24. Thomas
24
THOMAS
T homas unlocked his front door and went inside. He unclipped Fifi’s lead and removed her harness and she went to the kitchen for a drink of water. He’d just dropped his nieces off at school and come home. Leanne had told him not to worry about going to the sanctuary today as he was too worried about Marnie and the baby.
He sank onto a chair in the kitchen and sighed. What an awful time it had been. Marnie was stable and the baby was too, which was all that mattered right now. Marnie had been leaking amniotic fluid and because she was only thirty-two weeks pregnant, she’d been admitted to hospital where she was being monitored. The medical team had given her antibiotics to prevent infection and steroids to develop the baby’s lungs. She was being monitored and would be on bed rest until the doctors had a better idea of how things would progress. The hospital was the best place for her right now but he knew his sister and how much she’d hate being there and away from Wendy and Winnie. Thomas was staying with the girls at Marnie and Bligh’s home, and Bligh was at the hospital with his wife.
Thank goodness Lena had been with Marnie at the café. If it had happened when Marnie was walking up there or if she’d been alone in the gardens and unable to call for help, it could have been very different.
He shook his head. There was no point thinking about what could have happened and he should have learnt that with what had happened to him.
Lena…
Her beautiful face filled his mind along with a wave of sadness. He’d seen her at the hospital because she’d gone in the ambulance with Marnie. They’d spoken briefly in the waiting room but it had not been the right time or place to talk about themselves.
A gentle knock at his door made him look up. Perhaps Bligh had come back to get something. But why would he come here and not go straight to his?
Thomas went to the front door and opened it.
‘Thomas,’ Lena said. ‘How are things?’
He’d messaged her through the night to keep her updated whenever Bligh had messaged him. It had meant a lot that she cared so much about Marnie. She’d even offered to watch the girls, but Thomas couldn’t stay at the hospital too. Bligh had asked him to watch Winnie and Wendy for them at their own home because they wanted to keep things as normal as possible. Their parents were going to travel back from the Lake District but had things to arrange before they could leave their home and pets.
‘Pretty much the same but Bligh said the doctors said the outlook is good. As long as Marnie rests.’ He crouched down. ‘Hello, Harvey.’ He reached out and stroked the small dog and got a lick in return. ‘Do you want to come inside?’
‘Please. If that’s OK?’
He led the way through to the kitchen where Fifi was snoring in her bed, oblivious to the fact that they had visitors. It had been a busy time for her too, spending the night at Marnie’s and then walking the twins to school. Harvey climbed into bed with Fifi and made a fuss of her then they snuggled up together.
Thomas made tea then sat down at the table with Lena and rubbed his eyes while stifling a yawn.
‘You should try to get some rest,’ Lena said.
‘I will. Later though. I couldn’t sleep last night for worrying and I’m afraid to sleep in case my phone goes. I need to be ready.’
‘Of course you do.’ Lena nodded. ‘But if you wanted to grab an hour, I could listen for your phone and then wake you.’
The thought of sleeping for a bit was very appealing. ‘Maybe in a bit. That’s very kind, thanks.’
‘Thomas… I know you’re exhausted and worried but… Could I just quickly say something?’
‘Of course.’
‘I didn’t write those stories or tell anyone you’re here. I had nothing to do with it all. I hope you can believe me.’ Her eyes glistened her voice wavered. She held out her hands, palms facing upwards and her bottom lip trembled. This woman was not lying; she was clearly distressed.
Thomas took her hands in his and held them tight. ‘I know it wasn’t you,’ he said softly. ‘And I’m sorry for shutting you out over the weekend. I needed to process what had happened and to come to terms with the fact that I’d been found.’
‘They exposed you,’ she said and a tear trickled down her cheek.
‘Exposed me in my swimwear,’ he said with a small laugh. ‘It couldn’t have been much worse.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘It’s not your fault and I knew deep down all along that it had nothing to do with you. I was just… looking for someone or something to blame. This is Cornwall and not Mars so it was inevitable that someone would spot me at some point. They must also have been desperate for a story to fill the headlines, or it wouldn’t have made them. I mean… Who cares if a former footballer is living peacefully in Cornwall?’ He shrugged. ‘It’s laughable really. I am sorry, Lena. Sorry for thinking even for a second that it was you. You’ve shown me nothing but kindness and friendship since we met and I was wrong to blame you. But, having had as much counselling as I have over the years, I know that I still tend to react sometimes then analyse my reactions later. I think this was a knee-jerk reaction that happened because I got scared. I have feelings for you, Lena, powerful feelings and I was scared before this happened. I was scared that you’re too good for me and because I feel so unworthy of you.’
‘Thomas, please don’t say or think those things. You are wonderful and I adore you. There’s nothing at all to suggest I’m better than you in any way. We’re just two people trying to get through this life and trying to be happy when we can.’
‘You speak so much sense.’ He smiled at her. ‘But it’s hard to let go of fear.’
‘I know.’ She nodded. ‘I do. I’m scared too.’
‘You?’ he asked. ‘But you’re so brave and strong and you amaze me with your determination. I mean, you’re writing a novel, for goodness’ sake! That’s incredible. What are you scared of?’
‘Everything,’ she said. ‘My scars run deep too, Thomas. Growing up, I had PCOS. I still do.’ She sniffed. ‘I had all the symptoms like irregular periods, weight that was hard to lose, hair where I didn’t want it.’ She scratched her cheek. ‘It’s a horrid condition and so many women endure it silently.’
‘I’m sorry, Lena. Is that why you have the scar?’ Thomas didn’t know much about PCOS, other than what he’d seen on social media, but he knew it was meant to be unpleasant.
‘The scar is from emergency surgery. I had a… a brief relationship with a colleague and although we used protection, I thought I might be pregnant. My period didn’t come for months and my stomach swelled. But when I went to the GP, she referred me and I saw a consultant who arranged an ultrasound. I had several fibroids and one of them was the size of a grapefruit. The consultant told me that I could have it removed surgically, take medication or wait and see what happened.’
‘So you weren’t pregnant?’ Thomas asked.
‘No.’ Lena shook her head. ‘And that in itself was difficult because I’d thought I was and… kind of hoped I was, I guess.’
‘I’m sorry.’
She gave a small, resigned smile. ‘After my diagnosis with PCOS, I worried a lot about whether I’d be able to get pregnant at all and so thinking I might be, even just for a few weeks, was a ray of hope. I’d thrown myself into my career and told myself I didn’t need to have a family, but when I was told there was no baby, I felt bereft. Hope can be so wonderful and yet it’s so painful when it’s ripped away.’
‘So what happened?’
‘I was scheduled for surgery to remove the fibroids. I could feel the larger one when I lay on my back and I didn’t want it to get any bigger. But with hospital beds prioritising emergencies and the backlog over recent years because of lockdown, my surgery was delayed three times. When I was finally given another date, the consultant booked me in for another ultrasound, it turned out that the largest fibroid had grown significantly. The consultant said they could try to remove it laparoscopically but if they couldn’t manage it that way then they’d need to make a larger incision.’
‘So that’s why you have the large scar and the smaller ones?’ Thomas asked.
‘Exactly. The surgeon tried to save me from having a larger scar, but the fibroid was too big. It also turned out that it had damaged my left fallopian tube and was pressing against my internal organs, so there was quite a bit of work to do to repair my insides.’
‘That’s such a lot to go through.’
‘People do go through these things though.’ Lena sighed. ‘I had an amazing surgeon, and he was able to remove the fibroids and to repair the fallopian tube but he did warn me that there could be scarring to the tube and my womb.’
‘Will that affect your fertility?’
‘It could do. But with my irregular periods and now that, the chances of me getting pregnant naturally are probably slim. So you see, Thomas, I too feel unworthy some days.’ She smiled sadly. ‘I might be unable to have children. I’m thirty-six now and fertility declines year on year, plus the odds were already stacked against me, and now the scarring reduces my chances even more. It makes me wonder if it’s even worth me considering trying because my hopes could be dashed again. I don’t know where we stand right now anyway, but completely understand if this is a deal breaker for you.’
‘What?’ He sat forwards. ‘In what way?’
‘Thomas, you’re five years younger than me. You’re an amazing uncle and would be an awesome dad. I’m scarred and have a condition that affects my fertility. Do you see why I worry about not being good enough?’
‘Lena… You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met. You’ve been through so much and yet you keep going. You keep smiling and you keep taking the most from life. You’re brave and resilient and utterly beautiful. I adore you and I am so sorry for ever making you doubt how I feel for you.’
‘Really?’ She raised her eyebrows slowly.
‘Really. I want to be with you. If that means I never have children, then so be it. I don’t want to be with anyone else. Not ever. You are the person who makes me look forward to each day. You are the person who’s taught me that I can be myself and be happy again, that this new version of me isn’t at all bad. You are… everything.’
Lena’s eyes widened and then filled with tears and as the tears ran down her cheeks, Thomas pulled her onto his lap and held her tight.
‘And as for the age gap… it’s nothing. As far as I’m concerned, age is just a number. I thought my days of feeling happy and excited about life were over, Lena, but then you came along and taught me how to live again. Please let me show you how much I care.’
His eyes stung as he buried his face in her hair, and she wrapped her arms tightly around him while they cried together.
When they’d exhausted themselves and Thomas felt empty of all the pain and hurt and grief that had followed him around for years, they wiped their eyes and drank some water then Thomas took her hands.
‘Lena, I feel ready now.’
‘Ready?’
‘Ready to… show you how much I care.’
She smiled then leant close and kissed him and his heart soared.
They left the dogs curled up together and went upstairs then Thomas showed Lena that love and trust could lead to a truly beautiful union.