Chapter 41
SLADE
Avoidance. Complete and utter avoidance is what’s happening.
Sarah and the kids arrived thirty minutes ago, and she has spent each of those minutes averting all direct eye contact or being left alone with me. And I’ve about hit my limit.
When she met me in the driveway last night, I had no idea what she was doing until she made it very clear.
I have thought about that kiss and every other thing I wanted it to turn into since.
In fact, I’ve been planning how to make sure it happens again as soon as possible, but that won’t be the case if she’s unwilling to get within five feet of me.
I need to know why.
The day we spent together was like none other, and what was once hazy became crystal clear.
I know what I want, and that’s Sarah and the kids.
She’s going through a lot and might have a battle ahead, but I want to fight with her.
I want her to want me to, but right now, it feels far from it, and it burns.
“All right, who’s ready to exchange gifts?” Krissy clasps her hands, standing over an array of presents. “You all remember the rules. There are no exchanges, and you are required to be grateful for the time and effort put in.”
“I will not be grateful for another year of finding tiny ducks everywhere, Krissy,” Trig says.
She grins. “So much love was put into placing each one. ”
“Tell that to my foot when I stepped on them,” he grumbles.
“Can we just get on with it?” I snap, wanting this over with so I can figure out how to get Sarah alone.
Sarah folds her legs under her on the floor as far from me as possible and pulls a few of Frankie’s toys from the diaper bag.
“C-can I help?” Ollie stands beside Krissy.
“Sure,” she grabs his hand, but stares the guys down. “There better not be anything inappropriate in here.”
“I might need mine back, then.” Trig laughs, and she glares at him.
My knee begins to bounce as my annoyance builds.
“Hold on. Kids go first.” Carson hands a wrapped box to Ollie and then passes one to Sarah for Frankie.”
“We all went in on these,” Trig says.
Ollie plops on the floor and rips through the paper. He pulls out the tiniest baseball glove I’ve ever seen and a baseball.
His eyes grow wide as he grins from ear to ear. “Can we p-play catch right now?” He hops up.
“Maybe in a bit, bud,” Sarah says, and his smile turns to a pout. “What do you say?”
He hugs the glove. “Thank you so much! Now I can play T-t-ball.” He holds the glove in the air.
Sarah’s eyes meet mine, but only for the briefest moment. “Thank you, guys. That’s so thoughtful.”
“We expect season tickets when he hits the major league.” Wind says, holding his hands out for Ollie to lob him the ball.
Krissy sits beside Frankie. “Let’s see what this little princess got?”
Sarah helps Frankie pull the snowman paper away to reveal her first tool bench.”
“Alex would be so proud.” Krissy smiles.
“Any little girl of ours will know how to change her oil and complete a tune-up.” Carson leans back on the couch, rolling the baseball for Ollie to scoop up in his glove.
Sarah’s shoulders fall, blinking back tears as Trig pulls out his pocket knife to open the box .
“You guys. Thank you so much. These are amazing,” she says softly, still avoiding all direct eye contact with me.
I inhale and exhale slowly, needing this to move along..
One present is handed out, then another, slow as freaking molasses.
“What the hell is this?” Wind holds up a blue plastic dinosaur with a hole cut out of its back.
“Dat’s a b-b-bronto-saurus,” Ollie says, taking it from him and setting it on the floor to play with.
“It’s a taco holder. Duh,” Trig says.
“Who only eats one taco?” Carson asks.
“Shut up. Wind should,” Trig says, and they all laugh, but I watch Sarah continue to ignore me.
“It’s my turn,” Krissy waves her hand and then pulls a pair of reindeer slippers out of a bag. Her mouth falls open. “These are amazing!” She slips them on and looks at the tag. “Thank you,” she tells Carson softly, and he nods at her.
The rest of the gifts are handed out until there’s one left, and Ollie brings it to me. “Dat’s from Mama and me. I wicked the s-spatula,” he says, smiling.
Sarah’s eyes meet mine for the first time today.
Inside is a plastic container filled with perfectly round chocolate chip cookies. She raises an eyebrow with a slight smirk of pride, and I’d give anything to be able to kiss it right off her mouth.
“Hey, why didn’t I get those?” Carson says. “I want a redo.”
“There’s no complaining.” Krissy points at him.
“Those bath salts will make your skin feel like butter.” Wind rubs a hand up and down his arm.
Luke lights up the Lightsaber I found at the grocery store and pretends to strike Ollie. He falls to the floor in exaggerated agony, with Carson dropping like a fly beside him. Millie steps over them to hand the box of chocolates to Krissy, who takes her sweet ass time selecting one.
“Mama, I gots to pee.” Ollie hops up, holding himself .
“Ok. Let’s go.” Sarah leaves Frankie with Krissy and scoots him down the hall to the bathroom.
Seeing it as my opportunity, I stand, taking my homemade cookies to the kitchen. I set them on the counter and stalk after her.
The bathroom door opens, and Ollie flies past me back to the living room, but I block Sarah from escaping. I slip an arm around her waist and haul her directly to my room.
“Oh, hi. Hello. Ok.”
I keep hold of her, closing the door.
She ignores me, surveying my room. “So, you’re a make-the-bed kind of guy. I wondered—”
“What’s going on?” It comes out as more of a bark than I intend.
Her eyes flick around the room. “What do you mean?”
My shoulders sag. “This. Why won’t you look at me? You’ve spent the last hour ensuring you didn’t have to talk to me.”
Her spine stiffens. “I’m not—”
“Sarah.” I might lose my fucking mind if she doesn’t tell me what’s happening inside her beautiful head.
She exhales, her gaze finally landing on mine. “I’m sorry about. . .last night.”
My heart sinks to my gut, where it smacks it around for having hope. “Sorry about what part?”
There are some long moments of uncomfortable silence while she evaluates what exactly she’s sorry about, and I use the opportunity to second-guess every single thing.
She shrugs. “I don’t know.” Her eyes flick between mine. “Look, we’re friends, and you’ve helped me more times than I can count. I’m truly grateful. I just don’t want to muddy anything up.”
I blink, trying to stay calm. “Muddy things?” I ask as cooly as possible, needing her to clarify quickly.
She nods, and her eyes drop to the floor.
“Yeah. I mean, if you can’t tell my life is a mess, and you’re my friend.
” It’s a giant ass kick to the throat. “I need that more than I need. . .whatever happened last night.” She pauses, dragging her chin up.
“I don’t want to lose you.” She says it so matter-of-factly that it shocks my heart back into place.
I stare at her, trying to understand, but then I think I do. I’m no expert in healthy relationships, but I know the best ones are built around friendship.
I step into her, aching to pull her close and make her see, but hold back. For now. “It doesn’t have to be one or the other.”
She stares at me, her brow scrunching, but then it smooths. “I thought . . .” She pushes her hair behind her ear, shaking her head. “Never mind.”
She twists, but I gently tug her back, keeping her between me and the door. She’s not going anywhere. I brace my hand against it, needing her to tell me exactly what she thought.
I lean, getting eye-to-eye. “Tell me what you thought.”
She presses her eyes closed. “I’m not . . . I can’t do. . .casual. I need simple and stable and—”
I frown. “What?”
Her shoulders droop. “I can’t be friends with benefits. My head doesn’t work like that. I have all this stuff with Miles, and Ollie and Frankie to think about. I can’t—”
“You think that’s what this would be?” I try not to sound offended, but I hate that she would even think I would use her like that.
“I don’t know,” she whines, slapping a hand over her face, then dropping it.
“I threw myself at you. Literally climbed you like a tree, and thank goodness you kissed me back because I might have just let myself be swallowed up by a giant pile of snow. But then, you pulled away, and I don’t know what that meant.
Maybe you realized what was happening and that it’s not a good idea.
Or you don’t feel it, and we were just caught up in the most fantastic day that ever existed. ”
She pulls in air, and her panicked rush makes me feel so much better.
“And then I ran because I don’t know what’s happening or what’s going to happen, and the absolute last thing I ever want to do is . . .” She blinks, her gaze holding mine, and takes a moment as if she’s finding the courage to say whatever it is. “Hurt you.”
She stares at me, her fingers pressing against her lips as if she didn’t intend to say all of that.
The tightness in my chest evaporates, and all my nerves stand down.
I grip her hips, needing her to hear me. “Sarah, I only pulled away because we were in the middle of your driveway, and if I didn’t, the entire neighborhood would have gotten a show.”
I inhale slowly and deeply as her eyes track mine. I back her into my door, wanting her like I’ve never wanted another.
“Soooo, it wasn’t just a momentary lapse in judgment?” she asks, clarifying.
I shake my head, moving into her, and she watches me.
“You weren’t just pity-kissing me back? You would’ve wanted. . .more?” Her cheeks flush, and I freaking love that I make that happen.
I slide my palm against her cheek, and her warmth radiates through me. “Yes. And it wouldn’t have been just a one-time thing. Not with you.”
“It. . .wouldn’t?” Her words come out slowly and a little breathy.
This is what I’ve been waiting for since I pulled away from her last night.
Her eyes stay locked on mine.