6. Sunday & Cedar
Sunday it had only flamed the possibility of something occurring between us into life.
I drank the last of the water until it was empty and then sat back to get comfortable. I refused to look at the other tests until I had taken them all.
I sat there for ten minutes before I got the urge to pee again. Confusion and anguish set up in my heart when I realized that he wasn’t coming back to check on me. It hurt. All I wanted was Cedar by my side.
I took the next two tests and set them on the counter. I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes, refusing to cry. This baby, if there were one inside of me, would need me to remain strong. There was no room for weakness when raising a child, especially when raising one alone.
Based on the phone conversation Cedar held with his ex-wife and his inability to be with me when I needed him most, I decided that I would be a single mom. I knew that he promised to be here for me and to do whatever it took to make sure we were comfortable, but I didn’t need or want him to.
Cedar had even spoken about marriage. That was the last thing that I wanted. I wasn’t okay with any man feeling obligated to marry me because of his baby being in my womb. No, when I married, it would be because the man loved me and couldn’t live without me, the same way that I felt for him.
Cedar
I wanted to put my fist through something. There was no way that Taylor had fixed her face to ask me some bullshit like that. She had stabbed me in the heart and was twisting the knife back and forth.
“I ain’t even gon’ be able to do it, Taylor.”
“Please, Cedar. You’re the only one I trust to make this go right and not to put crazy demands on us somewhere down the line.”
“Get someone else to do it.”
I was fired up.
“Would you at least think about it before just giving a final answer? You’re all I have, Cedar. You know my mama and daddy turned their backs on me, and Monica’s family are supportive, but she doesn’t feel comfortable asking her brothers to do it.”