Chapter Twelve
Summer
The worst part of a nightmare for me is that I know when I’m having one. I feel the veil of fear fall over me before I have a chance to plead with my mind to wake me up, and not let me suffer again. I can feel my body laying frozen, unable to move, my breathing becoming erratic, but I can’t open my eyes. My legs won’t move, my arms are stuck to the bed, each limb is paralysed. I feel his breath in my ear, his sneering words slithering all over me. My heart pounds hard in my chest and the deathly silence fills the room at his presence.
“Next time, you’ll do as you’re fucking told.”
It cuts me like a knife, his hands pulling at my shorts, his nails digging against my flesh. I fight with everything, forcing my limbs to push him away and scream for help, but I know I can’t. The nightmare isn’t as bad as the real thing, that was brutal and went on for what felt like hours.
I’d managed to break free of Harry’s grasp and kicked him hard off the bed and began to crawl away but he grabbed my feet and forced me back onto the bed. Tearing off my panties so aggressively, his fingernails dragged across my skin, leaving bleeding raised bumps. My hands dug into the mattress, trying to pull myself away but his body was already on mine, his hands tight around my throat as he wrenched my head back.
“That tight little pussy is begging for me.”
His tongue sweeps up my cheek.
The pungent stench of spirits laced into his hot breath; I feel my body recoil as the smell enters my nostrils. Taking a deep breath, I try not to gag. I begin to claw at his hands, my nails digging into his skin, but I can hear his maniacal laugh pierce my ears. When I hear that laugh, I know he’s too high to feel pain, anything I do is useless, and I feel my entire soul sink.
My legs are forced open and with one thrust, I feel my entire body sob in pain, I lay helpless on my front, the thick hot tears pouring down my cheeks, all the screams and cries are stuck in my throat, and I squeeze my eyes closed, hoping, praying the horror will take pity on me and make it quick this time.
“Summer?”
I can’t open my eyes, I just feel the monster’s weight on top of me, crushing me, making sure I know who I belong to and what happens when I dare step out of line.
What the fuck did I do this time?
“Summer, wake up.”
I hear a gentle voice in the distance, a calm pulling me from the storm.
Who’s there? Help!
“Summer, it’s a nightmare, it’s not real.”
It is though…it is real.
When I feel a hand pull on my shoulder, I gasp, as my body is hauled upright. I’m wrenched back into reality, the body pressed into mine disappears, along with the whiskey stench and the dense humid air that surrounds me. A pair of fearful green eyes surrounded by rich chestnut waves stares back at me. I hold her gaze momentarily but soon feel her concern creep over my skin. Pamela swallows hard before giving me a knowing look. Something we both share for an endless minute before she briefly looks out of the window and then back to me.
A kind smile cracks across her face, passing me a chilled bottle of water. Reaching out, I twist off the cap with a shaky hand and take a large gulp before letting out an exasperated sigh. Gently wiping the water droplets from my mouth, I feel the sweat continuing to pour down my body.
“When did it first happen?”
Pamela asks quietly, eyeing me curiously.
Even though my focus has moved to the peaceful New York City skyline, I still see her in my periphery. I feel the ice fall around us, gently pulling my knees to my chest, I pull myself into a ball.
“It only happened once,”
I begin, a few tears threatening to blur my vision. “It was about six months ago, I was asleep at home when he came in…high as usual. When I tried to back away, he slapped me hard and pinned me onto the bed. Before I could fight him off, he dragged me down the bed and tore off my clothes. His hands were clamped around my throat… Nobody could hear me scream for help.”
I feel an odd sense of relief fall over me, finally being able to speak about it.
“Did you tell anyone?”
I shake my head, sniffing slightly and wiping the heavy tears from my cheeks. The prickly goosebumps rise over my skin as Pamela’s intense gaze burns holes into the side of my head.
“No, I didn’t want…”
“Didn’t want people to pity you? Look at you differently? Even possibly question what you could have done to deserve it?”
My eyes volley to hers and she shrugs. In that moment we share a look, something unspoken bonds us a little closer and I’m grateful she doesn’t push me further.
“Harry found me in the bathroom the next morning…god, I was covered in scratches and bruises. I could barely stand up, the pain was so sharp. It felt like every time I moved someone was taking a hot needle between my legs and thighs.”
I shake my head, the anger beginning to rise in my voice. “The evil thing about it all, he claimed to not remember what he did.”
“What, nothing?”
I nod, “Nothing. The look on his face was enough, he even looked horrified at what he’d been capable of. But we just never spoke about it again.”
“When did the nightmares start?” Pam asks.
I shrug, my gaze moving back to her before landing on the duvet in front of me.
“After Bhodi.”
I slowly chew on the inside of my mouth, the pulse rushing between my legs whilst I relive a brief second of the beautiful moment.
“What do you mean?”
“It was the first time…I’d been with someone else. The first time I’d felt comfortable, treasured even. Nothing was forced, I wanted to.”
My voice breaks.
I throw my head into my hands and sob loudly, everything over the past few weeks and months comes barrelling towards me at once. The pressures, the fears, anger, sadness…everything, and I don’t know how to handle it. I feel her move closer and throw her arms around me. Pulling me into a tight hug, her soft whispers soothe my cracked sanity.
“You’re safe now, Summer, he can’t hurt you ever again.”
I hold her close and take in those words between each deep breath. Bunching the duvet in my fists, I wipe my eyes and push the hair from my face. When I turn to Pam again, I see the tears threatening to fall for her as well.
“Bhodi…He did tell me…. You know…How you all met.”
She stiffens slightly, but nods.
“They saved me.”
The statement is sharp. “If it wasn’t for Michael, Bhodi, Jimmy and Axe…I would have probably taken my life a long time ago.”
She sighs. “The shame hung around me for a long time after the trial. I couldn’t walk out of my apartment without feeling like I was going to have a panic attack. Each time someone even looked my way, I feared they were coming to finish the job.”
“How did you handle it?”
Pam lets out a mock laugh, shaking her head a little. “I didn’t…your dad did.”
She looks out to the skyline. Her voice wavering slightly as she pulls the memory from deep within her mind. “He forced me to face my fears, took me kicking and screaming to therapy and waited for me outside. When the sessions were over, we would all have dinner at his. It was a safe place, where I felt protected, and I could talk openly but only if I wanted to.”
“Did it help?”
“Initially I truly hated him, I thought he was making me relive it over and over again. But he wasn’t, he could see the downward spiral I was on and couldn’t bear to watch Luca win.”
She rises from the bed, opening a small minifridge on the other side of the room, she pours us both a vodka with ice and passes me one. “He took me to self-defence classes, made sure my apartment was secure and showed me that there is life after the cruelty I’d endured. I knew I would never dance again, those dreams were dead, but I found that I could help others, so I began volunteering at women’s shelters and giving back where I could.”
I feel my heart tighten in my chest, taking a sip of the cool clear liquid. I swallow, allowing the burning warmth to travel through me.
“I know you probably have so many questions for Bhodi, and likely the rest of us. But when he told you he didn’t know about you, he wasn’t lying.”
My brows pinch for a moment and I look to the drink in my hand, the ice cubes rattling against the glass and the condensation sliding over my skin.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“When we all came together, we had a rule. No talk of personal lives, that was Michael’s top rule. If someone somehow found out about what they were doing, he didn’t want anyone’s family or friends in danger. They were four nameless, faceless, broken souls who wanted to make things right, where the law couldn’t.”
I feel the shivers run over my entire body, the thought of them all killing people, night after night, the torture, the blood and the depravity of it all should make me sick, but Pamela was a victim, and they gave her a life back. That’s not something you can argue, she was an innocent woman pulled into an evil person’s vortex and left for dead when she was of no use to them. She stood her ground and fought, but when that failed, they had other options.
“Why isn’t Luca dead?”
I ask the obvious question.
Pamela downs her drink and shrugs.
“Because if they kill him, questions will be asked. He’s never far from trouble in this city and has a lot of powerful friends. When we think it’s quietening down and he’s not on the police’s radar, he’s arrested again. Whether it’s for drugs, prostitution …there’s always something that keeps him in the spotlight.”
“Why would he want my dad dead though?”
“I honestly don’t know, Summer, he was working on something but wouldn’t even tell Jimmy.”
“I think it has something to do with the NYPD.”
Pamela looks to me, a concern crosses her face.
“What makes you say that?”
“There were photos in the apartment before it was set on fire. I found photos of different men meeting with Luca, one of them is Eva’s ex-boyfriend Daniel. When he saw me outside their house, before I found Jimmy, he knew it was me, the look on his face said it all…. They know I’m missing.”
The anxiety begins to swirl again.
“You’re safe, Summer, I promise you no one knows you’re here but me and the boys.”
“Where are they?”
Her shoulders sag, It’s been over forty-eight hours since Bhodi and Jimmy left and I haven’t heard a thing. The weakness has taken up the majority of my time, I’ve dipped in and out of sleep for long periods, the wounds on my body have started to heal, I feel the healing scabs on my hip begin to itch, the bruises beginning to turn an ugly yellow and green. Each time my eyes have opened, I hope to feel him next to me, but each time I’m met with a cold bed.
“I honestly don’t know; I haven’t heard from them.”
I nod as Pamela rises from the bed again. She stands at the window for a moment before turning back to me, her kind smile back whilst the moonlight flashes across her face. “Get some rest OK, I’ll be back in the morning.”
She gives one final look before exiting the suite. When I finally hear the click of the door closing, I rise from the bed. Letting out a groan, my tense muscles stretch and ache. I let out a deep sigh, dragging my heavy legs towards the window. Taking a seat on the ledge, I turn my body to lean against the glass, allowing my head to rest against the window and stare up at the bright moon.
The city below carries on as normal, the cars’ lights driving up and down the busy roads, groups of people dotted around. Turning to check the alarm clock, I see that it’s already one a.m., It’s true what they say…the city really doesn’t sleep. When my mind shifts to Bhodi and his whereabouts, I pull my knees to my chest, wrapping myself back into a safe ball as the questions I had planned begin flitting around my head at once.
Why the mask?
Were you ever going to tell me who you were?
Why did you want me gone so badly?
What made you this way?
The last question takes me back to the night in my bed, when I walked back in to find him off the bed and panicked. The confusion and vulnerability in his expression wasn’t something I could ignore. I’ve barely scratched the surface on Bhodi, there’s far more to learn and understand. I know I have to be patient with him, there’s a darkness that swirls behind those emerald irises. You don’t just wake up one day and agree to kill people….you have it in you from early on. He appears fearless, protective and my god…fucking arrogant.
That’s the person I fell in love with.
Bhodi
It’s been a long and draining forty-eight hours. I find myself constantly flexing my right hand, the sliced flesh continuing to split and bleed. It’s about the only thing keeping me awake. Everything has been a blur and I trudge towards the door of the suite, wanting nothing more than to hold Summer close in my arms, feel her body pressed against mine and inhale her sweet scent. I’m not mentally prepared for her reaction. I’ve been gone two days without a word and I know our initial conversation is still lingering between us.
Nate Jordan has left New York; he and his family have moved elsewhere. Not before I had him admit to everything he’s done, what evidence he tampered with, how he did it and to also admit as to why he did such a fucked-up thing. For now, I guess he feels his conscience is clear, but we all know that’ll never happen. That ignorant cunt has ruined lives, but at the same time he was trying to protect his own and that of his family’s.
We agreed he was in a lose-lose situation. As much as I wanted to make him suffer for what he’s put all of us through, he’ll likely spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder and if Luca does end up finding him, I won’t lose any sleep over it. We did what we could, but he doesn’t truly deserve saving. I’ll just allow him to feel a moment of safety. Family or not, he made a stupid choice and knew at the back of his mind it wouldn’t end well. Even now as I approach the suite door, I regret my decision but there’s nothing I can do about that. I made what I thought was the right call at the time, and I have other things on my mind and Nate Jordan is no longer one of them.
“Bhodi!”
A tight lipped whisper comes from the corridor and I turn to see Pam standing in the doorway next to Summer’s.
“What the hell?”
I mutter, moving closer.
“Perks of knowing the owner I guess.”
She shrugs and opens the door further, gesturing for me to enter.
I let out a huff and feel my entire body weighed down with the current pressures.
“Look…Pam…”
She shoots me an irritated look and her left brow raises. Folding her arms across her chest, she rests against the open door. “Fine.”
I move past her and into the similar suite. Heading for the kitchen, I immediately open the small fridge in search of a beer. Spotting a couple bottles hidden towards the back, I twist off both caps, sliding one across the bench and taking a large gulp of my own.
“How much did Summer tell you about the abuse she suffered from Harry?”
I freeze for a moment, before pulling the bottle away from my lips. I feel Pam’s eyes on me, the seriousness in her question is troubling and fills the room with a thick tension.
“Is Summer OK?”
There’s a panic in my question.
Pam nods. “She’s asleep, she’s recovering well. Luckily there’s no permanent injuries, she just needs to take it easy and keep hydrated.”
“Why ask about Harry?”
I eye her suspiciously, placing the bottle of beer on the side and leaning against the sink unit.
She begins to pick at her fingers, before placing her hand on the breakfast bar almost ensuring it won’t move. The silence feels never ending, but she finally looks to me. An unmistakable heartbroken look crosses her face, as she runs her hand across her mouth. I watch intently as she trembles.
“Did…”
She swallows hard. “Did you know…he raped her?”
Why do I feel like the ground has fallen away beneath my feet? I’m falling hard and fast but I’m not moving. I feel my insides roll around, a rage blinds my sight …a mixture of heartbreak, seething anger, immense violence and a crippling sickness all rolling into the other. I can’t see, I can’t move…I can’t fucking think…
Blinking a couple times, I see Pam in front of me. The tears in her eyes tell me I heard her question right; my heart is hammering in my chest and my hand trembles. Pushing off the unit, I stalk past Pam. Opening the door, I slam it shut behind me. I hear her call out after me as the timber rattles in its frame, but I don’t want to speak to her.
“Bhodi?”
It falls on deaf ears. Moving towards the suite door, I hold the keycard to the handle and step inside. There’s an eerie silence and a darkness that falls over the vast space, stepping through and into the bedroom. When her eyes flash to me, she straightens in her seat. Leaning against the window, I halt when Summer rises to her feet and gently steps over to me. Her arms lace around my waist, and I feel her cheek press into my chest. Her body shakes, but she holds me close, almost fearful to let go.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Summer?”
My voice is a barely audible whisper.
She lifts her head, her glittering eyes meeting mine for the first time in days. I thumb away the hot tears from her soft cheeks, the conflict in her gaze is the only answer I need. But it doesn’t stop the burning desire to tear his head from his body and it fucking destroys me since that is no longer an option for me.
“Because…you’d look at me the way you are right now.”
She sniffs, “Like I’m weak and broken…damaged fucking goods that no one would want.”
I hold her face in my hands, watching the tears streak down her cheeks.
“Don’t you ever fucking say that again.”
I speak through gritted teeth.
Her eyes widen momentarily, processing the statement. I watch as she takes it in, before nodding and looking down.
“Sorry,”
she mutters.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, ever!”
She finally looks to me, blinking away the still falling tears. “I …I love you so fucking much, Summer, you’re not damaged or broken. You’re the only warmth and good in my life…something I never thought I would find. To me, you’re perfect.”
A small smile breaks across her face, her warm palms slide over mine. Pressing my lips to hers, I hear her small moan. The flicker of desire swirling between us both, but as much as I want her, to love her, drive my cock into her until the sun comes up…right now we have too much lingering between us. It’s a delight I need to deny us both for now.
“I love you, Bhodi,”
she whispers gently, her lips still pressed to mine.
Lifting her up, I hold her close as I round the bed. Gently placing her down, I begin to remove the heavy dark clothing, allowing it to hit the floor and I slide in next to Summer. When she rolls to her side, I throw my arm around her waist, tugging her back towards me. My nose resting in the crook of her neck, when our breathing begins to calm down, I feel her fingers lace with mine. A warming peace falls over the room, but before I can allow my eyes to close and sleep to descend over us, I lean close and whisper in her ear.
“Harry was killed in police custody, he can’t hurt you any more.”
Her body stiffens for a moment, before her hand clutches tighter around mine. I place a gentle kiss onto her neck, feeling her shudder gently and sink further into my warm embrace.