6. Sunday & Cedar #2
Taylor’s parents were a bishop and a first lady of a mega church.
I had known they were going to be outraged when they found out about her lifestyle.
They had begged me to convince her to go to counseling and wanted to know what they could do to help us save our marriage.
I walked out and didn’t look back. There was nothing else I could do or wanted to do.
“Please,” Taylor persisted.
“I need to go.”
“Will you at least think about it?”
I sighed and dragged my hand down my face. I couldn’t consider being someone else’s father when I might very well have a little shorty of my own on the way.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you so much, Cedar.”
“I ain’t making no promises, Tay.”
“I know. But you’re not shutting me out completely, either. That’s more than I have the right to ask for. So, thank you.”
“Yeah.”
I ended the call without saying goodbye.
That phone call had wreaked havoc on my emotions.
What was worse was that I knew I shouldn’t have taken her call.
Once she set her face to ask me to father their child, I knew that I should have ended that call.
I should have been in that bathroom or at least in the bedroom by Sunday’s side.
Instead, I had allowed Taylor to do what she’d always done—manipulate her way back into my life and pull me away from what was most important. I left my phone on the bed and headed back to Sunday’s bedroom.
I heard a soft sobbing when I entered. I knocked gently on the bathroom door, and when I received no response, I turned the doorknob. Surprisingly, it turned in my hand, and I pushed the door open.
I stepped inside and took one look at her, and my heart crumbled. Sunday’s beautiful, gingerbread-colored skin was mottled with red, and those warm brown eyes were swollen and red. I knelt before her and took her hands in mine.
“Sunny.”
My voice was soft but firm and forced her to look up at me.
“Cedar.” She sobbed.
“Hey, it can’t be that bad. Please, don’t do this. I can’t stand to see you cry and hurt like this. Tell me what I can do to make it better, beautiful.”
I wanted to hold her and kiss away the pain. I wanted so much from her, yet my heart was afraid to believe, afraid to love, and afraid to let go.
She shook her head and pulled one hand free. She pressed it against her mouth and tried unsuccessfully to smother her sob.
“Why’re you crying?”
She thrust her head toward the counter. I released her other hand, stood, and took in the neat row of five pregnancy tests.
One had a blue plus sign. The second test had a dark pink line and another subtler pink line. The third had two lines.
“What do these lines and the plus signs mean?” I asked, although I thought I knew.
“The same thing as the last two.”
I glanced at the last two. One read pregnant with a plus symbol, and the other simply read, “Pregnant.”
“You’re pregnant, Sunday?”
“It seems like.”
Whereas before she took the tests I had been apprehensive and even disappointed, I felt none of that. Surprise flooded me first, and then disbelief. Disbelief turned into hope.
“Is this really happening?”
“Yes.”
She sniffled and nodded. I grabbed a handful of tissues and pulled her off the toilet. I gently wiped her face until it was dry. I tossed the tissues into the trash, led her to her bedroom, and sat on her bed. I tugged her hand and pulled Sunday onto my lap.
She rested her head on my shoulder, and I gently rubbed her back. Sunday placed one tiny hand against my chest, and the warmth of her touch softened my heart a little. I cupped her cheek and lifted her face until she looked at me.
I brushed my fingers against her cheek repeatedly. She closed her eyes, turned her face into my palm, and kissed it. When she turned her face to me again, it was to grace me with a soft smile.
I kissed her eyebrows and the tip of her nose and gently pressed my lips against hers.
She hummed softly, and my dick reacted to the vibrations.
Before I lost track of what I was supposed to be doing, I pulled back.
I used my thumb to outline her lips until she gave me a soft smile, but the sadness still lingered in her eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m scared. We’re responsible for a life.”
“We’re going to be okay, Sunny. I know this is foreign to both of us, and I know that you’re scared.
Hell, I am. I don’t know anything about guiding someone else’s life, making sure they have the right values, they’re mentally and spiritually strong, and full of love.
I know that financially the baby will be okay, but the rest of it, I don’t know. But you know what I do know?”
She shook her head.
“We’ve both got so much love in us. This baby will never lack anything. And you and I are going to learn to be the best parents that we can be together. The most important thing, though, is we’ll love this baby with our last breath.”
I spread my fingers gently across her cheeks and stared into her eyes.
“I know that.”
“Then why the tears? We’ve got this.”
She closed her eyes.
“Sunny, I’m sorry that I wasn’t here when you first found out. I shouldn’t have been anywhere else except for by your side.”
I felt that she had erected a wall between us already, a wall that I was desperate to tear down.
“I’m okay, Cedar.”
“No. I promise that I’ll never leave your side again for anyone or anything. We’re going to get married.”
Sunday shook her head and jumped off my lap so quickly that she startled me. “We’re not. We weren’t getting married before this baby?—”
“No, baby girl. We’re doing this. I’m not having my baby coming from two separate households and confused about shit. I didn’t grow up that way, and my baby won’t grow up that way.”
“It’s not up to you, Cedar. You can be a part of the baby’s life if you would like?—”
“If I would like? The hell type shit you on? You smoking, sniffing, popping pills, or something? You gotta be out ya rabid mind if you think I ain’t ’bout to be here for mine.”
I thumped my chest hard a couple of times to show the seriousness of my stance.
Sunday’s eyes widened, and her bottom lip quivered. She tucked her bottom lip into her mouth, and her whole face turned red before she replied to me.
“Nothing. I just don’t want you to feel obligated to do anything. But we’re not getting married,” Sunday declared.
“Says who?”
“Says me. When I marry, it will be because that man loves my nasty draws, and I love his.”
I kissed my teeth and rolled my eyes.
Sunday sighed afterward. “Please don’t fight me on this,” she continued.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Just be here, Cedar. That’s it.”
I could do that, but it felt like she didn’t want that. I wasn’t letting her raise my kid alone, and definitely not in a different household. We would raise this baby together, and we would be a family, even if it killed me.