Chapter 32
SLADE
I fit the hose onto the bleeder screw. “You’ll pump the air out first to get the fluid flowing. I’ll do this one, and then you can do the rest.”
Luke nods.
“All right. Hit the brakes,” I holler to Wind, and watch the liquid fill the tube.
We finish the first, and Luke moves to the next. I wipe my hands with a shop rag and climb into the driver’s seat, waiting for the go-ahead.
Trig rests an arm on the open door. “Do you care if I bring my bike in this weekend? I’ve got to make some updates and adjustments. I’m putting together a parts list to get a head start on next season.”
“You’re serious about this?”
He nods. “I need to get the attention of sponsors.”
“Hit the brake,” Luke hollers, and I depress the pedal and hold.
“It’ll take effort just to qualify and gather a team.”
He grins. “Are you volunteering?”
“Again,” Luke yells.
I shake my head. “I’m not watching you get peeled off the pavement.”
He rolls his eyes.
Motorcycle racing in controlled conditions has its risks. But Trig and his buddies ride the streets popping wheelies and doing the kind of stunts that get people killed. Maybe getting serious about racing will help him mature.
I pump the brake again. “No sponsor will put up with your recklessness. It’s business. They won’t invest in someone who takes unnecessary chances on or off the track. It doesn’t matter how good you are.”
I’ve seen him race. The kid has the talent and passion to get him where he wants to go, but he’s got to earn it first.
“I’ve gotta have a bike that performs the way I need it to first.” He smirks.
It’s my turn to roll my eyes. “Fine, but any mess you leave comes out of your paycheck.”
“Yes, sir.” He salutes me, and I groan. “I’m breaking for lunch.”
“Where are you going?” Carson asks.
“Somewhere cheap. Wanna go?”
“Sure. Just give me five to wrap this up.”
“I want in,” Wind says. “Millie is at a conference this week, so I’m not packing lunches.”
“Absolutely no Taco Bell.” Carson cuts his hand through the air. “We cannot do that again. It’s a miracle we survived those days after.”
Wind waves him off, but his cheeks turn a little pink.
“Wait for me,” Luke grunts, getting under the rear wheel well.
“You coming?” Trig asks me.
I shake my head. “We’ve got two drop-offs coming in.”
As the guys head out for lunch, I warm up my leftovers and carry them to my office. I send out a quote and pay a few bills while I eat.
I hear the heavy metal door bang closed. I push out of my chair but stop, recognizing the distinct rhythmic click of heels.
I stay put, my heart beating a little faster, fueled by hope for what’s probably too good to be true.
Sarah appears in my doorway. “You’re here. I wondered if you’d be out for lunch.” Her gaze roams my office.
I stare at her. Part of her long brown hair is pulled back from her face—the silky strands I ran my fingers through over and over again.
She’s wearing a coat that does not cover her long, bare legs, and I wonder how she doesn’t get cold.
More than that, it seems incredibly unfair that other people get to see them, but I have no right to feel that way.
I run a hand over my beard. “Hey.” It’s all I can say. She’s beautiful as always, and I have no words.
It’s been two weeks since I sat with her while she was sick, and I’ve had plenty of alone time to think about everything Carson said. She doesn’t owe me anything, but I’m so happy she’s here. My heart skips a few beats, anticipating what she has to say.
She wouldn’t be here just to tell me to get lost because that’s exactly what I did—run the minute it felt like she might be hiding something.
She eases into my office and stands on the other side of my desk.
I sit, needing to chill the hell out.
Her shoulders rise with a deep breath. Then she reaches into her massive bag, pulls out a long, thick ivory ribbon with dark stitching, and lays it on my desk. She sets a sparkly crown on top of it.
I stare at them.
“There’s a handful more hung in my room.”
I drag my eyes up to meet hers. She bites the corner of her bottom lip and crosses her arms over herself.
“ That’s what I didn’t want you to see.” Her eyes flick between mine, and I hold her gaze, very aware this is taking effort.
“Do you want me to see now?” I ask, only wanting what she’s willing to give me, but never by force.
“Are you going to judge me?” She stares at me, waiting for a straight answer to her direct question. “You know, just so I can prepare myself.” One side of her mouth lifts, but I see the nerves behind it.
“Do you want me to lie to you, Sarah? ”
She shakes her head. “Nope, and that’s why I’m here. I need a friend who won’t lie to me. And while I’m being honest, not to judge me either.”
The word friend pinches a little, and I try to brush it off. I want to be Sarah’s friend, but I’m concerned that what I’m beginning to desire might go far beyond friendship.
“I don’t lie, and sometimes that can be a problem.” I’m giving her exactly what she asked for—the complete and total truth.
Her lips skirt to the side slightly, and moments pass while I let her decide.
“I grew up in a trailer park.” She watches me.
“In a tiny town, where that one minor thing, along with my eyes, defined who I was. My mom is young, vibrant, beautiful, and often the talk of the town. The woman with big dreams and even larger dramatics who’s never seen anything outside her double-wide. ”
She inhales and lets it out. “All I ever wanted was eyes that matched and a way out. From the whispers and the condescension. From a whole town of people who made up their small minds when they didn’t know a damn thing.”
She glances at me, but her eyes fall away. “When I was fifteen, I heard girls talking at school about my mom dating one of the teachers. They said mutts carry fleas, and Mr. Brenner would need treatment for disease.”
She huffs a little laugh, but it’s not humorous. “It was enough that she was dating my teacher, but it was more than that. I knew I’d never be seen as anything else.” Her gaze falls, and she shakes her head. “Sometimes, no matter what you do, people won’t ever see past your circumstances.”
Her head drops to the side, and she exhales again. “So, I made a plan. I was getting the hell out. I got my first job and worked as many hours as possible to save up. I graduated early and entered my first pageant when I was seventeen.”
She peeks at me, her eyes locking on mine and waiting for a reaction. I don’t give her one .
“I changed everything about myself. Made what was undesirable desirable. I got contacts. Worked out like crazy. Did every beauty treatment I could afford outside of surgery. Eventually, I got a coach, and I won.”
Her gaze hits the floor. “I kept winning and climbing. I had sponsors and modeling contracts. Then, I met Miles and quickly succumbed to his world and success. Everything we did was about him and advancing his career.”
Her voice softens a little. “I thought we were doing it together, and his achievements were ours. It took me a while, but eventually, I saw things for what they were. I fell for a man who used me for appearances and his benefit.”
Her arms drop to her sides, and she adjusts her purse.
“When he had nothing left to gain, he used it all against me. He turned what I earned for myself, something I was proud of, into nothing but painful memories. He took everything but Ollie and Frankie. The two things I’m beginning to think have never mattered to him.
” Her voice cracks, and she blinks quickly, pressing her lips together.
She straightens, pulling herself up and rolling her shoulders back. The woman I’ve gotten to know is returning. “I have no idea what he’ll do or say, but he’s never fought fair.”
I stare at her, trying to process it, but knowing I don’t want her ever to be uneasy with me. “You were really afraid I’d judge you?”
Her shoulders sag again. “I have been my whole life. Even when I started pageants, everyone had an opinion and something to say. Most of it was unkind. People make uninformed assumptions and jump to conclusions that aren’t even remotely accurate.
I saw how you looked at me the first time I stepped in here.
You were Judge Judy slamming her gavel, convicting me as a stuck-up, socially privileged professional who was out to prove you were trying to rip me off.
I was scrambling to figure out how I could pay you. ”
It’s like a jab to the gut. “That’s what you thought?”
Her shoulders drop. “Slade, you know you were sizing me up and deciding all the ways you could detest me. ”
She has no idea what I was thinking. I raise one eyebrow. “And you weren’t being just a tad judgmental?”
She scoffs. “Absolutely. You were kind of an abrasive asshole, but I married the slick dick with a thousand-watt smile who told me everything I wanted to hear. It was refreshing to have someone shoot me straight for once. No bull shitting or condescension.” She pauses.
“You were blunt but real. That is what I need.”
It sort of sounds like she needs me, and my heart does a little leap.
I ignore the items and push out of my chair, moving around my desk to sit on the edge so we are eye to eye.
“Sarah, I won’t ever lie to you. It doesn’t mean you’ll always like what I have to say.
I will do my very best never to judge you, but intentional or not, we do that shit sometimes.
I think it’s human nature to analyze and evaluate to figure out where we stand and what we stand for. ”
She bites her lip again, and I wait, realizing I want her trust more than just about anything.
Her eyes fall away. “I didn’t want you to see.
Hell, I’m not sure I can stand to look at them.
” She runs her fingers over her forehead.
“I held onto them, needing a reminder of what I can actually do. Motivation. Proof that I can succeed.” She shakes her head.
“But I’m not that person anymore. I’m not sure I ever really was.
I was hiding behind blonde hair, layers of makeup, beautiful clothes, and gowns.
Behind a man who appeared to represent all I’d fought so hard for. ”
Her eyes drift to mine. “It’s embarrassing and humiliating that I didn’t see it.
Any of it! And then all I could do was sit and watch while he took it and lit my whole world on fire.
He left nothing but ashes . . .” Her lip quivers.
“And I’m really scared that girl, the one who fought and overcame, the one left stripped of her dignity and hanging on to only a shred of hope, burned along with everything else. ”
Her chest rises and falls as she blinks. I see the fear well in her eyes.
My chest aches as if I can actually feel her heart breaking inside my own.
I fist my hands, the urge so strong to grab her and tell her I see her. I see everything that she is. “But it brought you here.” To me .
Her eyes lift to mine.
“No matter what, it made you who you are right now. You’re still fighting.”
Sarah is stronger than she knows.
She swallows it all down, forcing it away, but I wish she wouldn’t. She doesn’t have to be brave with me.
“It’d be nice if, for a little while, I didn’t have to fight so damn hard.”
I hear the exhausted vulnerability behind her words.
Her head tilts, a small, sad smile returning. “So. . .will you still be my friend? Will you tell me if I have food in my teeth? I mean, only a true friend will do that. Or a booger in my nose?”
I need her to quit clarifying so much with that platonic-sounding word. “You want me to tell you if you have a bat in the cave?”
She laughs a little, and her smile sends rays of sunlight through me, warming everything that’s been frozen for so long. “Yes.”
She glances at her shoes, tipping one back onto its heel. “It’s gotta go both ways, you know.” Her eyes lift to mine, peeking at me from under her long, dark lashes. “I won’t be the friend who takes all the time. I hope maybe someday, you’ll be willing to let me help you, too.”
I want that. I’m just not sure how to do it—be that vulnerable.
Her eyes, one blue and one brown, hold mine almost as if she can see my struggle. The corner of her mouth lifts as if she wants me to know everything is ok. She turns but stops in my doorway.
She pulls that bottom lip between her teeth, and my stomach dips and swoops. “You know, Thunder Cat, at some point, you’re just going to have to trust me.” I see that smirk before she disappears.
I listen to her heels clicking down the hallway.
I rest my arms on the desk, wanting this woman like I’ve never wanted another. That is exactly the problem. I’m thinking about trusting her. But I am scared shitless, and she’s only looking for a friend.