19. Asher
19
ASHER
I was grateful that I had an action-packed day ahead of me when I woke up Friday morning. Keeping busy meant I wasn’t going to have time to think about Ella—and boy did my mind and body want to think about Ella.
She’d invaded my thoughts all day yesterday. She was there when I tried to fall asleep last night. She haunted my dreams while I slept. And she was the first thing I thought about when I woke up this morning.
Now that I was awake, showered, and dressed, I was determined to wrangle my thoughts into submission so that I could actually function as a human—or that was my hope.
My phone chimed, so I leaned over to my nightstand and grabbed it. It was a text from Mom, letting me know that she was boarding her flight and would be in Wilmington in an hour. I sent her a thumbs-up before setting my phone down next to me on the bed.
Mom was coming in for the wedding tomorrow, which felt strange to even think.
Tomorrow, I’m going to marry Coralie.
My stomach felt heavy as I thought those words.
I’d never been scared of commitment before. When I was with someone, I was with them. Even back in high school, there was never any question who I was with. But now? I was having the hardest time being all-in with Coralie, and it sucked.
I wanted to be the guy that Coralie deserved and the son-in-law that her parents seemed to think I could be. So many people were depending on this relationship to last, and I was determined to make them happy even if it meant accepting my own unhappiness.
If it came down to them or me, I would pick them. Period.
Coralie’s ringtone sliced through my thoughts. I was sitting on my bed with my elbows resting on my knees, my shoulders rounded, and my head dropped down. My socks sat next to me and my shoes by my feet. I had every intention of putting them on, but my thoughts got the better of me. I sighed as I straightened and glanced down to see that it was, in fact, Coralie calling.
“Hey,” I said after I hit talk on the phone and set it to speaker.
“Hey, babe!”
I flopped back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. “Hey.”
“What are you plans today?”
I closed my eyes. “Mom’s coming in, so I’m going to go get her. Then tonight some guys want to take me out for my bachelor party.” I made sure to emphasize that it was guys hosting my bachelor party and not my best man as tradition normally required.
“Oh! Your bachelor party?” She paused, and I braced myself for what I knew she was going to ask me next. “Is Ella going to be there?”
I shook my head. “No. She’s not my best man anymore.”
Coralie sighed. “Good. I’m glad.”
My stomach twisted at her words, but I forced those feelings down. Coralie was going to be my wife, which meant Ella wasn’t going to be in the picture anymore. It was time I started accepting that.
“I’ll be flying in with my parents tomorrow morning. Security thinks it’s best for us to arrive day of as a sort of surprise to the paparazzi and anyone who might want to hurt my dad.”
“Okay. Do you need me to come get you guys?”
“No. Daddy’s hired a driver.” Then she laughed. “Plus it’s bad luck to see the bride on your wedding day.”
I opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling.
“Now, don’t be mad at me…”
I frowned. Nothing ever good came from a statement that started with don’t be mad at me . I pushed myself up into a seated position to brace myself for what she was about to say.
“I told Winchester Realty here in New York about you and scheduled you a meeting with them when we’re back from our honeymoon.”
I drew my eyebrows together as I listened to what she was saying. I parted my lips to speak, but it seemed like there was more, so I waited for her to continue.
“I know, I know, we said we were going to live in Harmony, but I really think we should reconsider that. New York is amazing. There’s so much real estate here. Plus, with Daddy’s connections, you’re going to be a shoo-in.” She sighed. “I saw Harmony, Asher. I’m not impressed. I’m worried that I’ll lose myself there.”
My entire body went cold. When I was in New York for the last month, I told her how much Harmony meant to me. That I owed the town because of what I did for the Proctors. This town felt like my home, and I didn’t want to leave it.
When I proposed, it seemed like Coralie was in support of staying here. Now, it seemed like she’d changed her mind.
“Listen, we don’t have to decide right now,” she said with a nervous chuckle. “Let’s just leave our options open.”
But I didn’t want to leave my options open. I had one option. Staying in Harmony.
“We can talk about it while we’re sipping mai tai’s on the beach.”
My mind was swimming and my stomach hurt, but I didn’t want to fight. I just wanted to feel happy. I might have been naive to think that making others happy at the expense of my own happiness was worth it. I guess I just didn’t realize I how much I was going to give up in the process.
“Okay,” I said, my voice low.
“Okay?” Coralie sounded so hopeful, and I was going to lean on that. If one of us was happy in this relationship, then I could find satisfaction in that.
“We can talk about it later,” I said, forcing a smile.
“Thank you so much, Asher. I really do love you.”
“I love you, too.”
We said our goodbyes, and then I hung up. After tossing my phone back on the bed, I lay back and closed my eyes. I was exhausted. I couldn’t wait until this wedding was over and I was fully into my new life, wherever that was.
These last few weeks had been a roller coaster of emotions, and I was ready to feel settled. Even if where I settled wasn’t where I’d thought it would be.
I closed my eyes for fifteen minutes until I pulled myself off my bed and headed into the kitchen to collect my keys and wallet. I’d grab a coffee and a breakfast sandwich on my way to the airport. I was ready to see Mom and just connect with her.
I needed that.
When I got to the airport, I parked in short-term parking and got out. I walked through the sliding doors, found an arrival schedule, and located the suitcase corral she would be at. I was on my phone when people started to gather around me, so I slipped it into my back pocket and glanced around in search of her.
I broke out into a smile when I saw her walk through the sliding doors that led into the baggage claim area. My gaze locked on her as I pushed through the crowd. And as soon as I got to her, I scooped her up into a hug.
“Oof, Asher!” Mom protested but then wrapped me up in a hug. “It’s so good to see you,” she said, her voice muffled by my shoulder.
I pulled back and smiled down at her. “I’ve missed you,” I said.
She reached up and patted my cheek. “Of course you have. I’m very miss-able.”
I chuckled as I glanced down to see that she had dropped a large bag next to her. “Let me,” I said, reaching down and grabbing it before she could. “How was your flight?” I asked as I pulled the straps up onto my shoulder.
She yawned, and the cart corral beeped as the belt started moving. We made our way over to stand next to the chute. “Long,” she said.
“I bet.”
“Why do you have to live so far away?”
I glanced down at her. “Maybe you should move closer,” I said, wiggling my eyebrows and grinning at her.
“Move to North Carolina?” She narrowed her eyes before her expression relaxed. “Maybe.”
I had not expected that answer. “Really?”
She raised her pointer finger. “Only if you and Coralie promise to give me some grandbabies.”
I recoiled, her words catching me off guard. She must have picked up on my reaction because she frowned as she studied me. “Asher?” she asked.
I blinked and forced myself to focus on her. “Yeah?”
She frowned. “You okay?”
I nodded. “Yep.” My brain was slowly catching up to what she’d said. Me. Coralie. Grandbabies.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Mom ran her gaze over my face, her eyebrows knit together with worry.
“Sorry.” I forced a smile. “You just caught me off guard.”
Mom pulled back and frowned. “Talking about grandbabies caught you off guard?”
I shoved my hands into my front pockets and shrugged. “Just a little. Yeah.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “You and Coralie are planning on having some kids, right?”
This conversation was making me uncomfortable. “We haven’t really talked about it,” I said, moving my gaze over to the suitcases now circling the belt.
“Asher.” Mom’s hand landed on my forearm. “Why haven’t you talked to your future wife about having babies? This is an important conversation any couple should have.”
As she spoke, her black-and-white-striped suitcase that she’d had for years appeared at the top of the chute. I stepped toward it, readying myself to grab it from the belt as soon as it landed.
“Asher,” Mom protested, but I didn’t answer her.
Instead, I focused my attention on timing it right so I was leaning forward to grab the handle as it went by. Thankfully, Mom didn’t demand that I talk to her right there by the luggage corral. Instead, she waited until we’d made it to my truck, had her luggage secured in the bed, and were sitting inside. We were buckling our seatbelts when she brought it up again.
“Asher, you need to talk to Coralie about this. What if she doesn’t want to have kids?” Mom’s seat belt clicked into place so she turned to face me with her arms folded once more.
“Then we won’t have kids,” I said as I put the truck into reverse and pulled out of the parking spot.
Mom sputtered, like my response was the last thing she expected to hear. Or was willing to hear. “Asher Patrick Wolfe, what are you saying?”
I sighed. I was already emotionally exhausted about all of this. I’d spent so much time trying to force myself not to care, that I felt physically numb. “It’s fine,” I muttered as I followed the exit arrows through the parking garage.
“You’ve wanted kids forever. What’s changed?”
“Mom.” I slowed to a stop so I could turn to face her. “Coralie probably wants kids, so this conversation is moot.”
Her gaze searched mine as if she were looking for the answer to a question she hadn’t asked me. I hated to see how worried she looked. I wanted her to be happy. I was getting married. This was supposed to be one of the most exciting days of her life.
It was supposed to be one of the most exciting days of my life. But excitement was the last thing I was feeling.
“Are you in love with her?” Mom’s question was to the point. It startled me, so I stared at her, wondering how to answer that.
I didn’t know what love was anymore. I thought that love was what I felt for Ella, but how could one person love another so much without having it reciprocated? It didn’t seem fair.
Did I think I could feel for Coralie what I felt for Ella? I wasn’t sure. I had a history with Ella that I was never going to have with Coralie. That didn’t mean I couldn’t get there.
And I prayed I could get there. Eventually.
“Of course,” I lied as I turned my attention forward once more and pressed on the gas. “I wouldn’t be marrying her if I didn’t.”
Mom didn’t push the topic for the rest of the drive to my apartment. Instead, she told me about her students, the house, and her cranky neighbor’s cat, Rufus. I chuckled as she recounted stories about her students and the funny things they told her. As I drove, I found myself relaxing from the familiar sound of her voice and the melodic way her laughter filled the cab of my truck.
I’d missed my mom so much, it hurt.
When we got to my apartment, I parked in the back. Mom got out of the truck at the same time I did, but I beat her to the bed and pulled the tailgate down. After fishing out her luggage, I carried it all over to my building and up to my apartment. After I set her up in the guest bedroom, she told me she wanted to take a minute to freshen up.
I was sitting on the couch, answering an email, when her door opened.
“What’s with the pile of stuff in the corner of the room?” she asked as she walked through the living room to join me on the couch.
“Huh?” I asked. I was only half listening to her as I read the last sentence of an email sent to me by a mortgage broker.
“In the room. There’s a pile of stuff in the corner. Looks like towels, mats, pillows.” She eyed me. “What’s that about?”
Oh. Right. That was the Ella pile. Coralie seemed to sense that my apartment was full of stuff Ella picked out, and she had been sending me things all week to replace those items with. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with the old stuff, so I’d been stacking it in the guest room. I’d forgotten it was there.
“That?” I asked as I focused my attention back on my computer screen, too scared to see Mom’s reaction when I told her the truth. “That’s the stuff Ella bought for my place. Coralie is wanting to start fresh.”
“Ella’s stuff?” Mom asked.
I nodded. “Yeah.” I flicked my gaze to her for only a moment before I went back to my computer. I was going to wait to see what Mom had to say about that. Her expression was unreadable, and I didn’t want to make assumptions about how she felt.
But she didn’t continue. Instead, she asked me what the plans were for the rest of the day. I told her that I was going to take her to the diner for lunch and then we’d drive around the island if she wanted. I let her know that I had a bachelor party planned for the evening and she was more than welcome to join me, but she just scoffed and waved away my suggestion, telling me that it would be well past her bedtime.
It was so nice, spending the afternoon with my mom. I loved showing off the small island town, and from her oohs and aahs , she loved it too. She kept turning to me and telling me how perfect this place was to raise a family. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I was probably moving to New York. I was certain that confession would break her heart as well as mine.
Plus, I was still holding out hope that, perhaps, I could convince Coralie to stay in Harmony instead of moving to New York. I wasn’t going to talk to Mom about Coralie’s plans until we had decided as a couple.
When we got back to my apartment, Mom said she was going to go lie down for a bit and asked me to come get her for dinner. I cooked some filets mignons for us as well as mashed potatoes and mixed vegetables. I figured if Coralie discovered that I’d cooked meat on her pans, she’d probably murder me. But this was my last night as a single guy in my apartment, and I was going to celebrate it with food I actually wanted to eat.
Tomorrow, I’d start my vegan diet.
I didn’t have to go in and get Mom. She must have heard me and smelled the food because, just as I was plating her dinner, the bedroom door opened and she emerged with a smile. “This smells amazing,” she said. She hovered over her plate, closed her eyes, and took in a deep breath.
“Thanks,” I said with a genuine smile.
She glanced up at me. “I bet Coralie is going to be so grateful you’re such a great cook,” she said as she gathered up the utensils I’d laid out, a napkin, and her plate.
I snorted.
Mom frowned. “You don’t think so?” she asked as she waited for me to finish plating my food. We both walked over to the dining room table and sat down.
“Naw, it’s not that.” I scooted my chair closer to the table. “She’s vegan.” I paused. “And starting tomorrow, I’m vegan as well.”
The laugh that emerged from Mom’s lips was loud, and it startled me. She tipped her head back, and her chest rose and fell with the sound. “What?” she finally asked, her eyes brimming with tears. “You? Vegan?” She snorted. “You came out wanting red meat.”
I frowned at her. “I can be vegan.”
Mom reached over and grabbed a napkin to dab her eyes. “Yeah, sure. That’ll last an afternoon.”
I folded my arms across my chest and narrowed my eyes as I studied her. Sure, I liked meat, but if Coralie wanted me to be vegan, I could do it. It offended me that my own mother thought this was something I was incapable of.
Mom cut a piece from her steak and slipped it into her mouth. I didn’t respond right away, so she glanced over at me with her eyebrows raised. “What?” she asked through her food. Then she sighed. “You do realize that being vegan means you can’t eat this.” She motioned toward her steak. “You can’t eat eggs or fish or dairy?” She raised her eyebrows. “These are the foods that make up your food pyramid.”
I narrowed my eyes but turned my attention back to my plate. “If Coralie wants me to be vegan, I can be vegan.” I cut off a chunk of meat and ate it. “Marriage is all about sacrifice, right?”
Mom nodded. “Yes. You will need to make sacrifices, but that doesn’t mean the other person should ask you to change.” Mom’s gaze was on me now. “Did she ask you to change your diet or did you volunteer?”
I didn’t answer right away. Instead, I sat there, chewing my food while I studied her. How did I respond without raising any red flags? I had already resigned myself to this marriage. I didn’t need my mother poking holes in it. Not after Ella had done the same.
“She suggested and I agreed,” I said as I cut off another chunk of steak.
“Just like she made a suggestion for you to get rid of perfectly good things?” She waved her hand toward the guest room.
I didn’t like where this conversation was going. “She wants new things. This will be our home. I’m not going to ask my wife not to make it her own.”
Mom’s hand reached over and covered mine. Her eyes were wide as she studied me. “If you are okay with this, then I’m okay with it.” She sighed. “I just don’t want you to make concessions if you don’t want to. A marriage won’t last if you lose who you are.”
She held my gaze, and I could tell that she wanted me to know she was genuinely concerned. I didn’t want her to think I was upset, so I just patted her hand with mine.
“I’m happy, Mom. I want to make Coralie happy. I’m okay with what she’s asking.”
Mom searched my gaze and then nodded. “Okay.”
We ate in silence for a few minutes before Mom glanced back over at me.
“Is the offer to go tonight still on the table?”
I was in the middle of taking a drink from my glass. I finished swallowing and set the glass down as I glanced over at her. “You want to come to my bachelor party with me?”
Mom shrugged. “Why not? I could use a night out and some whiskey.” She smiled at me. “Plus, I want to meet your friends.” She held up her hands. “I promise not to get in the way.”
I chuckled. “I’m getting married tomorrow, Mom. I’m sure we’ll keep things pretty tame.”
She grinned at me. “Hopefully not too tame. It is your last night of freedom.”
I frowned, not sure how I felt about my mom saying that. So I just forced a chuckle and nodded.
* * *
I should have left Mom at home.
Ever since we stepped over the threshold of Harmony Island Pub, Mom had not been her usual reserved self. She was buying drinks for the people around us. She was dancing to the music.
Jax suggested we play Everyone Wants to Kiss You, a bachelor party game where I would be blindfolded and all the single ladies could line up and pay twenty dollars to kiss me. Mom shouted that it was the best idea and offered to be the one to take the money. Apparently, this was a tradition in the pub, and the money went to help pay for alcohol for the bride and groom on their wedding night.
I stared at my mom, baffled that she was the same woman who grounded me for the whole summer after I set up a gambling ring in the seventh grade.
She was having a little too much fun, and it had me worried.
“Your mom is hilarious,” Jax said over the music as he brought our table another round.
Miles, Boone, Bash, and Isaac, my mortgage guy, were all standing around as we huddled in the corner. Mom was currently playing pool with a few strangers, and I was left staring at her, wondering if I should call the Men in Black because an alien most certainly had taken over her body.
“Yeah,” I said as I pulled my gaze from her and shook my head. “This isn’t the woman who raised me.”
The guys chuckled as they picked up their shots, and we downed them all at once.
“Claire’s in the back looking for a towel to use as a blindfold, and then we can get this party started,” Jax said as we all set our empty shot glasses down on the tray. “I’ll be back with more drinks.”
I wanted to tell him that I’d decided against the game. I really didn’t want to kiss a bunch of strangers. But Mom seemed so excited at the idea that it felt wrong to take it away from her. It was frightening to see your strict mother let loose, but I also knew how hard she worked. If this would bring her happiness, then who was I to take that away from her?
I glanced up and realized Mom had disappeared. I scanned the pub but didn’t find her. Maybe she’d gone to the bathroom.
Just as I brought my gaze back to the guys, a familiar face stopped me. Chad. I frowned as I recalled the conversation between him and Ella a few days ago.
Friday night. Date. Was Ella here?
“Asher!” Mom’s voice cut through my thoughts.
I turned to see her pushing through the crowd. I stepped toward her, relieved that my mom hadn’t left with some stranger—with the way she’d been acting, I wouldn’t have put that past her. Then I froze.
I hadn’t noticed that she’d been dragging Ella behind her until she stepped up next to Mom with a confused expression on her face. Her gaze slowly lifted to meet mine. My heart picked up speed as I stared into her familiar blue eyes.
“Guess who I found in the bathroom…” Mom said like it was a mystery. She let go of Ella’s elbow so she could wrap her arm around her shoulders. “Ella!” she announced.
I pushed my hand through my hair as I offered Ella an apologetic smile. “Hey, Ella.”
She nodded, but her smile was shy. Something I’d never seen from her before. “Hey, Asher.”
“It’s kissing time,” Jax shouted as he pushed through the crowd with a towel held high.
Mom cheered. “You’re joining us, right?” she asked. Her grip on Ella was so tight that I wondered if Ella thought she even had a choice.
I tried to signal that she could say no, but if Ella saw, she didn’t acknowledge it. Instead, she just smiled at Mom and nodded. “Sure. What are we doing?”
Mom pointed to me. “Kissing Asher.”