Agastya
At times, you desire something very deeply in your life. You pray for it every moment, craving it intensely. Sometimes, it feels as if not getting it would bring your life to an end. You endure it, watching the days pass by as time slips through your fingers. The urgency intensifies, the hunger grows, and your stomach feels both empty and yet full. You cannot describe what is happening, nor do you realize it is taking place. You confront your deepest fear: failure, the collapse of your life, when you long for something dearly, but life has planned something entirely different for you.
I went through this nearly three years ago. A beautiful young woman captured my heart. My first glimpse of her was awash in the early morning orange hues. I bounced in sync with my horse while crossing the grassy fields on the outskirts of Suryagarh. It was just another day, and I was returning from one of my encounters with the Prince of a small state.
Her convoy walked along the muddy road. As I approached the palanquin, furrowing my brow, I noticed a beautiful princess peeking outside. Her eyes resembled a doe ’ s, her face small, her brows thick, her smile bright, and her standards high.
My heart raced as my horse slowed down. I gazed at her, absorbing every glance offered in that moment.
But as soon as she disappeared from view, my troubled past dragged me back to reality. Clinging to the hope that she might understand and trust me, I started looking for her.
I found her at a friend ’ s wedding. A month-long celebration drew us closer, transforming us from strangers into friends. However, when I tried to shift from friends to lovers by sharing my past, she shattered my heart with just a few words.
"You are a manwhore, and I will die before getting married to one,"
I returned home, trying to overcome my persistent thoughts about her. Her words cut deep, brutally. However, the fact that she made a choice and I was not the one helped me move on from her.
For days, I questioned myself. I hated myself because I wasn ’ t the one she wanted. I wasn ’ t good enough. I didn ’ t measure up. I sank deep into a well of negative thoughts, believing that nobody deserved someone like me.
Until I met a pair of eyes that looked at me from the other side. The gaze seemed worried for me, happy for me, not questioning, but she still didn ’ t know everything about me.
“ What do you mean?” she asked, and I couldn ’ t help but gaze into her eyes, attempting to dissolve the memory that still haunted me with a smile.
“ One is dead for you, the other is dying for you, and one is waiting outside to die for you,” I murmured slowly, gazing into her hazy eyes, flushed cheeks, and those beautifully red lips that appeared a thousand times more alluring after an orgasm.
She gulped nervously and furrowed her brow, her face filled with questions. “ What do you mean? Please don ’ t tell me you ’ re going to kill him,” she whispered slowly. I pulled her closer in a gentle hug, saying, “ You need to make a choice for yourself. Everyone deserves better.”
I didn ’ t come here to act on impulse. I wanted to see her before leaving for Mehrangarh. However, things slightly spiraled out of control, and it occurred. The soft spot I had for her was growing. It was taking up so much space that I could barely remind myself that I might end up disappointing her.
But that will never change the fact that I care for her. I always will.
“ Suman,” Daadisa ’ s voice caught our attention again, and I knew she had something to say. She looked at me with confusion, so I nodded and put a smile back on my face.
"I hope you find it interesting,"
She rolled her eyes in disbelief and pushed me away. “ Go,” I bit my lower lip. I didn ’ t know why, but my heart felt as if it were breaking as I watched her leave. I wanted to talk to her, to tell her, to listen to her, and to keep her close, but that didn ’ t seem appropriate right now.
I wanted to keep her, but not because I could. I wanted her to stay, to remain even after knowing everything about me, after seeing all of me: my broken self, my worried self, my angry self, my careless self, my childish self, my mature self— all the versions of me that had barely been seen by anyone.
I wanted her to stay after everything and with a choice.
The choice that was waiting outside for her might be better than me. Still, I couldn ’ t keep her just because I could.
I wanted her to express her refusal to this marriage proposal on her own.
Nothing is more beautiful than having a choice; otherwise, there is no point.
I made my own choices and stood here before her. If this was the opportunity God was offering me after the heartbreak, I wanted her to make her own choices and stand before me.
I intertwined my fingers with hers. My heart was aching to claim her lips, to make her mine, to taste every inch of her, and to make her feel that she owns me—though she needed to know she owns me, not just that we are tied together.
She widened her eyes, giving me a silent signal to leave, and I nodded, stepping away from her. I walked outside through the window, stealing a few glances at her, savoring the exquisite taste and scent of her presence.
My heart ached. Perhaps this was the last time we would meet. I had desired this for a long time. I wanted to learn about all the pain she had buried inside her. I wanted to make her feel special.
But, for that, this bridge needed to be crossed.
I walked back to Eklavya and saw him waiting at the main entrance of the Kingdom. The palace buzzed with visitors, the feast still ongoing, and joy seemed to fill the air.
This was the perfect opportunity to reach Mehrangarh before the head commander came back.
Everyone was so busy that they wouldn ’ t even notice we were gone.
I mounted my horse, and we both began racing toward Mehrangarh, hiding our faces.
We needed something real as evidence now.
The sun descended in the west to rest, and we reached the outskirts of Mehrangarh just as darkness enveloped the light like a blanket.
We both dressed in the clothes of a Mehrangarh soldier that Eklavya managed to steal from the soldier who visited Mahabaleshgarh for the feast with Princess Rashmika.
We could not enter through the main door; instead, we walked toward the back of the Kingdom. It was darker, and people were heading back to their chambers to sleep, so we chose a stop that would connect us directly to the weapons warehouse.
During my previous visit, I understood most of the infrastructure of the Kingdom. The warehouse was in the back, so if a war occurs, they could break the large wall for easy and quick access to the weapons while pretending to be unarmed to all the visitors.
It seems we couldn ’ t break through the two—foot—thick wall, but we could dig down.
We both started digging, choosing a safer spot away from the watchers. The plan was to dig and create a small cave under the wall that would open on the other side.
By the time we finished, it had grown darker, and thankfully, no one noticed.
We filled the hollow space with some mud, not entirely, because we needed to get out too.
We crawled slowly into the Kingdom. There were a few soldiers watching nearby. I waited for them to move slightly to drink water and then ran towards the warehouse without making a sound.
My heartbeats were racing.
And it raced even faster when we both discovered the lock on the warehouse door.
“ What do we do now?”
Eklavya whispered, and I wiped the sweat from my forehead.
I gulped nervously and looked at a huge lock. I didn ’ t have anything to put inside, and then suddenly, I remembered my lady luck.
I drew my dagger and removed the sheath. It was a sharp blade with a curved tip. I offered a brief prayer and slowly inserted the blade ’ s tip into the keyhole.
It got stuck a little, and I tried to figure out the locks. Because of the blade ’ s thinness, it managed to slip in with some effort, and I attempted to unlock it.
Suddenly, the worn footsteps of soldiers grabbed my attention, and we both shared a fearful glance.
I quickly pulled the blade out, and we both stood next to the door.
The soldier looked at us and said, “ I ’ m going to sleep for a while. Keep your eyes open.”
We both nodded, playing wise like the soldiers of Mehrangarh, and he walked away from there.
I took a deep breath and we both started over.
This time it slid inside quickly, and I turned the blade to unlock it. I returned the blade to the sheath, and he opened the door, taking the lock inside with him.
I knew she was lucky to have me. A smile spread across my face unexpectedly.
But it disappeared as soon as we stepped into the dark warehouse.
Eklavya closed the door behind him, and I tried to find the lamp.
I bumped into the table in the pitch-black darkness, and after a few tries, my fingers found the lamp. Oddly, it was hot. This suggests someone had been here before us.
“ We need to find stones,” I said slowly to Eklavya. He struggled a bit while I gathered some dry grass. We both attempted to ignite it. I was sweating.
My fingers turned cold, aware of how much was at risk.
Suddenly, the dry grass ignited, and I used it to light the torch.
The warehouse room brightened slightly, and Eklavya blew out the grass fire, covering it with sand so no one would discover it. We walked around, examining the iron shelves, which held some scrolls, mortar, and a few other items. In the middle, there was a stone table, and I stepped closer to it it.
“ Begin examining the scrolls and documents,” I told him.
As I walked into the warehouse, there were swords, spears, bows, arrows, and many other weapons. However, when I stepped in, my feet suddenly felt a different surface.
My brows drew together in a line.
I stepped back in this place; it felt hollow.
The tension mounted in my mind. I bit my lip and called out slowly, “ Eklavya,”
He walked over to me, and I signaled for him to step onto this small surface. He also looked confused.
“ There is something,” he said. We both knelt down, rubbing the sand off until our fingers felt a three—foot—long and wide iron door to the basement.
“ Bastards,” I muttered, trying to feel normal. It was fine. I hated small, hidden places; they shortened my breaths.
I gulped, and gathering my courage, we both opened it and looked at the rope ladder hanging inside.
“ We should go inside,” I said, even though I felt scared. We couldn ’ t see where it would take us.
I entered first, then Eklavya followed.
One after another, we went nearly a full length deep into it. It was small, but when we reached the lowest point, our eyes remained stunned.
We couldn ’ t see a wall. It was open, wide open. As long as we could see through the darkness and the light of the lamp.
Eklavya suddenly grabbed my hand, and we began to move a little further.
Then, suddenly, we spotted six to seven-foot-long iron tubes, or perhaps cylinders, which were not too wide but tapered from one end to the other.
“ What ’ s this?” I asked as Eklavya touched my shoulder, poking me. Lifting my gaze, I followed his as he asked, “ What the hell is that?” I felt shaken. My throat went dry.
My eyes widened in shock and then narrowed to improve my vision in the dim light from the lamp that barely reached far. It was pitch black, massive, dangerous, and something I had never seen or heard of before.
"It looks dangerous," Eklavya said in his slow, frightened voice, and I turned around to see that this wasn ’ t the only one. There were many, even hundreds.
As I stepped closer to it, I gulped in fear and nervousness. It had wheels and a long tube—the same one I had seen in abundance.
Gazing at its long cylindrical design, I remembered the gun Rashmika had given me. It fired gunpowder, and I sensed this was precisely the same model—just the more dangerous and destructive version, as I had guessed.
"It ’ s meant to blast gunpowder," I said, looking at Eklavya, who was furrowing his brows at me. "The one you tested, right?"
I nodded. "Hmm."
“ But this one would cause major destruction; it could kill many at once,” I stated, and he asked, confused, "How do you know about that?"
I licked my dry lips and looked at him. "Look at their size. Gunpowder is explosive; it detonates like a volcano when it comes into contact with fire. It burns, kills people with ease and brutality, and there are hundreds of them here," I explained in a slow voice, and he nodded, wiping the sweat from his forehead. He looked scared, obviously more than I was.
"But there must be a way to get them out," I said, glancing around as he furrowed his brows.
"What do you mean?" he asked, biting his lips. His cheeks had reddened; the fear was evident in his eyes.
"I mean, they can ’ t get them out through this secret passage with a rope stair. They ’ re heavy; they would need people to push them out in large numbers, and there must be a way to slide them out since they have wheels," I attempted to explain. Suddenly, he said, gulping, "Do you know how dangerous this is? These things could blow the whole Kingdom away, and I don ’ t know what the hell we ’ re doing—"
"Yes," I interrupted him firmly.
His eyes widened in shock. "What?" he stammered, swallowing hard.
"There are things that could blow the whole Kingdom away."
"No, no, no, no... . It's too dangerous, brutal, and destructive," he said, stepping closer to me, and I shook my head.
"It's not. It ’ s our defense. We have nothing personal against Mehrangarh, but they ’ re assisting those invaders, and this is our response. They ’ re considering using these in the war, and if we can destroy them, then we ’ ve already won half the battle," I tried to persuade him, but he shook his head.
"You realize that this whole Kingdom could go up in flames?" He put his hand on my shoulder, his eyes wide.
"Then what do you want? Would it be better if my brothers, family, your family, Pratapgarh, Mahabaleshgarh, all the princely states, and the entire population were at risk? Try to be sensible, Eklavya. We can ’ t combat these monsters with swords. We either need this gunpowder and these machines, or we fight until we ’ re all dead individually. If we don ’ t stop them, they will capture Mehrangarh first, then all the Kingdoms one by one. So it ’ s better if we blow them all up before they can even strike," I concluded, trying hard to make him understand, but he tightened his jaw and slowly shook his head.
"People are in Mehrangarh, too. We don ’ t know how dangerous they are. Maybe we ’ re only considering the Palace, but what if a large population gets harmed, too?" he said, and I took a deep breath, acknowledging his perspective.
"Then we ’ ll have to wait until they take them out into an open area where we can destroy them," I replied, and he nodded.
"Yes, that would be better, and we still need to find out where they ’ re hiding the explosives, like that gunpowder," he inquired, and I gulped, scanning the surroundings.
"We should walk through and see what else is here and where this place leads,” I suggested. He nodded but suddenly stopped me.
"But, , what if this place doesn ’ t open nearby and leads us far away from here?" he asked, and I bit my lip, considering it.
"I don ’ t think so," I replied, walking toward the nearest wall. The temperature was colder here than outside; it wasn ’ t just freezing but watery cold, and there was moisture in the air.
It was confirmed as I placed my hand on the wall, feeling the dampness in the stones. This cave didn ’ t have mud but stone walls.
"It doesn ’ t seem like a man-made space. It feels more natural. Look at the stone walls, the uneven floor, and the packed mud and stones. It ’ s like a vast compound here, sloping upward,” I remarked, furrowing my brows, and he followed my gaze, agreeing with me.
"You ’ re right. What do you think then?" he asked.
"I believe it ’ s a groundwater channel that has now dried up. There should be an opening nearby, perhaps a large dig for a well. They likely discovered this place because of that. Additionally, this passage probably isn ’ t very long since laborers can ’ t work and push for long periods in this dark, airless condition," I explained, and he nodded.
"I agree; we should find the well or the place where they ’ ll take them outside to use, since it's meant to be hidden," he added, nodding.
“ I believe they won ’ t get it out until the soldiers of that army arrive here. If Mehrangarh ’ s laborers got involved, the news would leak eventually, but if that army deployed their soldiers, it could stay a secret," I added, and he shook his head in confusion.
“ But wouldn ’ t they recognize those people? I mean, there are thousands of people in their territory, and no one would notice?” And I shook my head.
"No, if they ’ re wearing what we are wearing—Mehrangarh's clothes," I said, and he sucked on his lips, nodding thoughtfully.
Honestly, it was all overwhelming at this point. I couldn ’ t believe they orchestrated all this right under our noses while making us feel confident about marrying their daughter, Rashmika. I could barely wrap my head around it.
Seeing its scale, I felt compelled to alert all the kingdoms to keep their armies on standby, because anything could happen. However, notifying them too soon would be unwise; they wouldn ’ t fully understand the gravity of the situation—the extent of destruction and the lives at stake. We needed to be strategic rather than emotional.
Eklavya and I started walking through the passage, picking a side. The air was thin here, and I could feel it pressing against my chest. The oil burned as we stepped forward, slowly taking in the surroundings and the uneven ground beneath us. The temperature was gradually rising, indicating that we were nearing the surface.
I didn ’ t know how long we had been walking. The darkness was deepening, making it hard to see. It was a vast, hollow space, and every slight noise echoed around us. Thankfully, we had chosen to come here at night; otherwise, people might have discovered us.
We kept walking and felt a refreshing breeze.
“ The opening is near,” I said, and we both began to look around. But there was no passage in sight. I glanced upward.
“ Look,” I said, catching his attention. We both stared up at the empty, round, dry well.
“ So, you were right. It ’ s a dry well,” he said, and I nodded, swallowing hard.
“ But I think there must be an opening for a river—a dried-up groundwater river. This area is close to mountains, which typically indicates the presence of rivers. There ’ s a possibility they ’ re using that opening to remove that massive object,” I explained, and he nodded.
“ Right, I agree with you,” he said.
“ And it has to be close, you know,” I said, and he took a deep breath.
“ We don ’ t have much time. The lamp will go out soon,” he said, and I felt a creeping fear run down my spine. We could get lost here forever without a light. We had no idea where we started, and we hadn ’ t marked anything on the walls for fear of attracting attention.
My breaths were coming short. The cold flushed my cheeks red, and my fingers felt numb. My feet hurt, but we kept walking to find the riverbed opening.
Suddenly, we noticed a slope descending, accompanied by distant sounds—like rustling waves, hinting at water.
A shiver ran down my spine as I took a deep breath and looked at him.
"I believe there ’ s a live underground river nearby,” I said, and his eyes widened in surprise.
“ You know, first of all, I never want to die. If I did, I ’ d want to die in battle—not drowned in water where no one could find my body,” he replied, and I placed my hand on his shoulder.
“ Nothing will happen, trust me,” I reassured him as I took his hand and led the way.
We quickened our pace as we went down the steep slope, but suddenly we both slipped in the muddy ground.
My heart raced as I tightened my grip on his hand. We fell, losing control of our bodies. Uncontrollable screams escaped our mouths as the lamp slipped from my fingers, landing in the water ahead. This wasn ’ t just a river; it resembled a vast ocean. It was terrifying.
I couldn ’ t think clearly. I quickly drew my dagger from its sheath and drove it into the solid ground, gripping the handle tightly. We slowed our descent and panted heavily.
We were terrified, and death seemed imminent.
“ I need to go home,” Eklavya exclaimed, causing me to chuckle.
“ You ’ re the head commander of Suryagarh ’ s army,” I reminded him, and he shook his head in response.
“ This isn ’ t a battle or a training exercise,” we both smiled at each other, calming our breaths as we leaned our backs against the sloping surface.
The sound of rushing water sent chills up our spines.
“ This wouldn ’ t be the opening for those machines. The water flow is heavy, and it doesn ’ t seem like its passage can be changed,” Eklavya said, and I nodded in agreement.
“ You ’ re right,” I panted. “ We should walk back to the spot where we had two choices,” I suggested, and he nodded. We slowly crawled back, our clothes becoming caked in mud. My fingers were shaking now. We had narrowly escaped death.
My lips dried out, and our lamp was out, too. However, it felt like morning now as a faint brightness illuminated this place.
We continued back and selected another spot. The light grew brighter with each step, and after a long, exhausting, cold, and perilous walk, we finally found the large opening of a dry riverbed.
Clearly, it was dry because the ground sloped upwards, unlike a living river, which slopes downwards.
Wait a moment! That meant a river was coming from above, which could only mean one thing: this river was flowing down from the mountains. We were close to the mountains.
This location was perfect for delivering the gunpowder and those enormous, destructive machines.
Although I didn ’ t know why, an idea clicked in my mind. The possibility of this river going underground after it came from the mountains suggested a river was running through the mountains. It wouldn ’ t be surprising if the army used this river to traverse the mountains.
"Fuck!" I muttered, and Eklavya stared at me in disbelief.
"What?" he asked as we stepped out of the dry riverbed passage.
"We should head back home," I said gradually.