Chapter 39
SARAH
“I hope you’re ok with the dino nuggets for dinner. Since we were gonna be gone, I didn’t go to the store.”
Slade is on his knees with Ollie next to him, stringing the colorful lights around the bottom of the tree.
“I’m pretty sure dino nuggets are the Christmas Eve meal of champions,” he says, unwinding the end of a strand.
“Yeah. And you gots to b-bite the heads off first so they don’t eat your veggies. Right, Mama?” Ollie says, watching him.
I shift Frankie to the other hip. “That’s right.”
Slade gently guides Ollie’s little hands, looping the lights around the branches. A joyful peace I’ve forgotten spreads through my chest, dampened by the reality that this day has to end.
It’s like a dream. The kind I had long ago. One I thought I’d have when I married Miles, but it never came to be.
This is what I’ve always wanted. The ultimate dream. A family. The ones who are my home, no matter where I am. It’s not about a career or how much money you have. I think it’s about being with the people who make you feel whole.
Slade glances over his shoulder at me, moving around the tree. I don’t know what he sees, but he pauses. “You ok?”
He showed up unexpectedly this morning and took us on a grand adventure like none I’ve ever had.
And this man is slowly making my heart ache for something I thought died along with my marriage.
But it’s also new. A kind of longing I didn’t know existed—one filled with joy and anticipation and heat and trust.
I think, bit by bit, Slade might be putting back together the jaded, broken pieces of my heart, along with the hope blasted all to hell that a man could be true to his word, loving, kind, and. . .selfless.
I nod and smile as a burn crawls up my throat with a desire for more of this. But not only more of this. More of this with him.
I shove it down, knowing timing is everything, and my timing has always been off.
I carry Frankie to the closet and pull out an old quilt. “I think this calls for a dino nugget picnic in front of the tree.”
“Yeah!” Ollie jumps as I spread the blanket.
“You guys finish with the lights, and I’ll get dinner.”
I set Frankie down, and she takes quick, wobbly steps to Slade’s outstretched arms. He smiles at her and then places her on his knee.
I fill a cookie sheet with breaded dinosaurs, sweet potato fries, tiny oranges, and two small cups of applesauce.
We eat while Ollie bounces back and forth between his food and the tree, placing his airplanes in the branches while Frankie points to each colored light, mesmerized by their glow.
Slade and I rest back against the couch, watching them. Eventually, Frankie crawls into my lap and falls asleep against me, worn out from the excitement.
“She’s a beaut, Clark.” I bump his arm with my elbow.
His head swivels in my direction. “Did you, Miss USA, just quote Christmas Vacation ?”
I twist, leaning away from him in mock offense.
“First, it’s former Miss USA. And second, it’s a classic.
” I shrug, returning my gaze to the tree.
“It’s played every year in the community center on the cinderblock wall.
I was watching it way before I understood everything that movie has to offer. ” I laugh.
“What do you mean by ‘former?’” His tone is a little growly.
“I’m no longer the reigning Miss USA, but also .
. .” I exhale, glancing at him, realizing he must not have Googled me.
“All of my accomplishments, my sponsorship contracts, and community affiliations were negated when Miles fabricated stories about my. . .extracurriculars. He made sure everyone was informed. I’d cheated on the adored news personality who was gaining fans and attention faster than I could even register what was happening. I couldn’t keep up with the lies.”
“You didn’t fight it?” he asks softly, but his question is filled with surprise.
I shake my head. “I was consumed with making sure I could feed these two and keep a safe roof over their heads. I couldn’t fight the reach he had, especially when all my connections had already dropped me.”
I gently rock Frankie back and forth, letting the shameful truth ease to the surface. The one it’s taken me all this time to consider.
“Achieving the Miss USA title had consumed my life, and then after, I still lived in that world. Having a team to tell me what to do and where to be. Modeling and working with organizations that offered assistance to disadvantaged women and children. But I’d gotten lost in it all.
It was as if I’d lost touch with real life.
My true self. And then . . . suddenly, I crashed back into a reality I’d spent years hiding from. ”
His gaze shifts to me again, but I watch the kids, so thankful to be here, no matter how lonely or scary it’s been.
“You’re an amazing mom, Sarah.” His voice is as tender as I’ve ever heard it.
I want it to be true. So badly. I want nothing more than to do right by them. “You do what you gotta do, ya know?”
He nods slowly, and I’m sure he gets it.
The silence settles around us, and the vulnerability has left me feeling raw.
“I should probably get him in bed,” I say, knowing I could sit in front of the tree with Slade for the rest of the night. Just like this .
“I don’t want to tell the tree goodnight.” Ollie’s excitement has turned to whining. “It’s so b-b-beautiful.”
“I know, bud, but Santa won’t bring presents if you aren’t asleep.”
“Aww.” That gets his attention, and he stands.
“What do you tell Slade?”
Ollie stops in front of him before throwing his arms around Slade’s neck. “Thank you, Swade. This was my f-favorite day ever.” Slade wraps his arms around him, hugging him tightly. “Can you come over t-t-tomorrow and watch me open my presents?”
Slade runs a hand over his hair. “I think you should do that with your mom and Frankie, but do you want to come over to my house for lunch?” Slade’s eyes catch mine. “If it’s ok with your mom. Krissy and the guys will be there.”
“Are you watching f-football?” Ollie asks as if that’s a deciding factor.
“You bet.”
Ollie’s head snaps in my direction. “Can we?”
I push my lips to the side as if I’m thinking hard about it. “Only if you get in bed really fast. Nobody wants a fussy party pooper for Christmas.”
He giggles, releasing Slade, and darts back to the tree to snatch his fish.
“See you tomorrow, partner,” Slade says as he zips past him and down the hall toward his room, with Grover following.
Slade helps me stand without waking Frankie and carries the cookie sheet and plates to the kitchen. I lay her in her crib and meet him back in the living room.
“It’d be great if you could come tomorrow,” he says, slipping his arms into his coat.
I smile and nod, pulling in a breath and not really knowing what to say.
Slade is a gift I couldn’t have expected. He said this was the best day he’s ever had. This was a day I never knew existed, one filled with such happiness. The kind that is uninhibited and free .
But also, this man is stirring womanly things inside me that need to remain locked down tight. I cannot want things that could be hazardous to our friendship. The one I need to remain stable and uncomplicated.
Roxie said I needed him, and as much as I don’t want to. . .I do. I need him and the comfort he provides, just with his presence, if I’m going to make it through this next round with Miles.
“Thank you so much. Today was. . .the best day.” I twist to look at the colorful, flickering lights. I stare at the perfect tree, a lump forming in my throat.
I don’t know how I’ll ever repay him. “I can’t—”
“Merry Christmas, Sarah.” His deep green eyes linger between mine, the air around us swirling.
Or maybe it’s everything inside me that wants to grab him and kiss him and know what it feels like to be wrapped up in his arms, safe and secure, leaving all that’s hard behind for only a moment. Because with Slade, it’s just so easy.
I shake the thought, knowing it would change everything, and right now, I need his calm, protective strength.
“I’ll head out the back, but make sure you lock your door.”
I nod. “Ok.”
He grabs his hat, and I can only watch him turn for the kitchen, feeling like so much remains unsaid. I run a hand over my face, reliving the moment in the snow, the weight of his body on top of mine, wondering what it would be like to move one inch and seal his mouth with—
“Mama! Come on!”
I inhale deeply and run a hand through my hair, getting a grip.
“Mama!”
I blow out a breath and head down the hall to Ollie’s room. His clothes lay in a pile on the floor, but he’s standing on his bed in his jammies, holding . . .
“What is that? ”
Ollie extends the small, dark green metal car. “Swade gave it to me. It’s a f-fastback. He said it’s my Christmas present.”
That. Big. Shit. Damn him.
“Climb into my bed. I’ll be there in a minute.”
Ollie jumps down, and the small car leads the way through the air.
I hurry to the kitchen and tug on my boots, not even attempting to tie them. I pull open the door and look down the driveway, seeing the broad shadow halfway to the street. I close the door and jog after him.
Hearing the crunch of my boots, he stops and turns, his face only visible by the dim glow of the street lights.
I break into a walk. The perpetually blunt man says nothing as I charge forth, knowing I might be making a seriously stupid mistake and ruining one of the very best things that has ever happened to me. But dammit, he gave my kid the very best day and his favorite car—the one his mom gave him.
I lunge for him, my body slamming into his as I throw my arms around his neck, hauling myself to his mouth. My lips crash into his as he stumbles back. His arm instantly comes around me, and he regains his footing, keeping us upright.
I press my lips to his, once, twice, wanting to feel everything.
I pull back, blinking as I second-guess my moment of complete insanity. Our breath clouds the inch between us. My feet dangle above the ground as he holds me to him.
Nose to nose, my eyes bounce between his, searching. If he puts me down, I’ll run.
His soft lips press against mine tenderly as if he’s testing, carefully exploring. His short beard brushes against my skin, and it feels freaking amazing.
My fingers dig into his neck, ignoring what is smart and safe territory, seeking more.
My boots touch the snow, and the warmth of his strong hold evaporates as his hands guide my head to just the right angle. I part my lips, and his tongue glides over mine as if he’s savoring me .
I whimper, my body melting into him, and I fist his coat, pulling myself to him, needing him to do it again.
I nip at his lower lip, and he groans. I smile, and his mouth seeks sweet revenge, hot and slick, as his hands glide from my face down my neck and over my shoulders, making their way to my hips. His long fingers wrap around me, pulling me against him as if I might get away.
I slide my arms inside his coat and around him, pressing up on my toes and, taking my turn, tasting him.
He grunts and dives back in, stealing my breath. His fingers dig into my hips as his mouth consumes mine. His lips tug and pull, fast and then slow, as if he can’t get enough. I never want him to stop.
He pulls away abruptly, our chests expanding and contracting in sync. The cold night air fills our lungs and shocks me to my senses.
His tight hold loosens only slightly as his forehead falls to mine. I stare back, afraid all words have taken flight for eternity.
I run my fingers over my puffy lips, the skin tingling in the best possible way. His fingers drag across my waist, as his hold slowly slips away.
I inhale a deep breath and take a step backward, unsure if a grin is about to break free or some kind of maniacal laughter because I’m not sure what in the ever-loving hell I just did.
I blink, retreating, and he watches me, his face partially masked by his moist breath.
I turn and charge back toward the house, wanting to run but maintaining steady strides.
I push open the door, step inside, and lock it.
Ho-ly shit.
My fingers run over my mouth again. I’ve been kissed before, but freaking hell, I’ve never been kissed like that. I smile, biting my lip, knowing with one hundred percent certainty I need that to happen again. Or maybe I don’t. Maybe it can’t happen again.
My body slumps, hearing Frankie’s cries coming from her room as risky elation crashes into reality. I run a hand over my face, scrubbing it away .
All I know is I can’t stand to screw this up or lose one more thing. Mainly the big man across the street, who’s becoming insanely important to me. The kind of important I don’t want to think about having to live without.
I blow air out of my cheeks.
Well, shit. What in the hell am I supposed to do now?