Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
Just before Christine stepped into the coach, she was enveloped in a cloak with a fur lining. It felt so warm and good that she gave a quiet gasp. She looked at Zek, who had a smile on his face, as if he was gratified by her surprised bliss.
“Thank you,” she said, and meant it. “I’m sorry my visit didn’t turn out as I had planned.”
“Think nothing of it. I’ll soon have you back at the Hall,” he said easily, and took his place opposite her once they were inside. “I wanted to speak to Reeve, so I will stop at Ansford Keep on my way back.”
“Oh... of course.” He wasn’t doing this for her then; it was simply convenient. Somehow, that made her feel disappointed, which made no sense. She blamed the rain for upsetting her equilibrium.
“I think Abby and Reeve are looking forward to their child arriving,” he said after a moment.
Christine dragged her eyes away from the window, where the rain had decided to start another brief assault upon Barton Lacey. “They are. Very much so.”
“As they should be,” said Reeve. “They have so much love to give, and I know Reeve has always wanted children. He himself was an only child.”
“True. But then, Abby has far too many siblings.”
“Yes, I can see that may be a disincentive,” he said with a wry smile. “I have four myself.”
She almost asked him if he desired a large family, but that was far too personal a question.
She did wonder though. She had never given children much of a thought, and wasn’t sure with her burgeoning career whether she would want the distraction.
And children were definitely a distraction.
She supposed if she became a star of the theatre, she could hire nannies and make it work.
Always assuming she found an amiable husband who saw his wife as a person in her own right rather than an appendage of his own consequence.
Why was she thinking of children? Impatient with herself, Christine pushed the thoughts aside.
The coach rattled through the village, which had become temporarily deserted because of the rain, and out the other side.
She’d be home soon, she thought, huddling into the borrowed cloak with a shiver.
She risked a glance at Zek. It felt disorientating to be here with him, and confusing that she didn’t seem to loathe him as much as she used to.
“Who would have thought the two of us would be here now?” she blurted out.
“Do you mean the poorest boy in the village and the daughter of one of the wealthiest?” He said it easily, but there was a glint in his eye that made her wonder if his prior resentments hadn’t been entirely forgotten.
“I suppose I do.”
He looked away. “I prefer not to dwell on the past.”
That put an end to the conversation. They sat there awkwardly until the coach arrived at the Hall. As it drew to a halt, Christine thanked him again and went to hand him back his cloak, but he objected.
“Return it to me the next time we meet.”
“I insist.”
“As do I.”
They stared at each other, neither one backing down.
Was this some contest of wills? His eyes weren’t as black as she remembered, but rather a dark brown.
He had long lashes too, but she had no idea what had made her notice that fact.
There was something about his eyes she found fascinating, and she found herself leaning forward as if she might fall into them.
Christine blinked and looked away. “As you wish. I will keep it for now.” She smiled coolly and stepped down from the coach. As she made her way to the door, she heard it trundle off behind her. Had she won that round? She wasn’t sure. But the experience had left her unsettled.
Once inside the Hall, she shrugged off the cloak. She was thinking about where she would store it when her mother came rushing down the stairs.
“There you are!” Lady Meg declared. Her eyes were wide and rather wild.
“I told you I was—”
“Never mind that now. Abby is having the baby! I have only just heard. Reeve sent a servant over with the news, and I am to go there immediately!”
“Oh!” Christine wasn’t sure what to say. It was good news, of course, but she understood her mother’s concern. Childbirth was not something to be taken lightly, and until her sister and the child were safe, none of them would be able to completely relax. “Should I come?”
“Do you want to?” Her mother sounded surprised that she had asked. In truth, Christine was a bit surprised herself. Before she went to London she was more focussed on herself than others. “Molly will be staying here to keep an eye on everything, and I would be glad of your company.”
She seemed to mean it, and suddenly Christine really did want to be there, to make sure Abby was safe. Although what she could do in any practical sense eluded her.
“Can you wait until I change?” Christine asked. “I got rather wet when I went to see Mrs Nash.”
Questions were obviously on the tip of her mother’s tongue, but thankfully her father chose that moment to hurry by, calling out for haste. “I’m afraid I can’t wait,” her mother said, “but I’ll send the coach back for you, so follow on when you are ready.”
A moment later, they were gone.
Christine made her way up the stairs. She would change and go to Ansford Keep.
Perhaps she could be of some help, or at least of some support to her mother, if not Abby.
It seemed unlikely she would be allowed in while her sister gave birth, nor did she want to.
She shuddered at the thought of what she might see.
The tower room, which had once been Abby’s, had become messier since Christine began to occupy it.
When she was at the theatre, people tended to pick up after her, but at the Hall there weren’t enough servants to spare.
Her parents had always insisted the Starling children look after themselves as much as possible.
She began sorting through her clothing, looking for something practical and warm to wear, until she was distracted by the view from the window.
She could see Ansford Keep in the distance.
For the time being, the rain seemed to have passed, and there was even a beam of sunlight shining upon it in a very picturesque manner.
Abby was over there, with her husband and her parents, and Christine felt a moment of doubt.
Did they really need her there? Abby was much closer to Molly and Breana, but Christine had always loved her, even when she resented her.
The thought of anything happening to her was unbearable.
She needed to be close. Even if she wasn’t needed, at least she would be there.
She quickly changed, wrapping the fur-lined cloak around her once more and going downstairs to wait for the coach to return. She read nothing into this act, it was lovely and warm, and that was all that mattered.
“Christine!”
Young Nigel’s loud voice made her jump. He had followed her down the stairs, his big blue eyes filled with worry.
Wasn’t Molly supposed to be looking after him?
Well, no doubt Molly had enough to do already, so she found one of Nigel’s puzzles and settled him down on the sitting room floor, and together they began to work on it.
Rosina and Arnold, the next youngest children before Nigel, must be about somewhere.
Perhaps they were helping Molly, or hiding from her.
Lady Meg had thought her family complete when Nigel had arrived, to her surprise and delight.
Consequently, he was quite spoilt, but he was a sweetheart and everyone loved him.
However, it also meant there was quite an age gap between Nigel and Arnold, and so the young boy often found himself left out.
Nigel was chattering away, asking Christine all sorts of questions about her life in London, and she found herself promising to take him to one of the theatres to see her play.
He looked so excited and happy that she wondered why on earth she had not done so sooner.
Somehow, once she had her dream in reach, she had found herself forgetting everything that went before.
Surely her family should be just as important as her career?
Christine paused with her hand over the puzzle, a piece clutched tight in her fingers.
Was she really such a selfish person? Was it really so surprising if she was?
All her life, she had wanted nothing more than to sing and act, and to escape Starling Hall for London.
It had consumed her, and for much of her life she had thought of nothing else.
Perhaps it was time to recalibrate what was important in her life and what wasn’t. Because something was missing in her life, despite her success. She had been sensing it for some time now, like an ache in her heart, and it was only growing worse.
She and Nigel had just finished the puzzle when the door opened behind her. She looked up, expecting to see the coachman coming to fetch her, but instead there was Zek Nash.
“What are you doing here?” she asked before she could stop herself, and more rudely than she intended. “I thought you were at the Keep.” She silently cursed herself for slipping so easily back into old habits.
Zek smiled. Or rather, he smirked. He was taking in the scene before him: Christine kneeling on the floor with her little brother at her side. Amusement lit those eyes that she had decided were brown rather than black.
“Lady Meg sent me to collect you,” he explained slowly, as if she was as young as Nigel. “Her coachman has gone to fetch the doctor. I’m sure that is more important that returning to collect you, Miss Starling. Or is it?”
His questioning tone had been as rude as hers, and she no longer regretted her earlier attitude. She wanted to protest that she was not so selfish as to think such things, but then decided it wasn’t worth the bother.
“I’m sure they are all a little frantic right now,” she said, rising to her feet and shaking out her skirts.
“I want to see Abby,” Nigel cried as he jumped up. His gaze went from one to the other. “Can I come, Christine?” His lip began to wobble.
Oh no, she could not have Nigel crying! Christine bent closer, slipping her arm over his shoulders. “And so you will,” she reassured him. “Very soon. But right now she is busy.”
Nigel stared back at her. “Busy?” he echoed. “Is she out in the garden? Does the baby come from the garden? That is what Arnold says. That they grow in the vegetable patch. But then, why has she gotten so big, and everyone says the baby is inside her?”
Christine felt stumped by that, and was unprepared to give the boy a proper explanation. Thankfully, at that moment, Molly appeared behind Zek at the door.
“There you are, Nigel! I’ve been looking all over for you.” She came over and held out her hand. “Come on now. Look what I have been baking for you. Your favourite!”
Nigel noticed the biscuit in her other hand and gave a big smile of joy. Yet his gaze lingered back to Christine, waiting for her to answer his question.
Molly was ready for him. “If you don’t hurry to the kitchen, Arnold will eat the rest!”
Nigel vanished through the door.
“Let me know how Abby is faring as soon as you can,” Molly said, and reached out to give Christine a hug.
Christine found herself enjoying the brief moment of closeness. She realised she had missed Molly. She had missed everyone. Knowing that felt strange, and yet at the same time was a wonderful revelation.
“Well, that was a near thing,” Zek said to her as they made their way back to his coach. “For a moment, I was afraid you were about to tell poor Nigel far more than he was ready for.”
“Oh?” Christine said airily, the cloak warm around her. “Are you saying babies aren’t grown in vegetable gardens?”
He snorted a laugh. “You are not at all what I expected,” he said as he helped her into the coach.
She raised her eyebrows at him. “And what did you expect?”
But he didn’t answer, settling himself in his seat opposite as they moved off. Instead, he said, “Lady Meg is running everything at the Keep as if it’s a military operation.”
Christine laughed. “I suppose that is where Abby gets it from.”
“Not you, then?”
“Goodness, no. I am quite shatter-brained, or so I am told.”
He looked as if he didn’t believe her. “And yet you have achieved everything you ever wanted? I don’t think you are as shatter-brained as others think.”
He looked at her in an almost admiring way, which felt strange. It made her want to blush, but Christine refused to let that happen. She changed the subject to what was currently on her mind.
“I didn’t realise until now how much I missed my family. Missed everything here, really.” She gave an awkward laugh. “Before I couldn’t wait to leave Barton Lacey, and here I am being nostalgic about it. Did you feel like that when you went to London? To your uncle?”
He considered the question. “I was excited, certainly, but I was also worried about leaving my family behind. I knew how they were struggling, so I sent every penny I could save home to them. When my uncle realised how desperate our circumstances were, he started to help them too. He admitted he had been a selfish man, more concerned about his own life and business than his relatives.”
Was he drawing comparisons between his uncle and Christine? He was looking at her as if he might be.
She looked away. She supposed she had been selfish, but she’d had to be in order to succeed. Did her family see her as selfish? They were proud of her, so she hoped not. But perhaps it was time to prove that she really did love them. Somehow.
“I do hope that everything goes well,” she said quietly, more to herself than to him.
To her surprise, Zek reached over and took her hand, giving it a squeeze before releasing it. He didn’t offer her useless platitudes or false promises, but at that moment the touch of his gloved hand on hers had been comfort enough.