Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Marshall
A t the end of the party, Hayden went home with a friend who was hosting a sleepover to celebrate the success of their hard work. I had a feeling Hayden was going to have a hard time leaving at the end of the summer.
But tonight, I had Saylor to myself, and I wanted to do everything I could to make our time here memorable. I didn't want her to forget me or the time we spent together.
Hopefully, she'd come to the conclusion that she should give us a chance. I didn't have any answers to our geographical problems. I wasn’t even sure if I'd live on the island permanently. It wasn't fair to ask her to stay when I didn’t know what my plans were, or if I'd even be here.
The entire situation made it harder to sleep at night. I vowed not to talk about the future or what might happen. I wanted to get lost in her and forget about everything else.
I parked in front of the beach cottage, the one I would soon live in by myself. I wasn't looking forward to coming home to an empty house, waiting on either Saylor or Hayden to message me.
What if both of them moved on with their lives in Naples and Jacksonville and realized their relationships with me weren't that important? The pain in my chest made it difficult to breathe.
Saylor touched my arm. "Is everything okay?"
We'd been sitting in my truck for a few seconds with my headlights illuminating the cottage that I'd come to think of as home.
"Just thinking about things I can't control." I reached out and touched her face.
She turned her cheek into my palm.
"I want to forget about everything else but us tonight."
Her lips curved up. "That sounds like a good idea."
"I thought so." I reached over and kissed her softly as if I were a teenager dropping her off at home for the night. We'd never done this ritual because we'd met up on foot or bike before. If I picked her up in my truck, we always met somewhere else.
But now I wanted it all. I didn't want her to forget what made us so special. She'd never find anyone like me.
We were meant to be together. Wasn't there some saying about letting someone go, and if they're meant to be, they'll come back? Satisfied with my approach to our situation, I deepened the kiss.
Her hand touched my arm, and she pulled back. "Let's go inside."
Her eyes were bright with desire, and I wanted to be inside her, making my mark. I pushed the handle of the door, climbing out and meeting her on the porch. I clicked the locks to the truck and inputted the code for the front door of the cottage.
I pushed open the door, holding my hand out to her. Tonight felt important. It was part goodbye and part promise to always be here when she came back. But I couldn't say any of that with words.
She placed her hand in mine, and I hesitated for a second. I intended to tug her inside, close the door, and push her against the door. Instead, emotion swirled in my chest.
I shifted course, lifting her into my arms, bridal-style, and crossing over the threshold as if she was my sweetheart.
I wasn't sure if I'd ever get the chance to do that with Saylor, but I wanted to make tonight special. Different than every other night we'd spent together.
I carried her up to my room and laid her gently on the bed. I knelt on the bed, hovering over her body.
Her eyes tracked my movements as I lowered my body to cover hers, bracing my forearms on either side of her head.
Then I kissed her, pouring everything into it that I couldn't say out loud.
I loved her but wouldn't hold her back. I loved her but wouldn't ask her to stay. I loved her so I was letting her go.
Please come back to me.
The emotion bubbling inside of me was overwhelming. I needed to get control of it, or I wouldn't be able to be with her.
I forced myself to tamp down the emotion, ignoring the feelings that rose to the surface. Tonight was about pouring those feelings into her, not expressing them out loud.
I rested a hand on her stomach, her muscles contracting under the thin material of her dress. My hands drifted lower to find the hem. I slowly moved it up so that her thighs were bared.
I drifted higher, over her stomach and then her breasts which were overflowing the lace cups of her bra. "You're so beautiful."
The feel of the hard tip of her nipple had my cock throbbing behind my zipper. I'd never get enough of her, of this. She was my everything. But I couldn't make her realize that. She had to figure it out for herself.
A voice in the back of my head said I should tell her how I felt. But I didn't want to influence her or guilt trip her into staying when it wasn't what she wanted.
Her hands drifted over my forearms and then to my shirt. She carefully worked the small buttons, drawing out the anticipation, making me harder for her. It was the tenderness in her fingers, the way she didn't give up, that had me aching.
She looked so beautiful with the moonlight illuminating her skin. Her wavy hair spread over my pillow. Each strand of hair was a different shade of the summer sun, and I wanted to memorize each one. I never wanted to forget a detail of her.
On my haunches, I touched her thighs, drifting ever closer to the place between her legs, covered by a strip of lace. Her thighs trembled under my touch, and her legs spread wider, her hips arching up as if inviting me to taste her.
"I want you." My tone was guttural, desperate with need.
Her lips curved. "Mmm. I want you too."
I love you. But the words wouldn't form. I'd have to show her with my tongue, my fingers, and my cock. She wouldn't forget this night or what it meant. It was a declaration of what we were feeling and everything we wanted.
At least it was for me. I hoped it was for her too.
When she released the last button, she shoved the white button-down over my shoulders. I shrugged it the rest of the way off and pulled the undershirt off so that my chest was bare to her roving hands.
"You're so hard everywhere," she murmured.
I hummed in response, my body practically vibrating with desire. I slowly drew her panties down her hips and her legs until they were gone too.
She sat up, pulling her dress over her head, leaving her in a bra. I waited while she reached around and unhooked it, letting it fall to the bed.
Now she was naked, open to my touch. Her skin was a golden brown from spending so much time in the sun, her breasts plump and begging for my mouth. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"
Then my gaze lowered to her already glistening pussy.
Her eyes drifted closed, and I eased myself onto my stomach, spreading her folds, opening her to my touch.
Her fingers tangled in my hair.
Tonight seemed like so much more than any other night we'd shared. So much more intense and full of emotion. No matter how hard I worked to tamp it down, it was impossible to contain.
I breathed in her honey scent, circling her clit with my tongue while I worked a finger into her channel.
I could see that she was biting her lip, not wanting to give into the sensations. But I wanted her to feel everything, so I intensified my efforts, pumping two fingers into her and sucking on her clit. I didn't want her to avoid her feelings.
When her thighs trembled and her back arched off the bed, I continued working her through her orgasm. I wiped my mouth and shoved my pants and briefs down. I needed to be inside her now. The urge was so intense; I couldn't slow down.
I moved between her legs, my dick nudging her entrance.
Her skin was flush, her eyes wild with desire. She wasn't sated, not yet. I entered her in one swift movement.
She gasped at the invasion, her hands grasping my forearms as if she could ward off the feelings it brought.
"I want you to feel everything that I am." My words ghosted over her as I began to move in hard, long thrusts.
She whimpered as I struck that spot deep inside her, the one that couldn't ignore what I did to her. I wanted to wreck her for all other men. I wanted to create a memory so long and deep that she wouldn't have room for anyone else.
The problem was, I worried that I was doing that to myself, and I was the only one who was feeling these things.
I braced my hands on either side of her body, dropping my mouth to hers. She had to be feeling the same things I was. There was no way she hadn't fallen for me again, if she'd ever stopped at all. I couldn't be in this alone.
The thought was inconceivable.
Her hand touched my cheek, her fingers gentle. The tenderness almost sent me over. Her lips softened under mine.
I rolled us so that she was on top, her body moving over me as she looked down at me with so much affection.
I reached up to cup her breasts, my thumbs ghosting over her nipples. She moved faster, chasing her release, and I reveled in the familiar tingle at the base of my spine. I was close and didn't want to go over before her, so I lowered one hand to her clit, pressing hard.
She cried out as she slumped over me, her body spasming. I drove into her from underneath, finally letting go.
She rested her body over mine, and I held her tight. I never wanted to pull out or leave. Eventually, I shifted, going to the bathroom to clean up. I wet a washcloth with warm water and returned to my bedroom to carefully clean her.
Her breathing was even. She was asleep.
There wouldn't be any talk tonight of what this meant or how either of us felt. I let out a sigh as I tossed the washcloth into my laundry bin.
I was too worked up to rest, so I got up and pulled on a pair of basketball shorts, then opened the slider to the deck. I sat in the cushioned chair, watching the moon and listening to the waves crash against the shore.
I tried not to think about how I would soon be alone in this house. I wouldn't have anyone to share my life with. I'd have my family, but it wasn't the same as my child or Saylor. Over the last few weeks, we'd become a unit.
Soon, I'd sit here wondering if they'd moved on or forgotten about me. The thought hurt despite my vow to tamp down my emotions.
But I couldn't seem to relax. I was amped up and worried about what would happen.
Would Hayden fall into her family, remembering how much she loved living with her mother and her siblings? Would she forget about this summer and the bond we'd forged?
Would she eventually throw away the numerous letters we'd sent over the years when I was deployed, thinking they weren't worth keeping?
My mind kept running through the possible scenarios, each one bleaker than the last. I couldn't believe how far I'd come with Saylor and Hayden in such a short time. I didn’t think this was possible at the beginning of the summer, but I wanted so much more. But everything was out of my control.
I'd done everything I could have done. There was that nagging voice that urged me to tell her how I felt. But I wouldn't manipulate her into staying on the island. It had to be her choice. Satisfied, I finally got up and went into my bedroom, climbing under the sheets.
Saylor moved toward me. "Is everything okay?"
I kissed her head. "Perfect."
She sighed and snuggled against my chest, quickly falling back to sleep. In this moment, everything was perfect. It was the future I was concerned about. The one that stretched out in front of me.
I was destined to be a memory, a quick stop in their journey. I wasn't the end game for anyone. They had more important people in their lives, and it was my fault for removing myself from theirs years ago.
This was my penance. I'd made a choice to join the military, and I'd have to suffer the consequences of strained relationships and a lonely life.
Saylor had to choose me. I wouldn't settle for anything less. I just hoped I wasn't making a huge mistake.