Chapter 16 Agastya
Iwatched the orange hues of the early morning blend into the bright sunlight with each step we took as we figured out the directions to Suryagarh. We were covered in mud, our clothes soaked.
We had walked several miles away from the river opening we had discovered. The mountains were close by, and so was the threat.
The sound of the flowing river was prominent, and we walked toward it to catch a glimpse.
“There it is,” Eklavya pointed his finger in a particular direction, and I swallowed to moisten my throat.
I was hungry. But we kept climbing the small mountain until we finally spotted the sparkling fresh water running through the hills.
I sighed deeply as my heart sank with fear.
It was a wide river that could accommodate many boats without issue. The water passage was expected to be safe for travel, as the rainy season was still three months away.
“We are done,” I said, sitting on the muddy hill against the tree, taking in a view that could soothe many but felt like heartbreak to me.
I didn’t know what to do anymore. It was far more significant than I had anticipated.
Overwhelmed, I shut my eyes, unable to comprehend it all. My chest felt tight, and I felt a sudden chill.
Amid all this, only two good things had happened in my life: my niece and my wife.
I thought I’d spend time with them, but it seemed we had little time left. The threat turned out to be more dangerous than I had envisioned.
“We should head back home,” Eklavya said, catching my attention.
I looked at him with a faint smile. “Yes, we should.”
“And we need to discuss it with everyone so that they’ll be prepared,” he added, and I stood up, offering him my hand.
“We will. Everyone is in Suryagarh, and despite it going against my heart, we still have to shatter everyone’s cheerful facade,” I said as we turned back to find horses tied around the Mehrangarh in someone’s grass fields, ready for a feast.
It was the afternoon when we finally found them on our walk.
Wasting no more time, we began our journey back home.
Darkness overtook the bright sun, turning it into midnight when we arrived. We quietly left our horses in the stable, and I walked back to my chamber, drawing no one’s attention.
After taking a long bath, I stepped out to sit in my private garden attached to the chamber, hoping to shake off the cold.
I gathered some wooden pieces and lit the fire before sitting in silence. There was a different kind of peace—a silence akin to the tiring sleep that follows a grand celebration. Everyone had retreated to their chambers, and I noticed an attendant walking in.
“Shall we get you something to eat, Kunwar-sa?” she asked, and I nodded weakly in response.
“Um… can you ask Suman to meet me?”
She nodded, bowing. She was the same attendant who had seen us together.
I no longer cared about anything.
Things were worse—the time until death was short, almost a month away. And after death, fear, happiness, and judgments—nothing would’ve mattered. It felt like I had only these three weeks to live my life fully.
Although I refused to accept defeat, the odds were even. Death was a real possibility, and ignoring that would’ve been foolish, given the slim chance of survival.
I waited until I heard her faded footsteps. My breath hitched as I looked at her.
She said nothing and silently sat beside me. The soft crackling of wood catching fire filled our ears like a melody amid the dark silence.
She pulled her knees closer and wrapped her arms around them, making me notice the beautiful green bangles on her wrist.
With just two feet between us, I gently pulled her closer, taking her hand.
She didn’t hesitate or protest.
I wrapped my arms around her, gathering her into my embrace. Her back pressed against my chest, and I shielded her with my shawl, leaving our faces exposed.
“How did it go?” I asked softly, resting my chin on her shoulder. She gulped and closed her eyes, our cheeks grazing one another.
After taking a deep breath, she muttered, “I rejected him.”
I gulped, holding her hands in mine beneath the warm shawl.
Closing my eyes, I breathed in her captivating, natural scent, a sweet fragrance that enveloped me in silence. There was a peculiar comfort in her embrace, something that transcended soothing.
Or I had never felt anything like that with any woman before. Well, I had never experienced this with anyone before.
I didn’t know, but with her, it felt like I could remain natural and silent and express my pain.
“Suman,” I called slowly, and she responded with a soft hum. Her voice tightened my chest. It was lazy, giving, and primarily divine.
She intertwined her fingers with mine, strong as if she were filling me with strength.
A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed hard, feeling weak.
“Why did you reject him?” My voice was slow, audible only to her.
She tilted her head slightly to the side, nestling into my neck. The warmth of her face made me feel lost in a world where no one could reach me, but she found me.
“I cannot marry anyone,” her soft voice brushed against my cheek, sending a slight shiver down my spine. Her submission felt like the most beautiful thing in the world.
She brought silence, relief, and an end to my turmoil.
“Does that mean you accept me as your husband?” I asked in the same slow voice, and she inhaled audibly, making me sense an intensity.
“You didn’t give me a choice; you just cut your thumb and filled my hairline.”
Her words made me smile, reminding me of that day.
“Do you regret it?” I asked lazily, rubbing my thumb against hers inside the shawl.
“Are you making me regret it?” she asked in return, and I chuckled slightly.
“I’m trying not to, but it’s slowly slipping out of my hands,”
She opened her eyes and looked at me. Our faces were merely apart. We could feel each other's warmth. The night was the only witness to our secret, charismatic, chaotic meeting in the presence of fire.
The fire that brought us closer and transformed us into something from nothing.
But the distance remained. Many questions were unanswered; somehow, I hesitated to answer them because something more significant demanded our attention.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked slowly, and I gulped, nodding slightly.
She sat up straighter and brushed her braid aside before leaning against my chest again. It felt even more comfortable now, and I drew her even closer.
“Have you ever hurt a woman, like breaking her heart or doing something she’d never forget, toying with her feelings?”
Her words unexpectedly made me smile, and I replied slowly, “Do I look like someone who could do that?”
She rubbed her nose against my cheek and shook her head slowly. “No, but still,”
I kissed her jaw gently. “No, I didn’t hurt any woman in my life. Breaking a heart is more brutal than killing someone,” I said, and she smiled.
“Why?”
I tightened my arms around her; the fire illuminated her face, and she appeared like liquid gold. She looked stunningly beautiful in my embrace.
“Because once you kill someone, they feel pain for a moment and then feel nothing again. But if you break a heart, it hurts for a lifetime,” I muttered slowly, and she kissed my cheek.
My gaze dropped, and my cheeks warmed. In my memory, not even my mother, let alone a woman, had ever kissed my cheek.
“Does it still hurt?” She asked.
“What?” I replied.
“The heartbreak from the girl,” she mentioned, and I bit my lip slightly.
“Um… not much, but I lost hope for love after her. I feel like I don’t deserve it,” I said, and she chuckled lightly.
“Well, if that’s the case, then I don’t deserve it either, because I’m a woman who was married for eight years, then became a widow, and now a prince’s secret muse.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Muse?”
She laughed softly, nodding. “Yes, a secret muse, but only when the heart is full of pain or in need,”
I closed my eyes, pressing my cheek against her.
“I’m sorry, but you know I can’t tell you about anyone. My relationship with Rashmika serves as my ticket to Mehrangarh. If anyone finds out about you, everything will be lost, and we’ll be in trouble, Suman,” I explained, and she took a deep breath against me.
The coldness had seeped away from her warm presence.
“I know, and I don’t want anyone to know about us,” she mumbled, and my brows furrowed in confusion.
“Why?”
She swallowed hard. “I’m a widow, and people will think I seduced you in this relationship if they find out. I mean, my name is ‘Suman’. It doesn’t even sound like a princess,” she said, pulling her hand out from under the shawl to show me her palm.
“Look at my palm,” she gulped, pausing briefly. “The lines on my hand, the texture, the feel—all of it comes from my work as an attendant. It doesn’t feel soft; it can’t caress your cheeks. We’re not meant to be together.”
My heart sank deeper with the pain consuming our space, and I shook my head, bringing her hand close to my cheek and letting her rub it against my skin.
“It can…” I drawled. “… and they feel like the most beautiful hands that have ever caressed me because these are the only hands that considered doing something more than just…”
My eyes filled with tears, and my heart felt suffocated suddenly.
She straightened up slightly and looked into my eyes, which were filled with concern. She cupped my cheek gently and shook her head.
“Did something wrong happen to you?” she asked slowly, and I chuckled, swallowing the lump in my throat.
I tried to push the memory away, as guilt and regret made me feel weak and disgusting.
“No, nothing,” I said as she inhaled deeply, pressing her back against my chest once more.
I closed my eyes, drinking in the comfort through her shoulder and neck. The faint red mark I had left was still visible on her neck.
She kissed my cheek and muttered, “You ruined your life to save mine, so I will never judge you for anything. You are my saviour; to me, you are my god who saved me from the demons. You will never be wrong in my eyes. Even if the world stands against you, even if you stand against me, you’ll still never be wrong for me.
But it’s good to take your time,” she said slowly, adding after a brief pause, “I took three years to tell my best friend that my marriage was a failure.”
I smiled weakly. “You mean, Bhabhi-sa,”
She nodded. “Yes,”
A broad smile suddenly spread across my face. “Okay, so if she knew about us, would she have called me Jijaji35?” And she chuckled unexpectedly.
“Kunwar-sa,” An attendant’s voice caught our attention.
“Ji,” I looked in her direction.
“Your dinner is inside,” she said, and we both laughed a little. I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t help myself.
“My dinner is in my arms.”
And we burst into laughter.
The attendant appeared confused, bowed slightly, and then walked away.
I looked at her beautiful and contagious smile and couldn’t help but kiss the side of her lips.
“You must be hungry,” she said slowly, and I grabbed her jaw.
“You’re not leaving me,”
She gulped, her smile fading. “Someone will find us,” she said, and I shook my head.
“I don’t care. I need this night with you, only you.”
?????