Chapter 25
CHAPTER 25
JAKE
How could two hours take a year? It was one hundred twenty minutes, seven thousand two hundred seconds… okay, putting it that way, it felt like a long time. But really, countless times I’d lost two hours scrolling through social media on my phone and not realized a minute had passed. So why were the two hours between Esme leaving my office and lunch taking a literal eternity?
Me, dramatic?
I sighed. I’d been worthless at work, and it was just a few reports from over the weekend and a phone call. I pressed the bruising on my cheek at the thought of making the call. The discoloration had finally stopped spreading, but now I had a purple bruise directly under my eye and sickly yellow-green bruising all the way over to my nose. It wasn’t comfortable to roll over on at night either. I’d learned that the hard way the night before when I’d woken myself up with a yelp.
Reaching for my phone, I looked at the box of dinosaur toys Esme had left me and smiled. They were adorable and after spending nearly the entire weekend together, I understood why he’d thought of me when he saw them. My little side had always been a part of me I’d kept in a box and hidden away from the world. The only time I felt safe was with like-minded people, so I’d kept it to the club and a few playdates set up by local friends.
Then I’d met Logan, Aiden, and Larson at DASH and they’d introduced me to their group of friends as well. After meeting them, things had been changing for me. The part of me I’d kept so tightly locked away for so many years was out much more frequently and was harder to lock away between playdates. Maybe it was because every time one of them texted, it felt more like a playdate than something adult related. Maybe it was because I was getting more comfortable with my little side. Whatever the reason, I found myself wishing I had more toys and fun things at home. The dinosaur toys Esme had given me were the perfect thing for my house and wouldn’t raise eyebrows on the rare occasion a vanilla person showed up there.
“Hello?” My reporting officer’s gruff voice sounded in my ear and pulled me back to my job.
“Hey, it’s Jake.”
“Robinson!” He barked loudly enough I pulled the phone from my ear. “How are you feeling? I saw the report this morning.”
“It’s sore. Putting that on the would-not-recommend list.”
He laughed. “I can believe it! Come to the station today. I want us to get some more photos for the case file.”
I managed to keep my groan to myself. I really didn’t want to go to the station but knew I was going to have to. “It will have to be this afternoon. I’ve got a… meeting at one thirty.”
“Just sometime today. I hear you’re doing good things there. Keep it up. Shit, I’m getting another call. Stay safe.” The line went dead and I blinked for a few seconds before putting the phone down. Talking with him was always the same and our conversations ended abruptly each time, yet I continued to be surprised by it.
By the time Esme showed up in my office at three minutes before our planned one thirty lunch, I’d already walked the arena three times. I'd talked to Blaise, Coach Cunningham, and Lincoln. I'd even been pulled into a game of basketball with some roadies who were setting up for a concert later in the evening. Yet I was still idly staring at the clock on my computer screen when he walked in.
“Hey.” He was all smiles and casual while I swore I was a ball of anxiety.
“Hi.” At least my voice hadn’t cracked and I hadn’t stuttered.
Esme used his head to gesture to the door. “I know you like PenAlety Box, but so does everyone else here and given I just got out of a meeting where everyone was talking about going for today’s lunch special, I thought we could maybe take a little walk down the road?” He’d tried his hardest to sound casual, but I could sense nervousness in his voice as he spoke.
After our hookup over the summer, then the events of the weekend, it was easy to forget Esme had been closeted until recently. It was a huge step for him to even ask me to lunch where someone could see us. “I’d like that. I honestly haven’t tried much else around here. PenAlety Box is close, good, and fits my budget.”
His relieved smile told me I’d said the right thing. I stood while patting my sides for my wallet, gun, handcuffs, taser, and badge. After all the years I’d been an officer, the move was second nature.
Esme watched me carefully. “That will take getting used to.”
“What will?” I asked as I grabbed my coat that was hanging on the door and shrugged it over my shoulders.
He pointed to my waist. “The gun.”
“It’s, quite literally, part of the package with me.” I didn’t want to brush his concern off completely. “But you’ve seen the safe my gun stays in when I’m not working or wearing it. I practice gun safety to the fullest.”
“I know it’s part of the deal. And I think knowing those things makes me feel better.”
I stopped before getting to the elevator and touched his arm. “If this”—I gestured between us—“becomes a long-term thing, I’ll get a safe for your place too.”
He gave me a genuine smile. “Thanks. Silly as it may sound, that makes me feel better.”
We headed out of the building in silence, not uncomfortable, just thoughtful, and didn’t speak again until we had cleared the arena completely. For being new to Nashville, Esme certainly got around with confidence, and within a few minutes, we were ducking down a small side street away from the honky-tonks and crowds and into a quieter area where the tourists were fewer and farther between.
When he stopped at a little Italian restaurant that was reservation only and opened the door, I knew he’d pulled some strings and had thought long and hard about where to go. “Seriously?” I asked as I stepped inside and was greeted with the smells of rich sauces and yeasty rolls and the warmth of a fire blazing along the far wall.
Pink filled the apples of his cheeks and he ran his hand nervously through his hair. “I’ve heard good things about this place?”
“Clearly your sources didn’t mention the weeks-long waitlist for a reservation.”
The hostess walked up to us and Esme smiled at her. “Reservation for St. Claire.”
She nodded. “Of course, right this way, sir.”
My mouth flapped open. “What?”
He smirked. “Lincoln has connections all over the city. He also couldn’t stop raving about their gnocchi and now I want it.”
“My nonna used to make it by hand. I tried to help her once—it was a fucking disaster. Those little balls of potato are a bitch to work with.” I shuddered at the memory of the starchy mess I’d created on her counter. I’d never figured out the right way to roll my thumb to create the signature shape of the pasta balls. She hadn’t complained about my mini-potato pucks, though she’d never asked me to help again either.
Esme’s laugh was rich and warm. “I will stick with eating them. I honestly haven’t done much cooking. I’ve spent more time on the road than at home. It’s still strange being in one place for long stretches of time.”
“Do you think it’s going to get old?” I was settled here. I loved the idea of travel but not the idea of being gone all the time or moving frequently. I was a creature of habit and routine.
He didn’t answer right away, giving my question serious thought. “It’s still new. I can’t swear to you I’m never going to get itchy feet and feel the need to go somewhere else, but there’s something refreshing about sleeping in my own bed every night and being in the same time zone for more than a few days or weeks at a time. I think the travel I’ll need to do for work will help with my need for a change of scenery, though. So I don’t think my need to go somewhere will ever become a need to just up and leave here. Hell, I’m still looking forward to when I figure out how to sleep past six, though it might take me some time.”
“Six at night. Right? Because I know you’re not talking about the morning. That hour does not exist.”
He laughed and I smiled. I liked the sound of his laugh and liked it more that I was the one who’d made him laugh.
“I’m not justifying that with a response.”
Our server interrupted my laughter with questions about what we wanted to drink and if we wanted appetizers, as if we’d had a chance to look at the menu yet. To my surprise, Esme already knew what he wanted to drink and asked for a few appetizers, pronouncing the words in flawless Italian. Or at least a lot closer than I’d ever manage. My flapping mouth wasn’t producing anything resembling English, much less Italian. Esme shook his head in amusement. “Would you like lemonade?”
Figuring we shouldn’t drink when we had to go back to work in an hour, I nodded and remembered how to use my words. “Yes, please.”
The server left and Esme glanced at me with amusement in his gaze. “I’m glad you used your manners.”
I really hoped we were going to ignore the squeak I let out at his words. I was still trying to separate the Daddy I'd started seeing him as over the weekend to the coworker he was at work.
He shifted in his seat and leaned forward, his elbows on the table to get closer to me. I automatically leaned toward him too as he began to speak. “Are you okay with how the weekend went?”
Fuck . I should have expected the question but had just hoped we’d avoid it, especially in public. “Are you?”
Esme shook his head, then glanced around the restaurant. “Good boys don’t avoid questions.”
My huff was only because he’d called me out and definitely not because he’d made me hard in my pants. I’d known the answer as soon as he’d asked, but I was afraid to come off as pushy or needy or whatever it might have looked like. After a few seconds’ pause, I nodded slowly. “It was awkward as fuck at first and it wasn’t how I’d seen anything going when I'd woken up Saturday. Don’t get me wrong, though, it was more perfect than I’d ever imagined something could be. Almost too perfect to believe it was real.”
He pursed his lips and his eyebrows drew together in thought. “It was real. Absolutely real.”
I laughed uncomfortably. “I know it was. It’s just that there's this nagging worry that you’re going to wake up and realize I’m a dude, not a woman, that this is not what you wanted in a relationship. Then shit’s going to go tits up, and I’m going to need to find a new place to live that doesn’t remind me of you.”
I sank back in my chair, feeling like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders but also feeling guilty for having word vomited all the crazy thoughts that had been swirling in my head since he'd left my place the night before.
I wasn’t surprised he was staring at me like I'd grown a second head.
Esme rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands before he leveled me with a look I couldn’t decipher. All I knew was it made my insides feel hot and gooey and I didn’t know if it was a good thing or not. “There’s so much to unpack I don’t know if one lunch is enough, but here it goes.” He held up fingers as he started listing things off. “First, I’ve known I’m bi my entire adult life. It’s not like I’m having some crazy realization at thirty-seven and I'll wake up one day thinking, eww, dick. ”
I almost laughed but the frustration in his eyes had me biting it back.
He held up a second finger. “Second. I was the one who started doing research. I was the one who spent days looking up some way crazier things than you’ve shown me so far, and I’m still here. And third.” He held up a third finger. “Do you think Daddies and littles are the first kinky, outside-the-box thing I’ve heard a friend was into in my life? I have a long list of things I’ve discovered about teammates over the years. I might have been a shit captain, at least by Grizzlies standards, but I’ve never betrayed a confidence and I don’t plan to start now.”
“Oh.” I knew the word wasn’t enough, I just didn’t have anything else to say.
Esme put his hand back on the table and didn’t let his eyes leave mine as he spoke. “Furthermore, you will not have to leave town if things don’t work out between us.” The corner of his eye twitched as he thought. “Besides, I think the way these teams are, I’d be the one who needed a new job and life if I were ever to hurt you in some way. Let me be blunt—one move and new job this year was enough for me.”
The smile on his face made me relax and I was able to admit my anxiety had probably gotten the better of me for a few minutes. I blew out a breath I hadn’t known I was holding just as our drinks and the appetizers Esme had ordered arrived, buying me another minute to gather my thoughts.
We placed our orders, both going with gnocchi with a meat sauce and salads, and were left alone once again. I took a sip of my lemonade, killing time while gathering my thoughts. “So you’re not freaking out?”
He lifted a shoulder. “I wouldn’t say freaking out. Maybe anxious about the future? I know we have amazing sexual chemistry.” He winked at me and I chuckled. It wasn’t worth being embarrassed, because it was the truth. The sex we’d shared had been off-the-charts amazing; there was no use denying that. It had been spank-bank material for weeks, hell, months after the first time. And it hadn’t been any less mind-blowing the second time around.
“Daddies and littles and power exchange are new to me.”
“But not a turnoff?” I needed to know before my heart went and got involved. From what my friends had said, their feelings had gone from interested to a whole lot deeper as soon as their boyfriends had gotten involved as their Daddies.
Esme popped a piece of polenta crostini into his mouth and chewed slowly before answering. “No. Far from it. It’s new. I’ve done a lot of reading and a lot of research, but I’ve already learned that actually doing it is different. And I really like you. I’ve been drawn to you since the summer, and it feels like the universe is pushing us together.”
His words settled my nerves and I felt some of the tension I’d been holding since Saturday evening vanish. There was a chance this wouldn’t work. There was a chance it would. The big thing for me was that Esme sounded sincere. He wanted to see where things went and that was something I could handle.
Feeling lighter, it was easier to let go and be flirty. “It’s not as simple as Daddy-boy. I’m not always the little you saw on Saturday. I’m not always the put-together police officer I am at work.”
Esme’s eyes flared with excitement and intrigue. “I can’t wait to hear more.”