16. Callum
16
CALLUM
The sun was shining, windows were down, and the salty sea air filled the cab of the truck as I drove down Seaside Way on a clear and crisp Saturday morning. It was almost ten o’clock, and I’d already put in a full day’s work on the farm. After spending hours tossing and turning in bed, I abandoned all hope for sleep early this morning around three. Instead of wasting time overthinking every decision I’d ever made in my life, I decided to head to the barn and do some repairs on equipment. Buzz, Bandit, and Matty joined me around six. Mom and Chloe called us in for breakfast around eight. Once the dishes were done, I showered and spent the following forty minutes counting the seconds until I could get in my truck and head to my job for the day.
Due to a bad flu going around, Hank was down a few men on his crew, so he’d pulled me off Nadia’s job. I hadn’t seen her for the past two weeks, not since we’d gone out for pizza. It was driving me crazy. I thought I was an expert at missing Nadia, it was the baseline of my life for the past ten years. But nothing compared to what I felt now. Knowing she was so close and not being with her was killing me. My body physically ached for her. It was so bad I thought I’d actually caught the bug that was going around.
The pizza night at Slice of Heaven with her and the kids was the best night I’d had in so long I couldn’t remember. I felt more like myself than I had since…probably the last time I went to see her in college. I didn’t know what that meant for us, or if it meant anything at all. I had no idea if she felt the same. I knew her well enough to know she’d enjoyed herself, but I had no idea what feelings, if any, she had for me. I did know that she was taking a year off of dating, but I could wait. And even if her feelings for me were not romantic, I was just happy she was back in my life, even if it was as a friend. It would be torture to see her with other men, but if that’s what made her happy, then that’s what I wanted for her.
I truly believed she was my soulmate. And I’d rather have my soulmate in my life, even if it was in a friendship, than not in my life at all just because she didn’t love me the way I loved her. At twenty-three, I couldn’t see that. All I could see was how hurt I was. Now I knew that she meant more to me than just romantic love. What I felt for her was deeper, it was so much rarer. What we shared was a once-in-a-billion bond that I wanted in my life, in whatever form she was willing to give me.
In fact, it might be better if it wasn’t romantic. I didn’t want to do anything that might jeopardize our relationship. I just got her back after suffering through ten Nadia-free years, and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her again.
Nadia was magic. Everything was better with her. She lit up every room she walked in. She was bold and fearless. She had always been unapologetically herself and inspired others to live authentically. She had a way of imprinting on people. There were people who lived their entire lives without ever making a mark on another living being. That wasn’t Nadia; every person she met was better for knowing her.
The relationship I was building with Chloe would have never happened without Nadia. When she told me to just be Chloe’s brother, it immediately shifted my way of thinking. It was such simple advice, yet I had been completely blind to it. I got so caught up in the responsibility of being her guardian, I completely missed what my original role had always been to her. Of course, I should start there, and it worked.
Chloe and I hadn’t seen much of each other the past couple of weeks because my schedule had been so demanding, but when we did, things were so much better between us. We were laughing and talking. She’d even started texting me throughout the day. Sometimes, her messages were funny GIFs. Sometimes, she was asking me about homework or if she could go somewhere or do something. Mainly, her messages read as a roast battle, except I wasn’t roasting back. A large portion of her ‘material’ was centered around me being a ‘boomer’ which I wasn’t. Every time I pointed that fact out to her, she’d reply by saying, that’s exactly what a boomer would say, which she thought was hilarious.
I wish I’d been able to spend more time with her, but it had been impossible. She always had plans with friends on the weekends. During the week, we started at seven and ended at seven. The job site was over an hour away, so I was lucky if I got home before bath and bedtime for Matty. Thankfully, my mom volunteered to take over drop-off and pick-up duty for the kids. It was nice having the backup. I’d never had this much support before, even from Felicity, in fact, especially from Felicity. If it did actually take a village, I hadn’t had one with Matty so far in his life.
I had a small community in Phoenix at the gym where I trained and also through my work in construction, but as far as a reliable support system with Matty, I’d pretty much been on my own. No one in my close inner circle had kids, or at least ones that lived with them full time, so they didn’t really understand my lifestyle and responsibilities. Here in Firefly, I had a ton of backup.
The closer I got to Nadia’s house; the stronger my body’s visceral reaction became. My fingers opened and closed on the steering wheel as my heart began to beat in an irregular pattern. I wasn’t sure if it was from nerves or excitement or both over seeing Nadia again after two weeks that felt like two months, two years even.
When I found out that the final materials for Nadia’s project had arrived, I volunteered to work weekends and nights to finish the job since Hank still needed me on bigger projects for the foreseeable future. I told myself that I was doing it out of the goodness of my heart, or even just because I hated leaving anything unfinished. The truth might be a little bit more self-serving. There was a good chance Nadia would be home if I worked on nights or the weekends.
I knew that being back here would bring back memories, but I didn’t think it would transport me back in time so literally. It felt like I’d hopped in Marty McFly’s DeLorean or in Bill and Ted’s phone booth. There wasn’t a single spot on this island where I didn’t share a memory with Nadia. Everywhere I looked, there she was.
When I pulled up to the house, my phone buzzed. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw that it was a text from Harlan confirming lunch with him, Miles, and Dawson at Southern Comfort today.
“Shit,” I cursed under my breath.
My friends had been trying to get together since I’d been back, but our schedules hadn’t worked out. I’d agreed to this lunch before I volunteered to work on Nadia’s house. Now that my plans had changed, I didn’t want to go into town to meet the boys at Southern Comfort because I wanted to spend every second possible with Nadia. I wanted to, but I’d been in town almost a month and hadn’t seen them, so I didn’t cancel. I texted back that I would be there.
When I got to the door and knocked, I heard Peanut’s nails clicking on the floor as he yapped.
“It’s just me, Peanut,” I assured him, but it did nothing to calm him down.
Thirty seconds passed, Peanut was still barking his heart out, but there was no answer at the door. Nadia’s Mazda was parked out front, so that meant she must have been out with friends. Or she’d broken her resolution. It was Saturday morning, which statistically had the most walks of shame.
I had a key from when I’d been working on her house earlier, but since I hadn’t spoken to her myself, there was no way I would let myself in. Also, academically, knowing she could be coming home from a one-night-stand and being there to witness it were two very different things.
Giving it one more shot, I made a fist and pounded on the door a little harder.
After about thirty seconds, I was turning to leave when I heard Nadia shushing Peanut and instructing him to sit a beat before the door flew open and every thought in my head evaporated. Nadia stood in the doorway with her hair in a messy bun on top of her head wearing only a white terrycloth towel and nothing else. I watched a drip of water run down her neck and her chest then slip between the rounded mounds of her cleavage.
It had been so long since I’d seen Nadia naked, but I could still close my eyes and visualize her body. I could see every curve, every dip. I remembered every freckle, every scar, every perceived imperfection that made her perfect.
“Callum!” She clutched at her towel. “What are you…”
She didn’t finish her question because her phone rang. But even if she had, I wasn’t sure I would’ve been able to answer. I was having difficulty trying to form words. My brain wasn’t working. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even breathe.
“Sorry, uh hold on.” She turned and hurried into the kitchen, where her phone was charging on the counter. “Hey. Yeah, I am, yeah. Sorry, I overslept. I’m coming, I promise. I’ll be there in ten. Okay. Yeah.”
As she was talking, I let myself into the house and closed the door behind me. I bent down and scratched Peanut behind his ear. He leaned into my touch. When she set the phone down, I stood and noticed her hand was shaking.
She turned back to me, holding the towel in the center of her chest, securing it in place. She was breathless as she asked, “What are you doing here?”
“Working.” I stood. “All of your materials came in. I said I could work weekends and nights to finish the projects.”
“Oh, okay.”
It might be my imagination, but I thought I saw a tiny hint of disappointment flash in her eyes. Was she hoping I was here for another reason? Did she want this visit to be non-work related?
“Elaine said she called you,” I told her.
“Oh, right. Yeah, she left me some messages, but I haven’t checked them. I’ve been sick all week. Today’s the first day I’ve felt human.”
“Oh, shit.” My eyes dropped to her nose, and I saw that the rims of her nostrils were red and a little flaky, evidence that she’d been blowing her nose regularly. I hadn’t noticed it because I was too busy being distracted by her being naked and wet. “The Phlegm Diaries.”
Every year, like clockwork, on the third or fourth week of January, Nadia came down with a bad cold/flu that took her out for ten days. Never more, never less. And every year, she used her couch time to rewatch The Vampire Diaries , so I nicknamed her annual illness The Phlegm Diaries.
Her cheeks flushed as she gazed up into my eyes. “You remember?”
“Of course I do. I remember everything.”
As she stared up at me, the energy passing between us was palpable and thick with history. History that neither of us were talking about. History that I’d spent more time than I would ever want to admit to anyone thinking about over the past ten years. History that I was not willing to bring up if it meant risking a future of having Nadia back in my life, even as a friend.
I cleared my throat. “Are you feeling better now?”
She nodded.
“You could have called me. If you need anything, you can always call me.”
I hated knowing that she was sick and I had no idea. It was one thing being across the country from her and not taking care of her. It was another being two miles away. It felt wrong.
“I was fine, I am fine.”
Jelly purred as she rubbed the side of her face against my denim. I bent down and scratched the top of her head. Peanut took the opportunity of my hand being in close proximity to the floor and crowded his way between Jelly and my leg. Jelly sauntered away with an air of indifference and superiority that her breed had perfected.
“How’s Chloe doing?” Nadia tightened the towel, and I had to swallow a groan of male appreciation at the display of cleavage the adjustment afforded. “I’ve been out sick all week, so I haven’t seen her.”
“Good, I think.” I stood and did my best not to ogle her perfect curves, which were highlighted by the terrycloth draping against her flared hips. “Actually, I haven’t seen that much of her. I’ve been leaving early and getting home late, but she got an A on her Algebra test. Mom put it on the fridge.”
“Oh, good.” Nadia beamed as a strand of hair fell out of the bun piled on top of her head and draped across her eye.
My first instinct was to reach up and brush it behind her ear. I put my hands in my pockets to avoid any temptation to do things I had no business or right to do. I exhaled and looked down at the ground to try and gain some composure. Nadia was a walking temptation and the history we had made it far too easy to fall into habits where I acted on those temptations. I needed to figure out how to put her in the friend zone, and I needed to do it fast.
When I lifted my head, I saw Nadia’s nose twitch. I called it her Samantha-nose. It was the same nose twitch that Samantha did on the TV classic Bewitched, which Buzz used to love to watch because he had a massive crush on the star Elizabeth Montgomery. Whenever Nadia’s nose twitched, it meant she wanted to say something, but she was holding it in like a sneeze, except her body was trying to expel information.
“What?” I asked.
Her brow furrowed as she repeated innocently. “What, what?”
“What do you want to say?”
“Nothing.” She pretended to not have any idea what I could possibly be referring to.
“Your nose twitched. What do you want to say?”
Knowing she was caught, her nostrils flared slightly, and her lips pursed, which is what she did whenever she got defensive and knew the other person was right. “My nose did not twitch.”
Instead of arguing my point, I just continued staring at her. Other than kissing her to solve all manner of disagreements, I’d found the silent approach also worked. Nadia was her best self when she came to the conclusion on her own. She didn’t respond well to confrontation or accusations. If you backed her into a corner, she’d double down just to spite you. She was scrappy like that. Right or wrong, she’d go down swinging. I always found that really hot.
Finally, she cracked. “I want to tell you something, but I’m not sure I should.”
That sounded interesting.
I started walking toward her with a grin. “Well, now you have to tell me.”
“Stop.” She lifted her hand. “It’s not like that; it’s serious.”
It wasn’t until she told me to stop that I realized I’d been flirting, or at the very least, teasing her. It wasn’t a conscious choice; it was sort of my default mode when I was around her.
“What’s wrong?” My chest constricted tightly. Had she gone to the doctor for her cold and found something? “Are you okay?”
She shook her head, and I thought I was going to puke. “No?—"
“You’re not okay!?”
“No, I was saying, no it’s not about me. I’m fine. I’m okay.”
I blew out a breath of relief.
“What is it? You know you can tell me anything.”
She licked her lips, and I had to work really hard not to get really hard . That would be a lot easier if my literal wet dream wasn’t standing in front of me, dripping wet in nothing but a piece of terrycloth.
“It’s about Chloe.”
“Oh.” That did the trick. There was no better mood killer than bringing up my sister. “Is she okay? Did something happen? What did--”
“No, I mean, yes!” She cut me off. “She’s fine. Chloe is fine. It’s just…Chloe wants to know about her dad…about your dad.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I guess Danielle never talked about him, and she never asked around town because, you know, it was awkward for her. She was embarrassed. So she doesn’t really know anything about him. She’s looked up some things on YouTube from town hall meetings, and the arts festival, and some speeches he’s made, but she wants to know about him, about who he was.”
“Fuck.” I ran my hands through my hair. “I never thought about that. About what it would be like for her.”
“I know. I didn’t either. I think it was just because she was so young. I thought it would be like me growing up without a dad, but it’s not the same.”
“No, it’s not.” I sighed as guilt over not reaching out to her crept in. I’d thought about it over the years, but I really didn’t know what my place was with her. I didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, and most of all, I didn’t want to hurt my mom. Or hurt my mom worse than she already was. “What did she say?”
“That’s it, basically. The day we went to pizza, she asked me about him.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I think I said he was really tall, he did a lot of work for the community, and he had a commanding presence.”
I couldn’t help but laugh a little at that description.
“What? I didn’t want to lie. I didn’t know what else to say. I also told her she could talk to you and that she could talk to your mom. But, then last Friday, the last day I was at A.H. before I got sick, she asked me about him again, so it made me think she still hasn’t asked you or your mom.”
“She hasn’t asked me, but I haven’t really seen her. I don’t know if she’s asked Mom.”
“Well, it seems like it’s bothering her, so I just wanted to let you know.”
An alarm on Nadia’s phone went off, and she jumped a little. The motion caused the towel to slip, but she quickly managed to recover without a wardrobe malfunction.
“Crap.” She grabbed her phone. “I’m late. I gotta go.”
“Nadia.” I grabbed her wrist as she hurried past me to the stairs.
She stopped and looked over her shoulder.
“Thank you.”
Her brow furrowed. “For what?”
“For Chloe and…everything.” Despite wanting to hold her wrist forever, I released my hold.
“It’s nothing.” She sucked in a shaky breath as a shiver rushed through her. She shook her head dismissively and rushed up the stairs.
She didn’t think I had any reason to thank her, but she had no idea the gift she’d given me was just seeing her, spending time with her, and talking to her again. She will never understand the gift that just her existence and being in her presence was to everyone, but especially me.