Chapter 11 #3
“I always hated what my Maasi-maa did and how she lived. Growing up, I idolised her as my mother, but when I learned about her past, my feelings shifted to hatred. However, after her death, I realised she was a woman with desires that exceeded those of a man, whether physical, emotional, or financial. A man would come, show her some love, and then leave her to fend for herself. She had no choice but to move on. But in the process, she lost her virtue; her image faded, and she became a slave to her needs, which ultimately ruined her.” He paused as I cushioned his hand.
“Do you think I’m becoming a slave to my needs, like how I keep coming to you?” I asked curiously.
He shook his head. “No. You rose like a phoenix; you’re stronger than you think,” he replied, and I gulped nervously as I glanced at his dagger.
“Do you still do that? I mean, recently?” I asked, blinking nervously.
He shook his head again. “That was almost three years ago, when I was searching for important information. I sent a woman from a brothel to a king to gather it, and she developed feelings for me, asking me to please her in return. But when I refused, she insisted. So I showed her another way,” he explained, lowering his gaze as he spoke slowly.
“Okay, that sounds dangerous. And, to protect them from you, I’m taking this dagger away,” I suggested in a low voice, pulling it from his hand.
He smiled and leaned closer. “I already gave it to you,” he said, drawing near my cheek and whispering, “As in, you own Agastya Dev Singh, half-wife.”
I closed my eyes, feeling his soft lips on my cheek for a moment, which made me smile.
“Agastya!” Suddenly, Ranaji's voice echoed in the chamber, and my eyes almost bulged out of their sockets.
“Fuck!” Kunwar-sa’s eyes widened in shock, and I felt like I was going to die right then.
A wave of panic surged through my nerves. “Ranaji,” I muttered in shock, but he quickly covered my mouth with his hand. I could hear his footsteps drawing closer as he scanned the room.
“Hide,” he urged, and I glanced toward the edge of the bed. However, Ranaji would’ve noticed the curtain moving. I gulped, filled with fear and anxiety.
And suddenly, Kunwar-sa lifted my legs and wrapped his hand around my waist, pulling me closer and making me lie on the bed. I couldn’t believe how effortlessly he lifted me like a leaf. My heart pounded in my mouth.
“Shh…” he hushed me, and I clenched my fists in fear. “Calm down,” he said.
I met his gaze and gulped nervously. Then he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me down until my head rested against his chest. A wave of fear washed over me.
“Agastya, are you awake?” Ranaji asked again. I could sense that he was very close.
We are both dead.
“Stay quiet,” Kunwar-sa muttered softly, tucking me under the comforter. He then turned to the side, using his body as a shield and resting his head on his elbow, hiding me behind him.
I felt my heart racing when he spoke, “Ji Bhai-sa.” His voice was calm, yet tinged with the hoarseness of sickness.
I shifted even closer to him, my chest pressing against his back. The moment he took my hand, wrapping it around his torso and covering it with the comforter, I felt a knot in my stomach.
I heard Ranaji draw the curtains open.
“It’s afternoon. What’re you doing in bed?” he asked, and I heard Kunwar-sa sniff lightly.
“Ugh… Bhai-sa, I slept outside last night, and this cold…” he spoke, sniffing, like he had a cold, really. “My nose and head hurt. Oh my God!”
I could feel the bed dipping at the edge, meaning Ranaji sat on the bed.
Oh my God! Such an actor!
“What? Why did you sleep outside?” Ranaji asked, and he suddenly sneezed, obviously fake.
I quickly shut my eyes, unsure of what he was doing.
“Oh, it looks terrible,” Ranaji remarked, then quickly added, “Try to avoid coming near the baby and Nandani.”
Kunwar-sa sniffed again. “Of course, Bhai-sa. By the way, what happened?” he asked innocently, as if there was no woman in his bed, as if he wasn’t naked, and as if that woman wasn’t hiding behind him under his comforter.
He was so insane.
I couldn’t resist pressing my forehead against his back. It felt warm, and my fingers could sense his tight abs beneath them.
His cologne overwhelmed me, making me forget everything again.
“Ah, nothing. Princess Rashmika has arrived with the head commander of Mehrangarh. I hope you can meet them. But right now, please take care of yourself and get well soon. Do you have a fever as well?” Ranaji asked, and Kunwar-sa stiffened.
I deciphered that Ranaji got closer to touch him.
“It seems like a fever. You should get some rest. I’ll send the physician,” Ranaji said.
Kunwar-sa shook his head immediately, and I couldn’t help but smile. “No, I just need to sleep. That’s all I need,” he said.
I felt Ranaji get up. “Okay. Get well soon; there’s a lot of work to be done,” he said.
I felt Kunwar-sa shift his hand beneath the comforter to grasp mine and turn slightly toward me. I closed my eyes immediately, feeling incredibly shy at that moment. He was completely naked, and though I couldn’t see all of him, a blush rose to my cheeks.
“So, half-wife,” he muttered slowly, wrapping his arms around me. I snapped my eyes open to look at him.
“I need to go,” my voice came out scared.
But he smiled and leaned closer to my ear. I gulped nervously and tried to push him away. His bed, his comforter—everything carried his scent, overwhelming me, yet for many wrong reasons, it felt incredibly safe around him.
As he inched closer, I widened my eyes at him.
I immediately turned my face to the side, unable to meet his gaze. It was beyond my capacity to stare into those eyes that could pierce me even without touching me. Sensations coursed through my body as he slowly reached my ear.
The tip of his cold nose brushed against my cheek, prompting my lashes to flutter rapidly and part my lips.
It felt more intense than I could endure.
I clenched my fingers around the bedsheet, unable to control the shiver that rushed through me. Then I felt his hand glide over mine, reaching for my palm.
“In my bed and under me, your hands should be wrapped around me; don’t restrain yourself,” he said, his voice slow and deep, which made me dizzy.
He clasped my fist and pulled my hand toward his neck, causing me to wrap it around him.
I opened my eyes, watching our hands touching, my fingers tracing his neck and shoulders, and I could hardly believe it.
His shoulders were broad, and he was stronger than I was. I shivered when he kissed my cheek. My eyes blinked rapidly before closing tightly, and I felt deeply swayed by the gentle touch on my skin.
I bit my lower lip and attempted to ask in a slow, broken voice, “Are you trying to seduce me, Kunwar-sa?”
With a deep voice, he kissed my cheek again and said, “Yes,” causing me to curl my toes. It was a bold statement.
I experienced a surge of sensations in my lower abdomen simply from hearing his ‘Yes.’
But hanging onto my last thread of sanity, I reminded him, “Your fiancée is in the kingdom, Kunwar Agastya.”
He paused and lifted his face to look at me. I gazed into his eyes and hesitantly pulled my hand back from his neck.
“You had to spoil it?” he said, his tone upset, “It could’ve been our first kiss.”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter what type of relationship you two are in; it’s still cheating until you’re not separated,” I explained slowly, and he inhaled deeply, moving away from me.
“Okay, as you say, half-wife throwing full-time tantrums,” he said slowly, pressing his face into the mattress and releasing me.
A slight smile crossed my face at the sight of him acting like a baby, pleading for candy but getting denied.
I pushed the comforter aside and tried to get out of bed.
But I noticed him lift his gaze to me, his expression weary. “You’re forgetting your dagger,” he said, pushing it toward me.
I gulped nervously as I took it in my hand.
“I hope it’s clean,” I teased.
He smiled faintly. “He takes a bath with me every day,” I chuckled at his remark. “Don’t use it,” he said in a deep, concerned voice, and I shook my head.
“I wasn’t going to anyway,” I said slowly. I didn’t know why, but I began feeling comfortable with him. It was as if I didn’t want to leave.
But I had to.
I looked at his hand resting on the bed and couldn’t help but take it and kiss his knuckles. “Thank you for trusting me, Kunwar-sa,” I said slowly, and he inhaled a deep breath.
“I want to hear you say thank you for thrusting into me, Kunwar-sa,” he said in a slow, playful tone, and my eyes widened in shock before I clenched my teeth slightly.
“I’m sure you’ve heard plenty of it. How about a change?” I said, and he laughed heartily.
I smiled and glanced at the dagger in my hand.
I didn’t know why, but taking this dagger with me felt wrong. He had brought me a black thread; since then, his thread had been missing, and then the dagger, too, especially when he was working on something dangerous.
He was used to this dagger. Not just for sinning, but to kill, protect, and even play. It seemed like a part of him.
I swallowed quietly and glanced at him.
“I think you should keep this dagger with you,” I said slowly, and he looked at me. “Why? Are you upset?”
I smiled to show I wasn’t, then shook my head. “I don’t need to take it. It’s about trust. And I trust you,”
I didn’t understand why I had said that. Perhaps we both recognised what was between us, despite everything we were saying to one another.
After everything he had said, I sensed he was uninterested in any girl. The way he returned from the brothel and shared everything with me made me confident that he would never make a mistake.
And even if he did, I would’ve understood there could’ve been a reason.
His safety was at risk. I couldn’t imagine what might happen if he ever got into trouble and couldn’t find his dagger; his situation could have worsened.
“It’s alright, you can keep it. It’s been with me since I was born.
My mother used to carry this dagger. It has witnessed my life more than anyone else ever has, and has seen all the phases I’ve lived and loved.
It has observed my innocent and sinful times with no judgment.
I cherish it as a part of my life and want to share it with you.
We don’t know what the future holds for us, but I want to give you a piece of my life,” he said, and I lowered my gaze to his clenched fist, listening to him.
I swallowed silently and shifted the dagger to his side.
“Don’t give me this dagger, then. Make me your dagger—a chamber for all your secrets and innocence.
You have shared little about your life with your brothers, who raised you like fathers, but you’ve given me glimpses.
I feel it’s a greater gesture than giving something dear to your heart,” I expressed as he placed his hand over mine.
“It would be too dark for you to be the chamber of my heart,” he drawled.
I bit my lip. “Still, I want to be more than just a half-wife, a dinner, Kaaki-sa, or anything you want me to be. I want to be the keeper of your secrets, as you mentioned in front of Princess Aishwarya, when you said your biggest secret is that you already have a wife.”
He nodded in agreement. “Okay…” he drawled. “Whatever you want to know, I’ll be honest,” He held my hand and kissed my fingers affectionately. “But don’t go to Mahabaleshgarh,” he added.
A faint smile crossed my face. “I’ll try,” I said, pulling my hand back. I parted the curtains and walked away.
Unknowingly, I sensed a sudden shift between us, as if a massive wall had crumbled. Yet I still couldn’t fully grasp what he had told me; it was overwhelming to process at the time.
“Hey, Dinner. I want lunch,” he suddenly called out. I watched him part the curtains and stand up, a white cloth wrapped around his waist.
“I will send another attendant, Kunwar-sa.”
He looked at me and smiled. “And the deal is still the same. If you want to get killed, I can gladly invoke my right,” he said, opening his arms wide, and I shook my head.
“In your dreams,” I exclaimed, and he laughed.
“You mean wet dreams,”
I felt a sudden blush spread across my cheeks.
“Kunwar-sa,” Suddenly, an attendant entered the chamber, and as soon as she spotted me, her eyes widened slightly in shock.
I immediately turned to look at him. “Kunwar-sa, Nandani said it’s kind of urgent.”
He looked confused and nodded. “Okay, let her know I’m on my way,” he said, and I hurried past the attendant, eager to jump into the well and assess the groundwater depth.
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