Chapter 18 #2
“Wow…” I say slowly and dramatically. “Now that’s something the old Ellie would do. Guess she’s still in there somewhere.”
“It was for a good cause, I swear.”
“Mm-hmm.” I fold my arms over my chest and wait for her explanation.
“I read that sometimes memories can resurface from any of the five senses. So I thought maybe touch could be kissing you and seeing if it triggered anything.”
Instead of feeling upset she used me, I do sympathize with her frustration. I’d hate having part of my memory blocked and feeling like I had no control over what I remembered.
“Okay. What’s the next sense you want to try?” I ask. “I wanna help.”
As much as I should dread her getting it back, it feels worse knowing she’s struggling.
“Maybe smell?”
I think back to the list Mom gave me. “I have to run to the grocery store. You could come with me and maybe something there will smell familiar.”
“Sure. Couldn’t hurt to try.”
She tells Ranger she’ll be back and then follows me out to my truck. Once we’re buckled in, she looks over at me.
“You don’t seem that upset about the kiss.”
“Should I be? I thought it was a nice kiss…”
“It was…very nice actually.”
“Great. Then what’s the problem?” I ask, backing out and driving us onto the main gravel driveway.
“I guess the problem is that even though I did it as an experiment, it kinda felt a little too real.”
The vulnerability in her voice has me glancing toward her and struggling to keep the smirk off my face.
“That is a real problem…” I tsk. “Because now you have to wait three more weeks for another one. Assuming I even kiss on the first date, which I’m kinda thinking I shouldn’t since I’m a gentleman and all.”
“Alright, I know why I kissed you, but you’re the one who grabbed me and devoured my face like your life depended on it. So how are you gonna wait that long?”
I take one hand off the steering wheel and hold up a finger.
“First, I didn’t do that. It’s just how I kiss.
Secondly, need I remind you, I’m the one who’s liked you this whole time.
So kissing you, even as bait, wasn’t a hardship.
Third, I’ve waited four years for that moment.
I can certainly wait a little bit longer. ”
There’s something in the way Ellie looks at me that I’ve never seen in her eyes before.
Lust.
“I dunno why I’m drawn to you, and even if I’m supposed to hate you, I don’t understand how. It’s very confusing.”
“Trust me, I get it. I felt the same way, and I couldn’t explain it either. My brothers would ask why I kept tryin’ to get your attention and what I liked about you.”
“What’d you tell them?”
“Well, obviously, that I was attracted to you. From the moment we met, I thought you were gorgeous. But there was also a fire about you that intrigued me from the start. Most girls are eager to get my attention and just say whatever it is they think I wanna hear. They couldn’t just be themselves and that made it hard to be myself in return.
They’d act how they thought I wanted them to, which gets old quickly.
But you never had a reason to be anything other than exactly who you were and it was a nice change to be around.
I also admired your passion, dedication, and drive to succeed.
Even when I pushed your limits during training and you were ready to murder me, you’d still get on Ranger and do exactly what I suggested.
You exuded confidence and that was sexy as hell.
Even the way we’d bicker was hot because I knew at least you weren’t just feeding me bullshit lines. ”
“So you liked that I didn’t bow down at your feet like a buckle bunny?”
I chuckle at her bluntness—another thing I like about her. “Yes. In a way, you challenged me. That wasn’t why I wanted you. But it certainly added to it. And I was delusional enough to hope one day you’d admit you felt it, too.”
“In the hospital, you said you weren’t as ready to move on as you thought. Was that about me? Moving on from liking me?”
I’m surprised she remembers that. Most people with concussions struggle with short-term memory.
Nodding, I keep my eyes on the road. “I was using you as an excuse not to get serious with anyone else, so I finally decided I needed to move on from my crush and that’s when I joined a dating app.”
“That’s where you met that one girl who wanted to move too fast.”
“Yeah, Cecilia. It wasn’t fair to string her along when I couldn’t give her a fair chance. Even after spendin’ time with her and having fun, I knew I could never fully give myself to her because there was a part of me still holding out hope for you.”
I’m left with silence and when I glance toward her, she’s staring at me, motionless.
“I probably sound like a psycho, right?” I ask, wondering if I’ve scared her.
Quietly, she shakes her head. “I can’t believe I’m sayin’ this, but I’m kinda hoping I never get my memory back. Whatever it is you did couldn’t have been bad enough if I didn’t tell anyone else.”
My chest tightens at the insinuation because it’s only a matter of time until she gets it back. Wishing that she doesn’t is setting us up for failure.
But I can’t help praying for the same thing.
“You’re not curious about what you can’t remember?” I ask. “Specifically the memory about why you didn’t like me?”
“Oh, I am. I dream about people and situations…but I dunno what’s real or not by the time I wake up.
What I do know is that you are and what I feel is even if I don’t understand how or why.
This pull—or whatever it is—feels different than anything I’ve experienced.
Almost as if it’s always been there, but I wouldn’t act on it.
Like there was a shield guardin’ it for some reason. ”
My mind spirals at what that could mean or what was stopping her in the past. If someone warned her away from me or she’s connected to someone who didn’t approve of me.
“Great…you think I’m crazy now like that one chick who was moving too fast,” she blurts when I don’t say anything. “I’ll just shut—”
I jerk my truck to the side of the road, halting her words, and once we’re parked, I rip off my seat belt. Then I lean across the bucket seat and unclip hers.
“No fuckin’ crazier than me,” I say before crashing my mouth to hers, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her into me.
Her tongue matches my speed as we battle in a war of wanting, needing more of each other.
When she climbs into my lap, I shift the steering wheel up and the seat back to give us as much room as possible. Her bare legs cage my thighs and when she moans into my mouth, her hips rock against mine, and I nearly come undone.
“Ellie…fuck, you can’t do that,” I plead in between her lips tasting mine.
“Why not? I can tell you like it.” She smiles against my mouth when my cock hardens between us.
“That’s exactly why.” I squeeze her hips to stop her from continuing. “I can’t go into the grocery store with a boner.”
“You can’t with blue balls either.”
I move my lips down her jaw. “That’d be better than having a wet spot on my jeans, trust me.”
Her head falls back as I suck on her neck. Shallow breaths echo between us as she continues to grind on me. “Landen…”
“Jesus Christ,” I hiss, licking up to her ear. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you moan my name.”
“Don’t make me stop, please. I’m so close.”
Sweet little whimpers follow as she uses my erection to rub against her pussy. Her hands wrap around my neck, seeking more friction.
If she continues for another second, I’m going to lose it.
And if I touch her, I’ll explode.
“Lift your body,” I tell her, taking off my hat.
“What? How?”
“I’m putting this between us.”
I tap her hip, motioning for her to spread her legs and make room. Then I slide my hat between her thighs and over my cock.
“I’m going to crush it,” she says when I move her hips down.
“No, you won’t, but even so, don’t care. Pick a side of the ridge and ride it till you come, baby.”
When she settles on top of it, I crash her mouth back to mine and palm her breast over her tank top. Moaning against my lips, she rotates her hips back and forth.
Her head falls back, and I lick across the softness of her neck. “Thatta girl, take what you need.”
“I need you,” she begs.
“Imagine it’s me,” I whisper in her ear as I hold the hat in place so she can feel the friction. “My fingers in your sweet cunt and my tongue flicking your needy clit as you soak my hand. Picture me touching every inch of your body.”
“Oh my God…” She moans so loud, I’m grateful we’re in the privacy of my old truck on the side of a country road. “Almost there…keep talkin’.”
“Mm, so the dirty talk does it for ya? Duly noted.” I smirk, kissing along her jawline. “I’ve been imagining all the ways I’d touch you for so long. I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop once I do.”
“Tell me…every detail.”
She continues breathing heavily, and I know it’s only a matter of seconds before she unravels.
“Mm…you really are a Little Devil, aren’t you? Wanting to know all the ways I’ve fantasized about you? All the times I’ve jerked off in the shower imagining you in there with me…”
“Yes, just like that…”
I don’t need to say another word before she’s moaning through her release and shattering in my arms.
“Holy shit…did I just come on your cowboy hat?” she asks when she finally catches her breath.
I smirk, grab the hat from between us, and place it back on my head. “I can die a happy man now. In fact, bury me in this so I’m never without it.”