10. Chapter Ten – Lily
Lily
"What should I do, Lucy?" I whine into my phone, pacing my room and tugging on my hair, a wave of helplessness washing over me.
We remained at the cafe until the sky turned completely dark, then got into an overcrowded train back to the hotel. Nothing happened that afternoon aside from handholding.
To not get lost in the crowds, I remind myself. It was nothing more… or was it?
As we stood in that train, my front pressed to his, with people from all sides pushing in, I was close enough to feel his heartbeat, and then everything hit me all at once, like waking up from a daydream.
What the fuck am I doing?
He's the CEO of my rival company. I know he's friends with Millie and Kayla, but there is no way they would condone me dating a rival .
And why the fuck did it have to be him in the first place?
Of all the men out there, why does he have to be so fucking irresistible? Couldn’t it have been one of the guys I met during my dating-app attempt three years ago? Then I wouldn’t have this goddamn existential crisis right now and he would have spared me many bad dates.
"I don’t know what the hell I’m doing." I rub my hand over my face and come to a stop, leaning my forehead against the cool glass and closing my eyes.
"Girl," Lucy starts and then breaks into laughter, "you've kissed a guy and went on a date with him afterwards. What did you think was going to happen?"
"It wasn't a date," I deny weakly. "Only a thank you for getting me home safely when I was in no condition to do so myself thanks to Eve and my own dumb competitiveness."
"Yeah, yeah." I can just picture her rolling her eyes at me and fight the urge to throw my phone into a corner. "Let’s look at this from a different angle. What do you want to happen? We've already established that you have a crush on him, so I guess right now the question is whether you’re going to act on it. Whether you want to."
"If I want to doesn’t play a role because I'm not sure I can ," I tell her, and now that realization settles in my bones with heavy disappointment. "Before I came here, he was just some handsome bloke who stole talent I wanted at Siren’s Talent, but goddammit, Lucy, I'm starting to like him. As in, like, like him. Fuck, I should have nipped this in the bud before anything happened."
"Well, too late for that now," she says with a chuckle, and I glare at my phone.
"I hate you. You’re having way too much fun with this."
"No, you don’t. But tell me, what exactly is your hold up? Some kind of clause you might or might not have written in your contract? Let's be so for real, do you really think Millie and Kayla, of all people, would tell you not to date Adam? Pretty sure they'd throw you a 'welcome to the family' party instead."
"I'm not about to go to my bosses and tell them about my dating life," I say, raising my eyebrow at her, and she shrugs, knowing fully well she’s right.
"Well, maybe you should. If Millie can talk to you about her wedding plans, you should be able to talk to her about potentially dating another CEO. Can't you all just merge companies and be done with it?"
I stop my pacing and shoot her a glare. There is no way any of us, neither Millie, Kayla nor me, would want to give Siren’s Talent up to Croney. Even if this thing with Adam goes further, it’s our baby.
"All right, all right," she quickly concedes. "Sorry for just suggesting it."
"So what now?" I ask her and start pacing again.
"Now you get ready for bed and spend the night tossing and turning while you make up your mind about what you want. And once you realize what that is at like three in the morning, you can call me again and we'll make a plan."
"Knowing you, that means you'll make a plan and I will listen to you make a plan," I say with an eyeroll and sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. She’s right though, I need to make up my mind. "All right. Thank you, Lucy."
"You're very welcome. Keep me updated."
Lucy was wrong. Not about the tossing and turning, that did very much happen. But I couldn’t make up my mind. In an ideal future, would I want Adam and me to work?
Yes.
Is there any scenario in which our careers will come out of it unscathed?
I couldn’t think of one. In fact, the more I thought, the more I realized just what a shitshow it could become. Imagine we break up. It wouldn’t just make industry events awkward as fuck, what if it makes him want to re-solidify his position in the market and try to eliminate Siren’s Talent? Would he do that to his friends?
Stranger things have happened than people turning on their friends during a breakup.
But worse of all… what if he’s not actually interested?
The next day rolls around before I’m ready for it, and I am utterly unprepared to face Adam .
When I get tired of tossing and turning, I throw on a bathrobe to make a quick trip to the convenience store at three-thirty in the morning, where I get myself pens and a notebook.
I might have my tablet with me to take notes at the conference and my laptop for work, but sometimes it's just easier to write things out on paper. Just like now.
The pen flies over the empty paper as I jot down my thoughts without rhyme or reason, before I open another page and draw up a pro and con list to bring them into order.
"Pros about dating Adam," I tap my pen against my lip. "Adam," I just jot down and then close my eyes, trying to think of more. Yet, that’s really it, right?
But then the cons start floating through my head.
Rival is the first point I jot down, Legal Stuff is my next point, followed by Reputation.
As superficial as it sounds, it’s an important point I need to consider for my future. There’s already a bunch of people unhappy about competing with a woman, and a young one at that. Most of them believe I slept my way to the top – how that’s supposed to work when my bosses are women in very public heterosexual relationships, I have no idea.
Entering a public romantic relationship with Adam wouldn’t help my case.
And reputation can absolutely make or break your career. Would it make or break me? I don’t know. I am where I am despite rumors and hushed conversations about the sex life I might or might not have.
I try to think of other pros, I try to think of other cons, when my alarm goes off and I groan, not thrilled about the sleepless day ahead.
I'm on my second coffee of the day with an extra espresso shot before the first meeting even starts, and my mood is the worst it's been since we arrived in Tokyo. I’m tired, I still don’t know what to do and that grinds on my nerves to no fucking end. Even the luggage chaos at the airport pales in comparison.
"I’m growing a bit worried here," Felix says, eyeing my cup. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Don’t lie to me,” he sing-songs, and I shoot him a stare that makes him shut up and look at me worriedly instead.
“I’m fucking tired,” I groan and bury my face in my hands. “And grumpy. Sorry about that.”
I glance at Adam through a little gap in my fingers. Today, he’s sitting on the other side of the room, probably only because we arrived at the very last second. Usually, he’d pick a seat somewhere close but I need some distance.
“Accepted. Anything else?” He raises his eyebrow at me amusedly .
“No, that’s it.” I roll my eyes at him. “I’m going to take a nap during lunch break and I’ll feel better.”
Lowering my hands, I take another sip of my coffee, just as the presenter walks in and sets up his laptop. Speaking of coffee, I’ve been meaning to get myself a souvenir mug. I reach for my tablet and add a reminder for later.
“No, I haven’t been taking notes, but I’m sure Lily will share her with me!” My head shoots up when somebody mentions my name and I do my best not to bang my head against the table in frustration when I see who.
Chuck is the CEO of an entertainment company from the UK and one of those boomers who think they run the world. It’s by far not the first time he’s been trying to push a secretary role onto me, but today is just really not the day to try and pull this shit with me. Because I’m in the mood for some confrontation.
“What makes you think that?" I ask him in a curious voice, so loud it makes the room shut up and I turn fully to him in my seat, giving him a forced but pleasant-seeming smile. “Pray, tell, Charles. Why, of all the people in this room, would you think I would share my notes with you?”
I can see a muscle in his jaw twitch at me using his real name instead of the self-proclaimed nickname.
"Uh," he stammers, and I cross my arms in front of my chest, raising my chin at him. He mumbles something unintelligible and I cross my arms in front of my chest.
"Speak up. I didn’t hear you. ”
"There will be keynotes you can take away after the meeting," the presenter quickly interjects, but I am not taking my eyes off him yet.
I know backing down is the better, non-confrontational thing to do, but God am I in the mood to set him straight, because I’m dealing with this kind of shit way too often.
‘This kind of shit’ being men who think that the only woman in the room is obviously there to take notes, because their lazy asses can’t bother to. I mean, who could ever expect a man to take his own notes? Unheard of.
They’d rather pick on a woman they’re actually intimated by in an attempt to irritate her, and they’re so used to women just taking it that the slightest pushback is enough to fluster them, because they never thought we’d have the gall.
Well, I’ve got news for them.
And especially Chuck should know better. We’ve met at so many industry functions where I introduce myself with name and job title over and over again because he pretends to have forgotten me. I’m so done playing into his little charade of putting me down.
I narrow my eyes at him, fucking daring him to tell the whole room that he’s a sexist piece of shit, but he just continues mumbling under his breath and evading my eyes.
From the corners of my eyes, I see Adam shoot me an amused glance, but I pay him no mind, because I’m on a mission. I continue my hard stare even when the presentation starts and only turn around when I see Adam start to hide his face behind his hand to cover him laughing.
"Oh, I sense tension," Felix whispers in my ear, and I nudge him with my elbow. “What was that look?”
"You sense nothing," I object and tilt my head from side to side for a quick stretch, because staring like that strained a muscle. Felix's eyes me curiously, his gaze darting between Adam and me, an annoying grin spreading on his face.
"Sure," he says, then taps away on his tablet to take notes as the presenter explains a few AI tools to make all of our jobs easier.
"Are you all right?" Adam asks when he finds me after the presentation, and I roll my eyes.
"Why is everyone asking me that today?" I mumble, admittedly annoyed. Yes, I’m having a bad day and it’s not getting any better by people constantly asking me about it.
Adam takes my snip in stride, eyebrows shooting up in surprise for a moment before an amused expression washes over his face instead.
"Because you're feisty today?" Felix asks from behind us, the grin evident in his voice, and I groan.
"Great, now the two of you have teamed up against me."
"No such thing," Felix teases me and laughs, linking his arm with mine as we walk down the corridor .
"God, I need another coffee. Or a nap."
"We're just spitting facts." He says it with irony dripping from his voice, sounding like a wannabe cool kid, but I just can’t today.
"You're spitting-" I interrupt myself and pinch the bridge of my nose. No way am I finishing that sentence. Then I stop and wait until I have their attention. “For the record, yes, I'm alright. I'm just grumpy because I couldn't sleep, and I'm tired of dealing with misogynistic assholes like Chuck."
"Misogynistic?" Adam asks surprised and raises his eyebrow. "He was an asshole, no doubt about that, but what about it was misogynistic?"
Before I can answer, Felix jumps in and makes my case, so I continue to walk. I need some lunch and a nap.
"In a room full of CEOs, why would he ask Lily if she was writing along? Come on, big boy, I know you've got the brain cells." The two of them trail after me and I listen in curiously.
“Because he doesn’t like her? Did anything happen between them?”
“I’ll give you one more try,” Felix says amusedly, but my patience today is shorter than my last relationship.
"Because I was the only woman in there and as we know, all women are secretaries," I say over my shoulders and turn to the lobby. Jackpot, they have pots of coffee and some treats line up for us. Their filter coffee is weak as fuck, and I’d love to have an iced one, but if it means I don’t have to walk outside go to a coffee shop, it will do. It’s been raining the whole day – which would be awesome if it meant the heat would become more bearable, but instead it just became more humid outside.
"Oh," Adam says intelligently, but I barely pay attention as I make a beeline for the coffee. "I did not realize that."
"The joys of being a woman.” I shrug. He looks shocked, but I can’t find it in me to continue this conversation.
“Now if you'll excuse me," I take a look at my watch, "I need lunch." And I need a nap, then a goddamn break, but I don’t say that out loud. “See you later, Adam.”
Felix trudges after me, swiftly taking the coffee cup from my hands. “You’ve had enough for now.”
"Here, maybe this will brighten your mood." Felix hands me a stuffed plush he just won at a game arcade after dinner, and I force myself to shoot him a quick grin.
"I'm sorry," I say, my shoulders sagging with disappointment in myself. "I was in a terrible mood today. Sorry for snapping at you."
"I don’t know what’s on your mind, but if you want to share, my ears are yours," Felix offers, but I shake my head.
"There is,” I admit, knowing it’s no use to lie to him further. “But I don’t even know how to verbalize it yet. Thank you, though. Maybe later.” I hide a big yawn behind my hand. “I need to sleep. Are you staying or coming with? ”
Felix nods and grabs his bags, filled with prizes from the arcade we just visited. I have no idea how he intends to get them home, but there is no doubt in my mind that, somehow, he’ll manage.
"I didn't know you were so good at those," I say once we’re outside and I don’t have to shout over the blaring music, nudging him with my shoulder.
"I didn't know either, but I watched a lot of YouTube videos on these yesterday." The proud grin on his face makes me chuckle, until it turns into another yawn.
"Ah, so it was cheating."
"No cheating," he disagrees. "Just research and skills."
"Well, then let's hurry, so you can put all of that stuff away and still be on time for the next meeting," I giggle and point at the bags with stuffed toys that are reaching up to my hip, but just as we round the corner, we see a familiar face in the distance.
Adam is currently getting swarmed by a group of women, just like that prince in Fairytale Land, only they are leading him towards a club, all talking to him at once.
He seems overwhelmed, his wide eyes darting around confused, not knowing where to look or who to talk to. His expression tells me that he doesn't understand what's happening or what's going on there. I don’t think he even realizes that they are bringing him somewhere. Felix raises his eyebrow at me in question and I sigh.
"I 'm not too sure what’s going on there, but Adam doesn't look too eager to find out," I say, feeling a pang of sympathy for him.
"Let's go save him," Felix suggests, but he's slow with all of his plushes, so I stride over to him and get in the way of the group just before they are about to enter a building.
"Excuse me, ladies," I say in English, and every single one of them shoots me a dirty look, "but my friend and I have plans. Have a good evening."
I leave no room for discussion. Instead, I push my way through the group and grab Adam’s arm to pull him after me and tune out the female voices calling me a bitch.
"What the hell was that?" Adam asks, and I shake my head at him as we continue walk towards Felix.
"Usually, the girls who chat you up on the street either want you to go to their restaurant or club," I explain, letting go of his arm when we’re a good bit away and I realize that Felix is watching us. "And considering that we're in a very touristy area, I'm assuming it would have gotten pretty expensive for you."
When I lived here, I heard some horror stories from classmates who went along out of curiosity – of course, that doesn’t speak for all of them, but the fact they were swarming him makes me a bit skeptical.
"That makes sense," Adam says, nodding thoughtfully. We finally reach Felix, who seems overwhelmed with how to carry all of the bag with his prices, so Adam and I each take one off his hands as we continue our way back to the hotel.
Just before we walk into the lobby, Adam grabs my elbow and stops me.
"Did I do something wrong?" he asks softly, concern etched on his face as his eyes search my face for the answer.
I shake my head softly, looking down. He didn’t deserve me acting like a bitch just because I’m tired and unable to make up my mind.
"No, you haven't," I tell him, still looking anywhere but his eyes. "Today was just not a good day." His eyes tell me that he's seeing right through the bullshit, but I can't muster up the energy to say anything else. "I'm sorry for acting like a bitch. It's really not you."
“Good,” he mutters and nods.
“You guys coming?” Felix shouts, and I quickly take a step back before I hurry to the elevator.