Agastya
I watched the orange hues of the early morning blend into the bright sunlight with each step we took to figure out the directions to Suryagarh. Our wet, dirty clothes covered in mud dried.
We had walked several miles away from the river opening we had discovered. The mountains were close by, and so was the threat.
The sound of the river flowing was noticeable, and we walked toward it to catch a glimpse.
"There it is," Eklavya's voice caught my attention, and I swallowed to moisten my throat. I was hungry, too. But we kept climbing the small mountain until we finally spotted the sparkling blue water running through the hills.
I sighed deeply as my heart sank with fear.
It was a wide river capable of accommodating many boats without issue. The rain wouldn ’ t come for another three months, meaning the season was non-flood, and the water passage would be safe.
"We are done," I said, sitting on the muddy hill against the tree, taking in a view that could soothe many but felt like heartbreak to me.
I didn ’ t know what to do now. I hadn ’ t imagined it would be this significant; the entire planning and our people conspired against us for power.
I closed my eyes, unable to process the sensation. A tightness in my chest and a chill crept over my skin.
Amid all this, only two good things had happened in my life: my niece and my wife.
I thought I would spend time with them today, but it seemed like we had little time left. The threat turned out to be more dangerous than I had envisioned.
"We should head back home," Eklavya said, catching my attention. I looked at him with a faint smile.
"Yes, we should."
"And we need to discuss it with everyone so that they ’ ll be prepared," he added, and I stood up, offering him a hand.
"We will. Everyone is in Suryagarh, and despite it going against my heart, we still have to shatter everyone's cheerful facade,” I said as we turned back to find horses tied around the Mehrangarh in someone's grass fields, ready for a feast.
It turned to afternoon by the time we found them during our walk.
Wasting no more time, we began our journey back home.
Darkness overtook the bright sun, turning it into midnight by the time we arrived. We quietly left our horses in the stable, and I walked back to my chamber without drawing anyone's attention.
After taking a long bath, I stepped out to sit in my open private garden attached to the chamber, hoping to shake off the cold.
I gathered some wooden pieces and lit a fire before sitting in silence. Today, there was a different kind of peace—a silence akin to tiring sleep after a grand celebration. Everyone had retreated to their chambers, and I noticed an attendee walking in.
"Shall we get you something to eat, Kunwarsa?" she asked, and I nodded weakly in response. "Umm, can you ask Suman to meet me?"
Her eyes lowered, and she nodded silently. She was the same attendee who had seen both of us together.
Honestly, right now, I don't care about anything.
Things were worse. We could be dead in less than a month. And after death—fear, happiness, and judgments—nothing would matter. It felt like I had only these three weeks to live my life fully.
No, I hadn't accepted failure, but the possibility was fifty-fifty, and it would be foolish to deny that we could die since there was only a small chance we could escape the end.
I waited until I heard her faded footsteps. I felt my hitched breath return as I looked at her.
She said nothing and silently sat beside me. The soft crackling of wood catching the fire filled our ears like a melody amid the dark silence.
She pulled her knees closer and wrapped her arms around them, making me notice the beautiful guava-green bangles on her wrist.
There was only a two-foot gap between us, which I closed by taking her hand and gently pulling her closer to me.
She didn ’ t hesitate or protest. I wrapped my arms around her, gathering her into my embrace. Her back pressed against my chest, and I shielded her with my shawl, leaving our faces exposed. "How did it go?" I asked softly, resting my chin on her shoulder. She gulped and closed her eyes, our cheeks grazing one another.
After a deep breath, she muttered, "I rejected him."
I silently gulped and held her hands in mine beneath the warm shawl.
Silence enveloped me as I closed my eyes, inhaling her essence with each breath. Her sweet, captivating natural scent surrounded me. There was a peculiar comfort in her embrace, something that transcended soothing.
Or maybe I had never felt anything like this with any woman before. Well, I had never experienced this with anyone before.
I didn ’ t know, but with her, it felt like I could remain natural and silent and express my pain.
“ Suman,” I called slowly, and she responded with a soft hum. “ Ji,” her voice tightened my chest. It was lazy, giving, and primarily divine. I felt her fingers intertwining with mine, strong as if she were filling me with strength.
I gulped with a slight weakness and a lump in my throat.
"Why did you reject him?" My voice was slow, audible only to her. She tilted her head slightly to the side, nestling into my neck. The warmth of her face made me feel lost in a world where no one could reach me, but she found me only.
“ I cannot marry anyone,” her soft voice brushed against my cheek, sending a slight shiver down my spine. Her submission felt like the most beautiful thing in the world.
She was the silence, relief, and answers to my chaos.
“ Does that mean you accept me as your husband?” I asked in the same slow voice, and she inhaled audibly, making me feel intense.
“ You didn ’ t give me any option while doing a stunt of cutting your thumb and flooding my hairline with it,” her words brought a smile to my face, reminding me of that day.
“ Do you regret it?” I asked lazily, rubbing my thumb against hers inside the shawl.
“ Are you making me regret it?” she asked in return, and I chuckled slightly.
"I am trying not to, but it's slowly slipping off my hands,” I said in a slow voice. She opened her eyes and looked at me. Our faces were very closed. We could feel each other's warmth. The night was evident in our secret, charismatic, chaotic meeting in the presence of fire.
The fire that brought us closer and transformed us into something from nothing.
But the distance remained. Many questions lingered unanswered, and somehow, I hesitated to answer them because something more significant demanded our attention.
“ Can I ask you something?” she asked slowly, and I gulped nervously, nodding slightly.
She sat up straighter and brushed her braid aside before leaning her back against my chest once more. It felt even more comfortable now and drew her even closer.
“ Have you ever hurt a woman, like breaking her heart or doing something she would never forget while toying with her feelings?” Her words unexpectedly made me smile, and I replied slowly.
“ Do I look like someone who could do that?” She rubbed her nose against my cheek, shook her head slowly, and muttered. “ No, but still,”
I kissed her jaw gently. “ No, I ’ ve never hurt any woman in my life. Breaking a heart is more brutal than killing someone,” I said, and she smiled. “ Why?”
I tightened my arms around her; the fire illuminated her face, and she appeared like liquid gold. She looked stunningly beautiful in my embrace.
“ Because once you kill someone, they feel pain for a moment and then never feel anything again. But if you break a heart, it hurts for a lifetime,” I muttered slowly, and she kissed my cheek languidly. My gaze dropped with warmth, flushing my cheeks. A woman has never kissed my cheek, not even my mother in my memory.
"Does it still hurt?" she asked, looking into my eyes.
"What?" I replied.
"The heartbreak from the girl," she mentioned, and I bit my lips slightly. "Um, not much, but I lost hope for love after her. I feel like I don ’ t deserve it," I said slowly, and she chuckled a bit.
"Well, if that ’ s the case, then I don ’ t deserve it either, because I ’ m a woman who was married for eight years, then became a widow, and now a Prince's secret muse." I couldn ’ t help but chuckle.
"Muse?" I asked, and she laughed softly and nodded.
"Yes, a secret muse, but only when the heart is full of pain or in need," she said, and I closed my eyes, pressing my cheek against her.
"I ’ m sorry, but you know I can ’ t tell you about anyone. My relationship with Rashmika serves as my ticket to Mehrangarh. If anyone learns about you, it will all be lost, and we ’ ll be in trouble, Suman," I said slowly, and she took a deep breath against me. The coldness had seeped away with her warm presence.
"I know, and I don ’ t want anyone to know about us," she said in a soft voice, and my brows furrowed in confusion.
"Why?" She swallowed hard. "I ’ m a widow, and people will think I seduced you in this relationship if they find out. I mean, my name is ‘ Suman; ’ it doesn ’ t even sound like a Princess," she said, pulling her hand out from under the shawl to show me her palm.
“ Look at my palm,” she gulped, pausing briefly. “ The lines on my hand, the texture, the feel—all of it comes from my work as an attendant. It doesn ’ t feel soft; it can ’ t caress your cheeks. We ’ re not meant to be together,”
My heart sank deeper with the pain creating space, and I shook my head, bringing her hand close to my cheek and letting her rub it against my skin. “ It can, and it feels like the most beautiful hands that have ever caressed me because that ’ s the only hand that considered doing something more than just…”
My eyes filled with tears, and my heart felt suffocated all of a sudden.
She straightened up slightly and looked into my eyes, which were filled with concern. She cupped my cheek gently and shook her head. “ Did something wrong happen to you?” she asked slowly, and I chuckled, swallowing the lump in my throat. I tried to push the memory away as guilt and regret made me feel weak and disgusting.
“ No, nothing,” I managed to say as she inhaled deeply, pressing her back against my chest once more. I closed my eyes, drinking in the comfort through her shoulder and neck. The faint red mark I had left was still visible on her neck.
She kissed my cheek and muttered, “ You know, you ruined your life to save mine, so I will never judge you for anything. You are my savior, and to me, you are my God who saved me from the demons. You will never be wrong in my eyes—even if the world stands against you, even if you stand against me, you will still never be wrong for me. But it ’ s good to take your time,” she said slowly, adding after a brief pause, “ I took three years to tell my best friend that my marriage was a failure.”
I smiled weakly. "You mean, Bhabhisa,"
She nodded. "Yes,"
A broad smile suddenly spread across my face. “ Okay, so if she knew about us, would she have called me Jijaji?”
And she chuckled unexpectedly. “ Kunwarsa,” suddenly, an attendee ’ s voice caught our attention. “ Ji,” I looked in her direction.
“ Your dinner is inside,” she said, and we both started to laugh a little. I didn ’ t know why, but I couldn ’ t help myself.
"My dinner is in my arms,"
And we burst into laughter.
The attendee appeared confused, bowed slightly, and then walked away.
I looked at her bright, beautiful, and contagious smile and couldn ’ t help but kiss the side of her lips.
“ You must be hungry,” she said slowly, and I grabbed her jaw, murmuring. “ You ’ re not leaving me,”
She gulped, her smile fading. “ Someone will find us,” she said, and I shook my head. “ I don ’ t care. I need this night with you, only you,” I stated.