Chapter 40
SARAH
“You did what?!”
“I knnooooowww.” I bury my face in my hands.
“Sarah, what the hell? Wait! Was it fantastic, or is this a call to tell me you’d been fantasizing about it only to find out it was like kissing a slimy, dead fish?”
I laugh. There was absolutely nothing dead about what happened in my driveway last night. I have never been kissed like that before, and I’m fairly certain I won’t ever again. Unless it’s Slade.
Heat creeps through my core just thinking about it, and I shiver. “Nope. It was so much better than I even imagined.”
“Yes!” Roxie squeals.
“No!” I stop her celebration, bringing us both back to reality.
“No?! Why no?”
“Because,” I whine, leaning back against the couch. I bend my legs, and Ollie lines wooden train track pieces underneath, using them as a tunnel.
“Sarah, it’s a Christmas miracle. You just had the best kiss of your life with a man who’s not only stealthy, sweet-as-pie but who looks like a bearded, flannelly-tattooed Superman. There is no room for nos here of any kind. You’ve needed this for sooooo long.”
“But, Rox, Miles is suing me for custody, and if he wins like he does at everything else in life, I’ll be moving to New York. There’s no way Ollie and Frankie will go to the East Coast without me.” I exhale. “And. . .I don’t want to hurt Slade.”
He told me about thinking he was going to be a father and wanting to get married, only to have that all ripped away at the same time his mom died.
I can’t fathom the wave of devastation and grief that hit him, then also having to care for and protect Krissy.
I understand why he’s closed off and distant.
That kind of heartbreak would shut anyone down.
He’s so kind and gentle under all that scowl, but that doesn’t mean he’s looking for anything more than a friendly hook-up. My body slumps with the possibility.
“Sarah.” She says my name like I’m being overly cautious.
“You have lived your life around Miles long enough. You cannot move to New York, and he cannot gain custody of the kids. You have to fight, not only for Ol and Frank but for yourself. You deserve to be happy and be able to say all the yeses to a guy like Slade.”
“But I don’t know how to do that when my weapons are limited.” Frustration fills me for once again being a victim of Miles’s egocentrism.
“Uh. . .don’t you work for some of the best family law attorneys? And let’s not forget this man has spent his career sleeping his way around the newsroom. I’m sure we can dig up a disgruntled one-time cleaning-closet buddy or two who’d be more than happy to spill those beans.”
I lean back against the couch. “I’ve never wanted to put Ollie and Frankie through that.”
“That’s just it! Miles will say anything, and he did. He doesn’t care and will do anything to paint himself as the poor, lonely dad who doesn’t get to see his kids. Your boss and friends will find out anyway. Sarah, you need all the help you can get.”
Rox is right. Miles will do whatever is necessary to cover his ass. Hell, he told the network executives that we’re still a family and intends to pretend we are .
I need to consider discussing this with Kat or Griffin and assess the risk of bringing my personal issues into the office, which is my only source of income.
I change the subject, wanting Christmas Day to be about more than Miles and this. “Have you heard anything from Leo?”
I roll the Little People bus I found for Frankie in front of her so she can set the plastic figures inside.
“No, he said he’s traveling overseas. We decided to hold off on breaking the big news until we can do it together.”
“Rox, you haven’t even seen him in years, and you’re just going to announce you’re getting married. Maybe you should go on a date first.”
“Nah. It’s best to just shock the shit right out of their stiff asses.”
I can hear her grin. “I’m not sure Leo knows what he’s getting into.”
“He sure doesn’t. I’m looking at it as the adventure of a lifetime. I’ll make it my mission to keep the nerdy-by-nature genius on his quiet toes.”
Ollie stands. “M-mama, I gotta poop.”
“Ok. Go.”
He jumps over the train.
“I’ll have to wipe a butt in a minute.”
“I’d rather be wiping butts. I’ll be stuck at a table, wanting to pierce my eardrum with a fork so I don’t have to listen to them drone on about the latest country club gossip with who’s married and pregnant and doing due diligence to carry on the family line.”
“Now, that’s the Christmas Spirit!” I say, and she groans.
“Hey, listen, missy. One of us needs to Christmas the shit of this day. I’m nominating you as tribute. So, you march your cute, sassy butt over there and get more kissing action. Chop-chop. Maybe even go super wild and make out.”
“Friends, Rox. I need friends.”
“Ooohhhh, you need a lot more than that, sister.”
I roll my eyes but smile. “Merry Christmas, Rox. ”
“I love you,” she sings. “I’ll be soaking in a bath to detox from misery, so I expect a detailed recount of all the delicious things.”
“Love you, too.”
My stomach swirls, thinking about kissing Slade again.
I have no idea what to expect when I see him today, and I’m nervous.
I threw myself at him last night, which might have been a mistake.
I don’t want it to be, but what I told Roxie is true.
I won’t hurt him or let anything screw up our friendship.
The problem is my neighbor has snuck in and made me care about him far more than I realized.
I’ll just go and pretend everything is normal. Like, launching myself at him in my driveway didn’t happen. I can do that.
“Mom, I gots poop on my hand!” Ollie hollers.
“Hold on. Don’t touch anything.” I climb to my feet.
Slade is always telling me everything is fine. It has to be. At least for today, I’m going to believe that what I did last night will be ok.
Who am I kidding? It’ll be a Christmas miracle if I can do anything other than think about needing that man to kiss me again.