40. LIAM
40
LIAM
Now
I didn’t sleep at all last night. Or the night before. Or the night before that.
Every time I closed my eyes, pictures of Emerson filled my head. Being awake isn’t any better. At least when I closed my eyes, I wasn’t regretting what I was about to do. If Chloe hadn’t shown up when she did, I would have kissed her.
If she would have said yes, I would have taken States into the bathroom. Kiss the spot right below her ear that she loves, the same place I could feel her heartbeat, and breathe in my favorite smell. Letting my hands roam down her curves till they were at the edge of the temptatious sundress she was wearing. Sliding my hand up the bottom, I’d press the palm of my hand between her thighs, gauging how badly she wanted me too. From the fire in her eyes when I had my arms on either side of her, I knew she did. I’d kiss her again while my fingers moved her underwear to the side. I’d drink in every moan and breathy release from her mouth until she released down below, allowing myself to become cross-faded from her smell and sounds. Somehow finding the strength to pull away, I’d head to the door but not before glancing back at her, pulling her to me, and telling her, “It’s you and me. Forever.”
That’s what this is. Or at least me being hers forever.
It’s not like it would have been the first time we hooked up in the loo.
This would be a. . . tease. A blast from our damn good past that she decided we weren’t enough for, so she wouldn’t get enough to satisfy her three- year drought of me.
One time in a bathroom would never satisfy me.
Great. Now I’m straining against my zipper again, replaying another what-if scenario in my head.
You’d think I’d be used to these fantasies and know how to resolve the situation, but each time one crosses my mind, my body’s response is stronger than any mental willpower I have. What’s worse is that in these dreams, nine out of ten times, it’s just us together—in a real relationship, her waking up in my arms, dancing around my kitchen, reading books in a café, and traveling the world.
My greatest fantasy is to be with her forever.
Callum draws my attention back to my unpleasant reality by throwing open the door to my office.
We are in the space we purchased last summer for our American office. It’s on the forty-fifth floor in a building right off Michigan Avenue. We have three hundred and sixty-degree views surrounding us. One side lends views to the lake, the other to the river, and two to the skyline.
For the past two years, we’ve been working to get to this to this point. When Cal brought up the idea of opening a hotel in the US again, this time with a complete how-to-get-there plan, I knew that was the next step.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Cal sings as he slides into one of the chairs in front of the oversized, angular glass desk. “Someone looks like they slept well.” He’s laughing.
“Shut it.”
“You know, these views are great, but I think you can do better for your office.” He’s grinning at me with his, ‘I want something’ smile.
“You want this office?” I ask.
“Since you are offering. . . I accept.” He raises his hand and brings it down in a cha-ching motion while mouthing ‘yes.’ I roll my eyes at him.
“We need to figure out the pool situation,” I inform him .
“Do you think we should have the same food and drinks as Cleopatra or a different concept?” He flips through the stack of spiral-bound plans I handed him. “Personally, I think a separate concept and making the pool public would give us the potential for extra revenue and increase awareness for those who live in Chicago.”
“I agree.”
“Different food concept, then?” he asks.
I nod. “Yes. Blake, Ben’s fiancé, had a suggestion when we were in our last marketing meeting. Bright colors and a tropical oasis give it a Miami or Ibiza-in-Chicago vibe. I had Carlos put together a potential food and drink menu. Take a look.” I flip around the iPad I’m holding.
We review the plans, modifying a few cocktail names and recipe overviews, before sending them back to Carlos to get started. Callum also shares his thoughts about adding another rooftop bar with me.
“It would be another million dollars, at least,” I remind him. “And we don’t even know if we’ll be successful here yet. Plus, it would potentially delay the opening.”
“Why are you doubting us? You know we will be. I know it’s a big investment right now, but think about it in a year or two. If we don’t do it, and don’t have the opportunity to seize it, would you regret it?”
Regret . A word and emotion I’m becoming way too familiar with.
Releasing a sigh, I nod in agreement. “Yes. And we have the budget?”
“Would I even suggest it if we didn’t? Combining will save time and money with the pool. We can close the water after dark but leave the bar open, dining included,” he says.
“And the space? We have it?”
“Of course. If it were separate, we would have the space; why wouldn’t we if it’s together? ”
“True.”
“Any names? Keep it on theme?”
“The Antony,” I say confidently and quickly.
“The Antony?” Callum tilts his head, perplexed.
“Cleopatra and Marc Antony had an affair. They were legendary lovers, but they also had a drinking club together. They called it ‘Inimitable Livers,’ but that sounds rather terrible for a bar name.”
Callum’s eyes go wide, his brows raise. “What is your fascination with Cleopatra? The hotel design, restaurant names.”
I shrug my shoulders.
“Hmm.” He drops his suspicions, and we return to sifting through the plans. “What’s going on, mate? You’re physically here, but I can tell your head is somewhere completely else. Say with a brunette?”
Yeah, it’s with Emerson, alright. I wonder what she’s thinking, what she’s doing, if she’s feeling what I’m feeling, what she’ll think of the hotel, and why I haven’t called Natalie since Friday. I’m like a girl with all the thoughts prancing around my head. It’s a wonder they can be great multitaskers.
I don’t say any of that because I don’t want to get in. Instead, I reply, “Decision fatigue.”
“That much is obvious, aye.” He runs his hand through his grown-out blond hair.
“Whatever you are trying not to say, say it. I’m not in the mood today.”
“Probably won’t help then. Does this have anything to do with Emerson?” He looks at me, holding my eyes hostage, and only the truth is going to let me regain my freedom.
“Why would you think that?” I ask him, trying to play it cool.
“I ran into her as she was leaving the coffee shop one block over. She’s wearing the same demeanor you’ve had all morning. I asked her if she was okay. She shook her head no and kept walking. Are either of you going to tell me what’s going on? ”
“They both failed to tell me about each other. I’ve ransacked my brain for times she ever said Natalie’s name. I can’t recall. Natalie never mentioned Emerson. Neither of them said anything. It’s like they mapped out this collision of my worlds and my heart. I didn’t know.”
Cal nods along.
“So when I run into Emerson, it feels as if it’s fate until I’m at Natalie’s, and she shows up. Emerson told me that Natalie never knew my name. She didn’t know that we had already met six years ago, not six minutes ago.”
I can’t tell if Cal feels sorry for me or wants to laugh at me. It’s the latter, as he breaks out in an obnoxious laugh.
“Wait, Emerson never told Natalie about you for the three years you were together?”
“We weren’t together,” I clarify.
“To-ma-to, to-mah-to. You two were together, no matter what the two of you said or did.” I roll my eyes because he’s right.
“Every time Emerson and I hang out, I can’t keep my eyes off her. I find myself gravitating toward her, latching onto every word she says.” I close my eyes, smiling to myself and thinking about her.
“For fuck's sake, please tell me you haven’t acted on this.” His hand is pointing toward me, making circles in the air.
“I might have.” I crunch my face.
“Liam! You are her headache. And now, the two of you are mine.”
“It almost happened, but it didn’t. I’m making a mess of this.”
“Are you going to tell Natalie?”
“I know I should.”
“Do you like Natalie?” Cal asks me.
“Yeah, I did. I thought we were on the same page. I communicated my intentions going into last summer, but lately, something has changed in her.”
“Then you need to tell Natalie. If you don’t, you’re dragging this on, and it will only get worse. ”
“You’re right.”
“Pause. We must remember this. August 3rd, you, Liam Hayes, told me I am right.” “
“I tell you you're right more than I should.”
"Tell Natalie." With that, he changes the subject back to our upcoming opening and final hotel details we needed to work through, including the remaining positions we need to hire for. Listing out the priority of what positions to fill.
By lunchtime, we have everything laid out. He lets me know that he’s going to grab lunch with some girl he met over the weekend. Since Cal is leaving for lunch, I also leave, knowing exactly where I need to go.