Jordy
“CHEER UP,” DANI requested, glancing over at me with obvious sympathy as we pulled up to a red light. “Think about how much better things have gotten in the last few weeks. A month ago, you didn’t even know he was into you like that.”
“I know,” I acknowledged, feeling spoiled and ungrateful. “And I know he’s trying. I just…” I groaned, dragging my palms over my face. “I wish I could make him understand.”
“You are!” She insisted. “Look, we both know Kieran is weird about feelings and stuff. That much was obvious way before you guys started this whole thing.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, trying not to pout and sulk.
I hated feeling like this. Suddenly I had the childish urge to go back to high school, where everyone thought I was cute and wanted to hang out with me and the teachers adored me and I never got rejected.
“I just… I don’t know what he expects from me.
It’s like he thinks everything is some cosmic prank and I’m going to yank the rug out from under him the second he relaxes. ”
“Maybe he does,” she said, shrugging a shoulder as she tapped her long, baby blue nails on the steering wheel. “Maybe he still doesn’t believe you feel that strongly about him.”
“Dani, if you knew the things I have said to this man. The things I’ve done for him.”
She smirked, giving me a sidelong look before bringing one hand up to her mouth and miming a blowjob, complete with vulgar wet slurping sounds.
“Shut up!” Throwing my head back against the seat and laughing, I smacked at her arm. “I didn’t mean that!”
“I still can’t believe you, of all people, let him pop your cherry on the ground in the woods.”
“Oh my god, you have to let that go. I told you it was, like, totally spontaneous.”
“Which one was more spontaneous, getting fucked on a public beach, or getting fucked against the door with your dad standing on the other side of it?” She asked, in a mock serious tone, obviously making fun of me.
I knew she was just trying to distract me and make me laugh, but it was working, so I couldn’t complain.
“He was not standing on the other side of the door while we were fucking, okay? He came up the stairs after we were done!”
There was no way in hell my dad had heard us, or he’d have probably broken down the door with us on the other side of it.
Or at least he’d have yelled at me through it.
Or something. Anyway, if I actually thought he’d heard us, then Kieran wouldn’t have to throw me out of a window. I’d throw myself out.
“Yeah, no, I’m just kidding,” she assured me. “Knowing Chester, he’d probably have a heart attack if he knew you were getting boned at all, let alone finding out it’s by your stepbrother.”
“Yeah, that’s going to be a super fun conversation.”
“You’re not actually going to tell him, are you?”
“Well… Yeah,” I said, although thinking too much about it made me feel kind of hot and twitchy. “I mean, I don’t think I’m going to lead with hey Dad, Kieran and I are boning. But if we’re getting serious and it’s more than that, then… Yeah.”
I hadn’t mentioned to Dani yet about how I’d figured out Kieran was my mate.
For some reason, like the fact that he only called me angel when he was in the throes of passion or in absolute total relaxation, it felt like something that wasn’t for anyone else to know.
At least, not until it really happened and he marked me.
Then I would probably rent out a billboard on the highway to make sure everyone knew that I’d somehow managed to chip through the world’s most stubborn alpha’s emotional shields and get him to actually admit that he was in love with me.
“I kind of want to be there when that happens. I’m so morbidly curious how he’ll react,” she said, snorting out a little laugh.
I sighed, fiddling with the seatbelt strapped over my chest. “But seriously, I don’t know what else I can do or say to make him believe me.”
“Maybe you’re just going about it wrong,” she suggested thoughtfully, her dark brows furrowed.
“So showering him with praise and affection and sex and making sure he knows that I’m basically obsessed with him isn’t the way to make him understand how I feel?”
“Okay, not wrong, exactly,” she said. “But, like… Kieran’s weird, you know? He’s all moody and artistic and stuff. You know that.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not artistic, if that’s what you’re getting at. I can’t draw or paint or play music or anything like that.”
“I don’t mean do any of that,” she said. “But maybe there’s something you could do that’s, like, from his world. Does that make sense?”
“Um, yeah, I guess,” I said, pursing my lips as I considered. “I’ll think about it. Thanks. Sorry I’m always, like… having an existential crisis.”
“Nah, you’re not. I totally get it.”
“It would probably be easier if my mom was still around,” I said.
I always felt a little sad when I thought about her, but happy too.
It was hard to explain. I missed her, but all the good parts about her stuck out in my mind more than the end.
Like how she’d loved making a giant bowl of popcorn and having movie nights with me in our pajamas, or how she’d always made time to ask me how my day at school had gone, no matter how busy she was.
“Probably,” Dani acknowledged, looking sad for me. “Crystal’s great, though.”
“She is,” I agreed. “But I can’t exactly go to her about how I’m getting railed by her son and trying to get him to open up more.”
“Guess not. Maybe she’d have some insight, though.”
“Maybe she’d call me a slut and accuse me of using my omega wiles to seduce him.”
Snorting, Dani shook her head. “Get real.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said, rolling my eyes at my own absurd idea. “Anyway, I’ll try what you said. Thanks.”
“No problem. Oh, hey, did you see the syllabus from our English professor?”
“Yeah, I got the email last night.” Dani wasn’t majoring in poli sci, but we did at least have two of our core classes together for the fall semester.
“What the fuck!” She complained. “Why is she giving us that much homework?”
“I know,” I groaned.
We bitched and moaned about our future course loads until we pulled up to Julio’s house.
She’d told me he had some buddy over, and that we could all just chill and play games or whatever, which was fine with me.
But when we strolled into the house, I froze in my tracks, Dani stopping short right beside me.
Seated at a tidy little kitchen bar was Julio, and next to him was Andrew. Julio hopped up from a stool to come greet us, giving me a friendly smile as he approached, but Andrew stayed seated.
“Hey, babe,” he said, leaning in and giving Dani a little smooch. My eyes stayed glued to Andrew, until he finally spoke.
“Hey, guys,” he said, nice and casual, like he wasn’t a creep that had sent me dozens of weird texts.
“Oh yeah, you guys know Andrew, right?” Julio asked, but he looked slightly confused now, like he could sense the sudden tension. “He said you all volunteer together or something?” He asked, like he needed to clarify that information.
“Um, yeah,” Dani answered. “Actually, I left something in the car. Let me go grab it. Jordy, come with me,” she ordered, gripping onto my elbow and yanking me back out of the door with her.
Once we’d scrambled back to her car, well out of earshot, she gave me an exasperated look.
“What the hell is he doing here?” She asked, glaring towards the house like it could give her an answer.
“How should I know?” I asked. “I guess they’re friends.”
“They must have met at some party or something,” she agreed. “But he doesn’t know about… all that stuff that happened with you,” she said apologetically. “He wouldn’t invite him if he knew.”
“No, I know,” I assured her. Julio had definitely been friendly the couple of times we’d hung out. “I didn’t think that.”
“You know what, let’s just go,” she said. “I know you said he makes you uncomfortable.”
I squirmed, feeling ridiculous and fragile and annoying. I hated the idea of ruining her plans of hanging out with her boyfriend. Just like Kieran and I, I knew their schedules didn’t always line up and make it easy.
“Well… I mean, it’s not like he can do anything with you guys there,” I reasoned. “It’s probably not a big deal.”
A probably not big deal that I definitely would not be mentioning to Kieran.
“Are you sure?” She asked, dark eyebrows raised.
“Yeah,” I said. “As long as you don’t, like, leave me alone with him to go have sex or something,” I tacked on.
She laughed before answering. “I guess I can keep it in my pants for one afternoon if you’re that needy,” she said, making a dramatic show of rolling her eyes.
“I have been told I can be kind of needy,” I said, grinning a little, trying not to show my nerves on my face.
But it was true. Andrew couldn’t really do anything to me if we were in a group.
Hanging out with two people I was friendly with was a far cry from a crowded party where he could pin me to a couch without anyone noticing.
When we strolled back inside, I could tell Julio was still kind of concerned by our initial reaction, so I forced a smile on my face as Dani explained she’d forgotten her phone in the car. I wasn’t sure if they believed us, but no one questioned it, so we all moved on.
It wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined. At least for the first hour or two, everything was very chill and we all just chatted about social events and pop culture and normal stuff.
The weather was super nice, so Julio led us out to the little fire pit he and his roommates had made and used sometimes, and we all sat around it.
They all had beer, Dani nursing a single bottle because she’d have to drive home after, and I had diet coke.
Not only because beer was disgusting and the carbs would probably cause my blood sugar to spike, but also because if my dad suspected I’d even tried a sip of alcohol, he’d blow a gasket.
I started to relax, internally laughing at myself for even feeling nervous in the first place. I still didn’t like Andrew, but he seemed mostly normal, at least in the light of day and in friendly company.
At one point, Dani got up and went inside to go to the bathroom. About 30 seconds later, Julio dug his phone out of pocket, the screen lighting up with a call. He sighed.
“Hold on, it’s work. I have to take this,” he said, before answering it and walking off to one side of the yard, only about 20 or 30 feet away.
Immediately feeling awkward again, I glanced over to Andrew, who was already looking at me. He cleared his throat.
“Hey, uh… I’m not going to say anything weird. You don’t need to worry.”
His repentant tone surprised me, but I still didn’t exactly know how to respond. I wasn’t going to apologize if I looked nervous around him because that was his fault. When I didn’t say anything for a few moments, he shifted in his seat, giving me an awkward smile.
“I know I screwed up trying to get your attention. I’m sorry. Seriously,” he tacked on.
“What do you mean?” I couldn’t help but ask.
I knew what he meant, but some part of me wanted him to elaborate on it.
I found myself itching to grab my phone and text Kieran, but he was working, and he’d been standoffish when we’d last seen each other anyway.
He probably didn’t even want to hear from me.
“Just…” He gestured widely with his hands. “The texts, and the thing at the party. I’m really bad at the whole flirting thing, or whatever you want to call it.”
“Oh,” I said. Being bad at flirting and being a total creep were, like, miles apart.
“I shouldn’t have blown up your phone like that. But I was really just trying to get your attention, and I didn’t know how,” he went on. “I really am sorry.”
“Um, well… Yeah. You kind of freaked me out,” I admitted.
He exhaled, looking properly embarrassed by his actions. His apology sounded genuine, but I wasn’t exactly in a forgiving mood. Still, I didn’t want to kick someone when they were trying to be better.
“It was really dumb. I don’t know what I was thinking. Other than… I think you’re really cute. And you’re always helping out at the center, and you’re nice to everyone there. You’re just really special.”
“Ah, no,” I corrected him, trying not to cringe at the description. It was a little too desperate teen romance for me. “I’m not special. I just like helping out because that youth grief group your mom runs really helped me before.”
“Still,” he insisted. “You’re not like other omegas.”
“I am,” I corrected him again. “Really. And um, it’s not personal or anything, okay?
” I finally said, just wanting the conversation to be over.
I didn’t feel nervous anymore, and it seemed like he felt bad about what he’d done and said to me, but I didn’t want to encourage him or leave him with the idea that I’d warm up to his advances. “I’m seeing someone.”
“Yeah, Dani told me that when I asked,” he said, sounding regretful. “You know, I thought that guy at Kevin’s party was your boyfriend. The one with the tattoos.”
I resisted the urge to clear my throat or look guilty to confirm his guess, but stayed quiet.
“But then some other people told me he’s actually your brother.”
“He’s my stepbrother,” I inserted. A distinction that I wanted to make crystal clear.
His eyebrows raised a little, but he nodded. “He seems pretty… Protective.”
“Yeah. He is.”
Julio’s phone call seemed to end then, and he started heading back toward us.
“Well, anyway. I just wanted to apologize and… I hope things aren’t weird between us anymore.”
“Yeah, okay. No weirdness,” I repeated, hoping it was true.
And it seemed like maybe it would be. He hadn’t pressed me for information about my boyfriend, if I could call him that.
And he hadn’t pressured me to forgive him or tell him it was okay, which I was pretty sure what someone did when they weren’t being genuine.
And anyway, I’d be leaving for school soon and wouldn’t have time to volunteer at the center anymore.
We’d probably never even cross paths again, so there was no point in holding on to bad feelings.
Julio dropped back down into his chair, sighing. “Assholes can’t do anything without me.”
And then Dani came back out of the bathroom, and all was right in my little world again.
Well, almost. Kieran was still acting all emo about my dad almost catching us.
Or something. It was still kind of unclear exactly what he’d gotten upset about.
But my conversation with Dani in the car had sparked an idea in my brain that I hoped would help bring things into perspective for him.
When we got ready to leave, I asked her to drop me off at Kieran’s work instead of my house.