Chapter Twenty-Four Dominic
Chapter Twenty-Four
Dominic
T he discharge nurse insisted that Dominic be wheeled out to the car in a wheelchair even though he could full well walk. Sure, he would definitely need someone to guide him because his sight was out for the count at the moment, but his legs worked just fine.
Didn’t matter, they said. Hospital policy.
So he sat in the chair and felt the breeze of stale hospital air whip past his skin as he was rolled through the hallways. His mother was walking alongside him chatting about the traffic on the drive back that she’d seen on the GPS, and that there was apparently an accident that was going to set them back at least twenty extra minutes. He wasn’t particularly in a rush, though, so it didn’t bother him.
Cold air hit him in a whoosh as the sounds of automatic doors opened, and he realized they’d just stepped outside. It was wild how much he could sense and interpret around him without his sight. Honestly, he’d never considered before how many different sounds he would already recognize and ways to orient himself with the space around him. It was strange, and he definitely felt very off balance, but it didn’t feel impossible.
Plus, he was going to get some sight back over the next few days and weeks as he healed from the surgery. Right now, he had patches over both eyes and was just seeing black, but the doctor had told him that it was likely he’d start to regain some vision by the end of the week if he let his eyes rest and took care of himself properly. While he might have been stubborn before, he was absolutely going to take the doctor’s advice like the letter of the law. Whatever he could do to assure he had as much vision back as possible, he was going to do that.
“Amanda, do you want to drive? Or should I?” He heard his mother say.
“Amanda’s here?” he asked, turning his head toward the sound of someone walking up to them.
“Yeah, I’m here,” she replied. “I told you I would be.”
“Oh.” He didn’t know how to respond to that, because he’d honestly thought she left yesterday after he’d quite literally yelled at her. And she should have. He wanted her to leave.
And yet, he couldn’t deny that the warmth spreading across his chest and in his gut right now was absolute relief that she’d stayed.
“I can drive,” she said to his mother. “Do you need help getting him in the car? Dominic, we’re putting you in the back seat just because we don’t want the sun glare through the windshield to bother your eyes. I’ve got you a cup holder back there with water and a bag of chips and some granola bars. Also a pack of M&M’s in case you were in a sugar mood. It’s a long drive.”
“Thank you,” he replied tentatively. “You, uh, you didn’t have to do all that. I really appreciate it.”
He felt a hand on his, and she squeezed gently. He didn’t let go for a moment and squeezed back.
“I’ve already got my suitcases in the trunk,” Ellen said as he heard car doors opening and people moving around him. “Enough for at least two weeks. I’ll go back and restock on supplies if I need to, but I should be good to go for a while.”
When he’d decided to make sure his mother had a room at his new house, he hadn’t expected her to come live with him so soon, but now he was so glad she was. He felt guilty that she was pushing her school schedule back a semester for him—she’d already sacrificed so much of her life for him. But he did really need her right now, and he knew how blessed and lucky he was to have that support.
The nurse finally allowed him to get out of the wheelchair and, with a hand from Ellen, he climbed into the back seat of the car.
“How’s the temperature in here?” Amanda asked from in front of him inside the car. “Do you want me to turn up the cold air? Warm air?”
“It’s fine,” he assured her, feeling a twinge of embarrassment at the fact that she was being so caring toward him right now. He absolutely did not deserve it after how he’d talked to her yesterday, but she didn’t even seem fazed by any of that.
Still, he was going to apologize. Just maybe not with his mother in the next seat.
The car ride in total was about five and a half hours, and they kept the conversation light and surface level the entire time. There were also a few breaks of just listening to music on the radio and a couple songs that Amanda and his mother sang along to together. He didn’t join in even though he did know the songs, but he liked listening to the camaraderie between them. He’d underestimated their friendship, because it was clear that they communicated regularly outside of him and the interactions he’d seen them have. They chatted like they’d known each other for years, and he was glad that Amanda had that with his mother because he knew she didn’t have that with her own.
That thought only made him feel more guilty about the fact that he was going to rip it all away in two months, though. Not that she knew that yet, and he’d certainly never tell his mom to stop talking to Amanda after he moved. In fact, he hoped they’d maintain contact. It sounded like they both needed the other in some manner, and him taking a job on the East Coast shouldn’t get in the way of that.
But there was no chance he and Amanda could continue whatever it was they were.
He wasn’t about to ask her to leave her home and her career just as it was taking off to move to New Jersey with him. Long distance was absolutely not going to work given his current health and vision issues. It just wasn’t feasible or safe for him to be flying back and forth to see her regularly, and he couldn’t ask her to be the one who did all the traveling. None of it was fair to her, or to either one of them. It just wasn’t sustainable, and the resentment would break them both. If there was one thing he wasn’t willing to do, it was leave things on a bad note.
Heart Lake had always been a place of good memories for him his entire life. He didn’t want to lose that by burning bridges behind him. He couldn’t lose that. He needed the emotional safe haven that Heart Lake had given him, especially if he was going to move to a place where he knew no one to do a very public facing job. He’d be under constant scrutiny and have to figure out how to build a network and community out there from scratch—all while also navigating partial blindness.
Jesus, the entire plan sounded crazy, even to him.
But he had to do it. He had to do something with his life. Yesterday, he’d spent the day down in the dumps feeling sorry for himself, feeling helpless and hopeless. But the surgery had gone well, all things considered. It wasn’t a cure or perfect fix, but they’d reattached his retina and removed some of the scarring in the other eye. It didn’t mean he’d get perfect vision back, but he should eventually be able to see shapes and shadows and movement once he healed. It would be at least enough to move around a bit more independently than he’d thought he’d be able to.
Beauty, nuance, colors… they couldn’t promise him any of that going forward.
“We’re home!” his mother announced as he felt the familiar rumble of the gravel driveway underneath the car.
He immediately felt an ache—something akin to homesickness, maybe?—at being here and sat up in his seat. “How’s it look?”
Technically, he’d been here yesterday morning, so he doubted the house had changed in that amount of time, but he still wanted to know.
“There’s definitely not enough sunflowers,” Amanda commented. “But it looks fine outside of that.”
He laughed and shook his head. “And Tom? Is she okay?”
“Tom’s great,” Amanda informed him. “Rosie said that she will bring her over after the kids go to bed. That’s the only way she can sneak her out because the twins are obsessed with her.”
Dominic grinned at that and remembered what it had been like to be a kid with a new pet. His childhood pet had been a turtle that he got from the state fair, but either way, he’d loved it until he’d gone to college and given it away to another much younger kid in his neighborhood.
Turns out, box turtles live a very long time, and college dorms aren’t about them.
“Maybe ask Rosie to keep her a while longer,” Dominic found himself saying, despite the pang in his chest at the idea of letting her go. He had grown very fond of Tom, for sure, but he was also not in a position to care for a kitten right now. And if he was going to move… well, he just wasn’t sure he could do that to Tom if she was happy with Rosie’s family. “It might be better to let her stay there until I can do more, you know?”
Amanda seemed to understand that explanation. “Okay, I’ll tell her. I guess that makes sense, but if you want her back here, I’ll be happy to feed her and whatever. You don’t have to worry about any of that stuff right now.”
“Sounds like the kids are enjoying her, and I bet Tom is enjoying them,” he continued. “That sounds best for now.”
No one argued with him.
Instead, they both helped him into the house. The first thing he requested was a hot shower to get the hospital smell off of him, and his mother awkwardly excused herself, clearly deciding to let Amanda handle that, giving the excuse that she needed to go to the grocery store to make sure they were stocked up on food for the week.
He knew his fridge was full, but he didn’t say that to her. He wanted the time alone with Amanda.
“How much help do you want?” Amanda asked as she held his arm and walked him toward the bathroom. “I can turn on the shower and show you where all the soaps and shampoos are, leave a towel on the door. Whatever makes you the most comfortable.”
He stepped from carpet onto cold tile and knew they’d arrived in the master bathroom. “Can you turn on the shower? Really warm, but not scalding?”
“Absolutely,” she said, guiding him to the counter and putting his hands down on the marble top. “Give me a second to do that and grab a towel.”
When she walked away and let go of him, he stood up straighter and reached for the bottom hem of his T-shirt. He wasn’t even sure what T-shirt he was wearing—something his mother had brought him—but he pulled it carefully over his head, minding that it didn’t make contact with the patches on his eyes. He dropped it onto the floor beside him and reached for the hem of his pants next, sliding both his sweatpants and his boxers down in one go.
“Oh.” Amanda’s voice came behind him, the sound of the shower now on as well. “You are naked.”
“I mean, that is usually how people shower,” he commented with a small laugh. “Sorry. I should have warned you. Do you want to leave?”
“Do you still need help?” she asked.
The last thing he wanted was for her to be his nurse or caretaker. “I’ll manage fine on my own. I remember the layout. Where did you put the towel?”
“On the closed toilet lid,” she told him. “But I can stay.”
“You don’t have to,” he replied, turning his body in the direction of the shower and reaching a hand out to guide him toward it.
“But if I want to?” she asked, her voice quieter.
He might be in recovery from surgery, but he was still a red-blooded male, and her response caused an immediate reaction in his body. He reached both hands down to quickly cover himself. “Uh, well, you can stay. Of course you can stay.”
She giggled lightly and he could feel the heat rushing to his cheeks. “I can see you’d be okay with that.”
“Sorry,” he said with a chuckle. “I couldn’t help it, but it’ll go away. Ignore me.”
“Actually, maybe I shouldn’t,” she continued just as he was reaching one hand into the water stream, testing the temperature. “I think this is the perfect time to talk.”
He wasn’t sure he entirely agreed with that assessment, but he focused on returning the blood to his brain anyway. “You want to talk while I’m naked with a stiff dick and can’t see you?”
“I didn’t say it was ideal circumstances,” she continued, laughing again. “Get in the shower. I’ll sit out here, and we can just talk. We have a lot to talk about.”
That part was definitely true, but he only felt dread at how that conversation was going to go. He didn’t argue with her, though, and stepped into the shower completely. Making sure that the water didn’t touch the bandages on his face, he dipped his hair back into the stream and began lathering himself with soap.
“Okay, so let’s talk,” he finally said. “Can I start?”
“Go for it,” she said. He was pretty sure she was sitting on the bathroom counter from the direction of her voice from somewhere behind the shower curtain. “I’m all ears.”
“I was way out of line yesterday with how I spoke to you,” he said. “Honestly, I’m embarrassed. That’s not like me.”
“You were really hurting,” she said, letting him off the hook. “Physically, emotionally. I get it. Sort of. I mean, I’ll never fully get what you’re going through, but I can forgive that moment.”
That meant a lot to him, but he wasn’t sure he agreed with her. He didn’t feel like he should be let off the hook for any of it.
“Just never talk to me that way again,” she continued. “Because that’s a one-time pass for being bedridden in the hospital. Any other incident like that, and I’m going to knee you in the balls.”
He laughed and almost lost his grip on the bottle of shower gel he was holding. “Totally fair. I’ll keep that warning in mind.”
“So are we good?” she asked. “Discussion over?”
Not even close, but this next part felt like he was going to hurt himself as much as he was going to hurt her.
“I think we need to discuss the future,” he said over the water rushing down his back. “I got some news.”
“The job,” she finished the thought for him. “You got it? I thought you didn’t even make it to the interview.”
“I didn’t,” he explained, rinsing the last bit of shampoo out of his hair until he could hear the squeak of his fingers against his scalp. “But Eric called, and they offered it to me anyway. I start in two months.”
“September? Wow.” Amanda’s voice lacked any emotion, and he knew that meant she was experiencing all the emotions. “That’s really soon.”
“It’s actually further off than I thought they’d allow,” he said. “But they’re giving me time to heal and move.”
“Move?” Her voice was a slightly higher pitch than it had been a moment ago. “To New Jersey?”
“I’m not sure that there’s any other option,” he replied, rinsing the shower gel off his body now. “I can’t make the trip back and forth when my health is like this, Amanda. And I can’t ask you to move out there or be the one traveling back and forth all the time.”
“Yeah, that would be really unfair,” she replied, and he was actually surprised to hear her say that.
“You agree?” he asked, pausing for a moment and letting the water just wash over his shoulders.
She didn’t respond immediately, but he heard her clear her throat. “Dominic, if this was… if this was forever, I’d do all of that. More, even. But I think we don’t know enough about each other to make a claim like that yet. And if we did, I’m not sure this would be forever.”
He wasn’t sure why that comment stung so much, but he finished rinsing himself and turned off the faucet before responding.
A soft towel was being pressed into his hands almost immediately, and he took it, quickly rubbing the water out of his hair and off his skin before wrapping it around the lower half of his body. She gripped his arm right above his elbow and helped guide him as he stepped out of the shower and onto the bath mat.
“I put some clothes out on the bed—T-shirt and sweatpants. Does that work?” Amanda asked as she walked with him, arm in arm, out of the bathroom and onto the carpet of his bedroom. “I can help you get dressed.”
“I can pull a shirt over my head,” he told her, a little more brusquely than he’d meant to. “Sorry, I just mean… I can do it.”
She placed the fabric in his hands, and he maneuvered it over his head by himself. When he was done, she placed another piece of clothing in his hands.
“Boxers,” she informed him. “I’ll turn around.”
He wanted to tell her she didn’t have to, but everything about their conversation right now felt like things were coming to a close. He felt like he was saying goodbye, and he didn’t want to. But he didn’t know what else to say, and it sounded like she wanted the exit.
“What don’t I know about you?” he asked quietly after pulling his boxers on and she’d handed him a pair of sweatpants. “You said we don’t know enough about each other, but I haven’t held anything back from you.”
She helped him take a step back until he was seated on the edge of the bed and could lean forward to pull his sweatpants up his legs.
“I’m not hiding anything. It’s not like that,” she promised. “I just think you have needs that I won’t be able to meet. I told you that before, remember? At the Boat Parade.”
He swallowed hard, knowing she was talking about his vision and all the help she was currently providing him just to take a shower and get dressed. Of course, she didn’t want to sign up for meeting those needs for the rest of her life. That was completely reasonable, even if it felt like a dagger to the chest to actually hear out loud. He tried to still his breathing and keep his focus on getting dressed so she wouldn’t see the impact her words had just had on him.
“Oh,” he replied. “Yeah. I remember. I guess that makes sense. I mean, not ‘I guess.’ It does make sense. You deserve someone who doesn’t need to be taken care of every day.”
“And you deserve someone who can give that to you,” she countered, her voice sounding kind while everything coming out of it… wasn’t. “I wish that was something I could give you, but I think I’d be lying about myself if I did. It would be… performative.”
Jesus, the woman did not mince words. Sure, nursing him back to health or whatever that looked like for him was a hard ask, but saying she’d only be able to phone it in? Damn.
He pulled his sweatpants up entirely and nodded his head. “Yeah, I get it. I’m going to take a nap, okay? Could I be alone for a bit?”
“Of course,” she said instantly. “I’ll go prep something for dinner, okay? Take some time to sleep.”
“Thanks, Amanda.” He felt for the edge of the sheets and pulled them down, crawling underneath. Once the blanket was over him and he was curled into a pillow, he let out a sigh. “For everything, Amanda. Not just today. Everything has been… it’s been one of the best months of my life.”
There wasn’t an immediate response, but he could hear her breathing a little farther away now, like she was on her way toward the bedroom door.
“Me, too, Dom,” she finally said, barely above a whisper, before he heard the bedroom door open and then close.
He waited until he could hear someone moving items around in the kitchen before he let himself pull the covers up to his chin and shut the entire world out.