Agastya
She left, and I didn ’ t understand why I felt so bad. This realization was forming in my heart—that I shouldn ’ t force her to come to me. I shouldn ’ t have harmed myself to come here and see me. If she kept seeing and talking to me, she would fall for me even more without even realizing it.
I rubbed my face and sighed with frustration.
This was the perfect example of a fucked up life. You have a wife, but you don ’ t have a wife. You love someone, but you can ’ t tell her.
She was right—there was no doubt about it. But I didn ’ t know I would fall in love after what happened in my past. After sleeping with that married princess, I was sure I wouldn ’ t find love, so I didn ’ t feel compelled to be better.
What I unconsciously manifested lights and became my reality. I didn ’ t realize that my fear had turned into darkness, but I felt I should stay away from her.
My presence wouldn ’ t offer her any comfort, only trauma. I also didn ’ t want a sympathetic relationship.
I knew I ’ d just saved her and put the vermilion in her hair to protect her. That didn ’ t mean she had to be with me.
Oh God!
Please, make me forget everything; I ’ m begging you.
I took a deep breath, finished my bath, and changed into fresh clothes. I had already hurt her enough; I should have let her be happy and left her alone to live her life. She didn ’ t need me, and she had made no commitments.
I couldn ’ t keep her against my will. I had to move on, for both our sakes.
I returned to my bedroom and gathered some papers and an inkpot to lay out the plan for Mehrangarh.
Stepping into the reading room, I spread the map of Mehrangarh wide on the table.
I stared blankly at it, unable to comprehend how we could lead the war and disrupt the invaders ’ plan without harming anyone. They would cross the river and approach Mehrangarh, where their cannons awaited them. We had to contend with three challenges: the cannons, the enemy soldiers, and the uninvited problem.
I sighed deeply and leaned over the table to gaze at the image of the mountains, while the vision of the empty underground water channel blurred my thoughts.
However, my mind seemed too preoccupied with Suman.
I shook my head. She didn ’ t need me. I reminded myself that I had to focus on the war. I couldn ’ t jeopardize everyone ’ s lives just because I felt hurt.
I didn ’ t know, but she said she wouldn ’ t judge me. I understood her pain; no wife would want her husband ’ s past to be like that. Yet, our marriage didn ’ t unfold in wonderful ways. It wasn ’ t even a complete marriage.
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A sudden, girlish voice caught my attention, causing me to furrow my brows in confusion. At that moment, my mind recognized it immediately.
Rashmika.
I immediately rolled the map, hearing the anklet bells. Panicking, I hurried out of the reading room and stood in front of her.
“ Hey,” I said, and she knitted her brows in confusion.
“ Why are you panting?” she asked, and I narrowed my brows, trying to act normal.
"Oh, I was just masturbating," I chuckled, and she rolled her eyes and slapped my chest before turning away and sitting on the couch.
"What happened?" I asked, walking and taking a seat beside her.
"Everything is falling apart, ," she unfolded.
"What happened? Is everything okay?" I dared, and she suddenly burst into tears. “ I don ’ t know. It ’ s getting complicated, and I feel hurt,” she sobbed, covering her face.
I gritted my teeth, wrapping my arms around her shoulder. "Did you two fight about something?"
She hiccuped and nodded.
"About what?"
She lifted her tearful gaze and looked at me. “ I told her everything about our plan regarding life, and she said she doesn ’ t trust me. I don ’ t know what to do. She keeps asking me why I ’ m getting married to you, and she isn ’ t even trying to understand.”
I sighed deeply, asking, "What did you tell her about us?"
She washed her cheeks, sobbing. “ I told her we have nothing romantic between us. I ’ m marrying you to be closer to her. But she asked how she would know you wouldn ’ t touch me. She said we could both fool her. I mean, why on earth would I fool her? She can ’ t see what I ’ m doing to stay close to her. All she cares about is herself,” she whispered through her tears, and I couldn ’ t help but rub her arm gently.
“ Hey, she will understand. She ’ s different; she can ’ t grasp what you ’ re experiencing. The pressure from your family, your father, and brothers. She needs to trust you,” I said, and she shook her head.
“ Yes, that ’ s what I was telling her. I told her to trust me because that ’ s the only way I could stay here in this Kingdom, and I didn ’ t know how to express just how much I loved her. She ’ s starting to doubt me. Tell me, what other option do I really have? Will my parents ever let me stay in Suryagarh without getting married? Or will they allow me to remain in Mehrangarh without tying the knot? You know how these men are. No one would understand if I married someone else. You got me; you understood what I was going through and agreed to this wedding to help me, even knowing we wouldn ’ t have anything between us. But she thinks I will forget her once I ’ m married. I don ’ t know, . Sometimes, it feels like no matter how much you do for someone, it ’ s never enough,” she said, and I didn ’ t know what to say. Well, being a girl, she had feelings for another girl and couldn ’ t tell anyone about it. As good friends, she confided in me, and that ’ s where we found ourselves. At first, she tried to act childish in front of her parents to hide her disinterest in the marriage.
But they were determined to marry her off to some random man without a second thought. She feared she would be forced and hurt by a man, as no one would understand her.
And since I needed to enter Mehrangarh and couldn ’ t bear to see her sad, I agreed to marry her for convenience.
If she married me, she would come to Suryagarh and enjoy her life with her loved one.
“ Hey, it ’ s all right. She will understand if you give her some time or explain yourself better,” I said.
Suddenly, she leaned in, and I couldn ’ t help but hug her. She had been there for me when I needed her the most. She was the one who helped me overcome the rejection I faced from that princess. I exhaled deeply and rubbed her shoulder to calm her down. "I don't know, . I love her. I mean, I can ’ t be without her," she said, and I gulped nervously, unsure of how to explain. If we win the war, I ’ ll ask her to stay in Suryagarh. But if we join Mehrangarh in the war, she can stay in her own kingdom, as she wishes.
"I can ’ t live alone, . I can ’ t; I love-" "Kunwarsa." When I heard Suman ’ s voice, my eyes widened in shock. I immediately turned to see her holding a plate of food in her hand. Rashmika straightened up and wiped her tears, too. Looking blankly into her eyes, my heart sank even deeper. After everything, this was all that was left to happen. I felt completely ruined—from all sides.
I exhaled, and she said, "Oh, I ’ m sorry. I brought you dinner." Before I could reply, Rashmika interrupted, "Oh, that's okay. Thank you so much." I bit my lip and silently watched her leave. Her face looked even more hurt now. I couldn ’ t say anything about her in front of Rashmika. I couldn ’ t bring any problems upon her just because of me.
"Are you having dinner now?" Rashmika asked, looking at me, and I didn't know what to say. "My dinner just left," I blurted out, and she frowned in confusion. "What?" I rolled my eyes. "I mean, my dinner is left here, on the table, by her. Yes, dinner. I'm hungry." Suddenly, I felt the urge to run.
"Oh my God. I totally forgot. Bhaisa called me. I need to talk to him. I'll see you later," I said, quickly getting up from the couch and walking out of the room. It was dark now, and I rubbed my palms together as I ran a little, trying to catch up with her. I reached out to stop her. She turned around, her angry eyes locking onto mine, and before I could grasp the situation, she pushed me away with all her strength.
"Suman," I muttered, trying to grab her hand, but she struggled to pull away. "Leave my hand!" she yelled. I quickly took her to a corner and placed my finger over her lips. "Shhh, slow down," I managed to say, but she began to pound her fists against my chest, trying to push me away.
"Hey, listen to me, Suman,” I tried to say, but she hit me hard on the chest and I was left with no choice but to hold both of her wrists and twist one of her arms behind her. "Would you please let me explain? It's not what you think," I said, but she glared at me with fiery eyes. The nearby fire torch cast dark yellow and orange shadows, tightening my chest as I looked at her furious red gaze.
She fought against me, and I stepped closer, tightening my grip on her wrists behind her back. She pressed herself against the wall, her chest rising and falling with fury, and I gulped silently before saying, "It's not what you think." She gritted her teeth, staring intensely into my eyes.
"You know what? Men like you can never be trusted. You have no control. All you want is women. If someone says no, then you wrap someone else in your arms. This is your reality, and it ’ s why no girl ever stays with you," she whispered fiercely, and I inhaled deeply, shaking my head.
"You're getting it all wrong, Suman. Let me explain," I tried to say, and she frowned. "Explain? Explain what? How do you explain that your fiancée was hugging you while you wrapped your arms around her when just this morning you were crying about me?" she shot back, and I gulped nervously, unsure of how to make her understand.
"She ’ s my friend, Suman," I said, but she interrupted. "Friend? Oh really? Lies and lies and lies. For a moment, I thought I shouldn't have said all of that to you. For a moment, I thought maybe you wouldn't hurt me. But it's not even a moment since I found you getting romantic with your fiancée."
"It wasn't romance, Suman," I tried to explain, but she stared deep into my eyes. "Stop lying. You think you ’ re a prince, that you can get everything, and just because you saved me, you can say I ’ m falling for you and use me just like you ’ ve always done. You are completely mistaken."
"So do you," I couldn't help but raise my voice. It hurt even more. Did I trust the wrong person with all of this? "You are ruining my life. You're making me insane with your words, actions, and presence. You're driving me mad. You're pulling me toward you when I don't want to. I can't stand you!"
Her tear-filled eyes locked onto mine, and I loosened my grip. "You're misunderstanding everything. Please, trust me and let me explain," I pleaded, but she gritted her teeth. "Trust you? I ’ ve seen it with my own eyes.
"So, it doesn't matter what I say?" I asked, my brows furrowed in confusion as she inhaled sharply.
“ You think I ’ m a fool. You thought, Oh, she ’ s hurt. I can win her over with my charm. You ’ re wrong, Kunwar Dev Singh. You proved me right in just one day. What you say doesn ’ t matter because I now know who you are—a coward who sleeps with women to feel better about himself. I will never be that woman. Let go of my hand,” she raised her voice at me, and I felt the anger and hurt boiling up inside me all at once.
"Oh," I tried not to say anything. She pushed me away.
“ I really hope you didn ’ t save me that day,” she muttered angrily, and I nodded silently, watching her walk away.
Anger fumed within me, and I slammed my fist into the wall, causing the knuckles of my wounded hand to bleed.