Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Saylor
I 'd never felt closer to Marshall but, at the same time, further away. We'd shared something special the night of the party. Every day since, though, felt like Marshall was pulling away, preparing for me and Hayden to leave.
I wondered if it was a byproduct of his deployments. He kept his distance to protect himself. I could see that he was only hurting himself, but I couldn't figure out how to broach the subject.
I didn't have a right to demand anything of him. It worked out that I was leaving the same day as Hayden. I figured it would be easier to go when he was on the road with her.
I was dreading it, but at the same time, it felt like our time had already come to an end. The little world we'd created here was already over.
Hayden's volunteer work at the center had slowed down. Her new friends were already starting sports in preparation for the fall season. And Hayden was ready to return to her mother's home and reconnect with her school friends.
One morning when Marshall was out for his run, I found Hayden by the pool.
I sat next to her. "Is everything okay?"
She lifted her head. "I'm just thinking about how everything is going to change soon."
"It's been nice to be here this summer. I'm not looking forward to going back to Jacksonville." It was still Florida but so far away from Sanibel. I could drive to the beach, but it wasn’t as close. I'd fallen in love with the slower pace of the island and the people.
"You must be excited to see your friends again." I remembered how important they were to her at the beginning of the summer.
She chewed her lip. "I'm worried that things have changed. They spent the whole summer together, and I wasn't there. What if they moved on?"
I remembered how teen-girl relationships could change quickly. "There's no way to know. But if they're good friends, they won't just disappear or drop you."
That was the issue with teen girls. How could you discern the good relationships from the bad? Sometimes it took breaks like this to highlight the differences. I hoped for Hayden's sake that they were good friends and didn't disappear because she'd spent the summer with her father.
"I don't know what's going to happen. I got wrapped up in things here and made new friends."
"You texted them less?" I asked gently.
"I was busy here, and what they were doing there felt farther away. Now that I'm going back, I'm worried I made a mistake."
"They should understand that you were busy when you were with your dad."
"I hope so."
"Are you excited about seeing your mother and your family in Naples?"
"It's not the same since my brothers were born. Everything revolves around them, and I understand why. They're younger and need their parents more."
"But it was nice to be the center of your father's attention this summer."
She smiled. "I was worried at first we wouldn't have anything to talk about."
"After all those letters you exchanged over the years?"
"But how well did I really know him? We didn't spend much time together."
"I can understand that. But how do you feel now?"
"I kind of want to stay. Is that crazy? My friends here all go to the same school, and it's smaller, but I already feel like I'm part of the community."
"You made a difference, but you can always spend your summers here and the school year with your mom.
I don't think you can really make a decision until you go back.
" I'd come to this conclusion for myself too.
Would I miss Marshall, or would I be able to move on and compartmentalize our relationship?
We were meant for the island, but once I left, everything would fall apart. Long distance wouldn't make sense for us. We existed only on the island. We built a sweet life for ourselves here. But that didn't translate to a reality where we worked on opposite sides of the state.
He had a daughter to visit in Naples. He wouldn't have time to deal with a long-distance girlfriend.
I wasn't so sure about my ability to maintain a relationship after what happened with Flynn.
If I wasn't present, Marshall would probably quickly grow bored with my absence and move on.
It was best if I cut ties now. I was protecting my heart.
If I distanced myself, he couldn't hurt me. He wouldn't be the one to walk away.
"I miss Mom and my brothers. I almost feel guilty that I have two dads."
"You get along with your stepdad?"
"Yeah, he's great."
I nudged her shoulder with mine. "I'm happy for you. You have a large family that loves you."
"I even got to know my grandparents and uncles this summer."
"It's always hard to leave at the end of the season, but our lives are elsewhere. We'll still get to visit." Was I trying to convince her or myself? "You should talk to your dad about this. He'd want to know how you're feeling."
I couldn't shake the feeling that I should probably take my advice. But this was different. She was a kid, and I was an adult.
"I don't want to make him feel bad."
"You can always be honest with him about your feelings. He'll want to know how you're doing and what you're going through." I wasn't a parent, but this was how I would assumed he'd feel.
"You're right. I should talk to him."
"He'll appreciate your honesty. He loves you."
She pulled her feet out of the water, wrapping her arms around her knees. "This has been the best few months."
"I think so. I'm going to miss this place so much."
Hayden looked over at me. "When are you going to tell him how you're feeling?"
My attention snapped to her. "What are you talking about?"
"Do you think I don't know that you like my dad? That something is going on between you two?"
"I— We weren't going to talk to you about it because it isn't serious."
She arched a brow. "Isn't it?"
"This is between your father and me, and it's up to him whether he wanted you to know about it." I guess we were naive for thinking that she hadn't noticed anything transpire between us.
Hayden shrugged. "I'm not upset about it. I want my dad to be happy, and I'd feel better if you were going to be here when I left."
It was hard to draw in a deep breath. "I can't promise you that. My job is in Jacksonville, and we haven't discussed whether there's a future for us."
"Is that because you don't want one?"
"I don't know what I want. I just got out of a serious relationship. Plus my life is elsewhere. And you're his priority, as you should be."
"You're using me as an excuse?"
"I am not," I said, feeling like a teenager now.
"Yes, you are." She stood and brushed off her shorts. "Don't use me as an excuse to walk away from my dad."
Then she was gone, and I was left with my mouth hanging open. Since when did Hayden get so smart? Was I using her as an excuse not to talk to Marshall about us?
Marshall appeared from the path to the beach. He lifted his shirt, wiping the sweat from his face. When he saw me, he asked, "Everything okay?"
"I think I just got schooled by your daughter," I said, a little bewildered.
He chuckled and dropped down next to me. "How's that?"
"First of all, she knows about us," I said still not quite believing what she'd said.
He raised a brow. "Seriously?"
"We didn't say anything to her, but we danced at the party the other night." We didn't kiss in front of her though.
"I suppose we should have talked to her before now."
"She wants you to be happy. She's worried about you being all alone when she leaves." It wasn't about me. She was worried about him. That wasn't a reason to upend my life to stay here.
"I'll talk to her."
"I probably shouldn't have discussed it with her."
"She comes to you sometimes instead of me. There's nothing wrong with that. She feels comfortable with you."
I had a connection with his daughter. Was that a reason to stay? I needed something from Marshall. A sign that he wanted me here too.
"Kids are more perceptive than we give them credit for."
I wanted him to ask me to stay. Why was it coming from his daughter and not him? Did he not feel the same way?
"My parents are having us over for a going-away party."
"Is that a family thing?" I didn't want to intrude if it was just immediate family. I was his roommate and soon to be ex-fling.
"Mom invited you. You're leaving too." His face was slightly pinched.
"I am."
"So you'll come?" he asked, his voice vulnerable.
"Of course." I wouldn't miss a Kingston party. I would have preferred to spend time with him alone, but if this was all I could get, then I'd take it.
"In the morning, I have to take Hayden to her mother's. They have plans to go school shopping."
"I was going to leave in the morning too. I have a long drive and need to be in the office the next day."
He blew out a breath. "Our summer's over."
"It is."
It felt like there was more to say, but the silence threatened to swallow us whole.
Later that day, we drove to the Kingstons' home in silence. Hayden was listening to music and seemed to be introspective. She'd mentioned missing her friends here, and I was sure she felt melancholy about the prospect.
At the house, the party was already in full swing when we got there. There was a sign on the porch that read We'll Miss You.
My throat tightened. I didn't want to think about the fact that tomorrow I'd be leaving the island and all the people I'd become close to the last few months.
Inside, Elena pulled me over to the pool chairs where the women were hanging out. "What are your plans?"
"I leave tomorrow for Jacksonville," I said, feeling a bit like a broken record.
"What about Marshall?"
"It's time to get back to real life," I said stiffly, not quite believing our time was coming to an end.
Last time, I held out hope we'd see each other again.
We were still young with plenty of opportunities ahead of us.
Now I didn't feel so confident. This felt like a permanent goodbye.
We didn't fit into each other's lives, and I didn't see how that was fixable.
Elena's expression fell. "I thought for sure something was going on between you two."
I sighed. "What we had was a summer fling. I live in Jacksonville. He lives here. How would that work?"
Ivy rolled her eyes. "You act like it's the other side of the country, not northern Florida."
"It's a big state," I said, stating the obvious.
"What about dating long distance?" Daria asked.
"Don't you think we're too old for that? We lived together all summer. How do we take that across the state and make it work?" Especially with my trust issues. It wouldn't be fair to him.
Elena pouted. "I was hoping you'd fallen in love with the island?—"
"And us," Hazel added with a smile.
These women had become a great group of friends. I hadn't heard from the ones back home all summer, which solidified the idea that they were actually Flynn's friends, not mine. Was I willing to let go of Marshall and the life I'd built here? "I have to report to work."
"If you get there and realize you made a mistake, it won't be too late to change your mind," Elena said softly.
"How can you be so sure?" I asked, my gaze on Marshall who stood talking to Hudson.
"I don’t think it’s over yet," Elena said confidently.
I wasn't so sure about that. "I think Hayden's having a hard time leaving too."
"We're all going to miss her. She's been a wonderful addition to island life and our family," Elena said.
We were a family, the Kingstons and their significant others. I felt a deep sense of loss that I wasn't part of that… or wouldn't be after today. I just couldn't see how it would work.