Chapter 42
SARAH
I hit send on the financial aid application for the speech therapy program, praying that Ollie qualifies for the next semester. Getting him back into a program to help him work on his speech patterns would be amazing.
I lift my phone and tap out a message.
ME: Hi, Sunny Cat. Do you want to have dinner with us tonight?
I press send and wait for Slade’s one-word reply. This man is killing me slowly.
We’ve spent almost every night together since Christmas, and two weeks later, the fresh tree is still up and glowing.
He’s helped me put the kids to bed, and once books were read and the house was quiet, we snuggled on the couch in front of the tree and talked. It’s been amazing.
I’ve told him more about my years with Miles and stories about my pageant days, and he’s told me bits about what it was like to be twenty and raising a teen girl.
But he’d still rather listen than share.
I’m beginning to see that’s who Slade is.
He’s a selfless protector, keeping things locked up where they don’t hurt anyone else, but I want to be the one he lets in.
I want him to let me be his protector—the one who keeps him and his heart safe .
For New Year’s, we watched football at his house and spent the day with the guys and Krissy. Then, we rang in the New Year with a very long and satisfying make-out session that ended with Slade demanding I go to bed before things went further.
Did I want them to go further? Hell, yes. Are we ready for that? I’m not sure.
Miles has texted to remind me that I can make the custody petition go away if I agree to move to New York. As scared as I am, I can’t do it. I cannot let my fear win. I’ve let him manipulate me long enough.
I’ve spoken with my attorney, and unfortunately, like with most things, you get what you pay for. I’ve documented Miles’s complete lack of involvement in hopes that it’ll somehow prove I’m the most fit to raise Ollie and Frankie, even though I don’t have his clout and financial stability.
So Slade and I are taking things slow, but I have fallen for this man one hundred times over. I can’t help but wonder if he feels that deeply, too.
I fell for a man who told me everything I wanted to hear and did all the right things that made me believe him, but I didn’t see it—the truth.
It feels unfair to even think about Slade in any comparison to Miles.
But it’s my ability to judge real, genuine affection and care that worries me.
I’m scared of being wrong all over again and realizing I’m only a passing fancy or the object of someone’s momentary desire.
I trust Slade. I’m still just a little hesitant to give him my heart when he hasn’t quite trusted me with his.
“Oh, my goodness. Is it true?”
I twist in my chair, and Marcie and Robyn stand in my doorway, their eyes twinkling.
“Uh. . .is what true?” I set my phone on my desk.
“You were married to Miles Crawford?”
My breath catches in my throat. I stare at them. “Uh . . . ”
“He is so hot. They just announced him as the new anchor on The Morning Show. His face is everywhere. Women are losing it, wondering where he’s been hiding.”
I want to gag, but first . . . “How. . .did you know we were married?” My heart starts to pick up the pace.
Marcie waves a hand. “Oh, Cory was talking about it in the kitchen this morning.”
My brain splits in two. One half is sounding off relief signals that Miles isn’t posting lies about us, while the other is firing rage that Cory has apparently spent time digging into my past. I’d like to know what he intends to do with the information he’s gained.
“I can’t believe we didn’t know this,” Robyn says. “So, you lived in Chicago? Wait, are you moving to New York?” Her eyes grow wide with excitement.
My stomach drops to the floor. This is always how it is.
People find out about Miles, and it’s as if I don’t exist. There’s not even a second of thought put into why we aren’t married anymore.
He can’t possibly be anything but the good-looking, charismatic journalist who’s breaking news one made-up story at a time.
This is what I’ve been avoiding. The thing I’ve been hiding from. They say the past always catches up with you. No matter how hard I’ve run, my tired ass just hit the wall.
Reality hits me under the chin in one quick, hard blow. It’s only a matter of time before my name and our relationship hit the airwaves once again. The thing is, I’m not sure how Miles will address it. All the former ugly details will spread, but he’s convinced the network we’re still together.
I suck in air, holding it as the realization hits. This was his game plan. His way to sweep it under the rug and come out looking like the hero. The sweet man who rose above, forgave his unfaithful wife, and is now living happily ever after at the very top.
My stomach stirs, and my body breaks out in a cold sweat. I can’t control any of it. Fuck !
My mind spins. What I can do is figure out what in the hell Cory is trying to do here.
I push out of my chair. “Will you guys excuse me for a second?” I stop in my doorway and face their confused expressions as my body warms with the force of blood pumping through me. “Be careful. Surface-level assumptions can be quite deceiving.”
I walk two offices down and swing the door closed. Cory shifts his pointy nose away from his computer screens.
I cross my arms, trying to calm my raging anxiety, soaring fast and furious. “I heard you enlightened everyone this morning on my previous relationship.”
He twists toward me, crossing his legs. “Is that a problem? I didn’t realize it was a secret.”
He knows damn well it’s none of anyone’s business.
“What the hell is your problem? I’ve done nothing but do what I’ve been asked and hired to do. I’m not trying to steal your work or your superiority. I’m just trying to pay my bills and make sure my kids are fed. That’s it , Cory.”
He shrugs one miserable shoulder. “I just wanted to understand why Griffin hired you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” My temperature spikes, and sweat pools in my armpits.
He links his skeleton hands in his lap. “We got tons of applicants. You were barely qualified. No experience. Hardly an education compared to everyone else.” His head falls to the side, baiting me to see something I don’t.
“You’re a beauty queen who can no longer live off her title, looking to fight social injustice.
At least, that’s what you built your platform around.
I’m not sure how far that will get you now. ”
I press my eyes closed to keep from smacking him. I clench my jaw so tight it’s possible my teeth shift.
When I open them, he sits there, socially inept as ever .
“Cory, whatever your point is, all I achieved has been hard-earned, including being here.” My stomach pinches and rolls with his insinuation that I got this job for some other reason.
I inhale slowly, and his beady eyes only stare back. “I’m not sure what you aim to gain by wasting your time researching my past, but all damage to me personally has already been done. I have nowhere to go but up from here.”
I turn, saying a silent prayer that’s true, and haul the door open, not giving a single shit about anything he says or does. The only thing I have left to lose is Ollie and Frankie.
Cory can do his worst with old stories and lies. It no longer matters what these people or anyone else think. There it is. The swift kick of reality I’ve needed. My priority is to protect my kids, and that’s what I will do.
I blow past Marcie and Robyn, who eagerly wait for the lowdown I won’t be giving them. I stand in my office and yank my phone off my desk.
MILES: Don’t drag this out, Sarah. You won’t win. My move has been announced, and the welcome party is scheduled for next month. I expect you’ll be there.
I squeeze my phone tightly, wishing I could throw it against the wall. Bile climbs up my throat with the realization that he’s not wrong. I won’t win. At least not the way I’ve been playing.
My eyes burn with tears, and I blink them away, knowing I need to get it together if I have any chance of keeping Ollie and Frankie from Miles’s absurd and harmful expectations. And I want my life back.
I walk back down the hall all the way to Griffin’s office. I knock on the door.
“Hey, Sarah.”
“Do you have a few minutes?” I inhale a deep breath, needing it to slow my adrenaline .
He nods, peering at me over his reading glasses. “Sure. I was hoping you’d come to see me.”
My shoulders drop. Of course Cory had a conversation with him. “Really? So, he’s told you?”
He shakes his head. “No, he only told me you might seek my help.”
I stare at him, completely confused. “He said I might need help?”
He pulls a legal pad out from underneath a stack of files. “Yes. He didn’t give specifics. He said that was up to you, but I’m glad to help in any way I can. I’m honored.” He gestures to a chair. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”
I don’t move. “What are you talking about?”
He straightens. “I assumed Slade was referring to issues with your ex, but if there’s something else . . .”
My heart may no longer be beating, and the world stops turning. I hear nothing but the sound of my brain ticking at a zillion miles per hour.
“I’m sorry, what? Slade talked to you?” It comes out weak and a little breathy. I need oxygen, but my lungs aren’t working.
He leans away from his desk and removes his glasses, running a hand over his face. I see him exhale.
“You didn’t know.” He closes his eyes, shifting in his chair.
My stomach muscles scream from holding myself together. “Would you be able to tell me. . .exactly what the two of you discussed?” I choke it out slowly and carefully.
He blinks a few times while my body instinctively roars with anger from the betrayal. I trusted him with private details of my life, and he came here behind my back to talk to my boss.
“He only wanted to be sure if you asked, I’d help you. I don’t know anything more than that. He was just concerned and looking out for you.”
I know damn well there’s more to it than that. “And how exactly was he going to be assured of this?”
Griffin only stares back .
I blow out a breath, needing my stomach to settle before it launches itself up and out.
My gaze drops to the floor as my mind and heart shatter into a thousand pieces. I want to crumple to the floor right along with them, no longer able to bear the weight of it all.
I ease into his office and drop into a chair, closing my eyes.
“Sarah, let me help you.” His words are soft and muted through the pressure building in my ears.
“Sarah.”
I hear Griffin’s voice, but I can’t see my way out of the stabbing pain that Slade would do this.
Why? Why would he when he knows Miles betrayed me over and over again?
“Sarah.”
My eyes snap open at my name this time, and Griffin’s eyes are filled with concern.
I swallow the sob building in my throat. “Could I have the afternoon off?” I choke it out.
He nods slowly. “Sure.”
I force myself out of the chair.
“Sarah.” I stop in his doorway, needing to get the hell out of there. “He cares about you. He’s. . .a good man. Better than so many of us.”
Griffin’s face fills with something resembling sadness. I don’t understand it, but I can’t think about that.
I grab my things from my office, bypassing Marcie and Robyn’s stares as I exit and climb into my car.
I breathe through the burning ache in my throat so I can make it. I slump in my seat, wanting to fall apart. I want to cry and scream my head off. I want to text Miles to fuck off and never have to hear from him again. I want to know that my kids will be safe with me forever.
I grip my steering wheel, yanking on it as if it will help.
Fuck!
I can’t do any of those things right now. The only thing I can do is find out why Slade, the man I was trusting with everything, went behind my back .
I want a partner and friend who will stand by my side, not do things around me. I thought maybe I’d found that. I rest my head on the steering wheel, terrified I was wrong once again.
One tear slips out and lands in my lap. I pull myself up and suck it all back, starting my car.
There’s only so much one person can take, and I’ve had enough. No more hiding. It’s time I get my life back, and it will be on my terms.