2. Asher
2
ASHER
Harmony Island was just too goddamn small. When I first moved to this island, that had been a draw for me. After running into Ella at Godwin’s, I regretted moving to a town with only three thousand people.
Who was I kidding. After running into Ella, I was regretting a whole hell of a lot.
I sat in my truck and stared at the steering wheel as I waited for the red light at Main Street to shift to green. The memory of Ella’s panicked eyes as I rounded the corner of the cereal aisle would be forever burned into my brain.
I could see her fight-or-flight instinct rush through her gaze in real time. Nothing like seeing a terrified expression pass over your best friend’s face at the mere sight of you. Definitely a punch to my ego.
And then I’d tried to run away.
I groaned as I pushed my hand through my hair before dragging it down my face, as if that would erase the last 20 minutes from the history books. What kind of guy does that?
Me, apparently.
The sound of a horn blaring behind me caused me to jump. I dropped my hand to the wheel and glanced up to see that the light had turned green. I raised my right hand in apology as I pressed on the gas and drove forward.
I wasn’t sure where I was going. I’d originally gone to Godwin’s to get some snacks, but after my encounter with Ella, I’d dropped my basket on the nearest empty shelf and hightailed it out of there. I didn’t want to go back to my apartment—too many Ella memories there—and I was worried that if I went anywhere else in town, I’d run into her.
So, I settled on Powta. It was a small town, but it was a good twenty minutes from Harmony. And it would put Harmony Island Bridge between Ella and me. There, I’d gather my thoughts and figure out what the heck I was going to do moving forward.
Just as I crossed the city border, I took a left and pulled into a gas station, parking in the farthest spot. I turned off the truck’s engine and pulled the keys from the ignition. My stomach grumbled, so I opened the driver’s door and climbed out. The gas station was quiet when I pulled open the front door and glanced around. Besides the grey-haired woman who was eyeing me from behind the counter, the only other person in there was an older man in a trucker’s hat who was snoring loudly in the back corner booth.
“Afternoon,” I said as I nodded toward the cashier.
She returned the gesture but didn’t say anything.
I perused the shelves of chips and candy until I settled on a bag of Funyuns and a Snickers bar. After I grabbed two bottles of root beer, I made my way to the counter and placed the items in front of—my gaze drifted down to the faded name tag clipped to her washed-out blue t-shirt—Tabitha.
“This all?” she asked, exposing the fact that she was missing a front tooth.
I glanced around at the items on the counter next to the register before I confirmed, “This is it.”
“Great,” she said as she started to scan the items.
I pulled out my wallet and waited for her to announce the total. I tapped my credit card on the card reader affixed to the counter while she bagged the items and then ripped off the receipt and handed them both to me. I took the items, thanked her, and pushed through the door to walk back to my truck.
Once inside, I pushed the driver’s seat back and reclined it before I pulled open the bag of Funyuns and popped one in my mouth. I relaxed back, taking in a deep breath as I laid my head on the headrest behind me.
What had I been thinking? Why did I say those words to Ella? Was I an idiot? Did I really think confessing my feelings was going to solve my problems?
I had been an emotional wreck when I read Ella’s article. The rational part of my brain knew that the words on the page weren’t about me—they were about the corruption in the Proctor family—but they felt like daggers digging into my soul.
I was the one who told Ella to trust Marcus. I was the one who pushed aside her worries because I was focused on my own gain. I was the idiot who allowed that asshole to use me.
Her article was like a magnifying glass on my mistakes, and it hurt. Especially since all I wanted to do was to prove that I could take care of her. That I was more than just her friend. But then I went ahead and did the opposite.
I was such an idiot. Ella would be better off if she just forgot about me.
My phone rang, and I startled, shifting in my seat so I could pick up the call. I already knew who it was from the ringtone, Mom . I swiped the call button and switched it to speakerphone.
“Hey, ma,” I said as I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I hadn’t told my mom how things were going here in Harmony. I was already dealing with disappointment from Ella, no need to add any more logs to that fire.
“Hey, sweetie.” Her voice was soft and reverent. I recognized that voice. Something wasn’t right.
I sat up straighter in my seat. “What’s wrong?”
She sniffled. “I really didn’t want to call you to tell you this, but…” Her voice broke as her words stopped.
“Mom, you’re worrying me.” The urge to protect her raced through my body. Ever since Dad died, it had been just the two of us. I swore that I would do anything to take care of her. If she was in trouble, I would leave right now to fix it.
“I just got off the phone with George.”
My body froze at the mention of Dad’s best friend. They had been friends since childhood. When I was six, we moved to Chicago to live near George and his family. He was like an uncle to me. I dated his daughter in high school, but we broke up after graduation. A year after Dad died, George moved his family to New York City, where he ran to be the mayor of the city and won.
It had been a while since I’d last talked to him. I kept tabs on him and his family from the news.
“And?” I asked, wondering why a conversation with George would leave Mom sniffling.
“He has cancer.”
Shit. That word. The c -word. The one word I swore I would never speak again after hearing it over and over and over from Dad’s doctors. It was the one word in the English language that I hated.
I collapsed against the seat and closed my eyes as memories of watching Dad fade away washed over me. It broke me inside that we were going to have to watch the same thing happen to George.
“What? Really?” I asked.
“Yeah. It’s not looking good either.” She sniffled again. “I just, I wish I could do something, but with it being the middle of the school year, I can’t just leave. Especially when it’s not my immediate family.”
That was ridiculous. George was more family to us than Dad’s actual siblings. I had half a mind to call up Mom’s boss and give her a piece of my mind. If Mom was calling me about this, she was bothered, and letting her be bothered went against my promise to Dad to protect her.
“Do you want me to go?”
Mom cleared her throat. “Can you take the time away?”
If only Mom knew. Right now would be the perfect time to leave. “Things have slowed here in Harmony. If you need me to, I can go.”
Maybe that was what I needed, to leave town for a bit. Readjust and figure out my life away from Harmony—away from Ella. If being there for George helped his family and Mom as well, that’s what I would call a win-win.
“Well…” Mom grew quiet. I knew her tell. She was sifting through her thoughts. “I think George would appreciate that, and I would feel better knowing that he was being looked after.”
I nodded. It was settled. “Then I’ll go.”
“Promise me if you need to get back to Harmony that you’ll leave.”
“Of course.”
She was silent again. I knew she was fighting with herself, so I spoke first.
“Mom, I’ll be fine. I have a few buddies I can reach out to, and I’m sure they’ll let me crash on their couch. I won’t be a burden to the Parks, and if I need to leave, I’ll just head out. Don’t worry about me.”
“Worrying about you is my job as your mother.”
“I love you, too, ma.” I let my lips tip up into a smile. After Dad died, we grew very close. We were the only ones left in our family.
“I love you, Asher.” She paused. “Tell Ella that I say hi, okay?”
Ugh. In one sentence, memories of how I’d ruined everything with my best friend came washing over me again. Mom was going to be so disappointed that I’d screwed things up so royally. She loved Ella like a daughter, and I feared what losing her would do to my mom if Ella and I couldn’t figure out our new normal.
How had I messed everything up so bad? I was an idiot.
“I will,” I lied. I felt bad about not being honest with Mom, but I wasn’t ready to admit to her where my relationship with Ella stood. Especially since I was determined to fix what I’d broken between us. I was going to use this time away to get over my stupid crush and get back to being what Ella needed me to be: her best friend.
“I love you, kiddo, and keep me posted when you get to New York.” She blew out her breath. “I’ll see what I can do about getting a Friday off so I can come for the weekend.”
“Love you, too.”
We said our goodbyes, and I set my phone down on the dash and stared out the windshield. I took in a few deep breaths as the black cloud of Mom’s news hung over me. Why did George have to get sick? Why did cancer suck so much?
Why did I suck at protecting the people around me?
I was spiraling again, so I reached forward to grab my phone and settled back in my seat, where I opened a social media app and started scrolling.
Ten minutes later, I swiped up only to stop at a post made by Carson, my roommate from college.
Just moved into my flat in the largest city in the U S of A! Come visit me if you’re ever in New York!
I stared at the picture of him in the middle of a modestly decorated living room with his arms outstretched and a goofy smile on his face.
I didn’t want to impose on the Parks family. After all, I knew the chaos that came from doctors and nurses coming in and out of the house constantly. I wanted to be near and accessible, but not on top of them. Plus, in a city that large, I could just meld in with the crowd. I wouldn’t fear that at every turn I might run into Ella. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Carson and New York City was exactly what I needed right now.
Leaving Harmony as soon as possible would be the smartest move. With the article, I was certain to be the new outcast in town. And once things settled down, it was going to take even more work to get back into the good graces of the residents here. It was best for me to leave, get my head on straight, and come back swinging.
Add in my confusing relationship with Ella, and my fingers were quick to find the text app on my phone, where I searched for Carson’s text thread.
Me: Hey, Carson. Any chance you have room on your couch for an old friend?
I sent the text off before I set my phone down and leaned my head back. I took in some deep breaths and closed my eyes, not expecting him to answer right away. After all, he’d just gotten a job on Wall Street. He was probably super busy.
To my surprise, my phone buzzed seconds later. I opened my eyes and picked up my phone. He’d responded.
Carson: Yeah, buddy! Come on over! It’s been too long.
After a few more texts back and forth, I got his address and told him that I’d be heading out tomorrow morning and should get there in a day or two. He shot me a thumbs-up in response.
With a plan, I felt a bit better. Sure, I was still stressed out about George, but I could worry about that when I got to New York. Right now, I could put a bandage on my problems with Ella, so that it was no longer a gaping wound. It wasn’t fixed, but I also wasn’t bleeding out anymore.
I finished off the bag of chips and candy bar before I chugged the first bottle of root beer. I gathered my garbage and got out of my truck to throw it away in the nearby trash. Then I climbed back into the cab and started the engine.
I cracked the top of the second bottle of root beer and set it in the cupholder next to me before I pulled out of the parking spot. I was going to go home, pack my suitcase, and get a good night’s sleep. Then I was going to get on the road tomorrow morning bright and early.
I was going to spend enough time in New York that I’d hopefully forget about my feelings for Ella. And, more importantly, that she’d forget I’d ever said anything in the first place.