner jacket, and he took it off me, balled it up and volleyed it into the garden beyond. It disappeared into the darkness.
Shoving a hand into his hair, he paced away from me, his back turned. His shoulders flexed through his jacket and he gave a muted yell. ‘Fuck!’ Whipping round, he strode towards me again. ‘Fuck, Annie, didn’t I tell you he was bad news? In the pub?’ He shook his head in frustration. ‘This is exactly what I meant.’
‘I… I…’ I faltered, a memory of him saying that Gus wasn’t for me, that I would thank him later. I’d thought he was telling me that I wasn’t posh enough for people from his estate. Now I realised it had been a warning of a different kind. ‘I’m sorry… I didn’t understand.’
‘Don’t say sorry. The man’s got a reputation worse than Donald Trump when it comes to grabbing women by the…’ He stopped and groaned. ‘It’s my fault. I should have explained better.’
He seemed torn between contrition and frustration, but despite that, I was now starting to feel foolish. I bristled and wrapped my arms around myself. ‘You don’t have to labour the point. I get it, he’s trouble. Let’s just leave it and get back to our performance.’
‘I’m just looking out for you. I can’t expect you to know how it is around here.’
My nostrils flared, embarrassment morphing into indignation. ‘Here we go again. Poor little Annie and her proletarian ways. How could she possibly know how to handle herself in polite society?’
‘You know that’s not what I meant,’ he said with bald irritation.
‘I don’t need you to always be the hero,’ I snapped, remembering how he’d scared Neil off too, back in the shop. ‘I can take care of myself.’
Scowling at him, I turned on my heel, but before I could take two steps, he called out.
‘Annie, wait.’
I whirled round. ‘What is it? What else do you need to explain to me?’
He stared at me, breathing heavily. Then the blaze in his eyes seemed to be snuffed out by the look on my face. A little part of me knew I was digging my heels in, pushing back at him out of mortification, but I couldn’t seem to let go. As I waited to hear him snap back at me, the moment was filled by only a stilted silence, and eventually he looked at the ground.
‘Nothing. It’s nothing. I’m sorry,’ he said defeatedly. Then, without looking at me, he walked back into the house.