CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
ANIKA
I blink slowly, the realization that he’s finally about to open up hitting me. The first thing I feel is relief, because I know we can never truly move forward if he continues to hold out on me. I place a comforting hand on his arm.
“We can sit down now,” I tell him.
He nods and we both settle on the bench with only the moon above us providing light. There are birds singing in the trees and the flowers planted in the garden smell amazing as well. This place is soothing and I’m hoping it helps Nathan enough to relief what I’m sure was the worst moment of his life.
“My parents didn’t have a conventional marriage. My mom was a stay at home wife. She didn’t have a job, she didn’t have any friends, her entire world revolved around my father and then me when I was born. But my father was always first place in her life. I know that sounds weird but I didn’t mind it. By the time I reached a certain age, I knew she would always choose him over me. But the ways she chose to do it that were dangerous,” he says sadly.
I shift closer, intertwining our fingers. Nathan grips my hand like a lifeline and I’m glad to be that for him. An anchor as he plunges back to his painful childhood.
“My mom was sick. I think she’s always been sick but she got worse as I grew older. She needed help, she needed a lot of care and attention. She especially needed it from the man she fell in love with. The one she gave her entire life to. But my father. I don’t think he ever really cared about her. Or me. He was never around. All my mom had was empty promises regarding his eventual presence in our lives. And every single time he ended up breaking those promises, my mom would hurt herself.”
I suck in a sharp breath in a surprise, “Oh God, Nathan.”
“I was oblivious to the fact that she was inflicting pain on herself for most of my childhood. I just knew she was unstable, prone to making a scene whenever my dad did something to upset her. When I was little she tried her best to be present. But when she wasn’t suffering mentally, she was always sad, lonely. There was always someone there to help whenever she had one of her episodes. We had help in the house, one of them was a nurse that ensured she used her drugs. But then he suddenly fired them for some reason when I turned fourteen. Every single staff that lived in the house with us.”
“Why?” I question confused.
He was a child and his mother was sick. Unless Mr. Wolfe is a psychopath, he had to have known how dangerous that was.
“I have no idea,” Nathan replies bitterly. “My father’s actions have never made sense to me and I’ve never tried to speak to him about it either. The point is, he completely cut us off with that action. But we survived. I was old enough to take care of her at that point so I did. We got by. He still didn’t come around as often as he should have. It was like he hated being around us.”
I can’t even begin to imagine what it must have been like. With a mother who’s there but not really and a father that practically abandoned them both.
“One morning when I was 15 she had a particularly big episode. Dad had promised to take her with him to a party but he ended up canceling the plans. She got angry and she smashed a glass to the floor. I was in the other room and by the time I got to her, she was bleeding.”
My hand tightens against his.
“Thankfully it wasn’t too deep and I cleaned her up, put her to bed. The next morning, she was seemingly feeling better. She woke me up with a smile and even made me some lunch to take to school. I should have known it was too good to be true. Especially after what had happened the night before. But I just wanted to ignore it all. I took the good moments whenever I got them, because I knew they were becoming few and far between,” he admits, smiling bitterly.
“She was meant to teach me how to drive. I was going to turn 16 soon and I wanted to be able to drive the cars we had in the garage. I also didn’t have anyone else around me who could tach me apart from her. That morning she promised we’d have a driving lesson when I got back to school. I should have known something was wrong. But I chose to smile and leave her alone. When I got back home, the good mood hadn’t vanished which was surprising. She smiled at me, made me some food to eat and afterwards we headed to the garage. She let me pick out any car I wanted. I slid into the driver’s seat and things were going well at first. We were on the private road leading into our estate. She gave me some pointers, showed me how to steer the car, how to watch out for incoming traffic. And then I noticed she started to get tired, sleepy. She stopped speaking and responding to me and I realized quickly that she’d passed out.”
I cover my mouth, understanding hitting me, mixed with horror about the situation.
“I didn’t know what to do. It was my first time driving and I panicked when I realized she wasn’t responding anymore. I lost control of the car, we drove off the road and crashed into a tree. Which shouldn’t have been too big a problem, if she had been wearing her seatbelt. She made sure mine was buckled before we left the house but hers wasn’t,” he grits out, his expression haunted. “I wasn’t even injured at all in the crash but her head slammed into the window beside her. There was so much blood and I was terrified. I called 911 but it was too late. They couldn’t save her.”
“I’m so sorry, Nathan,” I murmur.
“Do you want to know what the worst part is? The accident didn’t even fucking kill her. She had crushed some sleeping pills and mixed it with alcohol before I got home from school. She was dead the moment she got into that car and she knew it. It’s like she wanted me to finish the job for her. To end her misery.”
My jaw drops. I can’t even begin to try to understand why she would make that choice. It was cruel to put him in that position. He was only fifteen and the only thing she left him with is guilt. Guilt about something that wasn’t even in his control. Something he never willingly chose partake in.
“It’s not your fault, Nathan,” I say firmly, placing a hand on his jaw and turning his head so our eyes meet. “Hey look at me. It’s not your fault. We don’t get to choose our families and we especially aren’t responsible for their actions. You can’t blame yourself for the decisions they made.”
“I don’t even hate her. My mom I mean. She’s dead now, has been for a long time. Hating her achieves nothing. And I know she tried her best. Her mind just worked against her. She fell in love with the wrong man. My mom could have been amazing. Instead he reduced her to pain and sorrow.”
“Your father’s the villain,” I mutter.
“You got that right, sweetheart. Benson Wolfe can be rightly blamed for everything that went wrong. I despise him for the choices he made every day. She had so much light and he killed that in her. He made her a shell of herself.”
His anger the first day we met finally makes sense. He’s seen firsthand how bad things can get when you fall in love with the wrong person. He saw his mother in me and it triggered something within him. It doesn’t make his actions right. But I can understand why he did it now.
“You need to talk to your father, Nathan,” I say softly.
His eyes narrow, “Why the fuck would I do that?”
“Because you said you didn’t understand. I’m not saying he could possibly have any good reasons for what he did. But you deserve to hear his side. To hear his excuses, no matter how pathetic they are. It’s the only way you’ll be able to move on. Right now, you’re holding on to the resentment you feel towards him. You’re angry at the way he treated you and your mom. I’m not asking you to forgive him. His actions aren’t justifiable and I don’t think he deserves forgiveness. But your dad’s alive. He’s still here. Talk to him while you still can, Nathan.”
He takes the words in silently, a muscle ticking in his jaw.
“I’ll think about it,” he finally agrees.
“That’s good,” I smile, before pressing a kiss to his cheek.
He pulls back, dark eyes staring intently into mine. “My mom would have loved you. She was a lot like you actually. She loved to dance and when she smiled she could light up an entire room. She also loved to paint but her art manifested only her pain and not her light.”
“She’s the artist responsible for the Phantom Collection, isn’t she?” I ask gently.
“Yeah she is.”
I guessed it had to be his mom when I saw the lengths he went to retrieve each painting. They clearly meant a lot more than he let on.
“She would have been so proud of the man you’ve become,” I tell him, my heart aching at the fact that she was ripped away from him when he was so young, despite her flaws.
“I hope so,” he murmurs.
He wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. We stay like that for a long moment, just holding each other, staring at the trees.
“So what did you get me for my birthday? Asides the much needed therapy session?” I joke.
He chuckles before reaching for the bag at his side and handing it to me. I look inside and find a box with my name inscribed on it. It’s a box of brushes. When I open it, it’s filled with the most gorgeous looking white paintbrushes, each of them custom made with my name on it. And just like that, all the tears I’d been trying to keep at bay the past two days start to fall.
“I actually got you two gifts. I started working on the brushes after the first night we spent together. Josh said something yesterday really touching yesterday. He told me relationships only work when there’s balance. Each person equally working to keep it afloat, each person contributing and taking care of the other. You help me so much already, sweetheart. And I want to do so the same.”
I smile through tears, “You are being so cheesy right now. I had no idea you had it in you. What’s the second gift?”
He pulls a small jewelry box from his jacket. My heart skips a beat. I might love the guy but I’m in no way ready for marriage. Nathan smirks like he can tell what I’m thinking.
“You’re worried I’m about to get down on one knee aren’t you?”
“Please don’t.”
He laughs, “Don’t worry, sweetheart. That’ll come down the road. When we’re both ready.”
“ So what’s in the box?”
He hands it to me and I open it and find a beautiful gold necklace. Two doves.
“It belonged to my mom. I want you to have it. It’s not a ring but it’s pretty damn close. If you accept the necklace, Anika, there’s no going back. You’ll be mine,” he says fiercely.
“I thought I was already yours,” I murmur.
“The necklace makes it official.”
I’m extremely touched that he’s giving me something of his moms’. It shows just how much he’s grown, how much he cares. I reach for the clasp, undoing it and placing it around my neck. I turn around so he can help me close it. His touch lingers on my neck, his fingers teasing me softly. I shiver.
“Fuck I want nothing more than to take to you my bed right now,” he murmurs.
“What’s stopping us?” I ask, my body heating at the suggestion.
“Your family will be wondering what we’re doing.”
Oh right. I forgot about my birthday dinner. This has definitely been a birthday for the books. It’s definitely a favorite for sure. One I’ll think on fondly for the rest of my life.
“Are you ready to go back in there?”
He huffs, “I don’t have much of a choice. Just stay beside me and maybe put in a good word.”
I grin, “They like you, Nathan, trust me. The flowers for my mom were a good move. The only person you have to win over is my dad and that should be easy to do. Carson’s an idiot, ignore him.”
He sighs, “I should probably start treating him better though.”
“Yeah you should,” I laugh.
“Let’s go. I’ll fuck you hard after dinner,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the side of my head.
My entire body comes alight with the promise. And the knowledge that we’ll be okay after all. It’ll be hard. But I have no doubt we can make things work together.