5. Sunday & Cedar #2
Cedar bounced up, grabbed his keys, and headed for the door.
“Where are you going?”
“To get a pregnancy test.”
Cedar
I returned from the pharmacy with five pregnancy tests.
“Which one do you want to start with?”
Sunday’s eyes ballooned when I shook the pregnancy tests out of the plastic bag.
“What are you doing?”
“Seeking an absolute answer to a question that neither of us are sure about.”
“I’m sure.”
She pressed a hand and looked at me with pleading eyes. I saw the fear resting there. It had been there the minute that Janae suggested that Sunday might be pregnant. It had been fleeting, but I had seen it. It was back now that I sat in front of her with these tests.
“I’m not pregnant, Cedar.”
“If that’s true, then you shouldn’t be afraid to take these tests. Let’s get it out of the way and put my mind at ease, if not yours. Either you’re dying from some devastating flu, or you’re carrying my seed. I’d like to know either way. I mean, shit, . . . I need to run like hell or hunker down.”
She stared at the tests, splayed her hands over the boxes, and looked back up at me again.
“You’re serious about this, aren’t you?”
“Sunny, you’ve been sick for the last few weeks. I’ve done everything that I can to help you feel better, and it’s not helping. You won’t go to the doctor. You gotta do something.”
“So, this is your cure-all?”
“No, this is me trying to find definitive answers. This is just one step on the journey. If they’re all negative, then we’ll go to the doctor’s office.”
Sunday dropped her head into her hands. We were sitting at the dining room table.
I scooted my chair closer to her and wrapped her in my arms. I pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
I knew she was scared. She had to be. I was scared shitless.
I wanted her to be okay, and I knew that neither of us was ready for a kid.
But I’d do what I needed to make sure that she was okay no matter what.
Sunday’s shoulders shook.
“Shh. Everything is going to be okay, one way or another.”
“I’m not ready for a kid, Cedar. And you’re clearly not.”
“I’m ready for whatever God puts on my shoulders, Sunday. It’s not like I haven’t wanted one, just under different circumstances. Besides, He doesn’t make mistakes, and neither one of us did anything to prevent this. I never even bothered to ask if you were on birth control.”
“I had no reason to be. I’ve had sex with three men. Both of them were during my college years. I’ve dated, but I’ve been abstinent for the last three years since college. Why would I need birth control?”
“For situations like ours.”
“You’re right.”
Her voice was thick, and I could tell that she was battling tears.
“Sunday, I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m not pregnant.”
“Just do it to rule out the possibility and put my mind at ease. Please.”
“What if I am, though, Cedar?”
“Then, we’re going to take care of this baby and raise our child in a happy home.
I’ll do whatever it takes to make life easy and comfortable for you and my little one.
Trust me, you won’t have anything to worry about.
You and my seed will carry my last name.
I ain’t gon’ let my wife and child lack for anything. You hear me?”
I turned her head so that she could see the sincerity in my eyes.
I leaned forward and rested my forehead against hers.
I knew that my mental state wasn’t ready for a wife and kid, but if that was what His will was, then that was what it would be.
I was certain Sunday would make a much better wife than Taylor had.
I’d bet that was all the excuse you need to dig up in them guts again , that little devil on my shoulder argued.
“Okay,” she agreed.
I grabbed the pregnancy tests and led the way to her bedroom. She followed me and stood by the sink while I laid each test out on the counter.
I read the testing instructions aloud and handed her the first one.
“Can you please step out?” she asked softly.
I stepped out and took a seat on her bed as she closed and locked the door behind me. I leaned forward with my elbows resting on my knees, and I clasped my hands nervously. I tried to think positive thoughts.
“You okay in there?” I hollered after two minutes.
“Yes.”
“What’re you doing?”
“Taking the tests.” Her voice sounded nervous and frustrated.
I dropped my head and stared at the carpet at my feet.
What the hell was I going to do with a kid?
I knew that I could take care of one financially.
That was not my worry. My concern was how I would take care of a kid emotionally when I was messed up myself.
The day that she mentioned therapy, I knew that Sunday was right, but I wasn’t ready to head down that corridor.
“Lord, help me do what’s right by this kid and be the best father I can, if it’s Your will. Help me move beyond my past and find healing by Your grace. But, Lord, keep me from damaging Sunday’s heart just because mine has been,” I prayed.
Another three minutes passed, and my phone rang. I was surprised to see Taylor’s name pop up. How ironic the timing was.
I stood and walked out of the bedroom and headed into my bedroom. I wanted to be close by in case she called my name.
I stared at Taylor’s name for several seconds and finally answered just before it went to voicemail.
“Yeah.”