21. Berg
Chapter twenty-one
Berg
I hustled through my afternoon, hoping I’d manage to see some of the girls' swimming lessons. Nobody has ever taken them to the pool but me, and even though I have every confidence in Carolina, there’s that anxious part of me that wants to check in. Sliding into a space behind the rows of plastic chairs in the parent viewing area, I scan the water for them. Natalie’s auburn hair is easy to spot where she’s doing a damn good job learning backstroke. A flash of colour on my left grabs my attention and I watch Lou in her hot pink suit, purple goggles secured to her face, climb a small set of stairs. And then I see Carolina. I have to press my palms together over my lips like I’m deep in prayer. What the actual hell is she wearing? It’s the most matronly, unflattering swimsuit I’ve ever seen. Is this what she thought she needed to wear for a kids swim lesson? Her curls are piled up on her head, cheeks flushed as she pauses to let Natalie catch up to her and Lou. I fight back a wave of laughter, but it comes out in a snort, causing a pair of grandparents to twist in their seats and narrow their eyes in my direction. Even in that stupid suit, I’ve never liked her more.
None of them spot me, so I lean back against the wall, a smile playing across my lips as I watch Caro agree to more swimming.
Rookie move.
She won’t get out of there for an hour. I tell myself I’ll leave any minute, that I could beat them home and have a rare moment in a quiet house or even get a head start on supper and have a meal ready for Caro for a change. Hell, I could have an extra long shower…and after having her in my bedroom this morning while I wore nothing but a towel, I need it. Her admission about what she does in the shower runs through my brain about twelve times a day. But something about watching Carolina interact with my daughters has my feet stuck to the pool deck. She does her best to toss the girls into the air like they always beg me to do. They’re howling with laughter, scarcely coming up for air before diving back down to hunt for the pool rings Caro and another woman are throwing. There’s really no need for her to still be in there with them. Unless she’s truly enjoying spending time with them, and that really does something to me. Kids are a lot. My two spirited little girls, especially. And even though I love them to pieces, I know that not everyone will. It’s probably one of the reasons I’ve not pursued dating more seriously. Who wants to date somebody who only tolerates the people who mean the most to you in the world? But as attracted as I am to Caro, as much as I enjoy our evenings and our not-so-subtle flirtations, she’s not for me. She’s too young, and in my employ. Pursuing a woman who has nothing tying her down when I have a home, children, and a career in West Isle wouldn’t be fair. Go figure that when I find a woman who gets my blood pumping and also adores my daughters, I shouldn’t want her.
I’m sort of zoned out, lost in my thoughts when I realise my shirt is clinging to my sweaty lower back. I peel off my hoodie, sighing in relief as I feel the heat radiate off me, hastily tugging my shirt back down where it’s rolled up. Nobody needs to see that.
“Daddy! Daddy over heeeeere! Watch me!”
I register Louisa’s voice instantly, returning her enthusiastic wave. Caro’s gaze locks onto mine and mortification covers her face, sinking lower until the water laps at her collarbones. I’ve seen the woman butt naked but she’s playing shy at the pool? Fucking cute.
She rounds Nat and Lou up, managing to extract them from the water with surprising ease. Whenever I tell them it’s time to go they moan and carry on for ages.
I hug my girls, lifting them up even though warm water rolls down my arms. I press my lips together because Carolina’s bathing suit is even worse up close. It’s too big, the swim skirt drooping under the weight of the water.
“Berg,” Caro says, her voice clipped. “Did you come to join us for a swim? ”
“Can’t,” I reply as I set the girls down. “Don’t have a suit.”
“That isn’t a problem at all ,” she answers, skimming her hands down her body to emphasise her suit. “There’s a lost and found Berg.”
A lost and…
Oh, god.
I wrack my brain, trying to recall if I told her she needed to pack her own swimsuit. I told her where we kept the girls' goggles, where to find their bathing suits, what time they needed to arrive. My entire brain short circuited when I found her standing in my bedroom this morning.
“Shoot, Caro…I’m sorry.”
“You’re gonna be, Berg MacMillan.”
Another snort escaped my lips, and I’m ready to dodge a hit, but Caro bursts out laughing.
“This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever worn in my life,” she wheezes.
The girls glance between us, not understanding.
I lean in closer, so only she can hear me.
“Caro,” I whisper, “I don’t want to alarm you. But I can see your kneecaps.”
Her mouth is open in silent laughter, and it’s such a pretty sight that I can’t stop with the jokes.
“We need to go, girls. We have to get Caro back to the nunnery before sunset.”
“What’s a nunnery?”
“Stop. Enough,” Caro cries, slapping at my chest .
“That’s what everyone in here said when you walked in wearing that.”
Making Caro laugh so hard that tears leak from the corners of her eyes is my new favourite hobby.
***
Friday is an utter shit show. I spend half the day barking at people and the other behind the plastic folding desk in the trailer hunting for a missing invoice. By the time I find it and fix the screw up, it’s late. I missed movie night for the first time ever. Caro finally texted me that if I apologised one more time for missing the movie that she’s not coming in on Monday. The house is dim when I enter, the living room floor still covered in pillows and blankets from their evening. Leaning into the girls room, I spend a second watching Louisa as she sleeps. I follow the sound of running water and find Caro finishing up the supper dishes, her back to me. But Natalie is approaching her at the same time, a piece of paper held tightly in her hand.
“Hey, Caro?”
I chew my lip, deciding to hang back in the shadowy hall.
“Yeah, honey?” She dries her hands on a dish towel and glances down at her.
My heart aches at the term of endearment and how naturally it flowed off her tongue.
“This is from school. There’s a spring dance in May…and there’s a cake auction? ”
I rub my chest. Natalie has a nervous warble in her voice.
“Oh, yeah?” Caro accepts the paper, scanning the words.
“I was wondering…can you make a cake for it?”
I frown. I always make the cakes.
“I’m a lot of things, my friend, but a baker isn’t one of them.”
Carolina fusses with a curl by her ear, glancing between the paper and my eldest daughter.
“But,” Caro sighs, “I can do hard things. So, why not?”
Natalie makes a squeak of excitement and throws her arms around Caro’s torso, the paper crumpling between them. Emotion overcomes me as Caro returns the hug, stroking Natalie’s hair with a soft smile on her lips.
“I have so many ideas!” Natalie says before her mouth stretches into a huge yawn.
“I’m glad. Why don’t we put a pin in those until morning, okay? Go brush your teeth and I’ll come tuck you in.”
Not wanting to ruin the moment, I duck into the living room right before Natalie runs by and disappears into the bathroom.
God, I’m in trouble.