15. Tori
15
TORI
“Okay, so which one of these articles do you think would provide the best support for your position?” Kyle and I were shoulder to shoulder at a study carrel on the fourth floor of the library.
“Position?” He stared sullenly at the screen in front of us.
“Your thesis. Basically what you’re trying to say in this paper.”
“I’m not trying to say anything. I just need to pass this goddamn class.”
He was getting frustrated, and I didn’t blame him. Though I wished he’d try a little harder, it was clear that writing wasn’t his strong suit. Which I understood. I sure couldn’t hit a ball like he could.
So I took a deep breath and tried again. “I’m trying to help you do that. Please stop scowling at your laptop like you want to throw it out the window and take a breath. You can do this. You’re an opinionated guy. I’ve seen that, and if it comes through when you speak, it can come through when you write.”
“I write like a fourth grader.”
“If it’s any consolation, you don’t look like a fourth grader.” Automatically my gaze went to his broad shoulders and sculpted chest, which, unfortunately, was covered by an olive-green Henley shirt today. Then again, we were in a library, and there was probably a dress code.
My words and my gaze made Kyle smirk. Perhaps that was the secret. To flatter him a bit. He was clearly down on himself when it came to his academic performance, so it wouldn’t hurt to remind him of the things he was proud of. After all, this was the man who’d only agreed to come to our study group if I’d go on a date with him.
I frowned for a moment, catching my tongue between my teeth. He hadn’t mentioned anything else about a date since last week. Maybe he’d forgotten? Or more likely, he considered our deal null and void given how bad things had gone that night I brought him. I doubted I’d ever see him there again, and I was pretty sure that would work out for the best for both Kyle and Lucas. Maybe Jayden too, since we kept getting caught in the middle.
“This one.” Kyle’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
“What one?”
“The one by the University of Washington professor. It backs up my paper the most.”
And just like that, we were back on track. “Good call. Now let’s figure out what passages we want to quote.”
“You’re going to make me do citations, right?”
“Yes, sorry.”
He let out a long-suffering sigh. “Knew it.”
We worked for another hour, and then Kyle fidgeted as I scheduled our tutoring sessions for the rest of the week. “Remember, this is due on Friday.”
He gave me a rueful smile. “You mention it eight times a day, so trust me, I won’t forget.” He stood up. “Come on, I’ll give you a ride home.”
“What?”
“I’ll drive you back.” As I stared up at him, he frowned. “It’s the same truck you rode in this morning. It’s not that complicated—aren’t you supposed to be the smart one?”
“Jayden said he could drive me back in about an hour.”
“And I’m heading out now. Same location, same road. My truck’s twice the size of Jay’s hatchback, so it’s safer.”
“I don’t mind waiting.“ I wasn’t entirely sure why I was balking. I’d ridden in with Kyle this morning and we’d just spent a couple of hours working together. When I was around him, I could never quite relax the way I could with Lucas and Jayden. Maybe it was because I’d known them for longer. Or maybe just that Kyle was unpredictable. Whatever it was, every time I was near him, my pulse sped up.
He cocked his head to the side. “So let me get this straight. You’re going to risk your grade for me, but you won’t trust me to drive you home?” His lips twisted into a crooked smile. “Believe me when I say my driving record’s a hell of a lot better than my academic record.”
That was actually a valid point. “All right, thank you. I’ll text Jayden.”
Once I’d done that, I walked with Kyle to his oversized black truck. He opened the passenger door, and just like this morning, I tried—and likely failed—to look graceful and coordinated while climbing up to the high seat.
But unlike this morning, Kyle put one hand on my arm and the other on the small of my back. His large palm was warm through my shirt. He waited until I’d settled in the seat before pulling out the seatbelt and leaned in closer. “Want me to buckle you in, Victoria?” There was a glint in his eyes, and suddenly, I could visualize him leaning across me, his hands at my hips brushing against my hips.
“I think I can manage.” I took the seatbelt from him, our fingers touching briefly. Apparently, Kyle didn’t need to take his shirt off to make my cheeks redden.
The truck rocked as he climbed in. He backed out of the parking space quicker than I probably could have going forward. In very little time, we were passing the last homes of the little town of Haverford and heading down a narrow, twisting road.
“So, what’s your story?” he said after a few minutes.
“My story?”
“I’ve heard you’ve got the absolute worst taste in roommates.”
For some reason, that struck me as funny. “Yeah, you could say that. I’m staying with these three guys, and they’re all horrible people, and?—”
He laughed. “I meant before that. I heard about that guy you stayed with—he wasn’t a boyfriend?”
“No. He was barely a friend. I was just a bit desperate.”
“Why?”
I told him a little about the women I’d shared an apartment with last year. “It started out okay, but then things got messy.”
“What, you girls couldn’t settle it with a pillow fight?”
I was caught between rolling my eyes and laughing. “Well, that’s how we usually do it, but Cynthia was allergic to Memory Foam, so we didn’t want to risk it.”
Kyle grinned. “But you would’ve if she wasn’t, right? Don’t kill the fantasy.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it. Can I ask you a question now?”
“Go for it.”
“Why won’t you take the composition class seriously?”
“Because it’s bullshit. It doesn’t—” He cut himself off, shaking his head as if to clear it. “Come on, you can think of a better question than that. Don’t you want to be a writer?”
I stared at him, wishing he’d finished his thought. “No, I want to be a teacher.”
“Then why’re you tutoring writing?” Before he could answer, he laughed. “Okay, I get it—because it’s still teaching.” His voice was strong and confident again, and it was like I’d never asked him why he didn’t try in class.
“I’d like to teach English in a high school.”
Kyle looked over, his hands steady on the wheel. “I sure wish my high school English teacher had looked like you.” He gave a low laugh. “Then maybe I would’ve actually paid attention in class.”
“It’s not too late.”
He shrugged, his eyes on the road again. He drove his truck skillfully along all the twists and turns, never straying from the center of the lane. “It’s still your turn. Ask me something.”
“I did, and you said it was boring.”
“I said you could do better,” he corrected with a challenging look. “And I still think you can.”
“Give me an example.”
“All right, let’s see. What’s something you’ve never tried in the bedroom but secretly want to?” He side-eyed me. “And don’t say a new kind of comforter. I’m talking sexually, Victoria.”
Shock flitted through me followed by a half dozen different feelings in rapid succession. Disbelief at his words. Embarrassment. Arousal. Anger. I went with that last one. “You can’t say that kind of thing to a woman you barely know.”
“I just did.”
“Well you shouldn’t!” At the moment, I didn’t care if he thought I was a prude. “I’m in a moving car that I can’t leave. The driver is asking me sexual questions. Don’t you get how that would scare a woman?
“What exactly do you think I’m going to do to you while speeding down the road?”
He was missing the point. “You don’t know what it’s like for us. For all I know, you could pull off onto a dirt road in the middle of the woods and?—"
“Okay, okay, I get it.” He held up his hands in surrender, which was alarming since they were needed on the wheel. “I admit that I don’t know what it’s like for women, and I know you were treated like shit by that creep you lived with. But here’s the thing: I don’t think I scare you.”
“You scared me when you burst into the bedroom last week.”
“Yeah, I was an asshole. I woke you from a dead sleep. Anyone would’ve been scared.”
“If you knew that, why’d you do it?”
“I’m a complicated man,” he said, after a pause. “But I still don’t think I scare you in general.”
“How on earth could you judge that? You’re not a woman.”
“But I spend a lot of time watching them.” His unruffled, unrepentant voice somehow gave my heart rate a chance to settle.
“Like when you’re supposed to be listening to the professor?”
“Exactly. But okay, let me channel my inner girl.”
“Inner woman.”
“Whatever. Okay, I’m a woman. I’m hot. I’ve got boobs.” He briefly took both hands off the wheel again to cup his pretend breasts. “But I’ve also got a brain.”
I rolled my eyes.
“You know what else I’ve got? A sex drive. It’s not just men who want sex, it’s hot chicks like us, too.” He sounded ridiculous saying those words in his deep voice.
“You’d make a terrible woman.”
“Doesn’t mean it’s not true. You might actually enjoy talking about more than just essays and homework. We’re young. We’re supposed to be interested in sex. And no one ever got pregnant just from talking.”
Wait, was he sort of making sense? I still felt he needed to understand my point, on behalf of all women. “What you just said may be true, but what I said is true, too. We’re not a frat party. I’m not wearing a little black dress, chugging beer, and grinding all over guys on the dance floor. We’re in your truck, thundering down the road… if you make me uncomfortable, I’m trapped. Short of jumping out of a moving vehicle, I have no way out of the situation.”
“So let’s give you one.”
“And also—what?” He’d lost me.
“Pick a safeword.”
“ What?” Surely I’d misheard him.
“It’s a word that you use when?—”
“I know what a safeword is.” My cheeks burned, and I couldn’t look in his direction. “But why would I need one?”
“So you can shut me down. If I cross a line, you say the word, and I’m done.”
This conversation was spiraling out of my control like most of our tutoring sessions. “We’re adults. We should be able to talk without one of us needing a safeword.”
“But if we have one, then we talk about fun stuff without you jumping out of my truck if I go too far.”
There was a lot to unpack there, but I settled on one issue. “The fun stuff?”
A grin tugged at his lips. “Come on, Victoria. Don’t pretend you never think about sex. Especially when I’m around.”
I ignored that last part. “A safeword just feels… like I’d be in over my head.”
“It’s supposed to make you feel the exact opposite.”
I thought that over and then gave a half smile. “What if you’re just being a prick, and I want you to shut the hell up?”
He shot me a wicked grin. “Then tell me to shut up, and I might do it… or might not. It certainly has a better chance of working coming from you than the brainiacs back home.”
Home . For some reason, that word echoed in my brain. It wasn’t my home, but… it certainly felt more like home than anywhere else I’d stayed recently.
“What’s the deal with you and the ‘brainiacs’?” I’d heard Jayden’s summary of the issue, but it would be nice to hear Kye’s side of things.
“That would take longer this drive. Let’s stay on track. What do you want your safe word to be?”
“We’re really doing this?”
“Why not? You were the one telling me to use bigger words, right? Wait, I’ve got it. Use the name of that app you showed me with the list of words.”
I frowned until I realized what he meant. “You mean the thesaurus?”
“Yeah. I knew it sounded like a dinosaur name. That can be your safeword.”
In spite of myself, I was considering the idea. “Is it a good safeword if a moment ago, you couldn’t remember what it was called?”
He grinned. “I won’t forget it now. It’s a good choice—it’s not a word that comes up in normal conversations.”
I couldn’t help laughing. “It kind of does—we’re university students. Some of us are here to study.”
He grinned. “It sure didn’t at the frat house. Okay, are you ready to take it for a test drive?”
For a weird moment, I thought he meant his truck. Then I understood and nodded.
“I’ll ask you a question. You either answer it or use your safe word.”
“All right. But I haven’t completely ruled out jumping onto the side of the road.”
He laughed, and I joined in. One thing that could be said for Lucas’s stepbrother was that he wasn’t boring. And he sure kept me on his toes. “What’s your question?”
“Remember that second time we met? When we were at the union?”
“Yes.”
“And I texted you saying I was going to send you a dick pic?”
“Yes.” My voice was more cautious this time.
“I sent you that attachment, and you turned beet red and slammed your phone down, refusing to look. But you kept sneaking glances at it, and eventually, you opened it. Why’d you do that?”
Embarrassment washed over me, but also frustration that he could make squirm in my seat. A vengeance fantasy popped into my mind. What if instead of me jumping out of the car, I shoved him out of his door? For a moment, I calculated the odds that I could slide into the driver’s seat before we crashed.
“Victoria?”
“You couldn’t have started with an easier question?”
He shrugged. “Sure I could’ve.”
That almost made me laugh. His question was outrageous, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure I knew why I’d looked. But I didn’t want to back down and use the safeword for the very first thing he asked. He’d been right about one thing… it wouldn’t hurt me to talk about these things. Probably. “I didn’t want to, but… then I couldn’t help it. It was like my phone was whispering to me that I had to turn it over.”
Kyle laughed. “Got it. You had to look at my dick because your phone was haunted.”
I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t want to look… but I also couldn’t not look.” I tried to think how to explain it better, which wasn’t easy when my cheeks were so hot I was pretty sure smoke was rising from them. “Okay, it’s like this. Suppose a friend visited you in December. He showed you a present, a little red box with a green bow on it, and he placed it under your Christmas tree. And then he said, ‘Whatever you do, don’t shake the box.’ Wouldn’t you be unable to resist shaking it, just once?”
“Forbidden fruit.” He nodded. “But I wouldn’t shake it.”
“Seriously? You have that much self-control?”
He laughed. “Hell no. I’d open it the second he left.”
That sounded about right. “Yeah, well, it was kind of like that for me.”
He smirked. “So you’re saying you wanted to unwrap my package?”
“ Kyle .” My tone seemed like a precursor to the stern voice I might need when disciplining future students.
“Okay, I’ll admit, you answered more fully than I expected. Next question… were you disappointed it was that actor?”
“Are you kidding? Dick Van Dyke is a national treasure.”
He laughed. “My thoughts exactly.”
“And I’ve always liked Mary Poppins .”
“Yeah? When we get home, maybe we can stream it and fool around on the couch.”
I couldn’t help grinning at his nerve. Everything that came out of his mouth surprised the hell out of me. It usually also embarrassed me or turned me on, too. Or both. “Tempting, but I’ll pass.”
“Smart girl. All right, last one.”
My breath hitched in as I mentally braced myself. But… I was also smiling a little in anticipation. By giving me the safeword, Kyle had also somehow made it so that I could talk about this stuff without having to worry about things getting out of hand.
“Ready?” he glanced over. “You look like you’re preparing for battle.”
“It kind of feels like a battle.” One that I wanted to win. “What’s your last question?”
“Did you like seeing me shirtless down in the basement?”
“Yes.”
“Because from where I was standing, it seemed like—hold up, did you just say yes? No hesitation? No pink cheeks and shyly looking away?”
“I’m pretty sure my cheeks haven’t stopped being pink since I climbed into your truck.”
“I can confirm that’s true. Now hold the wheel while I strip my shirt off.”
I laughed, and he joined in.
“Anyway, I’m proud of you. You did well. Now you get to ask me some questions.”
“About what?” I was eager to turn the tables on him, but my mind had gone blank.
“Anything you want,” he said, but then he amended his answer. “Except grammar. Or spelling. Or citing sources.”
“Deal.” I smiled as I tried to think of something. “Okay… boxers or briefs?”
He laughed. “That question’s overdone, but it’s better than asking my favorite color.” We reached a straight section of the road. Kyle checked his mirrors and then shot over to the other lane to pass a slow-moving Cadillac. “Okay, if I have to pick between the two, then briefs.”
“You can choose other kinds.” Not that I knew many other kinds of men’s underwear.
“I wear briefs sometimes, though not tighty-whities. Black or dark blue, stretchy. I’ll model them for you later if you want.”
“Thanks, but I’ll pass.”
“I also like boxer-briefs or trunks sometimes.”
I nodded, like I knew what he meant. But the internet would know when I checked it later.
“Is that a thorough enough answer for you, Teach?”
I nodded.
“Good. So my turn again?—”
“Wait, you asked me three questions.”
“I know, but when you went straight to boxers or briefs, I figured that was as brave as you were going to get.” His voice, and the look he leveled at me, were taunting. It was a challenge.
“Favorite position?” The words were out of my mouth before my brain could weigh in on the issue.
“Better. But that’s tricky—who could choose just one? It would be like picking between a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.” He reached out and brushed his fingers along my hair. “Though lately I’ve been dreaming of dark-haired beauties.”
I pushed his hand away. “That didn’t answer the question.”
He chuckled. “No, it didn’t. Let’s see… I like taking a girl against a wall, her legs wrapped around me. So all she can feel is me driving into her. And my body pressed against hers, pinning her to the wall.”
Wow. Blood pounded through my veins at twice the normal speed.
“Or taking her from behind.” He sounded a little distracted, and I wondered who he was thinking about. “But I also like—” He paused. “You do remember you have a safeword, right?”
“Yep.”
“To tell you the truth, I’m surprised you haven’t used it yet. When I first met you, I thought you were a timid little mouse. But you can’t be that timid if you moved in with three guys.”
“There were only two there when I moved in,” I pointed out.
“Good point. All right, you’ve got one more question, and I can’t wait to hear it.”
I bit my lip, thinking it through. For some strange reason, I didn’t want to ask something tame. Didn’t want to reinforce his earlier impression of me as timid and shy. But I couldn’t identify why that was important to me. “Any pet peeves while having sex?”
Kyle gave a low whistle. “You’re getting better at this. Easy answer—I hate it when women are silent in bed. If I make them feel good, I want to hear it.” He slanted a look my way. “And trust me, I always make them feel good.”
“If you did, then you wouldn’t know what it was like when they’re quiet in bed.”
He threw his head back and laughed, and for the first time since leaving campus, the truck car veered toward the shoulder. But he quickly corrected it, a smile still on his face. “I think I underestimated you. Somewhere under all that glossy hair is a dirty mind.”
That made me grin. It wasn’t exactly true, but it was a little flattering that a sexy guy like Kyle thought so.
“Can I ask you the same question?”
“No. You’ll have to come up with your own.” But we’d just passed the coffee shop where I’d tutored him on Saturday, so we were almost back to the house. If Lucas was there, I didn’t want to show up all hot and bothered. “Maybe a thesaurus could help you with that.”
He nodded. “Got it.”
And he was true to his word, only making G-rated small talk for the short remainder of the drive. I filed that information away to think through at another time. For now, I just knew that he'd been right, this had been fun. And that for all his flirting and inappropriate talk, maybe, just maybe, he could be trusted.