31. Shane
Chapter 31
Shane
M y hands shake as I open my contacts and find the number I never thought I’d be calling again. I don’t really need to search for it. I know the digits by heart. They’re the ones I wrote my entire childhood for emergency contacts, permission slips, everything. But I haven’t dialed it in a decade. My heart beats rapidly, a painful ache in my chest, and the rush of blood in my ears nearly masks the sound of the phone ringing through the speaker.
“Hello?” my mother’s sweet voice answers, a tone of hope reaching me through the line. She wouldn’t recognize my number. She hasn’t known how to reach me since I was exiled.
“Hey, Mama,” I reply, swallowing thickly against the tears that burn in the back of my eyes. The comforting sound of her voice soothes me even at this distance.
“ Shane ?” she whisper-shouts in surprise, making me wonder if someone else is home. She speaks softly after the initial surprise wears off. “Baby, is that you? What’s happened?”
“Well, I was hoping you’d be able to tell me. Someone’s been looking for me.”
A door slams in the background and a woman starts chattering to my mother. I listen for a moment before recognizing my sister’s voice. “Lana, hush,” my mother scolds away from the phone, then says to me, “What do you mean looking for you? Where are you?”
“You know I can’t tell you that. I just need to know if there’s been any changes in the packs. Ross enforcers have been all over me these past weeks. They mentioned a new alpha,” I explain. “I thought I was through with this shit. I don’t know how they found me or why they’re hunting again.”
I sit in one of the chairs near the fire pit but stand again and start pacing between the house and the pond as we talk, unable to settle anywhere. It’s been so long since I’ve spoken to my family and the sting of homesickness I thought had died years ago begins to throb in earnest, reminding me how badly I miss them.
“I wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t important. I know you can’t get wrapped up in this.”
“James Ross died. Three months ago. The mourning period is over and Colton has taken control without a challenge. It must be what’s changed.”
“Mama? Who are you talking to?” My sister’s voice is closer than before and filled with concern. She’s twenty-five now, and yet I still picture her as the scrappy teen she was when I was sent away. I’ve missed so much of their lives.
“Don’t tell her,” I snap. “I can’t risk anyone finding out I called. But they’ve found me and they’re threatening me and my girl. If they come around there, let me know. I wanted to warn you something was different.”
“I understand. Are you okay?” My mother’s tone is gentle, but her voice catches, spilling over with emotions she’s held in. “We miss you so much.”
The lump in my throat threatens to choke me and I wipe at my eyes before I answer her. “I’m doing well. Things had gotten really good lately. Until this shit began.”
“I’m so glad to hear it. But I’m sorry they’re giving you trouble again. Let me know if you need anything, regardless of the rules. I never should have let this happen in the first place.”
As if she could have stopped it. My father is the second to the alpha of our pack, but neither he nor my mother could have changed the ruling, we all know it. A phantom pain in my forearm drags my eyes to the scar where my pack mark was carved from my skin as I remember that night. My father had to hold my small, fierce mother back as she screamed obscenities while they physically severed me from the pack.
“Sean isn’t home, or I’d let you talk to him. Everything is shaken up right now with the new leadership. The rivalry had died while old man Ross was in charge, but with Colton taking over everything has become strained. Things are changing. It was already a bit tense at home since Aubrey’s made the shift, so this is just an added layer of stress for your father.”
“Aubrey made his shift already?” My little brother was almost ten when I left, of course he has. I can’t imagine him as a man now. I feel guilty I’m not there to help teach him how to manage his wolf. “Damn, I’ve missed so much.”
“I know. It isn’t your fault.” My mother soothes me even if her words are false.
It is all my fault. Because I couldn’t control my temper.
“ Mama ,” Lana pesters, “Is that who I think it is?”
“Lana, damn it. I said go on ,” my mother chides, then says, “Listen, I need to go, okay?”
“Yeah, I understand. You can reach me here if anything comes up. I love you.” I swallow down my emotions and try to keep my voice from cracking.
“You too, baby. Goodbye.” My mother’s sadness is palpable through the line, and when she disconnects the call, I stand staring at the blank screen with only my hollow-eyed reflection looking back at me. I can’t even clearly remember my parents’ faces. I wonder if I’d know my brother and sister if I passed them on the street. Would they know me ?
Slipping my phone into the pocket of my jeans I press the heels of my hands to my eyes and tilt my head back. The cool breeze off the pond and sounds of the woods surrounding the cabin soothe me, even if I can barely control the shaking that’s taking over as I fight the urge to shift and run.
“Shane?” I spin, a startled snarl on my lips, to find Kaycia holding two beer bottles. She steps back quickly before I blink away any of my wolf that might have shown.
“Your eyes,” she whispers, cocking her head. She’s not afraid, but she’s wary nonetheless.
“Sorry. Gods, Kaycia I’m fucking sorry about all this.” I blink a few times, hoping the gold in my eyes has faded back to their regular hazel before I approach her and take the proffered bottle.
“I can go grab you a whiskey if you need something stronger,” she suggests with a nod at the beer, giving a little sideways smile. “Did you reach them? Are they okay? Are you okay?” she asks, pulling my free hand into hers and tugging me closer.
“I talked to my mom. We haven’t spoken since I left home, but she told me the rival pack’s alpha died. His remaining son took over and it seems whatever truce there was between me and their pack is null and void to him. Colton vowed he’d never forgive me for what I did. It explains why this is happening now.”
“So, what do we do?” she asks.
“We?” I ask with a scoff, pulling my hand free from her gentle grip and taking another drink from my bottle. “ You should be running away from me and working on your exhibit. I should be running too.” I scrape my hand across the back of my neck, then drag it over my face where days of stubble are rough against my palm.
“I already told you. I’m not going anywhere unless you make me.” Kaycia pulls my hand away again, cradling it between her soft ones.
“If I were a better man, I’d have Jamila or Max come get you and take you to a hotel.”
“Shane…” she starts, gripping my hand tighter in hers as though I might slip away from her.
“But gods help me, I’m not a better man.”
I pull her toward me, slanting my mouth across hers as she sighs and melts against me. The feel of her softness pressing against me, the scent and taste of her enveloping me, soothes the ragged ache of regret in my heart and fills in the cracks where it broke so many years ago. I can’t bear to send her away, even if it’s for her protection. I lost so much when I was forced to leave my family and my pack. I won’t lose her because of my fatal mistake, too.