Chapter 26 Agastya
Iwas surprised at the depth of my sadness when she left.
I realised I shouldn’t have pressured her into coming to me. She’d fall harder for me without noticing if we kept seeing each other.
I rubbed my face and sighed with frustration.
This was a perfect example of a fucked-up life. You have a wife, but you don’t. You love someone, but you can’t tell her.
She was right, there was no doubt about it. But I didn’t know I would fall in love after what had happened in my past. After sleeping with that married princess, I was sure I wouldn’t find love, so I didn’t feel compelled to be better.
What I unconsciously manifested became my reality. I didn’t realise that my fear had turned into darkness, but I felt I should stay away from her.
My presence wouldn’t offer her any comfort, only trauma. I also didn’t want a sympathetic relationship.
I knew I’d just saved her and put the vermilion in her hair to protect her. That didn’t mean she had to be with me.
Oh God! Please, make me forget everything; I’m begging you.
After a deep breath, I exited the bath and changed into fresh clothes. I had already caused her enough pain. She didn’t need me, and she had made no commitments.
I couldn’t keep her against my will. I had to move on, for both our sakes.
I returned to my bedroom, gathered some papers and an inkpot, and prepared a plan for Mehrangarh.
Stepping into the library, I spread the Mehrangarh map wide on the table.
I stared blankly at it, unable to comprehend how to lead the war and disrupt the invaders’ plan without harming anyone.
They’d cross the river and approach Mehrangarh, where their cannons awaited them.
We had to contend with three challenges: the cannons, the enemy soldiers, and the uninvited problem.
I sighed deeply and leaned over the table to gaze at the image of the mountains, while the vision of the empty underground water channel blurred my thoughts.
However, my mind seemed too preoccupied with Suman.
I shook my head. She didn’t need me. I reminded myself to focus on the war. I couldn’t jeopardise everyone’s lives just because I was hurt.
I didn’t know, but she said she wouldn’t judge me. I understood her pain; no wife would want her husband’s past to be like that. Yet, our marriage didn’t unfold in wonderful ways. It wasn’t even a complete marriage.
“Agastya,” a sudden, girlish voice caught my attention, causing me to furrow my brows in confusion. At that moment, my mind recognised it immediately.
Rashmika.
I immediately rolled the map, hearing the anklet bells. Panicking, I hurried out of the library and stood before her.
“Hey,” I said, and she knitted her brows in confusion.
“Why are you panting?” she asked, and I narrowed my brows, trying to act normal.
“Oh, I was just masturbating,” I blurted the first thing that came out and chuckled.
She rolled her eyes and slapped my chest before turning away and sitting on the couch.
“What happened?” I asked, taking a seat beside her.
“Everything is falling apart, Agastya,” she replied.
“What happened? Is everything okay?” I asked, and she suddenly burst into tears.
“I don’t know. It’s getting complicated, and I feel hurt,” she sobbed, covering her face.
I gritted my teeth, wrapping my arms around her shoulder. “Did you two fight about something?”
She hiccuped and nodded. “About what?”
She lifted her tear-stricken face and looked at me. “I told her everything about our plan regarding life, and she said she doesn’t trust me. I don’t know what to do. She keeps asking me why I’m getting married to you, and she isn’t even trying to understand.”
I sighed deeply, asking, “What did you tell her about us?”
She washed her cheeks, sobbing. “I told her we have nothing romantic between us. I’m marrying you to be closer to her.
But she asked how she would know you wouldn’t touch me.
She said we could both fool her. I mean, why on earth would I fool her?
She can’t see what I’m doing to stay close to her.
All she cares about is herself,” she whispered through her tears, and I couldn’t help but stroke her arm.
“Hey, she will understand. She’s different; she can’t grasp what you’re experiencing. The pressure from your family, your father, and your brothers. She needs to trust you,” I said, and she shook her head.
“Yes, that’s what I was telling her. I told her to trust me because that’s the only way I could stay here in this palace, and I didn’t know how to express just how much I loved her.
She’s doubting me. Tell me, what other options do I have?
Will my parents ever let me stay in Suryagarh without getting married?
Or will they allow me to remain in Mehrangarh without getting married?
You know how these men are. No one would understand if I were to marry someone else.
You got me; you understood what I was going through and agreed to this wedding to help me, even knowing we wouldn’t have anything between us.
But she thinks I will forget her once I’m married.
I don’t know, Agastya. Sometimes, it feels like no matter how much you do for someone, it’s never enough,” she said, and I didn’t know what to say.
Well, as a girl, she had feelings for another girl and couldn’t tell anyone. She confided in me as a good friend, and that’s where we found ourselves. At first, she tried to act childish in front of her parents to hide her disinterest in the marriage.
But they were determined to get her married to some random man without a second thought. She feared a man would force and hurt her, as no one understood her.
And since I needed to enter Mehrangarh and couldn’t bear to see her sad, I agreed to marry her for convenience.
If she married me, she would come to Suryagarh and enjoy her life with her loved one.
“Hey, it’s all right. She’ll understand if you give her some time or explain yourself better,” I said.
Suddenly, she leaned in, and I couldn’t help but hug her. She had been there for me when I needed her the most. She was the one who helped me overcome the rejection I faced from that princess.
I exhaled deeply and rubbed her shoulder to calm her down. “I don't know, Agastya. I love her. I can’t be without her,” she said, and I gulped nervously, unsure how to console her.
I would’ve asked her to stay in Suryagarh if we had won the war. But if we joined Mehrangarh in the war, she could stay in her kingdom, whatever she wished.
“I can’t live alone, Agastya. I can’t; I love—”
“Kunwar-sa,” I heard Suman’s voice, and my eyes widened in shock.
I immediately turned to find her holding a plate.
Rashmika straightened up and wiped her tears. Looking into her blank eyes, my heart sank even deeper.
After everything, this was left to happen. I felt ruined entirely, from all sides.
I exhaled, and she said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I brought you dinner.”
Before I could reply, Rashmika interrupted, “Oh, that's okay. Thank you so much.”
I bit my lip and silently watched her leave. Her face looked even more hurt. I couldn’t say anything about her in front of Rashmika. I couldn’t bring any problems upon her just because of me.
“Are you having dinner now?” Rashmika asked, looking at me, and I didn’t know what to say.
“My dinner just left,” I blurted out, and she frowned in confusion.
“What?”
I rolled my eyes. “I mean, my dinner is left here, on the table, by her. Yes, dinner. I'm hungry.” I felt the urge to run.
“Oh my God. I totally forgot. Bhai-sa called me. I need to talk to him. I'll see you later,” I said, quickly getting up from the couch and walking out of the room.
It was already dark. I rubbed my palms together, jogging to catch up with her. I reached out to stop her.
She turned around, her angry eyes locking onto mine, and before I could grasp the situation, she pushed me away with all her strength.
“Suman,” I muttered, grabbing her hand, but she struggled to pull away.
“Leave my hand!” she yelled.
I quickly took her to a corner and placed my finger over her lips.
“Shhh, slow down,” I shushed her, but she pounded her fists against my chest, trying to push me away.
“Hey, listen to me, Suman,” I tried to speak, but she struck me on the chest, and I was left with no choice but to hold both of her wrists and twist one of her arms behind her.
“Will you please let me explain? It’s not what you think,” I said, but she glared, flaring her nose.
My chest tightened as I looked at her furious red gaze.
She wriggled in my hold, but I stepped closer, stiffening my grip on her wrists behind her back. Her chest rose and fell against mine as she breathed in fury, pressing herself back into the wall.
I gulped hard before saying, “It’s not what you think.”
She gritted her teeth, staring fiercely into my eyes.
“You know what? Men like you can never be trusted. You have no control. All you want is women. If someone says no, then you wrap someone else in your arms. This is your reality, and that’s why no girl ever stays with you,” she whispered furiously, and I inhaled deeply, shaking my head.
“You’re getting it all wrong, Suman. Let me explain,” I tried to say, but she cut me off harshly.
“Explain? Explain what? How do you explain your fiancée was hugging you while you wrapped your arms around her when just this morning you were crying about me?” she shot back, and I gulped nervously, unsure of how to make her understand.
“She’s my friend, Suman,” I said, but she interrupted.
“Friend? Oh really? Lies and lies and lies. For a moment, I thought I shouldn’t have said all of that to you. For a moment, I thought maybe you wouldn’t hurt me. But it’s not even been a moment since I found you getting romantic with your fiancée.”
“It wasn’t romance, Suman,” I tried to explain, but she stared deep into my eyes.
“Stop lying. You think you’re a prince, that you can get everything, and just because you saved me, you can say I’m falling for you and use me just like you’ve always done. You are completely mistaken.”
“So do you,” I couldn't help but raise my voice.
It hurt even more. Did I trust the wrong person with all of this?
“You are ruining my life. You’re driving me insane with your words, actions, and presence. You’re pushing to immense madness. You’re pulling me toward you when I don’t want to. I can’t stand you!”
Her tear-filled eyes locked onto mine, and I loosened my grip.
“You're misunderstanding everything. Please, trust me and let me explain,” I pleaded, but she gritted her teeth.
“Trust you? I saw it with my own eyes,”
“So, it doesn’t matter what I say?” I asked, my brows furrowed in confusion as she inhaled sharply.
“You think I’m a fool. You thought, ‘Oh, she’s hurt.
I can win her over with my charm’. You’re wrong, Kunwar Agastya Dev Singh.
You proved me right in just one day. What you say doesn’t matter because I now know who you are—a coward who sleeps with women to feel better about himself.
I’ll never be that woman. Let go of my hand,” she exclaimed, and I felt the anger flaring up inside me.
I tried not to say anything.
She pushed me away.
“I wish you hadn’t saved me that day,” she snarled, and I nodded silently, watching her walk away.
Anger fumed within me, and I slammed my fist into the wall.
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