Chapter 27 Suman
Iwalked away from him as far as I could.
I was breaking, shattering. My feet trembled, and I couldn’t walk right. I felt as if something had sucked all my strength. My wrists throbbed from his tight and painful grip.
What once felt beautiful now seemed like a mistake.
Why, God?
Why did you bring him into my life only to cause me more pain? Why did you save me if your only intention was to make me suffer? Why did he have to betray me like that?
He nearly confessed his love for me, instantly pulling Princess Rashmika into his arms. How could he be so heartless?
I didn’t even have the words to curse him.
I wasn’t sure how to refer to him. He was such a womaniser.
I sighed heavily and cried once I reached my room and closed the door. I shouldn’t have seen him as a manwhore. He saved me. He fought to protect my life.
But that didn’t mean he could destroy my life.
Who granted him the right to play with my life? Who allowed him to hurt me like that? Furthermore, who gave him the authority to do this to me?
“Suman,” his low, deep voice suddenly caught my attention from the other side of the door.
My heart raced even faster as I wiped away my tears and shook my head.
“Go away,” I whimpered.
“Suman, please open the door so I can explain. You’re misunderstanding everything. It’s not what you think,” he responded from the other side of the door.
I gritted my teeth, feeling the anger rise inside me. I had dealt with this before. This was just the talk of a cheater, a bastard.
“I said, go away and don’t create a scene here,” my voice raised.
“Suman, I understand you’re angry, upset, and hurt by what you saw and heard,” I inhaled deeply; he was pushing my limits even further. “Can you give me a chance to explain? Rashmika is just a friend. She was having a tough day.”
I closed my eyes and fisted my palms in anger.
“Oh, really? Is that how you console someone? That’s how you treated women on all those trips to the brothels. You comfort them because they have bad days and tough lives. You know what this is—it’s who you are. You disguise your actions with sugar-coated words—”
“Suman,” he cut me off. “I told you everything with my true intentions. Why would I sugarcoat them?”
A few more tears rolled down my cheeks.
“You sugarcoat them because this is who you are,” I said. “You are a coward and don’t want people to know your reality. You want to hide it from everyone under your charm and handsomeness. I feel terrible to say, but you’re a manwhore,” I was heaving with fury with each passing moment.
The vision of him sitting with Rashmika blurred my mind, along with the imagination of him doing all the romantic and intimate things to brothel women.
I didn’t understand why it was hurting so much. What the hell did I expect from him? What the hell did I want to hear?
I stared at the door, and the walls closed in on me with each passing moment. The silence pierced my heart, and fresh tears rolled down my cheeks when the reply didn’t come.
I bit my lip and averted my eyes, blinking in confusion.
My body shook, and I stared at my trembling hands.
What on earth is happening to me?
Why did it bother me so much? Why did it hurt so badly?
Over the past seven years, I had trained myself to be as numb as a stone, refusing to cry at terrible moments or laugh at good ones.
What had become of that Suman? Why was she crying over a man? What exactly was I weeping for?
I swore I wouldn’t cry. I didn’t want to be like him. Why would I? Would he find hundreds of other women? He had asked me to hide my feelings from everyone, too.
I wouldn’t fall for him, not at all.
I wiped my tears and tried to calm down.
I had to forget him. I couldn’t keep hurting myself.
I wouldn’t cause myself such pain. I was happy before him; I could remain like that for the rest of my life.
Yet, at that moment, it felt unbearably difficult to even think of him, and impossible not to believe him.
It was as if I couldn’t exist without him.
I lay back and wrapped myself in the comforters, seeking some sleep. It was becoming overwhelming.
The idea of going to Mahabaleshgarh with Daadi-sa for a while seemed appealing.
Neither of us would get hurt by seeing each other.
I swallowed hard and became lost in countless thoughts of him, both painful and joyful, before I realised I had fallen asleep.
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The sunlight felt different when I opened my eyes. I got out of bed.
After a bath, I focused on not thinking about him as I attended to my morning routine.
Once dressed, I headed to Nandani’s chamber and found her with the princess. She swallowed hard at the sight of me and asked, just like the day before,
“Everything okay, Suman?”
I nodded with a smile and started organising her chamber, putting everything in its place.
“Yes, everything’s fine,” I replied, inhaling deeply before sitting beside her.
“Nandani, I’m considering going with Daadi-sa to Mahabaleshgarh for a few days. She seems happy with me,” I stated.
She narrowed her brows and responded, “But Daadi-sa is staying here with us. I told you; you know she didn’t leave with Nandan.”
I stared at her blankly, unable to recall when she had mentioned it. I didn’t know what to say.
“Oh, okay,” I mumbled and nodded. “I should check what breakfast is today,” I added, leaving for the kitchen.
Something felt off, but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. I didn’t want to see him. An unknown weight sat heavily on my chest, with a hint of regret for saying things he didn’t want to hear.
But he was cheating on me. Just that morning, we had been together in his bathing pool, holding hands and sharing our feelings, and by the end of the day, he was in his chamber with Princess Rashmika, hugging her.
How could he do that? Especially knowing how much it hurt me.
I sighed deeply and tasted the food to check the spice levels and quality before plating it for everyone.
I didn’t check or inquire about his plate; there were plenty of attendants to take care of him.
After breakfast, I spent the afternoon with Nandani, who attempted to engage me in conversation, aware of what was happening. However, noticing my silence, she held back.
I didn’t want to discuss it with anyone.
I checked on dinner preparations in the evening and returned to my room to sleep. It felt good. I hadn’t seen him, hadn’t gone to his chamber, hadn’t tried to find him, or thought about him.
It was good for both of us, especially for me. I didn’t want to hurt myself.
I woke up the next day and resumed my chores. The day was brighter than the last, yet deep down I longed to see him. I waited for him to come, argue, and talk to me. But ignoring him felt better; I sighed and focused on my tasks.
The days passed similarly: helping Nandani, meeting Daadi-sa, who tried to introduce me to another man, and urging me to settle down. I told her I was content as I was.
But I wasn’t sure if I was truly happy.
I went to bed each night, and several days passed that way. I avoided going to his chamber, didn’t check on his meals, and refrained from any actions that led me to him.
After a week, on a fine morning, while overseeing breakfast preparations in the kitchen, I noticed the attendants arranging everyone’s plates.
I checked each plate, as I often did during surprise inspections.
Yet something felt off.
“Wait,” I stopped all the attendants and scanned their faces, holding plates before me.
I scanned each plate, taking my time—they were all ready.
“Where is Kunwar Agastya’s plate?” I asked, looking at the attendants.
One stepped forward, delivering news that twisted my heart.
“He hasn’t been in the palace for over a week now.”
“What?” My brows furrowed in disbelief. “What do you mean?” I pressed on, feeling my fingers grow cold.
“Yes, he isn’t in the palace. He left over a week ago for some work,” another attendant added, and I stood stunned by the information.
And no one told me. He didn’t even try to say anything to me. How could he leave without even notifying me?
I immediately hurried toward Nandani’s chamber and found her playing with the princess.
“Nandani,” I called, stepping close to her.
She lifted her gaze from the princess and looked at me.
“Yes, what happened?” she asked, straightening up, settling the princess in her lap.
“You didn’t tell me,” I stated in disbelief. There was no way she didn’t know about him leaving.
Her face turned confused, and she replied, “What?”
I sat beside her and muttered, “Kunwar Agastya is not in the palace,” and she nodded, smiling at the princess.
“Yes, I know,” she said, and I suddenly felt angry at her.
“What do you mean, you know?” I asked, and she looked at me with a confused yet calm smile.
“I know he is not in the palace. He left ten days ago for Pratapgarh for some work,” she explained, and my eyes widened with shock.
“And you didn’t even tell me?” I raised my voice at her, and she gritted her teeth.
“What do you mean, I didn’t tell you? Is it my job to keep you informed about his whereabouts? How can you talk to me? How do I know whether you know? And why do you even care when you didn’t even try to meet him once when he was leaving, not even coming out of your room to see him leave?”
She looked at me, and I didn’t know why, but her words sliced through my heart. She had never spoken to me like this.
“Why are you being rude to me, Nandani?” I asked, my voice breaking with the overwhelming feelings, and she lifted her gaze to me.
“I am being rude to you?” she exclaimed.
“Are you even listening to yourself? Can you even realise what you’re doing?
I’m surprised that the man you spent the entire night in his chamber went out over ten days ago, and you don’t even know where he is.
It’s unbelievable, Suman,” she said, and my heart raced as I tried to respond.
“He cheated on me, Nandani. I found him hugging Princess Rashmika in his chamber,” I said.
She stared at me silently for a moment before lowering her gaze.
“Then your concern for him doesn’t seem valid. Just get some rest,” she said coldly with a smile.
I didn’t understand why, but she was hurting me.
“Nandani, what’s wrong? Why are you being so cold?” I asked, placing my hand on her knee, and she looked up at me.
“What happened to me, Suman, seriously?” She regarded me with fury.
“First, I find you spending a night with my brother-in-law, and it turns out my best friend has some romantic connection with him, with a history. That’s okay; I accept it and try to support it.
But then, when I literally asked you every day what happened?
How are you doing? You don’t tell me anything about what’s happening in your life?
You make me feel invisible. And suddenly, you come to me, raise your voice, claiming I didn’t inform you.
Did you even care? Were we even talking about him for the last ten days?
And now suddenly you’re back playing the friend card?
” she asked, picking up the princess in her arms.
“You know what,” she said, standing up. “I can’t do this right now,” and walked back to her chamber.
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