CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
NATHAN
I feel like shit.
No, actually shit doesn’t even begin to cover how I feel right now. I haven’t slept in days. Mostly because all I feel is guilt. Both in and outside my dreams. The anniversary of my mother’s death is coming up in a couple of days. Ironically, it’s on the day of the art exhibition. I didn’t plan it out that way. It just happened.
But I guess it’s fitting. Celebrating her art on the same day she died. She’d like that. Or at least I’d like to think she would. I’m signing off on some last minute invitations and going over guests lists when I get an unexpected visitor knocking on my open door.
My eyebrow arches at the sight of Sterling Harrington. And behind him of course, is Cameron. I rise to my feet to usher them into the room, making a point to ignore Carson. My cheek is still a little bruised from him punching me yesterday. The man has no self-control.
“I thought you two outgrew being joined at the hip,” I say dryly
Sterling chuckles, “He insisted on coming along to watch me rail into you.”
I arch an eyebrow, “And are you about to? Rail into me that is?”
“That depends. Do you regret what you did?”
I sigh, crossing my arms over my chest.
“What do you think I did?”
“Say something stupid to a woman you care about a lot,” he states.
My lips press together. That’s annoyingly accurate.
“Take a seat, Harrington,” I tell him. “Cameron, you can leave.”
He pointedly ignores me, settling on the couch beside his best friend. I roll my eyes before sitting down.
“If you’re here to get me to talk about my feelings or some shit like that, then you’ll be sorely disappointed,” I inform them.
“Told you,” Carson murmurs. “The guy’s a robot. I swear my sisters have the worst taste in men.”
Sterling turns to look at him with a raised eyebrow.
“You got better,” he offers with a smile. “He’s never going to not be an asshole though.”
“I’m sitting right here,” I drawl.
“I know. But as we’ve established. I don’t like you. And I don’t think you’re good for my sister,” Carson grits out.
“And like I’ve told you several times, I don’t care.”
“You should,” Sterling grins. “When you eventually get with Anika, the two of you will need to make nice. Her brother’s opinion matters to her and you’ll want to do anything to make her happy.”
Carson snorts, “Why are you so sure they’ll get together at all?”
That’s a really good question. As far as I’m concerned, she hates me and I’m too much of a coward to be the man she wants. I once told Anika she deserves all the love the world has to be. I don’t know if I can give her that.
But I never should have said what I did at the hospital. I’ll never get her expression out of head. The way her brown eyes flashed with hurt. I want nothing more than for that woman to be happy for the rest of her life. I don’t want her to cry and I especially want her to blossom, to be the best version of herself.
A part of me is deluded enough to believe that I could do that for her. But I can’t help her through the things that plague her, when I have a host of issues on my own.
“Did you perhaps come here for another reason?” I ask Sterling.
He shakes his head with a small smile, “I just wanted to check in. Also this place is pretty amazing. The two of you did well.”
“Thanks.”
He gets to his feet, “I know you’re busy so I’ll get out of your hair. I just wanted to inform you that tomorrow’s Anika’s birthday.”
“I’m aware,” I state, a muscle ticking in my jaw.
Before shit went wrong, I’d spent a couple minutes thinking of the best thing to give her for her birthday. Maybe plan a romantic dinner and fuck I don’t know, ask her to be my girlfriend? Life made sense for the couple of minutes and I could see our future. It was perfect.
And then my shit came up and derailed it all.
“Are you also aware that we’re having a family dinner to celebrate in my home? The entire family’s going to be here,” he informs me.
“No,” I reply.
“Oh. Well now you are aware. Do with that information what you will,” he smirks. “See you later, Wolfe.”
He leaves with Carson in tow and I’m left alone. But it doesn’t last though. Josh comes waltzing in a couple minutes later, nearly tripping on air before he reaches my table.
“What’s up?” I ask, once he finds his feet.
“Um- I brought a list of organizations hoping to partner with the center after the grand opening. Some of them would like to host important events in the hall. Edenton high school hopes to receive permission to host a couple of plays here. I already submitted a similar list to Carson. Looks like business will be booming here for a while.”
I nod, “That’s good. You can place the list on my desk.”
He does so but he doesn’t immediately leave. I slowly look up at him, arching an eyebrow.
“What else do you need?”
“Sir, when’s the last time you slept?”
I frown, “Why do you care?”
“Because you look like shit,” he replies lowly.
“What’s with the sass?”
He blows out a breath, looking slightly nervous, “Can I be frank with you, sir? Just once. Think of it like a hallway pass.”
“Go on,” I prompt amused.
“Okay. Nathan,” he starts and my amusement immediately grows. “I think you can agree with me that I’m basically your only friend.”
“You’re not.”
Although that’s technically a lie. He really is the closest thing I’ve got to a friend. Albeit one that works for me. It’s the reason I dragged him along all the way here. I’ll never admit it but Josh keeps me sane. He helps a lot more than he realizes.
“I am. The next best option is Sterling Harrington and seeing as he just walked out of here, I’m not sure he made much progress with you. So at the risk of losing this job, I just want to say one thing.”
I gesture with my hand for him to speak.
“Wake up.”
“What?” I say on a laugh.
“I’m serious. I’ve been watching you the past few weeks and you’ve changed. A lot. I don’t think you even realize it. You’ve stopped yelling at me for one, which I know isn’t a good example. But you’re also much calmer. You were happy.”
I stay quiet waiting for him to continue.
“Kara came to me this morning near tears because she thought you were fighting with Anika because she got hurt.”
My chest tightens, “That’s not why.”
“She doesn’t know that. But she sees what we’ve all being seeing. She’s seen just how happy she’s made you and she wants that to continue. She also really likes Anika. I’m not sure you realize how lucky that is. You’re a single dad that’s lucked out and found an amazing woman that your daughter likes as well. Trust me, that’s rare. All my stepmom’s were bitches.”
I snort at that.
“But seriously, you can have her easily. So what’s stopping you?”
I exhale a heavy breath, “It’s not that simple.”
“Actually it is. Life is complicated as fuck but once in a while the stars align and the universe gets shit right. You can’t look a gift horse in the moth. I understand you’ve experienced something traumatic in your past, but Anika can help you if you let her. You can help each other. That’s what relationships are about.”
His words are met with silence but they do make me think. I realize he’s right. I’ve always been exposed to a fucked up view of relationship. It sometimes feels like everyone else is entering into these partnerships that are ultimately only benefitting one person. But I doubt that’s true.
I have to believe it can be better. And maybe it can be better with Anika.
Josh is breathing heavily by the time he finishes his little monologue.
“You done?” I ask to be sure.
He nods once, avoiding my gaze. I smirk.
“That was really sappy, Joshua.”
“I’m sorry it was too blunt, sir,” he murmurs, reverting back to his normal tone.
“It’s fine. You can go now,” I tell him.
He whirls around ready to bolt.
“And Josh. Thank you. You’re a good friend,” I say, admitting it for the first time.
He leaves but I know for a fact there’s a big goofy smile on his face as he does. I grab my phone before I can second guess myself, pulling up Anika’s number. My heart thuds in my chest as I send her a simple text, hoping to bridge a gap I built foolishly.
Can we talk, sweetheart?
Surprisingly a reply comes only a minute later, You’ve reached Anika Cameron’s phone. She’s not interested in speaking to you so if you could kindly fuck off and leave her alone that would be appreciated.
I read the text with a smile. She’s pissed and rightfully so. But at least she’s replying. That gives me hope more than anything.
I fucked up. I’m sorry, baby.
Leave me alone, Nathan. I’m done.
Those words are searing and the thought of losing her hurts so fucking badly. If there was ever any doubt that there I need this woman more than I need to breathe, then they die right there and then because I know I’ll do anything to fight for her.
You’re not done. I’ll do anything to make this right, Anika. I made a mistake but I’m willing to do anything to prove that we deserve another chance. Because you’re mine, sweetheart. Every smile, every glance, every inch of you is mine.
She doesn’t reply to that text. But she doesn’t need to. I already know exactly what to do to make things right. It just involves having to do the thing I hate the most in the world.
Opening up. Telling her the truth and letting her see all my scars.
I’ve never been that vulnerable with anyone before. But I’m willing to take the step for her. Because she deserves everything and more.
****
I might not have thought this through.
I exhale a soft breath as I drive around the fountain in front of the Harrington mansion before the car slows to a stop in front of the front door. Their valet appears in front of the car, waiting to park the car for me.
I’m not the kind of person that usually gets nervous but every single member of Anika’s family is currently in that house right now. And after my recent behavior it’s safe to say they don’t like me much at the moment. Which means I not only have to win her over but her family as well.
Should be simple.
“Daddy, aren’t we getting down?”
I look at her through the rearview mirror. I made the decision to drive us both here today. After the meltdown I had when she got injured I realized my inability to drive with someone else in the car was detrimental. It was also an irrational phobia.
I’m not thteat fifen year old kid anymore.
“Sure we are, princess,” I tell her.
She’s been jumping about all day excited to see Anika and wish her a happy birthday. I step out of the car and move over to open the backseat for her. Then I grab the two gifts in the back as well. One of them wrapped and the other in a bag. There are also two bouquets of flowers which I grab, my hands full. I give one Kara the wrapped gift. It’s her present to Anika. I helped her pick it out yesterday. They’re designer heels, I think she’ll like.
“Let’s go,” Kara urges.
I follow her up the steps and one of the staff is kind enough to open the doors for us letting us walk into the house. I used to spend a lot of time here as a kid. It hasn’t changed at all. We’re directed to the dining hall where the dinner is taking place by the butler.
I blow out a breath as I walk in. Our presence halts the conversation immediately. There are eight people in the room. Anika’s parents, her siblings, Sterling and his two children. But my eyes zero on to her first. She’s seated at the furthermost edge, her brown eyes narrowed as she takes me in.
Time seems to slow as I look at her. I haven’t seen her in two days and yet somehow it feels like ages have passed. Fuck, I missed her.
I can’t believe I tried to deny this.
Kara breaks the silence, squealing as she runs over to where Sean Harrington is seated. I have no idea why she likes the kid so much. Sean’s quiet, Kara’s the complete opposite. But he seems to tolerate her, the same way he tolerates his little sister who is currently ignoring everyone else in the room and playing with the peas on her plate.
“How are you, sweetie,” Emilia asks my daughter.
“I’m good, aunt Emilia. We brought presents for Nika. Right, daddy?” she prompts.
I clear my throat, shaking out of my trance and walking closer to the table. I can feel their eyes boring holes in my head. This is so fucking uncomfortable
“Yeah, why don’t you give her your present?” I tell her.
Kara nods eagerly before walking over to Anika whose eyes finally snap away from me to turn her attention to the little girl wishing her a happy birthday. Sterling shifts his chair backward and walks over to me, giving me a bro hug.
“You made it,” he says, visibly pleased.
“I’m already starting to regret it,” I mutter under my breath. “You’re not going to ambush me into another investment, are you?”
He smirks. “Actually, there is this one thing—”
I narrow my eyes.
“I’m kidding,” he laughs, holding up his hands.
“Hey, Nathan. Nice to see you again,” Emilia calls out. “Who are the flowers for?”
I force a small smile as I walk over to where Mr. and Mrs. Cameron are seated.
“This is for you, ma’am,” I state, handing her the bouquet of tulips.
Anika’s mom looks a lot like her. It’s almost like seeing how she ends up aging in the future. She’s a kind looking woman with warm eyes. I’m surprised when I don’t find any anger in them.
“That’s really sweet, Nathan. Thank you,” she tells me. “And it’s nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too.” then I turn to the imposing older man beside her. “Hello sir.”
“Nathan,” he says cautiously. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
I’m willing to bet the asshole smirking at me from across the table had a lot to say to his father about me. Carson looks like he can’t decide whether to be amused or annoyed that I’m currently here. I’m opening my mouth to I don’t know, apologize, when Anika groans softly, shifting her chair backward.
“You’re here to speak to me so let’s go talk,” she states, brown eyes fierce, walking towards the door. “You guys can continue dinner without us.”
“Take your time,” Emilia calls out with a smile.
I follow Anika out of the room, glad to be away from her family. Although if things go as well as I hope tonight, I’ll have to learn how to be more comfortable around them. I can do that though. But first I need to appease the raven haired woman in front of me. I’m still holding her flowers and her gift in one hand and it’s a little awkward carrying them about but I’m not exactly in a position to complain.
She leads me to an outside garden that’s obscured by a couple of trees. I breathe in the air around us, reveling in the quiet. There’s a bench not too far away but neither of us takes a seat. I slowly extend the lilies at her and she arches an eyebrow but doesn’t take it.
“Come on, sweetheart. You like flowers.”
She crosses her arm over her chest, “What are you doing here, Nathan?”
“It’s your birthday. I’m here for you.”
“I knew you were going to come find me eventually. I just didn’t think you’d walk into a room filled with my family members. You looks so uncomfortable I had to save you.”
I nod soberly, “Yeah it was a little painful. But I’d do anything for you, Anika.”
Her expression doesn’t let up, “I said I was done.”
“We both know you’re not. Now are you going to accept the flowers or not?”
She mutters something under her breath before finally collecting the bouquet.
“Thank you,” I state. “And happy birthday, beautiful.”
“What’s in the box?” she asks, eyeing the present in my hand.
“I’ll give you this later,” I reply, placing it on the bench. “Do you want to sit down?”
“No, after your big apology,” she smirks.
I roll my eyes, “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”
“A lot.”
“So does this mean you forgive me?”
“After your apology,” she drawls.
I shake my head, slightly amused.
“Alright then here we go,” I murmur. “I’m really sorry, baby. I fucked up. I never should have made you feel any less than what you mean to me. And what you mean feels like so much, it terrifies me sometimes. The first time I saw you I was inexplicably drawn to you. Which is probably why I rudely eavesdropped on your private conversation and dropped my two cents without you asking. I’m sorry for that too by the way.”
She laughs and the sound is music to my ears, “Keep going.”
“I guess all I’m trying to say is that I want to be the man who gives you all the love you deserve in the world. If you’ll let me that is.”
I end the speech there knowing we have a difficult conversation ahead. Anika doesn’t speak for several seconds and then she lets out a soft breath.
“I forgave you the moment you walked into that room with the flowers. You looked really cute.”
My nose turns up, “I wasn’t going for cute. Why would you call a grown man cute?”
She smiles before stepping forward and throwing her arms around me in a hug.
“I missed you, Mr. Billionaire,” she says lightly.
I run a hand over her back, reveling in her closeness, “I missed you too, sweetheart.”
After a couple of seconds, I pull back.
“I need to talk to you about something else,” I murmur, exhaling softly. “About my parents.”