13. Ella
13
ELLA
I’d never been so happy to see Monday on my daily calendar. Monday marked the conclusion of the weekend that would never end. Today, Coralie was heading back to New York, where she would be until Saturday when she would fly back to marry Asher. But I wasn’t going to focus on that part. For now, I was going to celebrate that I would have five full days alone with my best friend. We needed it.
Not only did it feel like Asher was changing who he was to be with this woman, but I could also feel him slipping away from me. We went to sample some meatless food yesterday at Tasteful Affairs, Harmony Island’s new catering company. It was so painful to stand there and watch Asher pretend that he liked the food when I knew he couldn’t stand what he was eating.
Add to that the fact that Coralie had made it perfectly clear she didn’t like me, and I was ready for the week to start so that I could feel somewhat normal until my entire world shifted this weekend.
I stretched out on my bed and closed my eyes before inhaling deeply through my nose and out through my mouth. Something was up with Asher, and I wasn’t going to feel better until I got to the bottom of it.
I understood tweaking things here and there to accommodate your fiancée, but to fully change fundamental things about yourself? I just couldn’t believe that Asher was actually happy with what he was doing.
And I missed my best friend. It had been so long since I’d been able to talk to him. Like truly, deep down talk to him. Every conversation we’d had since he came back from New York with Coralie by his side had been surface-level crap. I wanted Asher back, and now that Coralie was gone, I was determined to get him back.
After lounging around in bed for fifteen more minutes, I decided that I should probably get up and start my day. I had an Asher and Coralie article to send to Gloria before noon. And I was certain that there were more wedding shenanigans to be had this evening.
I showered and dressed in a pair of yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I did my skincare routine and then finger-combed my hair to let it air dry. I’d worry about makeup and styling my hair when the evening got closer.
After slipping on my glasses, I flipped off my bathroom light and headed out to the living room, where I’d left my laptop on my coffee table before I went to bed last night. After brewing a cup of coffee, I settled down on the couch with my legs crisscrossed in front of me and took a few sips from my mug.
Once I was sufficiently caffeinated, I set my mug down on the coffee table next to my laptop and grabbed my phone. I was going to text Asher first to see what the plans were for tonight.
Me: New day, new plans! Let your best man know where she needs to meet you for more wedding fun.
I added an obnoxious amount of emojis at the end before sending it off. Then I waited to see if he was going to respond. In my experience, Asher always responded within thirty seconds, unless he was in a meeting. Since it seemed like his realtor business was on hold, I anticipated that the response rate would be even faster.
Thirty seconds ticked by. Nothing. One minute. Nothing. Five minutes. Nothing.
I picked up my phone and studied the message. It looked like it was sent, but there was still no response.
Hmm .
I frowned as I set my phone screen down next to me. Maybe he didn’t have service. I shook my head. He was busy, and I needed to be busy as well. Gloria was chomping at the bit to get the first article from me. I was going to distract myself by diving into my writing. By the time I was done, Asher was certain to have texted me.
Fifteen minutes and two paragraphs later, still no text. I checked my phone again, this time it said my text had been seen, but there was still no response. I was trying really hard not to take it personally, but I was struggling to remain objective. Was this how our relationship was going to be from now on?
Had the separation already begun?
“Write the dumb article, Ella,” I scolded myself as I shoved the phone between the couch cushions and turned back to my computer to read what I’d written out loud.
“Marriage is about compromise. It’s about blending two independent lives together to make a cohesive union, which is why it was so strange to see the bride shove her dietary restrictions on the groom. If the bride truly loved the groom, she would accept him as he is. She wouldn’t force him to become who she wants him to be.” I paused as I stared at the paragraph. Was it too harsh? Probably.
Was it true? One thousand percent.
Memories of the article I’d written about the Proctors came rushing back to me. If I had been more strategic, perhaps I might have saved my relationship with my friend before it all went in the crapper.
It would behoove me to be more restrained in this article instead of putting the truth on display.
I highlighted the paragraph and deleted it entirely. Then I wrote some fluff about how the bride’s eyes were glistening as they stared at wedding cakes and how they’d playfully bopped each other on the head with flowers. It was all sickeningly sweet and left me with a stomachache as I polished it off and sent it to Gloria.
This was a form of torture that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
With the article out of my hands, I closed my laptop and set it back on the coffee table. My stomach was growling, and I was ready for some breakfast. I was halfway through cracking eggs into a bowl when I thought I heard my phone chime.
I rinsed my fingers off and dried them on the dishtowel hanging from the stove as I headed back into the living room. I fished my phone out from between the couch cushions and found that, yes, I’d missed a text. But not from Asher. No, he still hadn’t responded. This one was from Shelby.
Shelby: Got a message from Asher that we’re checking out a band for the wedding tonight. I guess it’s in Eden. I’ll pick you up at 5.
I frowned at her message. Asher had texted her? Just now?
Unable to stop myself, I texted her back.
Me: When did Asher message you?
I didn’t want to be that girl. The one who overanalyzed everything. But apparently I was that girl. Asher was making me be that girl, and I hated it.
Shelby: Like five minutes ago. Why?
I scoffed as I stared at her response. Five minutes ago? So he was ignoring me. Anger boiled up in my stomach. So much for things returning to normal now that Coralie was gone. She’d poisoned him into being a mean girl, just like she was.
Me: No reason, just curious. I’ll be ready at 5.
I sent the text off and then threw my phone down onto the couch. I was so mad that I feared what I might do if I picked it up again. If Asher thought that one ignored text would be enough to end our friendship of seven years, he had another thing coming. I wasn’t going to just give up and walk away.
I was going to play dirty.
* * *
True to my word, I was standing outside of my apartment at five in a pair of cut-off shorts, a tank top, and cowboy boots, waiting for Shelby to arrive. I may have taken more time than I liked to admit getting ready for this evening. There was something about Asher’s lack of response to my text that had me spiraling. I wanted to look nice. Some strange part of my brain thought it would make me feel better.
Now, standing outside with the sun setting behind the trees and the cool ocean breeze surrounding me, I didn’t feel vindicated. I felt cold.
I’d almost convinced myself to go back into my apartment and change when Shelby’s car came into view. She waved at me, and I pushed all thoughts about my clothes to the back of my mind. This was what I was wearing, and I was going to be confident in my choice.
I climbed into the seat next to Shelby. She made a point to turn and look at me with her eyebrows raised.
“You look hot,” she said as she waited for me to shut the door before she pressed on the gas and took off down my street.
“Thanks,” I said as I buckled my seatbelt.
She glanced over at me. “Any particular reason?”
I knew if I said, to make the groom realize that he can’t just ignore my texts , it probably wouldn’t sound right, so I just shrugged. “You never know if you’re going to meet the right guy.”
“Ooo, you’re wanting to meet someone?”
A few weeks ago, I would have answered yes. I did want to meet someone. I wanted to be in love. Being alone sucked. But for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to say it. My feelings for Asher were so jumbled up that I could no longer understand myself. I was overanalyzing everything he said and did.
A few months ago, if he didn’t text me, I’d just rag on him for ignoring his best friend. Now? I felt like a psycho as I tried to dissect why he didn’t text me back. Was he mad at me? Disappointed in me? Was he already pulling back because he knew that, in a mere five days, he could no longer be my best friend?
And all of these thoughts left me paralyzed in my relationship with him.
I hated it. I hated who I’d become. I hated how our relationship had changed. And I hated how, at the end of all of this, I was going to lose him.
“Ella?” Shelby’s voice was soft, and from the corner of my eye, I could see her lean closer to me.
“Mmm, yeah?” I asked, pulling myself from my thoughts and turning to face her. The memory of her question raced through my mind as I hurried to add, “I’m always ready to meet someone.”
I forced a smile, hoping that she wouldn’t pick up on my internal turmoil. If she did notice anything, she didn’t bring it up. Instead, she asked about what kind of guy I was looking for so she could be on the lookout for him as well.
The conversation remained lighthearted as we drove to Bebop Bar in Eden, the town on the other side of Powta. When we got to the small bar, she pulled around back and found an empty parking spot. I unbuckled my seatbelt while she turned off the engine. Once we were both out of the car, we walked side by side toward the bar.
The muted music blared when Shelby opened the door and held it so I could walk in. I had to keep to the wall after I entered to give Shelby enough room to step inside. Throngs of people were either standing in small circles, talking, or they were turned toward the stage, where the singer was wailing into the microphone. As soon as space opened up, I shuffled further into the bar and then waited for Shelby to instruct me where to go. After all, she’d been in contact with Asher…not me.
“Come on, he says he’s guarding a table,” Shelby yelled and then nodded to the side.
I nodded, but didn’t say anything. With the decibel level in here, talking was pointless.
Shelby had to push herself through the mass of people. I kept my head down as I stayed as close to her as I could so that I wouldn’t suddenly get cut off. When she stopped, I peered around her shoulder to see that she’d found Asher and the table he was sitting at. At first, Asher didn’t notice me. His smile was wide as he rose up off his seat to greet Shelby. But then his gaze flicked to mine, and his smile sank.
I swallowed back the emotions that rose up in my throat. Deep down, I thought that might be his reaction. But thinking he might be disappointed and witnessing his disappointment were two different things. The latter sucked. Bad.
If I’d driven myself to the bar, I would have turned around right then and left. If Asher didn’t want me here, I would leave. But I’d come with Shelby, so I was going to have to stick out this awkward situation.
“Sit,” Shelby said as she moved to the side and motioned toward the chair next to Asher.
I wanted to shuffle around her and pick the seat across from him, but there was no room. I was stuck accepting the chair she’d assigned me. Not sure what to do, I gave Asher a weak smile as I moved to pull the chair out only to have his hand land on mine as if he had intended to do the same.
Shots of electricity raced up my arm, and my entire body froze as I stood there, starting at his hand on mine. I slowly brought my gaze up to meet his. He looked as startled as I felt.
“Sorry,” he mumbled as he pulled his hand away.
My hand instantly felt cold. It took me a moment to regain my faculties enough to pull the chair away from the table and sit down on it. I kept my elbows tucked in to my sides and my knees together in case there was any chance I might touch him again.
That had never ever happened in our relationship. I could hug and kiss Asher on the cheek, and I would feel nothing. But this? His hand touched mine, and suddenly I didn’t know what to think or how to speak.
Something was wrong with me. Maybe I was coming down with an illness. This was not normal.
I kept my gaze focused on the band as they started up another song. Thankfully, it was so loud in the bar that it was impossible to talk. The last thing I needed was to try and hold a conversation with Asher.
I pulled out my phone and took a few pictures of Asher watching the band, the band itself, and the bar. I wasn’t sure what I was going to write—my mind was struggling to form coherent sentences—so I wanted to be prepared in case future Ella needed a photo.
Fifteen minutes later, Shelby shifted her weight and pulled her phone from her back pocket. I watched as she read a text, and her entire expression fell. Something wasn’t right.
She leaned toward me. “I gotta go. Miles said Belle fell and she might need stitches.” She offered me an apologetic smile.
“It’s okay, we can go.”
“No, no.” She held up her hand. “You stay. Watch the band. I’ll see if Asher can give you a ride home.”
I parted my lips to tell her that wasn’t necessary. I really wasn’t sure how Asher was going to feel about giving me a ride home. But that would reveal to Shelby that something was wrong between me and Asher, and that wasn’t a thread I wanted to pull on just yet.
Denial was quickly becoming my best friend.
I watched as she slid off the barstool, rounded the table, and leaned in to talk to Asher. She must have gotten to the part with him taking me home, because suddenly I felt his gaze on me. My entire body flushed from his attention, and I silently cursed my cheeks for exposing me.
For someone who just wanted to keep her friendship intact, I was certainly acting like I was rapidly losing my mind. Eventually, Asher was going to pick up on my crazy and bail out early.
“Yeah,” I heard him say as he turned and nodded.
From Shelby’s lips, I saw her say, thank you , before she waved me a quick goodbye and hurried through the crowd of people, who quickly swallowed her up.
Now it was just Asher and I.