Sunday

7. Cedar

Cedar

“ M s. Monroe, when you finish with your urine sample, take it to the end of this hall and walk into the room on your left.”

“The one with the jar of lollipops outside of the door?”

“Yes, ma’am. As a matter of fact, Mr. Jackson, I’ll walk you down there now so that you can have a seat in the waiting area. You’ll see him sitting there, Ms. Monroe. The lab tech is already waiting for you, so you can just walk inside.”

Sunday scrunched her nose and nodded but didn’t say anything.

“What’s wrong, Sunny? You scared of needles?”

“Li’l bit.” She pinched her fingers together and looked nervous.

“Can I go inside with her to get her blood drawn?” I asked the nurse.

“Sure, that’s not a problem at all.”

“A’ight. Go ahead and piss in that cup, and I’ll be waiting for you outside of that room.”

Sunday nodded and glanced nervously at the cup and then at the bathroom. I gripped her shoulders and squeezed them. “Hey, chill. You’ve already done the hard part, which was taking those first round of tests. The second hard part was making it here, and you did that.”

“You’re right.”

Sunday blew out a breath and nodded. I remained in place until she stepped inside the bathroom and closed the door.

“You’re a great support system.”

“I’m trying to be,” I muttered and followed the nurse down the hallway.

The truth was, Sunday had pushed me away lately.

She had spent a lot of time holed up in her bedroom and didn’t want to be bothered.

Although she had returned to work, I didn’t see her that much there because I was out in the field on projects.

At home, she was distant and asked me to give her space and time.

I could only hope that the remainder of this pregnancy wouldn’t be this way. I had to force her to give me the details about this appointment so that I could be here today.

When Sunday finished with her urine sample, she met me in the lab room, where they took some blood and kept her urine sample. The nurse met us at the nurse’s station and led us to a room from there.

After she had taken all of Sunday’s vitals, she informed us that the doctor would be with us shortly. Sunday swung her legs back and forth as she sat on the edge of the exam table. I stood from my chair and walked to her.

Once again, I rubbed my hands over her shoulders and down her arms. Gripping her chin with my fingers, I lifted her head until she looked into my eyes.

“Pretty girl, tell me what’s been on your mind lately. I mean, I know there’s a lot of shit that’s got to be circulating there, but you’ve been distant.”

“I’m okay.”

“That’s not what I asked. I know that you’re okay, but I want to know what’s going on with you. Why are you pushing me out? Why haven’t you been chilling with your boy in the evenings? Hell, you didn’t even eat brunch at the table with me on Sunday. You disappeared in your room with a book.”

Sunday’s shoulders dropped, and those tilted, luminous eyes bored into mine. They held so many questions that I wasn’t sure if she knew where to start.

“Did I do something wrong?” I persisted when she remained quiet.

“No, Cedar.”

“Then why’re you pushing me away? I mean, I know you’re scared, and this is new shit to you, but I promised that I’d be right here. You won’t have to do this alone, Sunny. I’m not that guy.”

“It’s not that.”

She shook her head, and I tugged on one of her long braids. Since the day she’d been sick and I had braided her hair in French braids, she had continued wearing that style. Every morning, when she got up, she would put fresh braids in her thick auburn hair.

“Then what is it?”

“I heard your phone call.”

“What phone call?”

“With Taylor. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I’d run out of pee, and then I’d had to get some more water so I could pee again?—”

“Wait. This isn’t making sense. What are you talking about you ran out of pee?”

She sniffled a little, and I could tell that she was on the verge of breaking down in tears. I didn’t want her to do that, especially not here in the doctor’s office.

I gripped her hands and squeezed them. “Slow down. Breathe in real deep and then slowly release it.”

She did what I said.

“Do it again. Three times. I’ll do it with you,” I coached.

We went through three more deep breathing exercises. “Good. Now tell me what you’re talking about.”

“You bought me five pregnancy tests. I only had enough pee for three of the tests. So, when I finished, I called your name, but you didn’t answer. Twice,” she emphasized, holding up two fingers. “Then I came out to get a water bottle, and I heard you two talking.”

I sighed because I wondered how much she had overheard. I had my phone on speaker, so it was likely that she’d heard it all. Now it made so much sense why she had pushed me away.

“I heard Taylor asking you to give her and Monica a baby. And you don’t have to lie to me about it, Cedar.

I mean, I get it. She’s your ex-wife, so that had to be emotional for you.

I know that you didn’t want your marriage to end, and you probably feel tied to her, obligated, or even want to be involved with the process.

So I don’t want to stand in the way of that.

I don’t want to be a burden when you have the chance to have a baby with the woman you love. ”

“Hey, stop right there before you go any further. That’s the shit we’re not about to do. Yeah, she asked me to give her a baby.”

“You sounded like you wanted to, though, Cedar.”

“I won’t lie. I was torn in the beginning.

But I was only torn because I was still steeped in our past. I’m not there anymore.

Not after I had to have a come to Jesus meeting with myself.

I’m not getting involved with this shit she’s got going on, and she’s not getting my seed.

The only way that would have gone to her is if we were still married or still involved with each other.

We’re not, and we’re never gonna be again.

I wanted some mini-mes running around. Taylor knew that, and she’s tryna use that shit against me.

I don’t randomly give out my seed, Sunny. ”

“You gave it to me.”

“Consider yourself someone very special to me.”

I winked and kissed the top of her head just as the doctor came in.

“Hello, Sunday. It’s been a while since I last saw you. How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know, Dr. Vance. I’m on a roller-coaster ride of emotions right now.”

“Well, let’s see what we can find out, okay? I’ve got the results from your bloodwork and urine sample here. All of your test results came back negative except for one.”

“Which one?” I asked before Sunday could respond.

“Dr. Vance, this is Cedar Jackson. He’s my . . . the . . .”

“I’m the baby’s father,” I interjected and extended my hand to shake the doctor’s.

She smiled as she shook my hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Jackson.

Normally, I would ask routine medical history questions and then review the test results.

But I’m very familiar with Sunday’s medical history, as I’ve been her doctor for the last three years.

I reviewed some of the test results already.

So, let me say what you two already know.

Congratulations are in order. You’re having a little one.

That’s the only positive test. Some will be sent out and returned within a week, and those are the chromosome testing and gender testing. ”

I looked at Sunday, and her bottom lip quivered. She reached for my hand, and I took hers before giving her a little reassuring squeeze.

A thousand emotions ran through me at once, but only one mattered—my concern for Sunday. If I was experiencing a thousand of them, I could only imagine she experienced a million.

I removed my hand from hers before one teardrop could fall. I wrapped my arms around her, dropped a kiss on the top of her head, and whispered, “We’re having a little one, Sunny.”

She reached up and gripped my forearms and squeezed. Her face was buried against my chest, but I could feel the moisture of her tears.

“Did you want to know the gender of the baby?” Dr. Vance asked as I released Sunday.

Sunday chewed her lip and looked at me.

“You want a gender reveal?”

She bobbed her head slowly.

“That’s fine. When the results come back, the testing center will call you with the results of the chromosome test. At that time, they will ask if you want the results, and you can tell them no.

They will provide you with a phone number and a code that you can give to someone else.

Have that person call in with the code to get the gender, and they can plan your reveal.

In the meantime, we’re going to take a look at the baby to make sure that we can see the gestation sac and fetal pole and to ensure that the baby isn’t growing in your fallopian tubes and is developing properly in your uterus, okay? ”

Sunday nodded.

“Angelique, our sonographer, will be in here shortly to perform the ultrasound. I want you to relax, Sunday. Everything is going to be okay, and I’m going to be on this journey with you, ensuring that you and your baby have a healthy journey and a successful delivery, okay?”

“Okay.”

Her voice was tiny, and all of a sudden, she looked like a kid to me.

She looked helpless, scared, and unsure of herself.

Sunday was twenty-five, and I knew that she wasn’t ready for the drastic life change that was about to occur.

At thirty-one, I was better positioned to embrace the life change than she was, but I, too, was rocked. Yet, still, I wanted to protect her.

The doctor explained that she wanted Sunday to change out of her clothing and put on the gown that she handed her. She said she would be back shortly. I took a seat in the chair beside the exam table while she undressed and put on the gown.

She turned her gaze to me and bit her bottom lip.

“What are you scared of, Sunny?”

She blew out a long breath. “So much, Cedar. Will I be a good mommy? Will my baby be healthy? Will he or she love me? What changes will my life undergo, and how do you fit into all this? How do I fit into your life? What will my parents say?”

“First, you’re taking on too much. I know that you’ll be a hell of a mommy.

You’re a good person, a good woman, and a good friend.

You have so much love to give to this little one.

And, of course, this baby will love you—everyone does.

You’re a loveable person, Sunny. Your parents, .

. . I don’t know. I guess they’ll be surprised, but I’m sure they’ll support you in the end, and if they don’t, then .

. . fuck all that. I can’t imagine they wouldn’t, though, because they have showered you with love. ”

Her parents lived out of town, so I had never met them. I only hoped they were good people, because she was a great person.

“I know, but it’s got me all nervous right now.”

“That’s to be expected. And as far as where I fit into your life, . . . where do you want me, Sunny?”

“I just want to focus on the baby right now, Cedar. I need time to process all this. It’s a lot, you know?”

“I get it. We’ll take everything one day at a time.

But aside from everything else, I’m here for you.

You and this baby are my priority right now.

Not Taylor or anything that she’s got going on.

She’s in my past, and that’s where she’s going to stay.

And as far as I’m concerned, I’m not going anywhere.

I’ll be right here with you, taking care of, loving, and raising our baby. ”

Sunday looked up at me with wide eyes. “Our baby. Wow. That sounds so crazy. We created this life together, Cedar.”

“Yeah, we did,” I replied and stared into her eyes. I placed my hand on her belly, and she placed her hand on top of mine.

“Are we really about to do this?”

I frowned at her, not sure what she meant. “What choice do we have?”

“I didn’t mean like that. It’s just that sometimes, it doesn’t seem real. That you and I are creating and raising a life together.”

“I know.”

“What will they say at work?”

“I need you to stop worrying about everybody else. Right now, for the near future, let’s focus on you being healthy and happy and preparing a world where our child can be welcomed, loved, safe, and healthy.”

“Okay.”