Chapter 20 Kieran
KIERAN
THE THRASHING OF my heart hadn’t really slowed by the time I got up to my room, but the sheer relief of being alone helped quell some of the intensity of the feeling.
Basically being told to my face that I was a failure and mooching off my mom and Chester was irritating, but it was a pinprick compared to how Jordy’s heated response made me feel.
I knew our parents didn’t agree with that sentiment, and I’d been told by them, and by Barbie, that I was doing a good job and that they were proud of me.
But no praise or encouragement had ever smacked me in the chest like what Jordy had said.
I felt like I was flying, floating, some kind of supernatural action that allowed me to traverse beyond worldly emotion. It was embarrassing, and I’d felt a sudden paranoia that everyone would be able to tell how affected I’d been, so I’d had to rush off.
Was it normal to feel this much over someone else’s words?
It couldn’t be. But I didn’t have any way of changing it, and the time that I could pretend to feel indifferent toward him was long gone.
If I was lucky, our parents wouldn’t notice.
I was being as careful as I could. But in usual Jordy Nolan fashion, he was determined to make that aspect of it as difficult as possible.
Still slightly panting from the adrenaline rush and the way I’d sprinted through the house like I was being chased, my jaw clenched, the rest of my muscles tensing as the saccharine scent of bubblegum hit my nose.
He’d followed me. All the yearning and pining I’d felt since we’d come home burst in my blood like a stick of dynamite, flooding my veins and making my teeth ache.
“Kieran!” Jordy said my name as he hit the top of the stairs, and it was like all my senses were magnified to process him.
All I could think about was him. All I could want was him.
When his eyes landed on me, he looked a little shocked by my appearance.
Could he tell what I was feeling? “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” I lied. “Come here.”
Looking concerned, he hurried to me. The second he was in reach, my hand snapped up from my side to grip onto his shirt and yank him the rest of the distance to me. He let out an adorable little squeak, colliding with my chest and staring up at me with those gorgeous blue eyes.
When I grasped at his body, molding his perfect, perky ass in my hands and lifting him up into my kiss, he obediently hooked his arms around my neck to anchor himself. He moaned against my mouth as I maneuvered my bedroom door closed with my hip, then backed him up into it.
The moment I released his lips, he started babbling out an apology about what his uncle had said, and how he’d reacted, and not to take it to heart because it didn’t mean anything, anyway. Part of me appreciated the gesture, but talking about what had happened was the last thing on my mind.
Carefully letting him slide down the wall onto his feet, I placed my fingers on his mouth to stop his sentence.
“It doesn’t matter,” I rasped out. “Suck. And take your pants off.”
His eyes widened, but he didn’t argue, immediately taking my fingers into his mouth and swirling his tongue around them as he fumbled with the button and zipper on his jeans.
In what had to be some kind of record time, he was kicking out of his clothes, his dick popping out to bob between his hips as he wriggled the tight pants down his legs.
His body made my mouth water. Even his dick was pretty, pale pink and slender.
I wanted to get on my knees and suck him until he was unraveling in my mouth, but my control had snapped and I suddenly needed to be inside him.
I needed to claim his tight little channel, the part of him that only I had ever touched and licked and fucked.
When he started to whimper around my fingers, I pulled them out and carefully eased up one of his thighs, bending his leg up toward his chest. When I brushed over his hole with my saliva-slicked fingers, I realized I hadn’t really needed the spit.
“You’re already wet?” My dick swelled up even more, trying to burst through my zipper at the realization.
“It’s been a week,” he whined, a pink flush washing over his features at my shocked tone.
“Before last week, you’d gone almost 19 years without it,” I responded, but my pulse had picked up, my desperation hiking. I pushed into his tight hole with my fingers, nearly gritting my teeth at the feeling of the slick muscles clamping around them.
“That was before I knew how good your cock feels in me.”
Not a cock. My cock. He was mine. No one else could ever touch his lithe body, or feel his perfect hole clenching around them. When he needed to come, all he would think about was me. All he would want was me.
Yanking my zipper down, I nudged my jeans down enough to let my stiff cock spring out.
Cupping his ass again, I lifted him back up onto the wall, bringing his thighs up around my waist, before lining up my plump head with his hole.
Even though I felt frantic and desperate to force my way in and pound him, I let him slowly sink down on it, groaning at the feel of his body stretching and opening for me.
He moaned, arching his back and tipping his head back onto the wall as he gripped onto the front of my shirt.
His scent was filling up my throat and nose as I fucked up into him, grinding over his prostate. His gasps punctuated my thrusts, until his hands slid over my shoulders, hooking around my neck. The sex-soaked expression on his face, half-lidded eyes and swollen lips, intensified my need to come.
“You’re so fucking sweet,” I bit out the words between my teeth. He was all I’d ever wanted, everything I thought I couldn’t have. I’d been terrified of the notion of actually having him, and now I was terrified of losing him. “Did you miss this, Angel?”
His breath huffed out all at once, before he nodded and buried his face into my neck, squeezing me tightly. “So much. You’re all I need, Kieran.”
The way he echoed my thoughts sometimes, it was eerie and perfect and wonderful and terrible.
I started pumping into him harder and faster, until my door was rattling on its hinges, his heels digging into my lower back every time I withdrew for even a second.
The moment I felt his tight muscles start rippling around me, I let go, groaning out my pleasure as my balls drew up, aching and pulsing as I flooded his ass.
I was still shuddering from the waves of sensation when Jordy cupped my jaw on either side, holding me still as he slanted his mouth over mine. His tongue stroked over my bottom lip before slipping in and licking all over the inside of my mouth.
His whimpers, and the way I could still feel his ass twitching with the aftershocks of his orgasm around my cock, had me deepening the kiss until it became rough and messy.
When he broke away, panting, he slid his hands up to my hair, stroking his fingers through it, staring deeply into my eyes.
My heart smacked up into my ribs, tension rolling through me, centering in my teeth.
“Kieran,” he started, his soft voice just a bit husky. “I need to tell you something.”
“What is it, Angel?”
At that moment he could have said anything and I think it would have melted me into a puddle. I felt like I was poised on the edge of a cliff, hovering before a jump. Like I wasn’t holding a human person in my hands, but the center of the universe.
“I, um…” He hesitated, swallowing hard before continuing. “It’s just that I’ve been, um, noticing some things and I think we should talk ab-”
“Kieran?”
The sound of Chester’s voice only a handful of feet away, on the other side of my bedroom door, had both of us freezing. Jordy’s eyes widened, his teeth sinking down into his plush lower lip as my stomach dropped into my guts.
“Are you in there, Kieran?”
“Uh, yeah,” I answered, immediately clearing my throat when I realized how raspy I sounded. “I’m just… getting dressed.”
“Well, that’s okay. I just wanted to apologize for the way Steven talked to you. He was out of line.”
“Ah, that’s…” Guilt trickled into me as I processed his words. “That’s okay. I appreciate you saying that.”
“You know your mom and I are proud of everything you’ve accomplished. I just hope you don’t worry that we have a problem with you being here or anything. That isn’t the case at all.”
This guy who wasn’t even my dad, who didn’t have to be nice to me or care about whether I lived or died, had always gone out of his way to make sure I felt included and appreciated.
And he never hesitated to tell me he was proud of me, something I couldn’t recall my real father ever doing.
He’d taken my mom and I in, and made sure we had everything we needed, and I’d repaid him by fucking his son behind his back.
By tainting and ruining this perfect, bright little person he’d made and felt so protective over.
“Y-yeah. I know. Thanks.” Suddenly, I couldn’t look at Jordy anymore, and I just wanted him off me. I felt a cold sweat break out over my skin, and the feeling of his slim thighs around my waist felt like a suffocating vise.
“Well, have a good day at work. We’ll see you tonight.”
“Thanks. See you tonight,” I echoed, and waited until the sound of his footsteps faded before peeling myself away from Jordy’s sticky body, letting him slide down the wall onto his feet.
I turned away from him, but not fast enough to miss the hurt look in his eyes.
As always, it seemed like he could sense what I was feeling and that my mood had shifted.
“I, uh, have to get ready for work. So…” I trailed off awkwardly, staring at a poster of a band I loved. My favorite song by them was about being in love with someone who was like the sun, and it always made me think of Jordy when I listened to it.
“So do you… want me to leave?”
“You should go… clean up. I’ll use the downstairs bathroom.”
The stretch of silence was so heavy and awful that I could feel myself cringing, until he finally spoke.
“Okay. Are you upset?”
“No, I just have to go to work.”
“Kieran.”
“Can we talk later? I really have to go,” I said, even though I felt like the world’s biggest asshole the second the words left my mouth.
I was worthless. Less than nothing. I couldn’t make anyone happy, no matter what I decided to do. Chester would probably hate me if he ever found out what I’d done, but if I tried backing off then Jordy would hate me. Both of them deserved better than someone like me in their lives.
“Okay.” I still couldn’t look at him, but he sounded small and hurt and unsure. If someone else ever made him sound like that, I’d want to strangle them and dump their body in a lake. “We can… talk later, I guess.”
I didn’t know what else to say and I couldn’t bear to hear anything else come out of his mouth in that wounded tone, so I rushed out of my room and down the stairs, barreling into the bathroom to quickly wash up.
As soon as I felt decently presentable, I hurried out the front door and into my truck, revving it up and peeling out of the driveway, knowing that if I had to see his face before I could get some distance I’d probably go insane.