Chapter 43
SLADE
The cold air blows into the garage, and I press the button, lowering the door as Wind returns a car to the lot. I slip my phone from my pocket.
I responded to Sarah about dinner, and I’m waiting for her flirty, smartass reply.
“Are you skipping the gym again tonight?” Carson asks, hanging up his coveralls.
“Yeah. If we can get out of here early tomorrow, I’ll go with you.”
He smirks. “Sure you will.”
“You need to get a life rather than go to the gym every night,” Trig says, tossing a water bottle in the trash. “The racing expo is coming up. You should go with us.”
“No offense, Trig, but I’m not really interested in partying with you and your friends.”
“’Cause you have better stuff to do?” Trig grabs his keys.
“If you want a sponsor and to be taken seriously, you should consider this a business trip rather than going out there to chase women and score parts.”
“Who says I can’t do both?” Trig grins. “I’m out. See you all tomorrow.”
“Me too.” Wind waves. “Don’t forget I’m bringing Millie’s car in early to change the oil.”
I nod, stacking the orders that still need to be input .
“You good here?” Carson asks, pulling on his coat.
“Yeah, I’m entering these and heading out.”
The door opens, and Sarah steps inside.
“Hey, what are you . . .” I smile, but she doesn’t.
Her eyes snag on Carson, and I can tell something is wrong.
“Hey, Sarah,” Carson says, passing me. “I’m heading to the gym since this guy is slacking these days.” He smiles, smacking me on the back. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“See ya,” I respond, but my eyes are stuck on Sarah. The door bangs closed, and I step around the counter. “What’s wrong?” I reach for her, but she pulls away. My stomach hits the stained concrete floor.
Her intense gaze holds mine. “Did you talk to Griffin Macavoy about me and my issues with Miles?” There’s a slight waver in her voice that’s a direct hit in the chest.
“I did.” I watch her. “But only to ensure he’d help you. He’s the best, and I didn’t want—”
“You had no right, Slade. This is my life and my kids.”
The way she says the word “my” causes my lungs to deflate and stall.
My pulse rushes into my ears. “I only told him I would pay the retainer. I didn’t tell him anything . . .”
Her head falls forward, her body sagging, and she closes her eyes.
I inch closer, my hands aching to grab hold of her. “Sarah, he can help you, and you can’t afford to pay him. I didn’t want—”
Her eyes harden. “You don’t know anything.
” Her words are like a blast. “What I can afford and can’t is just the beginning.
I spent months watching my life implode.
Everything I owned was gone.” She snaps her fingers.
“Just like that. Everyone I thought cared about me walked away disgusted for something I didn’t even fucking do.
It was him, and he used my daughter as a diversion.
I was left with nothing but ten thousand dollars in an old bank account, which I fortunately never closed. ”
“This.” She swings her arms out to the side.
“This is all I have now. A job that allows me to feed my kids and hopefully build some kind of future for them and myself. I don’t need everyone drawn into what I’ve tried to leave behind, or you going behind my back and talking to my boss about me or my situation. ”
My skin prickles at her accusation, which isn’t totally inaccurate. “Sarah, he’s a selfish bastard, which I’m pretty sure is what makes him so damn good at what he does. There’s no way in hell I was going to let money or anything else stand in the way of him helping if you asked.”
She pulls back at my words, her brow scrunching. “What are you talking about? He’s been nothing but kind and generous to me. He gave me a chance when apparently I wasn’t anywhere near qualified or even remotely capable.”
“Who told you that?” I growl, my fists tightening.
She ignores me. “What is your deal with him? You clearly didn’t have any problem strolling in there and asking for favors.”
“I didn’t ask him for anything.” I spit it back, and I instantly regret it. I run a hand over my face, needing my panicked frustration to calm down.
She stares at me long and hard, then shakes her head. “I can’t do this. I won’t be with someone who won’t talk to me or doesn’t respect me enough to let me be a part of the decisions that impact my children and me.”
My stomach bottoms out, and my heart might actually pound out of my chest. All words get caught in my throat as her eyes fill with tears.
Dammit! I need her to see that I was doing this for her. Only for her, Ollie, and Frankie.
Her shoulders fall, and she turns, defeated and giving up.
“He’s my father.”
She stops, slowly turning back .
There it is. The words I’ve only ever spoken out loud one other time. Both times, sending shrapnel soaring through all the wounds I’ve tried to bandage with minimal supplies.
Her eyes search mine, her brows tipping in. “What?” Her shaky voice is so soft.
“Krissy doesn’t know. It’s a long story that doesn’t really matter.” A fist grips my throat, and I force it out through my constricted airway. “Except I know he’ll get you out of this.”
She takes a tiny step forward. “It does matter. You matter.” Her lips press together to keep them from quivering.
Those words tear through me, and I see the truth in her eyes. My throat is consumed by fire, restricting my ability to think or speak.
“But you can’t fix everything, Slade.” Her voice wavers again.
“I know you want to, but whether you like it or not, I made this bed, and I have to lie in it. I married Miles and had children with him. I need to determine what’s best for my kids.
That includes knowing you aren’t side-stepping me and taking a lead you have no right to. ”
There is so much to say, but I have no words. I go with the only thing I can at the moment. “I just wanted to help. I hated seeing you scared. I don’t ever want you to be scared.” It’s the whole truth. Seeing her afraid made me react, and I did what I never thought I would—for her.
Her shoulders ease down with that admission.
“Then maybe. . .you need to try actually being scared with me.” She pauses. “You can’t always be the protector. Sometimes, you just have to be the partner. The one who sits and waits when there’s nothing else to do. The one who holds my hand until we figure it out together.”
She eases closer, her tone so gentle it rubs against every calloused and scarred place.
“You also can’t remain closed off, sticking to the outside, standing guard.”
“That’s what I do. I fix things.” It’s what I’m good at, making sure those I care about are safe and cared for .
Her shoulders sag. “I know, but I need someone who wants to work on fixing things together.”
Her eyes hold mine for only a moment longer before she turns and pushes out the door.
I stand there, unmoving, while my gut twists into a knot. I was only trying to help, but I also needed to be sure that she and the kids weren’t going anywhere.
I yank my hat off my head and toss it on the counter. Fuck!
I rest my elbows on the edge and let my head fall into my hands, gripping my hair.
I’m so damn angry, but only at myself. All I wanted to do was make sure Macavoy helped this time. He could drive her ex into the ground like the piece of shit deserves.
I only wanted to protect her and make sure she never has to be afraid of him or what he might do again.
She trusted me, and I let her down. I could see it in her eyes. I grip the counter, wanting to rip it off. Ahhhh!
She said she couldn’t do this, which meant she couldn’t do this with me.
I blow out a breath, my eyes burning with anger and fear that I might have just fucked up the absolute best thing that’s ever happened to me. The one person who sees right through me, even though I’ve given her so little.
I straighten, not having any idea how to make this better, but I have to.
This one ignorant screw-up can’t cost me what I’m not sure I’ll ever fully deserve—Sarah and her kids.
I have to show Sarah I want nothing more than to be her partner.
I want to be the one who stands by her side through it all.
I want to protect her and the kids, always.
But I’m going to have to figure out how to do that.