Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Marshall
O n the drive to Naples, Hayden kept up a steady stream of chatter, distracting me from my desire to turn the truck around and demand that Saylor stay with me in Sanibel.
We'd established a temporary relationship for the summer, and it was over. I didn't have the right to make demands of her.
I hated feeling out of control. I'd vowed that I'd wait for her to realize what we had and tell me how she felt. But what if she never did?
I felt like I was spiraling, struggling to stay focused on the drive and even when I met with Hayden's mother.
I thanked her for giving me the summer with Hayden and said I wanted to be more involved. She was open to me visiting Hayden whenever and agreed that it would be good for her to have both of us in her life.
I came away from the conversation feeling lighter about the situation. She wasn't going to stick to a strict schedule. She was flexible.
It helped that Hayden was a teenager, and they had twin five-year-olds that demanded a lot of attention. Selfishly, I wanted Hayden with me all the time, but that wouldn't be fair to her mother or her. She had a large extended family, and it was important for her to spend time with all of us.
My heart ached for the time I'd lost, but I fully intended to be involved now. Or as much as she'd let me be. Hayden would fall right back into her friend group and be busy with school starting soon.
The drive home was harder. I had to grip the wheel more tightly so I wouldn't put Jacksonville in my GPS. I had to let Saylor go. Otherwise, I'd never know if she really wanted me.
The restraint was physically painful. I drove straight to Hudson's, knocking on his door with a heavy hand until Elena opened the door with wide eyes. "Is everything okay?"
"I just dropped Hayden off at her mom's."
Her face filled with sympathy as she opened the door wider. "Hudson's outside, cleaning the pool."
"Thanks," I said as I followed her.
She opened the door to the deck, and we headed down the stairs to the patio. "Marshall's here to see you."
Hudson nodded. "I thought you'd stop by."
I dropped into the edge of a lounge chair, spreading my legs wide. "I dropped off Hayden at her mother's. She's going to be flexible when I want to see Hayden."
Hudson gripped the handle of the pool net and looked at me. "That's great news."
I shrugged. "I mean, I want her with me all the time, but that's not realistic."
"This is the next best thing. And who knows? Maybe you'll have another child one day and be there for every milestone."
The thought made my heart contract. Would Saylor want to have kids with me?
Elena sat on the chair adjacent to mine, facing me. "Saylor left today."
I nodded, my throat tight. "She did."
Elena exchanged a look with Hudson.
Hudson cleared his throat. "I know you didn't want to reveal your feelings for her, but how is that sitting now?"
I threw my hands up in the air. "Like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I hated letting her go. But what choice did I have?"
Hudson shook his head. "You had a lot of choices. You could have asked her to stay. You could have chased after her."
My jaw tightened. "I thought about that. It was difficult not to."
Hudson put the pool net away and sat next to Elena. "So your plan is to hope that she changes her mind and moves back to Sanibel without knowing how you feel about her?"
"I didn't want to influence her decision."
Hudson sighed heavily. "I understand your concern, but how can she make a decision if she doesn't know how you feel? What if she thinks you don't love her? That this was just a fling and nothing more."
That hurt because it was so much more than a fling. I couldn't help but replay this morning in the shower and last night in my bed. "She couldn't possibly think that."
Hudson gave me an exasperated look. "What sign have you given her that you want something more?"
"You let her go," Elena said simply.
I looked from Elena to Hudson, cataloguing the frustration on their faces. I might have messed up. "I thought I was doing the right thing."
"I know you did," Elena said gently. "But you didn't do anything to tell her you wanted her."
"I showed her how I felt. But not with words."
Elena groaned.
Hudson leveled me with a look. "Women need the words."
Now it was my turn to sigh. "Why didn't you tell me this?"
He shook his head. "I tried to. Many times. I told you you'd regret not telling her how you felt. I made the same mistake."
"What do I do now?"
"You can go after her and tell her how you feel. You don't have to make any demands because you could conceivably do this relationship long distance."
"I don't want to?—"
Hudson held up his hand to stop me. "I know you don't. But isn't something better than nothing?"
I couldn't imagine not having Saylor in my life. But I wanted her in Sanibel with me. "I guess." Now that I'd made a decision, I wanted to act on it. Should I go today?"
"She has work tomorrow. Maybe you should give her a day or two to get settled in," Elena said.
Hudson nodded. "That will give her time to see what life will be like there. Maybe she won't like it."
"I talked to her about going out on her own, but she was scared. She wants the security of a job."
"What if you were the one to provide her stability? You're working for the business again."
"She's worried about health insurance."
Hudson raised a brow. "What if she was the business's graphic designer?"
"Do we need one?" I asked him, not sure what had been going on in the business since I left.
"We run advertisements and marketing campaigns. We try and do those in-house, but I'm sure that Saylor would do a better job. We could at least talk to her about it, see if she had any ideas and then decide."
"Then what? The business would offer her health insurance?"
"Why not? We take care of our own."
"I appreciate that." There were options for Saylor; I just had to let her know where I stood and where we could go from here.
It was clear that relationships weren't that easy for me.
Hudson had snagged Elena and maintained a relationship with her, so he was obviously experienced. More than me anyway.
Elena rested a hand on mine. "If you go now, you'd get there in the middle of the night, and she has work in the morning. You have to make a plan."
We talked out the possible scenarios. I could text her and maintain some communication in the meantime. But I wanted to talk to her in person about my feelings. I wasn't sure whether I should tell her I was coming or I should surprise her.
"I think you should surprise her," Elena said excitedly.
"What if she's back with her ex or something? Maybe he should let her know that he's on his way," Hudson said, more to Elena.
My attention swung to Elena. "Is Saylor talking to her ex?"
Elena winced. "Not that I know of."
Frustration crept up my spine. "I don't like this. I shouldn't wait to tell her how I feel."
"You could have told her before she left. Now you have to recalibrate and ensure you're engaging at the right moment. If it's the wrong one, you might not get the reaction you want," Hudson said reasonably.
"You want it to be the perfect time. Not in the middle of the night or when she's headed to work."
I'd need to bide my time, but I hated doing nothing. I had to admit that both Hudson and Elena made good points. I had to go about this the right way. If I misstepped, I might screw things up permanently, and that was the last thing I wanted.
I helped out at work to keep myself busy. Hayden was getting ready for school with her mother and didn't need me at the moment. It was important that she reacclimate to her life in Naples.
She'd sent me several messages indicating that she wished she could stay with me. I wasn't sure how to feel about that. I wanted to be with her too, but she'd always resided with her mother. I didn't want to take her away from her family.
I wanted Saylor, Hayden, and a beach cottage of my very own.
I was getting bored at the office, familiarizing myself with the new software Kinsley had installed. When Kinsley said the senior center needed me to fix something, I was all-too happy to go. I grabbed my toolbox, throwing it into the back of my truck.
I parked in the lot and headed toward the front office, hoping to talk to Phyllis about the problem they were having, but Blaire intercepted me in the lobby.
She touched my arm. "Marshall, it's so good to see you."
"Thanks for letting me stay at the cottage for a bit longer."
Blaire waved her hand as if to dismiss my platitude.
I looked around. "Do you know where Phyllis is? I need to see what repair she needs."
Her hand moved to my elbow, and she steered me into a small meeting room off the lobby. She shut the door behind us. "I'm the one who called."
I rubbed my neck. "You did?"
"I wanted to talk to you." Blaire sat in a chair and then said, "Have a seat. I don't want to crane my neck."
"Okay," I said, pulling out the chair and sitting across from her.
"You ended up in the beach cottage because I purposely didn't tell the management company about Saylor wanting it for the summer."
I tensed. "Wait. What?"
"You heard me. I wanted you two to be in the same space."
My brain hadn't caught up. "Why?"
"You were so in love that summer you were eighteen.
You might not have acknowledged it to yourselves or dismissed it as young love, but I could see it.
You had something special. But then you went to college and joined the military, and Saylor rarely visited.
She never talked to me about it again. It was fate that you were both on the island at the same time. "
"It's not fate if you made it so we're both renting the same place," I said dryly, still reeling from her admission.
"I thought if you were in the same space, you'd remember why you liked each other so much, and maybe you'd fall in love all over again." Blaire winked at me.
"Your plan might have worked, but she left," I croaked, the pain too much to bear.
Blaire nodded sagely. "Saylor's stubborn. She thinks she has to do things a certain way, and she has a hard time seeing things differently."
"Her life is in Jacksonville. She has a job there, friends," I said, listing all the reasons why it didn't make sense for her to want to live here.
"From what I understand, her friends knew about her ex-boyfriend's other girlfriend and didn't tell her."
My jaw tightened. "Are you serious?"
"She hasn't heard from her friends since, so I think she has fewer ties to the city than you think."
"She has her job, and I already talked to her about the possibility of going out on her own. She enjoyed working from home this summer." She seemed to dread the idea of going back to Jacksonville and working in an office again. It would be a hard transition for her.
Blaire patted my arm. "I'd give her time to see what life is like for her now in Jacksonville, see if she changes her mind about what she wants out of life.
Then you can show up, and be the white knight, offering her everything she's ever wanted on a silver platter.
But I wouldn't wait too long. You wouldn't want her to sign a lease on an apartment or talk to her ex?—"
I ran a hand through my hair. "I don't want to wait around for the right moment."
"Drive up on Friday. Then you have the weekend to convince her that her home is here in Sanibel.
" Blaire, who was usually so fun and outgoing, was serious now.
"I've wanted Saylor to move here for years, and having her here this summer was great.
I don't want to lose her again. Once she gets settled into her job, I rarely see her.
When she reached out to me after what Flynn did to her, I was relieved.
She wanted an escape. I thought I could make her see how amazing Sanibel is and convince her to stay.
The fact that you were here at the same time was some kind of kismet. "
"I think there was some meddling involved," I said dryly.
"Of course there was, but now it's up to you. Everything's riding on the next few days and what you decide to do. I want to see you two together and living here. Don't mess this up."
"So if she decides she wants to stay in Jacksonville?—"
"It'll be your fault."
"You know when I first came back, I thought I wanted to focus on my relationship with my daughter.
That nothing else was important. So when I found Saylor in my rental, I thought she was a distraction, a complication I didn't need.
But she was the one who bonded with Hayden.
She was the one who made me see there's more to life than a career or even family.
I want something for myself. I want Saylor. "
"You're in love with my granddaughter."
I nodded. "I am."
"You need to tell her that. Make her see that you're not going anywhere. She was happy here."
"I hope I can convince her that this is her home, and I'm the man for her."
Blaire grinned. "I have faith in you."
"Is that why you offered me the house for the fall? You're hoping that the nostalgia for the cottage will help me convince her to stay?"
Blaire winked. "It can't hurt."
I turned to go and then remembered I was supposed to be here to fix something. "Wait, did Phyllis actually need me?"
Blaire laughed. "Nope."
"You know you can just call or text me if you need anything, right?" Blaire was Saylor's grandmother, so that made her my family too. Or at least it did if Saylor felt the same way about me than I felt about her.
"That's what I'm counting on," Blaire said as she headed into the main room where there were several groups playing games at the tables.
I'd made things harder for myself by not telling Saylor how I felt when she was here. I was letting her acclimate to her life in Jacksonville, hoping she'd decide that it wasn't for her. It was a risk, but I'd already set things into motion, and there wasn't another option.
I had to give her a few days and then I'd show up and tell her how I felt. I just hoped that she felt the same. Otherwise, I wasn't sure what I would do. I would only have the memories of our summer romance, knowing I could never be her forever.